I guess I just do not get it. Where does this incessant obsessive-compulsive need to fiddle with a bunch of sliders come from? Why are sliders mostly only in sports games and not other games? Why are sliders taken as seriously as politics and religion when it comes to some people?

Have you noticed the incessant obsessive-compulsive need sports gamers have when it comes to adjusting everything in their sports games; from the color of the fans’ shirts to the degree of bounce and carry on a fast green? I have, and I just do not get it. Indulge me if you will by reading this hypothetical Family Guy-like moment.

"OK, Mr. Arone, we are going to perform neurosurgery to remove that annoying brain tumor of yours. First, a few questions: To what degree would you like my hands to be shaking while performing this surgery on your delicate pea-sized brain? Zero percent would give me steady hands of steel, cool as a cucumber and 100 percent would make them shake more than Michael J. Fox on a roller-coaster."

Umm, hello McFly? I will just trust in the neurosurgeon’s ability and training that he will do his best, thank you very much. This is exactly my point when it comes to sliders in a sports game. I have not spent 10-plus years developing games, writing code, learning collision impact scenarios, and everything else that goes into a game that I know nothing about. So why on earth would I want to go behind the scenes and change the elements and physics of a game that the development team worked so hard to get just right?

Maybe that is the problem. Maybe sliders are a crutch -- an easy way out for developers. They only have to stack the bricks and it is up to the gamers to supply the mortar to make it solid. Is that what I do not understand? That sliders are a way to fine tune the intricacies of a sports game further than what the developers provide? Again however, I think it is a slippery slope of lackadaisical effort if developers consider sliders and user manipulation to be a part of the foundation of a game. Consider the hypothetical problem in Tiger Woods: While testing the game, it seems that the golf ball rolls too far based on the percentage strength of the putt. Due to sliders, developers choose not to touch the game engine knowing that the end-user will use the sliders to correct the issue. However, without sliders developers have to correct the issue in-house and in-game to make the physics of the golf ball realistic, accurate and reliable instead of depending on players to adjust sliders appropriately. How is the former a benefit to any of us? I do not get it.

Except for fine-tuning graphics and processing requirements (or something like aim assist in a FPS) you do not see too many sliders for other games. Why is that? I mean sure, there may be general difficulty level sliders such as easy, moderate, hard, and ludicrous. You do not, however, see sliders for the amount of damage a monster with an axe can do as opposed to the amount of damage a monster with a spear can do. You can not dial down the speed of monsters in an adventure game or mess with how high you can jump.

Why are we allowed to do this in a sports game? Perhaps because the "other" games are developed on a 2-5 year cycle; therefore, the developers have the time to address every nuance in the game and how it reacts to all other elements in the game. The yearly cycle of sports games must make this improbable if not impossible. So sliders came along to allow users to change the physics of the game and correct issues that were not addressed by the engineers -- while also adapting all of this to your difficulty level. "Other" games require you to adjust TO the difficulty level of the game rather than allowing you to adjust the level of the game via sliders. I do not get it.

Yes, I have opened the gates to hellfire and brimstone by writing an article about beloved sliders -- I realize that. Sliders are like politics and religion to sports gamers. In other words, there's no use debating or analyzing the subject because there is no solid foundation to base an argument. Like the sliders themselves, the topic is a continually fluid and personality-based conundrum of self-evaluations and preferences. There is no right or wrong when it comes to sliders. There is simply my way and your way, and your way is always wrong. Much like politics however, sliders need to be handled with an extreme amount of responsibility and observation. It is the sports gamer's responsibility to not be dependent and blinded by the sliders to the point where he or she only addresses the effects, instead of the causes.

Sliders are a shameful downward spiral of inadequacy. Developers use them to make programming easier, and sports gamers use them because they are there. Too lazy to put in the practice to excel in the game as it was designed, gamers slide the almighty sliders to adjust to their individual whims. They do not realize that if they were proud and held themselves accountable for their gaming that developers would no longer be able to use sliders as a development crutch.

But somewhere, at some time, sliders appeared mysteriously, and now they will remain while each side blames the other for the existence of sliders; neither side taking any steps to address the issue much less resolve it and admit culpability so that they can move past the point of needing the slider pacifier.

Nighty-night slider fanatics, I will leave the night-light on for you and sing you a lullaby while mumbling under my breath, "I do not get it."