Giving up on a relationship with a parent?

[Critical Kills]

At what point should one simply give up on having a relationship with a parent? I ask because my father and I have never been that close and then last year I got invited to their Thanksgiving party and I was told the wrong town. That made me mad but I could see maybe it was an honest mistake. Then I was not invited to the family Christmas party at all. When I asked about it I was told that they (my father and stepmom) told someone else in my family to invite me and they failed.

I've never been all that close to my dad and after the holidays I just gave up on him. When i questioned the entire fiasco I was told that they were busy and that's just how things were. Recently my stepmom caught up with me and told me they needed some computer help (their way of talking to me I guess). I told her I was "busy" as they had told me.

I'm not even sure why I even try to have one to be honest, other than this guy is my father. I have no real feelings for him and don't really know him and I get the feeling he doesn't care much to know me either. But I guess there's just the whoole "he is your dad" thing that keeps me trying...but at what point does one just simply give up and move on?

Honestly I'm thinking of just cutting off all communication as it seems that me and my dad have never had anything in common and the entire relationship has always been forced. And I'm thinking of just completely giving up and changing my last name too. The only real reason I feel bad about giving up on the whole thing is society's entire view that it seems everyone should have a solid relationship with their father. Am I wrong to quit trying?

[ExtremeGamer]

Dude, I don't even know what to say. I actually saw your name and the thread title and thought this was about your Mom you're having issues with.

[wsu_gb23]

If your own Father doesn't try to make time for you then I don't think you need to go out of your way to make time for him. The whole situation is really too bad. My Dad passed away 3 years ago and we had a good relationship. It's too bad that you guys can't work things out. But, like I said, you can only do so much. I wouldn't totally cut off ties though. Maybe some day he will realize he should spend more time with you. I wish you the best.

[stlstudios189]

I would maybe wait for a real invite not "we need computer help" They couldn't invite you personally to the christmas party is unaceptable. Try not to let bitterness take over though because when he does come around you need to have an openess and try and make it work out between you two.

[sb24]

Dont cut off communication, but dont go out of your way at all. Make your point but dont torch the bridge. I understand where your coming from but not knowing your life, i would say give it a little more time. Maybe you have, i dont know. just my .02

[bsb13]

My oldest brother and my father have a very strained relationship. No matter how hard my brother tries to reconcile things with my father, my father just doesn't seem to want to cooperate. Its seems like my brother can just do no right in my fathers eyes for some reason. Anyway, a relationship is a two way street, and if one person isn't doing their part then it might be best to keep your distance. But when/if your father ever has a change of heart...you should always be willing to have an open heart. You should always love your father, but sometimes it may be necessary to love him from a distance. And a little prayer never hurts.

.....but what do I know? I'm just some random dude on the internet lol.

[AndyBernard]

Don't let yourself live and die by another persons actions, even if it's your fathers, or you're not going to have a life of your own..

forget society views, live your life, do things that make you happy, and if he is involved, good for him, if not, well it's not your fault, and you need to realize that..

best of luck man

[av7]

Quote: Originally Posted by AndyBernard

Don't let yourself live and die by another persons actions, even if it's your fathers, or you're not going to have a life of your own.. forget society views, live your life, do things that make you happy, and if he is involved, good for him, if not, well it's not your fault, and you need to realize that.. best of luck man

Pretty much. I have a severely strained relationship with my dad, haven't talked to him in about 4 months and I haven't thought much about it- I'm happier this way and I dont get stressed out over his issues. I do catch myself thinking "is this right" but I remind myself about everything.