Best Player Names in College Football - jmik58's Blog

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Best Player Names in College Football Stuck

Posted on August 28, 2012 at 10:33 AM.

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Being a play-by-play announcer or color commentator would be a dream job for thousands of football fans across America.

Chances are many of us would be exposed as the amateurs we truly are if we had the chance to call a game live. In reality we'll likely never find out how it would go, but if karma had it's way our skills wouldn't be the only thing getting in the way.

As the United States has become more of a melting pot, so too has the wide range of multicultural names made it into our lives and sports we love. Without the help of a trusty spotter in the broadcast booth we would likely screw up a few calls, and very well could mess up a few names regardless. But even with us out of the booth and the true professionals in our place, a few football players are waiting in the program guide -- prowling in the nightmares of television and radio commentators preparing to pounce and make fools out of even the best men in the booth.

Our immature humor can't help but let a chuckle fly or jump at the opportunity to carry an emphatic syllable a little too far just because it's fun to say a certain name that certain way. Here are the best names in college football for 2012.

Munchie Legeaux, QB Cincinnati
It probably doesn't matter what your last name is when your first is Munchie. I'm only upset we can't put his first name on the back of his jersey instead.

Caleb TerBush, QB Purdue
Ok, ok, it's not what you think. Once your done snickering, consider this. One of his targets at wide receiver is Gary Bush. "TerBush to Bush for the touchdown!" Say that four times, fast. I said only four.

Lache Seastrunk, HB Baylor
I don't know the first thing about automotive repair, so if you told me my loud muffler was caused by a Lache Seastrunk -- I would honestly have to read your facial expression. Now that I think about it, wasn't the Seastrunk a WWE finishing move?

Bishop Sankey, HB Washington
I love a good name that incorporates a professional title, especially one with the high esteem of a Bishop. Sankey sounds pretty cool too.

Rahsaan Vaughn, WR Oregon
This is Michael Buffer's favorite college football name to announce. If I'm ever stupid enough to step into a boxing ring I think I'll change my fighter name to his. Rahsaaaaaaaan Vaaaaaaaaaughnnnnn.

Uzoma Nwachukwu, WR Texas A&M
Whether you're excited or really upset, here's a name you can scream. Nwachukwu could be substituted as a verb, noun, or adjective. More preferably it works well to replace that foul mouth when your favorite team's quarterback throws his third pick of the half. Nuh-wa-chuh-KOO!

Philip Lutzenkirchen, TE Auburn
Lutz and Kirken was a famous progressive band from the late '70's with hits such as...well, such as. Ok, so maybe they never existed but this has to be one of the baddest (by bad, i mean good) names in the whole world. Philip is a pretty darn good tight end as well.

Gifford Timothy, OL Clemson
Did someone screw up the birth certificate and switch around the first and last names? I guess if I had a first name for a last name I'd have to get creative when naming my kids. I don't know about Gifford though. I know, how about Lutzenkirchen Timothy?

Omoregie Uzzi, OL Georgia Tech
I don't care what the phonetics say, I'm pronouncing it "oozy." After all, he is a highly decorated collegiate lineman with All-American accolades. As a Yellowjacket lineman he's the master of the cut block, and nothing cuts guys down like an uzi.

Mister Cobble, DL Kentucky
No really, don't call me by my first name, please refer to me as Mr. Cobble. Seriously though, who wants to hear the P.A. announcer proclaim to thousands of screaming fans that you just got sacked by "Mister Cobble" -- really? That was my middle school janitor's name.

Steve Bigach, DL Iowa
When you look at his name it seems pretty harmless. When pronounced correctly, however, it provides the sudden burst of power necessary to bust through thirteen inches of solid concrete. "BIG-ack!" is a distant relative of the North American Big Yak -- according to sources. Whether that's true or not, Bigach is still a heck of a lot of fun to say.

Michael Doctor, LB Oregon State
Please tell me he's a pre-med student. No? Oh well, at least he's exceptional at diagnosing plays and cuts through the line with surgical precision when blitzing.

Douglas Rippy, LB Colorado
His swim move isn't the greatest but he can dip and rip on the edge with the best of them. Actually Rippy is one heck of a middle linebacker and finds himself on the Butkus watch list -- believe it or not.

Antone Exum, CB Virginia Tech
If you want to be a shutdown corner, you might as well be someone that can "ex 'em" out. Ya I know, corny. So what if my jokes are a little Hokie sometimes. Ah, see what I did there?

Bacarri Rambo, FS Georgia
Probably the best on-field player on this list, Rambo is a near cross between a fruity female alcoholic beverage and a classic dude-movie. Maybe it's the two extremes that balance him out to be such a phenomenal all-around player. But how else are you going to get your lady to watch another Stallone movie with you?

Will Hagerup, K Michigan
When you get bucked, cowboy up! When you get stuffed on third-and-one and are left with a thirty-five yard field goal -- Hagerup!

Jordan Wettstein, P Minnesota
Some see the glass as half full, others half empty. I just hope my stein isn't dry. Thank you, Jordan.

What are some of your favorite player names in college football this year?

Justin Mikels is a staff writer for Operation Sports. Follow him on Twitter @long_snapper.