Most Uncomfortable Self-Induced Injuries

[Jdurg]

Now I don't mean purposely induced. I mean injuries you received due to stupidity or downright ignorance that led to lots of pain, discomfort, embarrassment, or all three.

A few years ago, I was at the gym on the elliptical for my cardio. I was wearing sweatpants and probably boxers that weren't the right size. (You can probably tell where this is going). As I was on the machine, I could feel some "rubbing" against my sweats, but with all the people in the gym (which was the gym at my place of employment) I didn't want to go and reach down and adjust myself. So I kept on going for my 45 minute workout. Well, that was a horrible idea.

When I got done, I felt a burning/tingling sensation where a man should never feel it. When it was time to hit the shower, I noticed a bit of a red liquid on the boxers. Yup. Friction burn in the most horrible place for one. Over the next week or so, every time I took a leak it was like peeing battery acid. I actually wept a couple of times, and when I explained why I was crying to the people who would see me as I'm washing my hands, the tale of the injury made everybody cringe. That is STILL the most painful experience of my life, and it's not like I could just not pee for a week. lol.

[Dog]

I pulled my groin playing baseball in high school. I decided to try and put Icy Hot on the injured area.


Bad idea.....

It was like someone was holding a torch right in my "groin area" (I'm not even exaggerating.. it was THAT bad). I immediately hopped in the shower and turn the water to cold (more like "ice") and just let the cold (ice) water soak the area.. Didn't work. It was like the Icy Hot was glued to me. I couldn't get it off. Oh yeah, this happened at 6am.. think that woke me up? After a period of time, it went away. I'm pretty sure the pain was so bad it made my eyes water

[BurghFan]

OWWWWWIIIEEEEEE!!!!!! I don't think anyone is going to be able to top that jdurg.

Anyway, I think I've mentioned this before, but my worst was probably spraining my right big toe kicking a vending machine my senior year in college. There was this one vending machine that had already stolen my money 3 times that year when I was trying to get a Twix bar. So wanting a Twix bar I figured surely they'd fixed it by now since I'd reported it three times right? Wrong!! I put my money in and pushed the apprpriate buttons and nothing happened. I'm not a very patient individual and have a short temper so naturally I was pissed and kicked the vending machine. I honestly didn't think I kicked it that hard, but my big toe immediately started throbbing. And to add insult to injury, still wanting a Twix bar I hobbled up to a vending machine in another building a bit out of my way and that had beenjust about empty the last time I had passed it. Lo and behold it had been restocked so I put my money in and got my Twix bar. When I finally got back to my dorm and took my shoes and socks off, my toe was quite black and blue and puffy. I don't think it was broken because I could still move it, but it was probably badly sprained. I never went to the campus health center (mostly out of stubbornness rather than embarassment) and it was rather uncomfortable hobbling around campus for the next week or so. It took a good 6 weeks to fully heal and about 6 months later I ended up with an ingrown toenail on that toe.

[Watson]

i have a "good" one, but it's not exactly TOS friendly.

If you MUST know, i'll DM you on twitter

[BunnyHardaway]

I was at this indoor rock climbing place in Philly...I was like 14 at the time. I got to the top of the wall and started repelling down when my foot slipped and I slid down like 10 feet. The bad news? The rope was against my arm the whole time, so I had a gigantic brush burn all down my arm...burned like crazy.

[24]

messing around at batting practice and i wasn't wearing a cup i took a solid cut at this first pitch and it bounced up and hit my right in the crown jewls

[Bellsprout]

Middle school. Nerf ********** hoop dunk contest. I thought I'd be cool and dunk over a folding chair. So I ran at it and I jumped, the backrest of the chair going between my legs. Except my pants caught on the chair midway through and I came straight down.

Worst shot to that... region... I ever took. I remember running around the house in pain for like 10 seconds and then yelling "I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!"

I don't think my friends ever laughed harder.

[WyxHarmon]

Not really self-induced but whatever


1st grade. Playing limbo at recess. The limbo set has a bunch of nails (it was a ***apult for Medieval Day?) it breaks. Nail ***ches me right above the eye. Glasses broken, blood everywhere. Thinking that if I took one more step I could be blind is scary.


Also, In 3rd grade, I was standing on some monkey bars and fell off with one leg on each side of the bars. Yeah, I thought I was gonna die.