PFRC

[Raiders Army]

Hey, so today my wife told me that our oldest son was cruising for porn on his ipod touch. She follows up by saying that our 10 year old daughter has a myspace page and an email account we didn't know about. I feel that although I'm 36, I'm old and out of touch with kids. I figured I'd start this thread as a Q&A for the Parents FOFC Resource Center (PFRC...much like the much hated PMRC I disliked as a teenager).

What the hell is twitter?

Also, are there any other social networking websites I should know about?

[terpkristin]

Originally Posted by Raiders Army

What the hell is twitter?

Also, are there any other social networking websites I should know about?

Twitter is microblogging. Like instead of posting pages upon pages about why you're an emo kid, you only have 140 characters per post. You can follow people, where you get all their updates, and they can follow you. Mostly harmless. (well, I guess it depends what's posted, but it does feel mostly harmless...if you want to see it, my twitter page is http://www.twitter.com/terpkristin --or you can google terpkristin)

Re: other social networking....well, if they hang out at places like FOFC, I'd be worried. A family friend (age about 24) is on Facebook and recently discovered that her dad (65+) is. I think that's almost equally traumatic as finding your kids surfing for porn. Kind of like thinking of your parents having sex....

/tk

[terpkristin]

Dola,
I was reading something recently about how during the rise of the Harry Potter fandom, it was mostly teenagers who were on the fansites, and that they were the most likely ones to give their true age/sex/location. I can't fathom what it's like to be a parent these days. One day I'll find out, though..

Good luck.

/tk

[Raiders Army]

Originally Posted by terpkristin

Twitter is microblogging. Like instead of posting pages upon pages about why you're an emo kid, you only have 140 characters per post. You can follow people, where you get all their updates, and they can follow you. Mostly harmless.

Re: other social networking....well, if they hang out at places like FOFC, I'd be worried. A family friend (age about 24) is on Facebook and recently discovered that her dad (65+) is. I think that's almost equally traumatic as finding your kids surfing for porn. Kind of like thinking of your parents having sex....

/tk

Thanks. It seems that there could be a "trail" of sorts to the twitter thing. While I don't want to be Big Brother, I would like to act as a network administrator. Our daughter was crying tonight that she didn't have a cell phone (at age 8!).

I did think we were savvy with technology, but we're extremely outdated when it comes to certain things. Neither my wife nor I have a facebook or myspace page. I think we might've signed up for that classmates years ago, but that's about it. Hell, up until this past summer my wife and I had the same email address at home.

[Fidatelo]

Originally Posted by Raiders Army

Thanks. It seems that there could be a "trail" of sorts to the twitter thing. While I don't want to be Big Brother, I would like to act as a network administrator. Our daughter was crying tonight that she didn't have a cell phone (at age 8!).

I did think we were savvy with technology, but we're extremely outdated when it comes to certain things. Neither my wife nor I have a facebook or myspace page. I think we might've signed up for that classmates years ago, but that's about it. Hell, up until this past summer my wife and I had the same email address at home.

This post has me freaking out. I'm expecting my first kid in a few weeks, and the thought of an 8-year old crying about a cell phone is frightening. I figured I might have that sort of battle at 13 or 14, but 8?!? Sweet Jebus.

[Raiders Army]

Originally Posted by Fidatelo

This post has me freaking out. I'm expecting my first kid in a few weeks, and the thought of an 8-year old crying about a cell phone is frightening. I figured I might have that sort of battle at 13 or 14, but 8?!? Sweet Jebus.

Just to clarify, our daughter is 10, but she was crying about not having one at age 8.

I wouldn't freak out at all. It's like one of those things that I just tighten my belt and hope that the values we've given our children will hold true throughout their mistakes. I can tell you what though, it's totally different with our boys than our girl. I love our daughter and wouldn't trade her for anything, but it's so much simpler with boys. My wife agrees with me, BTW.

[CamEdwards]

Originally Posted by Raiders Army

Just to clarify, our daughter is 10, but she was crying about not having one at age 8.

I wouldn't freak out at all. It's like one of those things that I just tighten my belt and hope that the values we've given our children will hold true throughout their mistakes. I can tell you what though, it's totally different with our boys than our girl. I love our daughter and wouldn't trade her for anything, but it's so much simpler with boys. My wife agrees with me, BTW.

My 8-year old son has asked for a cell phone, but we've told him not until he's 16.

We also have our desktop computer in the family room, so there is no real privacy for the kids using the computer. If I discovered my 10-year old had an email account that I didn't know about, I'd probably install a keylogger program on the computer, because I'm devious that way.

[MikeVic]

Knowing how the internet is... I don't think I'd let my kid on until they were 16.

[JonInMiddleGA]

My 10 y/o son, resourceful though he may be at times, has yet to come up with a successful response to overcome our objection on the whole cell phone thing "You can have a cell phone just as soon as you can demonstrate a legitimate need for you to have one". When even he admits that his "reasons" don't hold water, he's smart enough to know that he isn't winning that battle until he can come up with something better.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

My 10 y/o son, resourceful though he may be at times, has yet to come up with a successful response to overcome our objection on the whole cell phone thing "You can have a cell phone just as soon as you can demonstrate a legitimate need for you to have one". When even he admits that his "reasons" don't hold water, he's smart enough to know that he isn't winning that battle until he can come up with something better.

"in case i get abducted daddy, or i notice a creepy man watching me"

[JediKooter]

My main piece of advice...stay involved even if you feel like you are being a pest.

My seconds best piece of advice, you are the parent, what you and your wife say is what needs to be done.

10 year olds don't need ANY online social networking. There's this thing called school where they can get all the social networking they want. A 10 year old can have a cell phone, but, for calls only. No texting.

As for the porn and your oldest son, I'd definitely have a long talk with him and let him know that it's never ok to pay for porn when there's so much free stuff on the net. Just kidding.

Seriously, that's a breach of trust and he should lose the iTouch for a certain amount of time. Upon getting it back, at the end of the day before bed, he needs to hand it over to you or your wife for the evening or he can only use it while you or your wife are there.

My wife has a program that sends her all the emails that our daughters receive and send, plus they are limited to only 1 hour on computer unless it is for homework.

Just be firm, don't be a push over, they'll get over it. We've been through it (not the porn) with emails, myspace, and cell phone texts and the best course of action was cutting it off as soon as we noticed it and have kept a firm stance on what is and what is not allowed and have not changed our stance on it no matter how much pouting or crying or barganing we got from them.

[DanGarion]

So at least you know your son likes porn like any other male.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

I'm just laughing to myself about the combination of porn + iTouch. Sounds like a perfect match.

But as the father of a 16 year old who had a "boyfriend" online in Atlanta who wanted to fly to Detroit to meet her... I hate the internet when it comes to children.

[Neuqua]

Originally Posted by DanGarion

So at least you know your son likes porn like any other male.

Though he didn't specify what kind of porn...

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

"in case i get abducted daddy, or i notice a creepy man watching me"

The abducted I might theoretically give you then again what's the kidnapper going to do, just ignore the kid dialing the phone? Off hand, despite the prevalence of cell phones with kids today I can't recall a single story ever where that sort of call was made.

As for the creepy man thing I'm genuinely trying to come up with a situation that my son is ever in where, even if creepy spooky molester/ax murderer looking guy was giving him the eye, that he's not under solid adult supervision who could deal with the situation far more efficiently than I could via telephone. And damned if I can come up with any. He's either at home, at school, or with us.

[DanGarion]

Originally Posted by Neuqua

Though he didn't specify what kind of porn...

Well that's why I didn't mention that, but does it really matter what type it is?

[bignej]

How many 8 year old girls have cell phones that some already feel like they are the only one without one?
I agree with Jon that they need to demonstrate a need but after they do that, they are going to have to pay for it. I cant imagine a logical scenario where that will happen until they are driving. As far as myspace, oh hell no.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by bignej

How many 8 year old girls have cell phones that some already feel like they are the only one without one

Best I can tell, quite a few. I know by age 10 at least 3/4ths of my son's classmates do indeed carry them regularly. I wasn't as conscious of them a couple of years back but off hand I'd guess that roughly 1/4 to 1/3 of his classmates had them.

Somewhere along the way, I dusted off the "if they jumped off a bridge ..." bit.

[Raiders Army]

Originally Posted by DanGarion

So at least you know your son likes porn like any other male.

That's what I told my wife, although I had a talk with my son. I'm no dad on American Pie.

That being said, my wife scolded me somewhat on telling him to knock it off. She said he'll be more careful next time.

Originally Posted by Neuqua

Though he didn't specify what kind of porn...

It was normal porn. No weird stuff that HA likes.

Originally Posted by JediKooter

My main piece of advice...stay involved even if you feel like you are being a pest.

My seconds best piece of advice, you are the parent, what you and your wife say is what needs to be done.

10 year olds don't need ANY online social networking. There's this thing called school where they can get all the social networking they want. A 10 year old can have a cell phone, but, for calls only. No texting.

As for the porn and your oldest son, I'd definitely have a long talk with him and let him know that it's never ok to pay for porn when there's so much free stuff on the net. Just kidding.

Seriously, that's a breach of trust and he should lose the iTouch for a certain amount of time. Upon getting it back, at the end of the day before bed, he needs to hand it over to you or your wife for the evening or he can only use it while you or your wife are there.

My wife has a program that sends her all the emails that our daughters receive and send, plus they are limited to only 1 hour on computer unless it is for homework.

Just be firm, don't be a push over, they'll get over it. We've been through it (not the porn) with emails, myspace, and cell phone texts and the best course of action was cutting it off as soon as we noticed it and have kept a firm stance on what is and what is not allowed and have not changed our stance on it no matter how much pouting or crying or barganing we got from them.

I'm not sure cutting it off would do any good. At some time we have to give it back, no? The keylogger idea is good since we would like to give the impression of the all-knowing all-seeing parents. I think at some point they're gonna push the limits and this may smack of "I'd rather have them drink in my house than at someone else's", but I'd rather have my daughter cruise the internet on my network than someone else's that I can't see.

For the record, I would not want my daughter to drink at my house.

[Raiders Army]

Also, we're out in cow-country, Oklahoma. A herd of cows walked by our window the first night we got our household goods. I think the cell phone deal was even more prevalent in El Paso, a much larger city by far.

[MacroGuru]

My network is pretty tied down as my daughter had some friends that kept telling her to check some stuff out, and she hit youtube pretty hard. I found some pretty crazy searches and went off the deep end and locked it all down.

I know where she goes, who she talks to and how long she is on. I have called her on it a couple of times and I always inform her, I know a lot when it comes to the computer and the computer in this home.

I also have all her email addresses and passwords as well....you can call me what you want, but she is only 11 and I protect majorly...I will be the same when she is 16, 18, 21 and so on.

[RendeR]

PC Pandora Software | System requirements | Computer requirements | Software requirements

I've heard from 2 different people that this software is downright scary invasive and almost impossible to get rid of or fool. I have no first hand knowledge however. Anyone else know about this?

[ISiddiqui]

Originally Posted by M GO BLUE!!!

But as the father of a 16 year old who had a "boyfriend" online in Atlanta who wanted to fly to Detroit to meet her... I hate the internet when it comes to children.

I've already apologized many times for that misunderstanding!

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by ISiddiqui

I've already apologized many times for that misunderstanding!

[Galaxy]

Originally Posted by MacroGuru

My network is pretty tied down as my daughter had some friends that kept telling her to check some stuff out, and she hit youtube pretty hard. I found some pretty crazy searches and went off the deep end and locked it all down.

I know where she goes, who she talks to and how long she is on. I have called her on it a couple of times and I always inform her, I know a lot when it comes to the computer and the computer in this home.

I also have all her email addresses and passwords as well....you can call me what you want, but she is only 11 and I protect majorly...I will be the same when she is 16, 18, 21 and so on.

I hate to be the boys that your daughter brings home in a few years.

[Comey]

Being a teacher, I wondered why some kids I've worked with (elementary school age) had cell phones. From what I can gather, the main reason is that there is a GPS function on the phones, so that parents can keep track of their kids, or, if it ever were to happen, a child was abducted or something happened, the possibility of them being tracked is easier.

At least, those are the reasons I remember at 1am. I could also be asleep and not realizing I'm typing.

[Matthean]

Originally Posted by Raiders Army

She said he'll be more careful next time.

At not getting caught next time?

[Alan T]

Originally Posted by Comey

Being a teacher, I wondered why some kids I've worked with (elementary school age) had cell phones. From what I can gather, the main reason is that there is a GPS function on the phones, so that parents can keep track of their kids, or, if it ever were to happen, a child was abducted or something happened, the possibility of them being tracked is easier.

At least, those are the reasons I remember at 1am. I could also be asleep and not realizing I'm typing.

My oldest daughter is also 8 years old and hasn't approached me about a cell phone yet (I finally broke down this past month to let her get her ears pierced), but it has been something I have already been thinking about.

I figured by the time she started getting to her pre-teen age she would want one and be bugging me for it. Do major companies (like verizon, AT&T, etc) have kid plans or equipment? I'd love for the ability when I finally do give my daughter a cell phone to only allow her to call 911 and a list of pre-approved numbers, and also only allow texting between those numbers. That way I could have family numbers on there so she could call them, as well as if some of her friends had cell phones, but not strangers, cute boys from school, etc. I also would like for once the monthly plan minutes were used up, it wouldn't allow any more phone calls instead of letting them run up huge phone bills.

Surely someone has a plan like that available to parents?

[MacroGuru]

Originally Posted by Alan T

My oldest daughter is also 8 years old and hasn't approached me about a cell phone yet (I finally broke down this past month to let her get her ears pierced), but it has been something I have already been thinking about.

I figured by the time she started getting to her pre-teen age she would want one and be bugging me for it. Do major companies (like verizon, AT&T, etc) have kid plans or equipment? I'd love for the ability when I finally do give my daughter a cell phone to only allow her to call 911 and a list of pre-approved numbers, and also only allow texting between those numbers. That way I could have family numbers on there so she could call them, as well as if some of her friends had cell phones, but not strangers, cute boys from school, etc. I also would like for once the monthly plan minutes were used up, it wouldn't allow any more phone calls instead of letting them run up huge phone bills.

Surely someone has a plan like that available to parents?

ATT has the Firefly which has allows 6/12 numbers added to it including 911, those are all they can call.

However, with our 11 year old helping us out more around the house watching the boys for a couple of hours and such, she does have a cell phone and it's tied to the family plan, so I keep track of everything there and it only costs me $9 a month, the phone itself, I got for free for adding the additional line.

She is allowed to take it to school, but it is to remain in her bag at all times, the only time she is to use it is for emergency purposes or to call us after school to ask to go to a friends house.

When she is at home, it allows her to stay in touch with the friends back in Utah and not have it cost massive amounts of money because a lot of her friends have phones on ATT as well.

[Alan T]

Originally Posted by MacroGuru

ATT has the Firefly which has allows 6/12 numbers added to it including 911, those are all they can call.

However, with our 11 year old helping us out more around the house watching the boys for a couple of hours and such, she does have a cell phone and it's tied to the family plan, so I keep track of everything there and it only costs me $9 a month, the phone itself, I got for free for adding the additional line.

She is allowed to take it to school, but it is to remain in her bag at all times, the only time she is to use it is for emergency purposes or to call us after school to ask to go to a friends house.

When she is at home, it allows her to stay in touch with the friends back in Utah and not have it cost massive amounts of money because a lot of her friends have phones on ATT as well.

Perfect, thanks. My family is on ATT also, so something for me to think about.

[sterlingice]

The more I read stuff like this, the more I realize parenting is a lot more complicated than it was even 10 years ago. The values are still the same or at least similar but the ways to get in trouble and tools to work against this are much more sophisticated.

SI

[JediKooter]

Originally Posted by Raiders Army

I'm not sure cutting it off would do any good. At some time we have to give it back, no? The keylogger idea is good since we would like to give the impression of the all-knowing all-seeing parents. I think at some point they're gonna push the limits and this may smack of "I'd rather have them drink in my house than at someone else's", but I'd rather have my daughter cruise the internet on my network than someone else's that I can't see.

For the record, I would not want my daughter to drink at my house.

Yes, they definitely get it back. And each time they mess up, the period of time they go without gets longer.

We don't completely cut off the internet, but, it is limited to an hour a day and depending on if their chores are done and homework is done.

The 'you won't know when and where I am and what I can find out' tactic has worked quit well for us. In addition to keeping them busy with sports and band, they really don't have time to worry about getting online.

The keylogger is great and we also put passwords on their computers so only we can change the parental settings on them. They also have to give us all of their passwords to everything they have that requires them. If they change it without telling us first, they lose it.

Kinda harsh at times, but, these are the times we are in in the 21st century and you have to make adjustments accordingly. It's not like when I grew up and my Atari or bike got taken away and you actually had to talk to people in person or on the phone.

Just wait until your daughter starts driving. I'm going through that with my oldest and I want to ram into the cars of the guys staring at her!

REMINDER: Put gun rack (with gun) in truck...

[Klinglerware]

Can you even get keylogger software for an Ipod Touch?

[Alan T]

Be careful with what keylogger software you get to do this. Many out there represent themselves as a "helpful" keylogger to monitor your local network, but they server the alternate function of being actual trojans that report back a good deal of information to third parties. This is actually a very common thing with many keyloggers available both for free and to purchase.

That said, there are likely many very reputible parental computer suites out there however that are not a concern, just trying to get people to make sure they do their homework on it before hand is all. My kids are not old enough to really use the computer much and I normally limit it to only 15-30 minutes tops a day for my oldest daughters. For them I have them set up to use a proxy server which only allows them to connect to a few sites (like noggin and disney where they play some various online games).

[cuervo72]

Originally Posted by CamEdwards

My 8-year old son has asked for a cell phone, but we've told him not until he's 16.

We also have our desktop computer in the family room, so there is no real privacy for the kids using the computer. If I discovered my 10-year old had an email account that I didn't know about, I'd probably install a keylogger program on the computer, because I'm devious that way.

My 8yo son has asked for a cell phone probably for over a year now. Not yet. Though he did just get his own iPod Nano and a pretty sweet digital camera (he likes taking pictures of our cats...)

Funny story from the other night. My son sends messages to the kids across the street from our Wii to theirs; usually harmless, though my son gets probably a little too much fun out of defacing a pic the older (10) boy from across the street posted. Demon eyes, throw up, that sort of thing.

So my son gets home from FL Monday night and goes to check the Wii messages. He gets all bent out of shape from a message that came in ("that's VERY inappropriate!"), I look at it and agree to go with him to visit the parents across the way. I get there and he blurts out the situation, and the mother smirks and responds that she wanted to talk to us about the same thing - that my son had sent something inappropriate (to which the father actually replied via Wii saying as such).

So the father brings the Wii downstairs with him and sets it up; we start going through their incoming messages. We get to the one from my son, which says something to the effect of "[name of 10yo] is diarrhea and has poopie on his shirt"...of course, with an attached picture of the 10yo with blotchy brown stuff on his shirt. I have to stifle a laugh and tell my son not to repeat that.

Then we go to our house to go through our incoming messages. And I show the dad the message his son sent, which went something like:

"oh haha i'm cole i'm a fucking shitface oh and a nerd! and if you ever say anything about my brother again i will punch you until you die."

Um, yeah...what was that now you were saying about inappropriate?? ("Oh, [10yo] has been having some language issues lately." Hrm, you don't say?)

[Galaxy]

Originally Posted by sterlingice

The more I read stuff like this, the more I realize parenting is a lot more complicated than it was even 10 years ago. The values are still the same or at least similar but the ways to get in trouble and tools to work against this are much more sophisticated.

SI

Makes it a little scary to have kids, I think. One of the biggest concerns I privacy (kids who post everything online and in public).

[Raiders Army]

Originally Posted by Alan T

Be careful with what keylogger software you get to do this. Many out there represent themselves as a "helpful" keylogger to monitor your local network, but they server the alternate function of being actual trojans that report back a good deal of information to third parties. This is actually a very common thing with many keyloggers available both for free and to purchase.

That said, there are likely many very reputible parental computer suites out there however that are not a concern, just trying to get people to make sure they do their homework on it before hand is all. My kids are not old enough to really use the computer much and I normally limit it to only 15-30 minutes tops a day for my oldest daughters. For them I have them set up to use a proxy server which only allows them to connect to a few sites (like noggin and disney where they play some various online games).

Yeah, I was looking at the PC Pandora above, but I'm not too thrilled with uploading their information to another site. I was thinking of something that would track their usage that I could look at later.

Originally Posted by cuervo72

Then we go to our house to go through our incoming messages. And I show the dad the message his son sent, which went something like:

"oh haha i'm cole i'm a fucking shitface oh and a nerd! and if you ever say anything about my brother again i will punch you until you die."

Um, yeah...what was that now you were saying about inappropriate?? ("Oh, [10yo] has been having some language issues lately." Hrm, you don't say?)

This one reminds me of the text message my wife found on my son's phone from a girl saying "I want pix of your genitals".

Yes, I asked did it say genitals or something else. It was genitals.

I'm not a snoopy type. I really like to respect my kids' privacy; at the same time, I recognize the need to monitor (or at least provide a smokescreen of monitoring) their activities.

[Router Help]

I've used this in the past with great success: Computer and Internet Monitoring Software

[JediKooter]

Originally Posted by Klinglerware

Can you even get keylogger software for an Ipod Touch?

Not that I'm aware of.

I always associate keyloggers with computers, but, now that I think about it, the iTouch really is a hand held computer, so, someone could probabl make some cash if they can make one and sell it on the Apps Store.