Whats one thing you learned from your father?

[Lathum]

Thought this may be an interesting topic. I was thinking today about the stuff I've learned from my Dad.

I think the one thing I take away more than any is the value of hard work. He owned his own pharmacy and was also one of the pharmacists there. Since it was his own business he went in when someone was sick, when there was a problem, etc... He worked really long hours. As a kid I didn't get it but now I appreciate all his hard work. I will never pretend I had a hard life growing up, and it was because my father worked so hard to give us a nice life. Vacations, nice house, etc...


HE always taught me no matter what you do try your best, and to this day I take that to heart, and because of it have been successful in my own life. I hope it is a lesson I pass on to my kids.

[Blackadar]

In many ways, how not to be one.

[Suicane75]

The only thing I ever learned from my father is how amazing and strong my mother is.

[corbes]

Character is what you do when no one is looking.

[RendeR]

Nothing, I never knew the man.

[McLovin]

Always maintain good credit because I saw what having bad credit does to a person.

[mauchow]

That gambling is no good.

[Kodos]

The voice in my head that tells me right from wrong is my Dad's voice. Most of my best qualities come from him. I also share many of his shortcomings (a general lack of patience, for instance).

[Peregrine]

How to think and solve problems

[cougarfreak]

How to not be a father.

[tarcone]

How to raise my kids. Completely opposite of what my Dad did. I learned hard lessons on my own. My Dad was there monetarily for me, but thats it. I want my kids to be mature young adults when they hit 18. SO they can figure things out and make good decisions.

[Flasch186]

To try to be nice to everyone. Be able to talk to almost anyone. Work really frickin hard when you have to. Work smart when you can. Take care of your family. Dont smoke. Stay out of pool halls. Dont gamble what you cannot afford to lose. Dont ever let someone fuck you over twice. Your word is a contract. Be careful with your words.

Some of this by example. Some by watching his failings. Ive gone through a lot of phases with him. Respect. Disrespect. Tolerance. Intolerance. Im at a place now where I have a mixture of all of these things but with my son now and how he is with him there is a lot more love for him than there used to be.

[TLK]

How to be there through everything... good and bad.

[Edward64]

He wasn't really there for me, always working and he passed when I was in college. But I do remember 3 things he always said

Education is important; put yourself in the person's shoes; don't make a mountain out of a molehill.

All pretty good advice and has served me well.

[Passacaglia]

Originally Posted by Blackadar

In many ways, how not to be one.

Pretty much this. I learned that abandoning your 5-year old kid and never talking to him is a dick move. The lesson took a while for me to learn -- I went through most of my childhood thinking that was normal, and it wasn't until I was an adult that I realized how horrible that was...then having kids of my own made me think about that even more.

[Neon_Chaos]

Always assume that everyone around you is incompetent. Never expect competence until competence is shown.

[Schmidty]

He had a lot of sperm. And he was a drunk and an ass.

But my step-dad is great, although he wasn't for 16 years or so. He was worse than my sperm-dad. He became a Christian when I was 17 and totally changed. He had beat me a lot, but I really saw the true change, and I forgave him. I'm glad I did. He's probably my best friend now.

[Warhammer]

Don't lie.
Don't create a false reality for yourself.
Be your own person, and be comfortable in that.

[Ben E Lou]

Virtually impossible for me to say "the one thing" apart from "how to be a man," I guess. He pretty much taught me everything.

• How to overcome utter poverty, the death of one parent at age 9, and abandonment by the other parent to become a productive citizen, husband, and father.
• How to ignore and overcome prejudice and racism to help successfully integrate several institutions in my home town including a church, Little League, and the schools.
• It was probably the summer of my 7th grade year when I did a summer program at Duke University that I first learned a math lesson in a classroom environment that he hadn't already taught me.
• How to love Jesus and love others in a practical, manly way, including how to identify when tough love is necessary.
• How to sacrifice your own desire to have "toys" and defer to your wife and 5 children in that area, and how to be completely satisfied with less "stuff," but more people, around you.
• How to take pride in hard work and a job well done.
• How to prioritize spending time with your kids.
• How to slow-cook chicken and ribs.
• How to ignore others' opinions and stick to what you know to be the correct course.
• How to give silly nicknames to your children and somehow make them endearing.
• How to throw a baseball (my older brothers taught me most other sports stuff, but throwing a ball was all him,) change a tire, read a map (he would frequently make me his "navigator" on car rides when I was 7 or 8 years old,) buy a plane ticket (had me call up the airline and make reservations for a trip to Chicago when I was 11,) and dozens of other practical life lessons he had an uncanny knack of throwing us into doing when we were younger than most would expect to do them, but at what would turn out to be just the right time.

He retired when I in high school, loaded the U-Haul to move me out on my own for good when I was 22, was my best man when I was 29, died when I was 30, and is still missed every single day.

Daddy

[spleen1015]

There's a lot of folks here that had a situation similar to mine.

I learned how not to be as a dad from mine. Haven't talked to him in more than 10 years.

[bbor]

Frugality

I probably learned this through osmosis,not on purpose.

It made my dad be able to retire very comfortably....and i hope to eventually do the same

[Ben E Lou]

Originally Posted by spleen1015

There's a lot of folks here that had a situation similar to mine.

I learned how not to be as a dad from mine. Haven't talked to him in more than 10 years.

I posted before reading the rest of the thread. Several posts in here make me very sad.

[Lathum]

Originally Posted by Ben E Lou

I posted before reading the rest of the thread. Several posts in here make me very sad.

I have to say I am a little surprised, this thread really didn't go the way I thought it would. I feel sad as well for all the guys who got cheated, it is a shame. I wouldn't change one thing about my childhood and realize how lucky I was.

Not that it is all bad because it seems they are making sure to not repeat the same mistakes with their own children.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Not the biggest nor most important thing I learned from my Dad -- those are really too numerous to single out -- but almost certainly the most frequently used thing I learned from him was the ability to (as my Mother puts it) "talk to a brick wall".

No trip to a store, nor virtually anywhere there's another person really, ever has a definite end time with my dad. He's as likely to strike up a 30 minute conversation with a total stranger as he is to miss one.

edit to add: For a more serious take on the day, I don't think I can top my Father's Day blog entry from last year.

[lungs]

Having the opportunity for my dad to mentor me in the farm business has been instrumental in forming the way I operate. Not giving up on me when I was off the rails for a good amount of years in my 20's, but also at the same time not enabling said behavior.

I've definitely become a chip off the old block.

[Desnudo]

How not to be an options trader

[Suburban Rhythm]

I always think back to this story my mom loves to tell.

Young SR, about 3 or so, is in the back of the car (probably no car seat, cause that's how we rolled at that time). I think we were on the way to pick up my older sister from kindergarten. Not a far ride, but knowing now the route from my parents to the school, one rather busy road/intersection.

As Momma SR became frustrated, and the beeping horns around us, I offered this bit of advice-

"Mommy...call them an asshole! That's what daddy does, and they move outta the way!"

[Eaglesfan27]

Originally Posted by Blackadar

In many ways, how not to be one.

Originally Posted by Suicane75

The only thing I ever learned from my father is how amazing and strong my mother is.

Same here. I generally do the opposite of what he did, and I think that serves me well. My step-daughter is one of the greatest things to ever happen in my life

[Julio Riddols]

The one who really hammered these things home was my grandpa, because he lives the same way my dad does. Hell, he is in his 80's and retired but he still works because its what he does. He had more influence on me at a young age because like a lot of kids, my grandparents did a pretty good job of spoiling me. They had me at the first cookie. He is most responsible for my desire to educate myself.

My dad laid the groundwork though, and that taught me honesty, humility, respect, and how to roll with the punches. He busted his ass to give our family the best he could, no matter how much he had to suffer to do it. We haven't ever been a close family, like we don't call or talk often, but we care for each other just the same. We're just very solitary types. I've never felt as though he didn't care when I needed him to.

I wish he had been a bit more strict about my grades in school, especially in high school, but other than that he did a good job I think. I feel increasingly lucky to have had that considering what has been said here so far.

I need to call him today.

[Marc Vaughan]

Originally Posted by Ben E Lou

I posted before reading the rest of the thread. Several posts in here make me very sad.

Without going into details my upbringing definitely had some 'interesting' moments, I find people being honest is quite nice because it reminds me that I wasn't alone in overcoming hard-times and it can be done.

I think its important for people to be honest about these things so that those going through them can know there is a brighter future ahead and they don't have to repeat the mistakes of an earlier generation.

(I also hope that people who are admitting to not having a father figure in their lives or having negative role models will help make those who did have fathers trying in their lives appreciate them all the more today)

That being said my father and I have a repaired relationship in my later years and now I'm older I can see he did try hard when I was younger and indeed instilled a lot of wisdom into me which I might not have appreciated when my thoughts towards him were less balanced.

One of the most important lessons my father gave me was to work hard and not give up - most worthwhile things in life don't come easily ... he (and my mom) also taught me not to be afraid to fail, often its better to try and fail (and learn from that experience) than to fail automatically by not trying something (and learn nothing).

[Edward64]

Definitely more negatives than positives which does surprise me. Can OP create a poll?

[Dutch]

Originally Posted by Edward64

Definitely more negatives than positives which does surprise me. Can OP create a poll?

The saddest part is that for many, without the proper influence, the cycle will continue. I hope all who posted how their dad let them down that they fight like hell to make it right for their own kids.

[JPhillips]

That we're all in this together. Take care of your family and realize that not every family is as blessed, so look for ways you can help others.

And put the damn hammer away when you're done with it.

[Vince, Pt. II]

My dad is an amazing man, and he is largely responsible for the man I have become. That being said, the biggest single thing I learned from him was to keep my anger in check, because he has a notoriously bad temper and short fuse.

[StLee]

Iced-down BEER is much better than any other beverage in this universe.

[Groundhog]

My dad died of an OD when I was very young. I guess it took until my mid-20s to learn anything from that. I don't hate him for it or have any real strong emotions one way or the other because I don't remember him at all and have no complaints about how I was raised, although I know it was tough for my mum in the first couple of years following that.

[Desnudo]

Originally Posted by Mike D

The saddest part is that for many, without the proper influence, the cycle will continue. I hope all who posted how their dad let them down that they fight like hell to make it right for their own kids.

Or marry a wife that masks your deficiencies

What I've learned from this thread is that the awkward relationship between most fathers and sons isn't just a myth.

[MacroGuru]

I learned some business advice and financial advice from my father...when I was 25.

He was pretty much out of my life when my parents divorced in 84. He went to Memphis and had his own separate life where we kids weren't a part of it. When it was our time to fly out there, I always felt like we were in the way and intruding upon his life.

Now as I am older and we are re-establishing our relationship, the bond has gotten stronger but still a little distant. It took the passing of my middle sister and him burying her for him to realize that he has shirked his responsibilities to me.

My youngest sister moved out to Memphis when she was 17 and he paid for her college and he connected with her.

The most influential "father" figure in my life was my grandpa...and damn I still miss him to this day....

[rowech]

Originally Posted by Desnudo

Or marry a wife that masks your deficiencies

What I've learned from this thread is that the awkward relationship between most fathers and sons isn't just a myth.

I guess the question then becomes why?

[CraigSca]

I have to say this thread is pretty sad. As others have said, I hope all you guys overcome what's been handed to you and are better fathers because of it. Good luck to all.

[Marc Vaughan]

Originally Posted by Desnudo

What I've learned from this thread is that the awkward relationship between most fathers and sons isn't just a myth.

I don't think anyone should use a trivialisation to excuse not putting time and effort into parenting or just say 'thats how it is'.

I have pretty good relationships with all three of my kids (Haley 19, Jake 14, Keegan 10) and sincerely hope this will continue going forward purely because I'm willing to put the time and effort in to try and be a good parent.

I'll readily admit I make mistakes from time to time, but when I do I apologise and attempt to rectify them ....

[lighthousekeeper]

pro-level alcoholic; left when i was 7; has had little interest in knowing me since then. i'd say all i've learned is how not to dad.

i would assume there's some kind of correlation between emotionally/physically unavailable dads and sons who grow up having PC text simming as a hobby. it's a hobby that requires a lot of alone time to cultivate a real interest.

[molson]

Reading this, I wonder if we're in a golden age of fatherhood right now. As in, so many people in this thread had fathers with fathering issues, but my perception is that pretty much everyone here also has gone in a completely different direction with their own kids. I think that's true of people I know too - so many of them had neglectful fathers or worse, but all of them almost without exception are pretty great fathers themselves. Maybe some of them (and some of you) are bad fathers in secret, or maybe the samples here (text sim message board posters, and people they surround themselves with), are going to be better fathers as a group. Just a random thought. Carry on the good work, fathers

[TheOhioStateUniversity]

My parents divorced when I was three, and while my father certainly has his faults, he's managed to maintain a larger presence in my life than his father maintained in his... A few lessons.

-The importance of family and generosity toward family
-The use of humor/gift of gab in interacting with people (although I haven't fully embraced this as my introverted personality is similar to my mother's)
-Dependability as it concerns your career
-A love for sports

Now the examples he set in the areas of romantic relations with women, honesty, and dependability as it concerns your children are a whole different story.

[MacroGuru]

Originally Posted by Marc Vaughan

I don't think anyone should use a trivialisation to excuse not putting time and effort into parenting or just say 'thats how it is'.

I have pretty good relationships with all three of my kids (Haley 19, Jake 14, Keegan 10) and sincerely hope this will continue going forward purely because I'm willing to put the time and effort in to try and be a good parent.

I'll readily admit I make mistakes from time to time, but when I do I apologise and attempt to rectify them ....

+1, and I fight like hell with their mother to keep mine in my life. The Every other weekend and every Weds thing isn't enough for me. Those who are friends with me on FB know how much my Amigo's mean to me.

[digamma]

The one thing I learned is that I still learn (or realize that I'm learning) from him every day, even though he's not around.

[MIJB#19]

Reading this thread, it makes me feel lucky.

[boberot]

Very surprised by the content of this thread as well. Feel oddly comforted that my shit relationship with my dad might not be such an outlier.

All of my parenting comes from looking closely at what he did and pretty much doing the exact opposite.

Thank God my mom was a different story . . . .

[lighthousekeeper]

LESSON LEARNED FROM THIS THREAD: BEST WAY TO RAISE A SON WHO BECOMES A GOOD DAD IS TO BE A SHIT DAD.

[Schmidty]

Originally Posted by lighthousekeeper

LESSON LEARNED FROM THIS THREAD: BEST WAY TO RAISE A SON WHO BECOMES A GOOD DAD IS TO BE A SHIT DAD.

You missed the point.