What would John Madden say?

[SOU7GLO]

Hello, my name is John Madden and I'm a Hall of Fame coach. I coached for 10 seasons for the Oakland Raiders franchise. I have the highest winning percentage ever of any NFL head coach with over 100 career victories and never had a losing season.

For 30 years there's been a football video game with my namesake. After seeing the state of the game over the last several years, I have a few thoughts about the current football game named after me.

Even though I'm now 83 years old, I'm still sharper than a #2 pencil. And oh boy do I have questions...

Although the pictures and graphics are easy on these ole eyes I can't find, see, or hear any part of myself in this game. Why is that? That's a real head scratcher. When I do find myself in this game I'm going to get the ole telestrator out and draw lines and circles around myself. Wait...maybe I'll create myself as a coach...oh dear...appears the game won't let me do that. I thought the 2019 technology and customization in these games was second to none. I was told that many years ago I once was a hologram...well who knows, maybe I'll stumble upon myself...Go figure.

Since I can't create and customize my face and body I'll just name myself before diving into this franchise mode. WHOA! BOOM! Who is this guy walking around his office with a challenge flag in his pocket? And why does he keep looking at a phone? Is that me? Nope, definitely not me. But let me see if I can find my playbook, coordinators, assistant coaches, and training staff. Sigh, there's no sign of any of these mysteriously missing items. I mean sheesh, a playbook is like a Bible for coaches. I love spending hours drawing up schemes and strategies to best my opponents. And my staff, they make this franchise go! Me, I'm just a guy who loves football. Oh dear...this is not good. Someone oughta get penalized for such a misstep. Maybe I can find a referee or two to explain what's happening here. Wait what? If I had a hearing aid I would turn it up...there are no refs to be found in this game. Lions, Tigers, and no Zebras...oh my?! Are you sure we're playing football? Oh the shEnAnigans!

Okay, being involved in the game as long as I have been, I'll at least take a gander at some career and historical stats around the league...past Superbowl winners, previous W-L records from past seasons, previous player awards from past seasons. Shucks, I have a flashlight, microscope, telescope, kaleidoscope, GPS, and a brain and no luck! Trying to find this information is like looking for an ant peeing on a blade of grass. I feel an oncoming headache and dizziness.

Hopefully I have something in my Madden Bus cruiser to help alleviate the headache and nauseating feeling I have. Lord knows, flying wouldn't help me! Speaking of my Madden Bus, I sure do miss touring all of the NFL cities during training camp to see the players work on improving their skills. Someone told me that was possible on my game years ago. Maybe it's still there, but I'm running out of steam to try and figure out how to do it.

I remember the days when Summerall, Michaels, and I manned the booth. Man was that a show or what! The presEntAtion was first rate! And the cheerlEAders, mascots, fans, NFL Films music, stadium sounds, fly-overs, and dynamic wEAther were amazing! What a spEctAcle! Oddly enough, in an exclusively licensed product, representing the NFL, with my name on it, I don't see that embodied. Perplexing!

Well, I'll try my football game again tomorrow after getting a good nights rest. Maybe I'll have better luck with my virtual gridiron experience and relive some of those great days! I'm also going to contact my old pal SOU7GLO and his OS buddies to get their thoughts on this matter. I've heard they're a knowledgEAble and passionate bunch regarding football and may have a lot to say about my troubling experience.

Hopefully I'll have more to say on this subject soon! Until then...BOOM!

[ForUntoOblivionSoar∞]

That isn’t what he’d say at all.


He’d say, “Boom!” followed swiftly by “Tough actin’ Tinactin!”

Then he’d use his yellow highlight tool to draw a phallic shape on the field.

[EliteSmarts]

I'm a five you a like for the effort as you did me make me chucks a few times.

[SeaTownGamer]

“They’re either going to run the ball here or pass it.”


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[StormsWarning]

"Boom" He'll feel that in the morning!

[Nature_Boy]

The team with the most points is going to end up winning this game!

[UFCMPunk]

Brett Favre!

[ForUntoOblivionSoar∞]

Meanwhile in the background you’ll hear, “He’s giving him the business” from the ghost of 1990s Madden’s Pat Summerall.