I may be a little late to this party, but have pity on me. After all, I’m old.
This past week, I sat in my less-than-stellar hotel room in Norwalk, Conn., wearily searching for something to watch on television. A frequent business traveler these days, my few meager hours of free time are spent watching drivel on limited hotel cable packages, rather than being spent throwing long TD passes and running a mean spread option offense from my couch. Truly tragic stuff.
This week, I came across the ESPN program Madden Nation. Now, I have seen this program before, but I had never really looked at it with an analytical eye. For those unfamiliar with the show, the idea is simple: set up a reality-style television show pitting the "best" Madden players against each other in an elimination tournament, all while touring the country and visiting some of the NFL’s most prominent stadiums. Sounds great, in theory. Execution, however, is another animal altogether.
The terms "cheese" and "cheesers" get thrown around a lot in sports gaming, and Madden Nation is nothing if not a celebration of marquee "cheesery." While hardcore OS Madden gamers spend hours making their gameplay not only dominant, but realistic, ESPN has deemed it appropriate to showcase a gaggle of gamers whose offense consists of a perfected (and perpetual) roll-and-chuck. It is, in a single word, abhorrent.
Madden Nation....an abomination.
The first episode that I viewed featured a spirited contest between two players, one using the Cincinnati Bengals, the other, my beloved Chicago Bears. The game played out like the old NFL Blitz on speed: Quarterbacks were in shotgun formations flitting around (and eventually out of) the pocket like gnats, firing darts across their bodies to receivers. The Bears even scored a TD with Rex Grossman (that’s correct, the correct depth charts weren’t even used) on a 2-yard QB sneak where he hurdled over the offensive line. My knuckles grew a rancorous shade of white after only 10 minutes of viewing.
Madden Nation celebrates everything that is wrong with competitive Madden play. To reduce the game to a half-assed offensive pyrotechnic show is simply revolting. Not only is it a reminder of the many online contests where I faced such deplorable antics, but it is also the face of EA Sports’ quest to appeal to the lowest common denominator: the feared "casual" gamer market. Casual football fans/gamers want to see a lot of points, and lots of big plays. They don’t share our appreciation for a well-laid gameplan and intelligent playcalling. They would rather see a 70-yard bomb than a perfectly set up play-action pass, capping off a run-driven 70-yard drive. Madden Nation is a perfect fit for the casual gamer, tied up neatly in a banter-filled realty show package. It is poignant for the masses, rubbish for those who know better.
The worst part of Madden Nation is that it is a constant reminder that the game we love is imperfect. As much as we would like it to be a flawless interpretation of the NFL action we consume on chilly fall Sundays, it is tragically, faulty. Sadder still is the fact that gamers like these Madden Nation contestants, these Gluttons of the Glitch, will almost always have the upper hand over we cerebral game-planners. As long as the game will allow it, we will play second fiddle to those gaudy, braggadocios dimwits who love them some deep ball.
Suffice it to say, my eyes will not be glued to the screen when Madden Nation next airs on ESPN, and neither should yours.