My dad passed away -- left my mom with extreme debt

[WazzuRC]

Hey guys, I have an unique situation.

Unfortunately, my father passed away last Thursday. He suffered a heart attack on Monday and the lack of oxygen to his brain while they tried to get his pulse back damaged his brain very badly. The family kept him on life support until Thursday, when the neurologist informed us that he only had about a 1% chance of ever waking, with the odds of waking with a meaningful life after far worse. Everyone in our family is devastated, especially my mom.

My dad did ALL the finances. My mom doesn't even know how to access her online bank account. He gave her the money to spend, they lived good lifestyles, everyone was happy, etc. He was the breadwinner. My mom has an okay paying job, basically enough to pay standard bills with a small amount left over -- nothing close to being able to pay any minimum payments for credit cards.

As I've looked through their accounts to help my mom spend and budget wisely, I've found some disturbing debt. My mom has ZERO clue and assumes they were close to debt free. They have a total of 100k in debt (ugh) -- approximately 20k in my student loans which they agreed to pay for along with 80k in various credit cards, debt consolidations and small personal loans (like Springleaf Financial).

I'm so shocked and angry at my dad now that I can't even grieve properly. This debt has been with them for years without my mom knowing. I've looked at statements from three years ago and the debt is still there, meaning it's been in my family more or less for many years.

I don't know how I can tell my mom. I want to wait until after the service on Saturday and tell her Sunday or Monday about it. I live two hours away so I don't want to tell her and then head home, but I don't want to impact the service at all on Saturday in anyway. I met with a probate lawyer without my mom's knowing yesterday and they think we should at this time try and get grace periods for these accounts until we can figure out a gameplan. My parents have no wills in their name. This doesn't even count any medical bills or funeral service bills we may accrue over these next couple months.

I'm just looking for any advice. When to tell her, how to tell her, ways we can get past this, etc. I don't want my 60+ year old mom in financial ruin because of dumb decisions they made years ago that my mom has no idea about it.

Any help is appreciated.

-Ryan

[fistofrage]

Did he have a life insurance policy? 401 k? Pension? You'll have to take all the info you have and have your mother speak with a financial advisor. Sorry for your loss.

[countryboy]

First and foremost Ryan, I am sorry for your loss. Thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

I would wait until after the services to tell her. But when I did tell her I would come right out and lay out all the information and let her know that you'll be in her corner and help her figure this all out.

In addition to what fistofrage said, I would contact each creditor and explain the situation and see if you can work out some type of terms.

[mgoblue]

Quote: Originally Posted by fistofrage

Did he have a life insurance policy? 401 k? Pension? You'll have to take all the info you have and have your mother speak with a financial advisor. Sorry for your loss.

Yeah, we had to go through this with my FIL. He had tiny pension and life insurance that essentially covered the funeral and stuff. Sucks he didn't have more to help her stepmother and us (we have 30k+ of student loans that he was supposed to pay but dropped on my wife after she graduated).

Otherwise the planners will help see what they can do, but if it's in her name as well she might be hosed and eventually have to declare bankruptcy

Your family's in my prayers, I know how tough this must be, and money stuff on top of it really blows.

[WazzuRC]

He had 401k and (I hope to God) life insurance. My mom expects he does but she isn't 100% sure. We're supposed to be meeting with his employer today.

[dsallupinyaarea]

Sorry for your loss.


If he didn't have a private life policy, the company he worked for might have some coverage.

[SPTO]

My condolences go out to you and your family. This is just horrible. I don't really have much in the way of advice but I do think it's best that you leave this news til after the service.

Hopefully your father had a life insurance plan or things are going to be really really difficult. I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.

[Gotmadskillzson]

Sorry to hear that. Tell your mom BEFORE the funeral before she starts spending all kinds of money on the funeral that she thinks she have but really don't. Funerals aren't cheap. No need to let her put herself further into debt.