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Three Survival Keys for the Married Sports Gamer

June 21, 2008, the day that would change my life forever. It was the day I got married, and the day my sports gaming addiction suddenly was turned upside down. Just days after the return from our honeymoon, my glorious, man’s gaming room had been transformed into a “family” room, complete with a DVR full of episodes of The Hills and various accent pillows. My usual gaming time had been replaced by “couple” time, where we would discuss our day, and do various household tasks like color coordinating our guest bathroom (joy!). I was losing my identity as a sports gamer more and more every day, and I didn’t know what to do.

June is the absolute worst month to get married for a sports gamer. Oddly enough this is the best month to get married for about 99 percent of the female population, so basically we are at a disadvantage the second we get down on one knee and ask that fateful question. With NCAA Football hitting in July, Madden in August, NHL games in September, NBA games in October, and finally NCAA College Basketball in December, there's not only a significant strain on sports gamers' wallets, but also on our marriages.

You see, once you get married, your wife doesn’t care that you’ve got a busy night of NCAA Football recruiting to do to solidify your program as a national powerhouse. She doesn’t care that your MLB Road to the Show player is in a slump and is on the manager's chopping block. She doesn’t care about the fact that you’ve just lost three key free agents in NBA 2K. Most of all, however, wives just do not seem to understand the concept, let alone the excitement, that comes every summer when the barrage of new sports titles begin to release on a monthly basis. This my friends is where avid sports gaming junkies need a battle plan to survive the brutal months (July-December), while also making sure our better halves are still talking to us when winter is in full swing.

Let me start by addressing the financial burden sports games bring into a marriage. As one of the many hopelessly addicted video game fans that purchases every sports game the day it comes out, imagine the day I told my wife that I had a $500 budget for sports gaming. I don’t think I really need to explain how well that went over. In fact, it went over so well, that I was informed of every single home improvement chore that needed physical and monetary attention. Thanks to my big mouth, I just invested in a new bathroom vanity, and a new kitchen floor, not to mention the fact that my back is still sore from various cabinet installations.

There is a loophole when it comes to my wife, though, one that has not failed me yet.

 


Trying to convince your wife your Franchise is really THAT important can be tough.

Survival Key #1: Find a Deal

Women love a deal. It doesn’t matter if it’s $5 off a purchase of $500, or opening up a new line of credit at a store to save 10 percent on a dress (yay! more credit cards!), women just seem to have a sixth sense when it comes to sniffing out deals. Rule No. 1 that must be followed in order to avoid the dreaded financial talk with your wife (“How can you spend $60 on a video game and not $60 on taking me to dinner and a movie?”), is to make sure you get some sort of deal on your new games. Trade in last year's version to save an instant $5-$10, and you immediately have justified the purchase to your wife. Also, scour the net for any type of deals that may be out there -- perhaps a free gift card with the purchase of the game, a 10 percent coupon granted by some sort of reward program, or by constantly checking out Cheap Ass Gamer.

This little strategy works like a charm, and not only do you get to feed your yearly gaming habit, but you give your wife a sense of satisfaction, because she thinks she taught you how to find a great deal by observing her magic on one of those endless NFL Sunday trips to the mall. Seeing this strategy in action is basically the equivalent to hitting a walk-off home run, except at home plate your teammates meet you with a plate of nachos and pitcher of your favorite beverage.

So, now that we’ve solved the money discussion, we have to tackle the whole issue of making time to play (the biggest deterrent to feeding a married sports gamer's habit in my humble opinion). Back in my single days, even through the days of dating my wife, I was always able to meet my virtual teams' demands. Once I got married I was with my wife 24/7. When we did get some alone time away from each other, it was hardly ever enough time to really sink my teeth into the inner workings of what my virtual teams needed. I felt bad for my virtual athletes too -- imagine telling that five star blue chip seven footer in College Hoops that you wanted him to come to your school, before vanishing for three weeks. But my wife isn’t going to understand that level of sports gaming devotion. In fact, when I politely tried to explain my strange connection with my polygonal players, she looked at me as if she had married a crazy person. How can you keep that internal video game coach integrity meter up while keeping that real life good husband meter up? Look no further:

 


Sometimes, games in the snow are so special it is going to require some careful diplomatic negotiation.

Survival Key #2: Show Some Interest in Her Hobbies

There’s nothing harder for a man to do than to really listen to his wife and show interest in her hobbies. When my wife tells me about how she found a new duvet cover that will accent our bedroom décor better, I simply zone out and nod my head. (I don’t even really know what a duvet is to be perfectly honest.) Think about it though -- we want our wives to understand our obsessive need to play a sports video game, and we aren’t even listening to them when it comes to issues of relative importance. Survival Key No. 2 is that you have to not only show interest in what excites your wife, but you also must genuinely listen to her when she tells you about those things. I get excited about Madden every year, my wife doesn’t get it. She get’s excited that we are getting new drapes, I don’t get it. See the point here guys?

How can we expect our wives to show respect for our gaming habits, if we as husbands don’t show respect for our their hobbies? I’ll be perfectly honest, three weeks into our marriage I started watching an hour or so of home improvement television shows (my wife loves decorating), and suddenly it was as if I had discovered the treasure of Ali Baba. I would simply disappear into the video-gaming room, and not hear a sound from my wife for a couple hours. She would even come into the room now and then to inquire as to how the gaming was going.

The final survival key again deals with the issue of finding the time to game, more specifically, finding the best time of day to game when married. This survival key needs to be used in direct correlation with the lessons of key no. 2 in order to work. You can’t build a house without a foundation, and you can’t use Survival Key No. 3 without key no. 2 -- doing so would be a disaster (and not the good kind like when the Ghostbusters crossed the streams).

 


Staring at screens like this for hours on end probably won't help your case with your wife.

Survival Key #3: Pick Appropriate Game Times

There is no bigger adjustment for the recently married sports gamer than figuring out the appropriate time to sit down and feed a craving. Back in my single days, even during the dating process of my wife, I would regularly have the 12 a.m. to 2 p.m. Madden franchise marathon or NBA 2K offseason scouting session. When I got married, I couldn’t find the right time to lose myself for a few hours in my hardcore sports game obsessions. The worst part was finding a time that I thought would work, only to be interrupted 15 minutes later by a wife that needed help with something. As everyone knows, the interruption scenario is perhaps the worst possible thing to happen to a sports gamer. How can you properly devote time to "labbing" plays, tweaking sliders, or moving on in a dynasty mode, if you can only play for 15-20 minutes per sitting?

My solution: TALK to your wife. I know this sounds absolutely crazy, but it is critical if you hope to get any type of long term gaming established. Here’s my personal favorite strategy, and it's something I like to call “The Stressful Work Day.” Basically it involves letting your wife know that you need a couple hours a night to unwind because you have a stressful 9-5. If anything, this is the most straightforward and honest way of getting some uninterrupted game time out of your wife. Sure, we don’t always have tough days at work, and I am sure there are days where it feels like you hardly worked at all, but for the most part, as long as you are honest with your wife and tell her you need some time to yourself, you should have your wish granted. There is nothing a wife hates more than a grumpy husband with the work monkey on his back; and what better way for a husband to vent away the days frustrations than to spend some time gaming?

So there you have it, the three keys to finding a sports game addiction/happy marriage balance. Getting married was the best decision I ever made; and even though my sports gaming time has suffered a bit, I wouldn’t do things differently if given the chance. It took me two months to figure all this out, but now that I have, the results have been amazing. My wife actually asked me about how my NCAA Football dynasty was going this weekend -- I was stunned.

Stick to these three easy steps, and I can guarantee that you will not only enjoy more guilt free married sports gaming, but your wife may actually show some interest. Then it’s only a matter of time before you convert her to a sports gaming addict as well. Let’s save that for another article though.


Member Comments
# 21 ghm125 @ 09/23/08 04:46 PM
I think part 2&3 are huge keys to continuing gaming for yourself,but my wife understands when football,basketball and baseball begin,and new games are released...its my time for the next week or so..then it diminishes somewhat,but the finding the right time to play,is really key.......or at least my key......
 
# 22 DJ @ 09/23/08 04:50 PM
I hear ya. It's really tough now because we just bought a new home so all of our time on weekends is devoted to home-improvement projects. The 360 was supposed to go in the basement, but we don't have a TV down there yet, so my gaming time has really been cut down. Thankfully I have a PSP and DS that I can use while she's watching her shows on TV.

She is understanding of my passion for gaming, though, and will cede control of the TV to me a few nights a week if there's nothing on TV. Otherwise I play in the afternoon (I work split shifts) or squeeze in a game either before I leave for work in the morning, or before going to bed.
 
# 23 kenzil @ 09/23/08 04:53 PM
Great article...my wife and I have an understanding. She knows thats my down time from being a very hard worker. Kids (I have two) make it even more challenging.
 
# 24 DubTrey1 @ 09/23/08 04:59 PM
Great article - I have to say I have been a gamer for most all of my life and married for 10 years - I have been able to find a perfect woman that falls asleep nightly by 11pm - even on weekends - and am able to get my gaming on regularly for the most part for all of these years.

Now, there are obvious exceptions:
> Nights we are up watching TV shows from the DVR, or movies -
> We have 2 kids (4 and 2 yrs old) so, I have to make time for them, but fortunately they go to sleep by 10pm... or my son sits next to me and plays his DS, so it's a win/win there.

All that, and 4 hours of sleep or so nightly....
 
# 25 Jay Bishop @ 09/23/08 05:50 PM
As a 13 year vet of the marriage game (with 3 kids), I can say that is does get better. You eventually come to an understanding and you pretty much learn the when and how of your "game time." She is NEVER gonna be interested in SPORTS GAMING. My daughters aren't either. But the ultimate gaming pill for women of all ages.....VIVA PINATA. It's the female Madden! LOL.
 
# 26 Lieutenant Dan @ 09/23/08 05:51 PM
I'm very fortunate that my wife is an avid gamer and tech/gadget geek. So she actually encourages me to play games, and it's what we do together for 'down time' after work and on weekends.

In fact, she even has her own 360 and LCD tv w/headphones, and we game on two separate sets right next to each other :^)

For sports gaming, she actually stayed up with me till 1:30 am last night helping me scout for my NFL draft in HC 09! She loved it, and it's not unusual on a night she's restless to ask me to play football or any other game to help her go to sleep to. LOL

Lucky in Memphis,
Dan
 
# 27 elprez98 @ 09/23/08 06:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lieutenant Dan
I'm very fortunate that my wife is an avid gamer and tech/gadget geek. So she actually encourages me to play games, and it's what we do together for 'down time' after work and on weekends.

In fact, she even has her own 360 and LCD tv w/headphones, and we game on two separate sets right next to each other :^)

For sports gaming, she actually stayed up with me till 1:30 am last night helping me scout for my NFL draft in HC 09! She loved it, and it's not unusual on a night she's restless to ask me to play football or any other game to help her go to sleep to. LOL

Lucky in Memphis,
Dan
Jealous.
 
# 28 madcap08 @ 09/23/08 07:55 PM
For the majority of guys what ever it is you like, be it sports gaming or whatever, be prepared to give it up. Its not that they dislike video games in particular they just don't like your attention to be somewhere else for such a large chunk of time. Women aren't just jealous of other women they are jealous of everything.
 
# 29 Rback21 @ 09/23/08 08:12 PM
...You forgot that when she's "ready" it's time to hit the start button and make time for the other "games"...
 
# 30 RainZ @ 09/23/08 08:13 PM
Great article man, it was on point, funny, topical, everything you could ask for. I hope it gets the views it deserves via digg!
Madcap man, not all women are like that bro, sounds like you had some bad experiences!
 
# 31 allstar3970 @ 09/23/08 09:08 PM
not married, but just moved in with my GF. She "tolerates" my game playing...i try to get her into games we can enjoy together,but she HATES sports games, especially NHL, which happens to be of course my favorite. I've had to explain to her many times (1) why i have to buy the new ones every year. (2) how every game i play in my dynasty is not exactly same.
 
# 32 N51_rob @ 09/23/08 09:18 PM
Not a married guy, but that was a well written and entertaining. I've had GF that had issues with gaming, but since we don't share accounts and I'm out with them on most weekend nights it's never really been an issue. But again great article.
 
# 33 Salhus @ 09/24/08 12:04 AM
Not married. But, I like how every post in here has been positive. Just shows how impressive maturity really is.
 
# 34 StormJH1 @ 09/24/08 03:32 PM
This is a terrific article, thanks for writing it. I appreciate articles that recognize that while the critical mass of hardcore gamers is that group of teenage and college-age males for which time is a surplus but (real) responsbility at a relative minimum...the average age of gamers is something like 29, and there are a lot of dedicated and knowledgeable gamers who have to balance that activity with work and family.

I will consider your suggestions and read the comments as well. But I just feel like I'm fighting a losing battle to save a hobby that I truly enjoy. And it kinda depresses me. Got married on May 31, 2008 (congrats to you, by the way), and it's great, but the woman just fundamentally does not believe that we should be in the same house but in separate rooms doing totally isolated things. This only really becomes an issue with gaming (and maybe watching sports). I point out to her all the time that I could be one of those guys who still goes over to buddies' houses or out to bars and drinks while she's home alone, and that at least with THIS hobby, I'm at home with her! But it doesn't seem to matter.

The WORST part of it is that our HDTV is in the bedroom, which means ZERO gaming when she goes to bed, which is generally 11pm. If I were able to just play uninterrupted after she goes to sleep (such as in the man-caves referenced above), I would do that almost exclusively, and the "attention" thing might not even be an issue. But she doesn't seem to want me playing then either.

Anyway, good article. Keep fighting the good fight. Better go before the wife figures out that I post messages on a video game chatboard....Or that there's a $50 annual fee for XBox Live...she might be starting to get wise to that one
 
# 35 DubTrey1 @ 09/24/08 05:20 PM
All of these posts remind me of the program that the NFL has for "NFL Widows" or something like that - There should be a similar deal for "Gamer Widows".... Shop therapy or some crap. I figure an all day of shopping, which consists of going from store to store to store equals me building up "comp time" in some form when I plop down on the sofa and the green rings of the 360 go on.
 
# 36 stillatin @ 09/24/08 09:11 PM
i play gears of war and nba 2k with my girl, theres also betting involved, of what? i will not divulge.
 
# 37 Lieutenant Dan @ 09/25/08 01:13 PM
dave374, that was hilarious! Thanks...

I know I'm INCREDIBLY lucky, but her interests in sports, tech, and gaming all were things that helped us get together, but weren't the MAIN things. Mostly it was her intelligence (genius IQ) and sense of humor and strength of character. She's also competitive.

We also both own Tiger Woods 09 and play that together online. lol And last night was one of her restless nights so she asked me to play any sports game so she could go to sleep...so out came Head Coach again.

I don't think it's a bad idea if gaming is a real passion for you to bring it up in any serious 'relationship advancement' conversation that this is a hobby that really means something to you and talk about why it's fun for you....

My wife when we first got together could not care LESS about sports games..she loved Tomb Raider and RPGs, Myst, Tetris, that sort of thing. But she watched me playing Tiger Woods 2004 when I first got it, and I handed her the controller and said, "create a golfer and give it a try. You'd be amazed how addictive and fun this is, and it's a good way to relax." She created her golfer, started the challenges and got hopelessly hooked!

Then she even got into sports games by playing Dirt to Daytona and Superstar Mode in Madden 2007 for hours and hours, which furthered her interest in both NASCAR and the NFL in general.

A lot of chicks dig RPGs. Have your gf or wife try creating a player in a sports game (Tiger, Be a Pro/Nhl 09, The Show/RTTS, Madden/Superstar, etc) and see what they think :^)
 
# 38 dave731 @ 09/25/08 08:06 PM
Tiger Woods is the only sports game I can convince the wife to play with me. She was more concerned with what her character was wearing than the clubs in the bag. I was sitting there staring at the screen the other day trying to decide which C to offer my last scholarship to. I turned to the wife who was checking email on her laptop and said, "Honey, what do you think? The 7 footer from Serbia who can't shoot or the guard from Atlanta?" Without looking up, she says "The guy from Serbia probably can't speak much english so he'll be harder to coach, right?" I got a good laugh out of it...

and then took the guard from Atlanta...
 
# 39 ZFarls @ 02/06/09 10:43 AM
haha, good article. getting interuppted is by far the worst. especially online. your wife could want you to build a house and you gotta do it all in 30 seconds, no matter what it is!
 
# 40 videlsports @ 02/07/09 03:08 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ZFarls
haha, good article. getting interuppted is by far the worst. especially online. your wife could want you to build a house and you gotta do it all in 30 seconds, no matter what it is!
That is funny and true. I been Married for 7yrs now, and the first yera was an up hill climb. I was obsessed with gaming and it hurt my Marriage, for a little. Even choosing the game or her. That was hard scince all I did growing up was play sports and video games.But I did a shrewed thing that turned it all around. I introduced her to The SIms, Now she is an avid gamer. SHe watches me sometimes play online games. We have a Daughter of seven months, and she takes alot of time but during naps and bedtime, We sneak in some game playing. Alot of you guys have some great gals just like mine, you just have to find her game she will play or enjoy watching. Funny thing is guess who's staying up till 2 am playing. This really hit home with me and alot of the post were great.
 


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