What The Heck To Do? (Pseudo-Stalker)

[terpkristin]

Ok, I've been putting off posting about this for awhile, because you nutsos here could take this in a very wrong way. But enough's enough.

I graduated from high school 11 years ago now. Though I had a "good time" in high school, I never felt particularly close to anybody there, and really haven't kept in touch with anybody from high school.

A few years ago, I started getting emails from a person I went to high school with, completely out of the blue. I never considered her one of my "closest" friends in high school, though I did hang out with her a bit, on- and off-campus. Back then, they were once in a blue moon emails. Then, closer to the time of our 10 year reunion, she started emailing more often. Well, emailing, posting comments to my flickr pages, posting comments on my blog, etc.

Now, it seems, she's "figured out" my online identity (not that it's very difficult, but hey, I haven't tried to hide per se...if you google my real name, you don't get too many hints of my online name and if you google my online name, you could probably figure it all out). I get about an email a week from her asking what's up, can she buy me a coffee, she's in my area-ish, she'd love to get back in touch. I've ignored them. I'm not trying to be mean, I just don't really have any desire to get back in touch. Now she's got my Twitter, and has recently posted a tweet asking why I'm ignoring her (I only found it since it was cued @ me, I found she was following me and didn't feel like reciprocating).

This person is one of the reasons I refuse to join Facebook (the others are more related to work things). I have no desire to talk to her, and the more she posts on my blog, tweets, posts on my flickr photos, etc, scare me more and more. What the hell do I do? I don't want to be mean, there's no real reason for me to be mean. But seriously, if over the course of a couple of years, somebody hasn't replied to ANY of your attempts at contact, wouldn't you just give up?

/tk

[Logan]

Originally Posted by terpkristin

Now she's got my Twitter

Pics plz.

Seriously, nothing you can do outside of emailing her and telling her the truth.

[Izulde]

If ignoring won't work, tell her flat out to leave you alone and not to contact you, post on any of your blogs, photos, etc.

It may sound mean, but in cases like this, being direct like that is the only way to get rid of a clinger like that.

[Spree]

So, you'd rather skip having coffee with a woman who seems to have an interest in you, and stay home and continue your FOF dynasty with the Dolphins?

Sorry. Why not give it a shot? Worst that could happen is a wasted afternoon, and afterwards at least she'll have her fill of terpkristen and probably won't contact you for awhile, which is what you want.

Edit: Was under the impression that terpkristin was male. This is a football forum, right?

[Karlifornia]

Here's what you do. Tell her to meet you at a local coffee shop. Tell her to wear a pink carnation on her lapel so you can spot her. About an hour before the meeting, rob the coffee shop at gunpoint while wearing a pink carnation.

[Antmeister]

Serious Response: Am I missing something? It seems you have gotten along in the past if you used to hang out once in a while. Is it the fact that you have outgrown each other and can't relate to her at this current age? Or do you two have differing views on the current relationship (You: acquantince, Her: Bestest bud evah!).

Usual FOFC Response: Meet her face to face and get into a drag-down-knockout catfight while wearing tear away wrestling clothing. Make sure there is a lot of hair tossing and minimal mud. And pixplsthx!

[Senator]

I would go with the reverse-stalk. Get the info about her and turn the tables. Communicate with her. Watch her. Be-come....her.

[terpkristin]

Originally Posted by Antmeister

Serious Response: Am I missing something? It seems you have gotten along in the past if you used to hang out once in a while. Is it the fact that you have outgrown each other and can't relate to her at this current age? Or do you two have differing views on the current relationship (You: acquantince, Her: Bestest bud evah!).

I think it's more the latter. I'm not sure I could ever 100% relate to her, she skipped 2 grades in school and was therefore 2 years younger than everybody else, and always immature, if not in attitude in....well, life. I can't describe it very well, and if I met her now for the first time, it probably wouldn't matter, but when you're in high school, it's a different matter.

However, with some googling around, I think she considered me one of her closest friends then, and probably wants to re-kindle that, whereas I thought of her as a peer...

And, even if I WAS originally interested in meeting back up (I wasn't), the stalker-ish-ness of it all really creeps me out now. I don't want to sound totally mean, or like a total bee-yatch, but it's seriously weirding me out, I kinda just want to tell her to leave me the heck alone.

/tk

[Spree]

Originally Posted by Senator

I would go with the reverse-stalk. Get the info about her and turn the tables. Communicate with her. Watch her. Be-come....her.

Yeah, I'd say the Single White Female approach is the best route to take.

[Poli]

I thought this was about me when I saw the thread title.

[TCY Junkie]

Tell her you don't have room in your life for any more stalkers.

[Izulde]

I wonder if she has Ani DiFranco, Bikini Kill and Indigo Girls in heavy rotation

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by Spree

So, you'd rather skip having coffee with a woman who seems to have an interest in you, and stay home and continue your FOF dynasty with the Dolphins?

Sorry. Why not give it a shot? Worst that could happen is a wasted afternoon, and afterwards at least she'll have her fill of terpkristen and probably won't contact you for awhile, which is what you want.

Edit: Was under the impression that terpkristin was male. This is a football forum, right?

Assuming I was tk and male (I think mine is the FOF dynasty you're alluding to here), I might or might not give this girl a chance. It depends on if her clinginess creeped me out or not.

[Spree]

I said the Dolphins because, even in Madden's Franchise Mode, you have a hell of a lot of work to do in turning Miami around.

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by Spree

I said the Dolphins because, even in Madden's Franchise Mode, you have a hell of a lot of work to do in turning Miami around.

*sigh* Tell me about it.

[terpkristin]

Originally Posted by Izulde

I wonder if she has Ani DiFranco, Bikini Kill and Indigo Girls in heavy rotation

Um, I'm guessing yes. She is a lesbian, though as far as I know has been in a strong relationship for 10+ years. Her homosexuality does not bother me in the least, one of my closest friends is a lesbian. Though I'm straight, being a female in the aerospace industry and growing up a tomboy, I've ended up hanging out with all types, from all walks of life and all interests.

What's really bothering me here is how much she's been trying to get in touch with me. Male or female, it's disturbing.

/tk

[terpkristin]

Originally Posted by Poli

I thought this was about me when I saw the thread title.

HAHAHA. Actually, I haven't gotten a call from you (drunk OR sober) in quite awhile, nor have I seen you on AIM when I've been on. We must take some time at some point to catch up.

/tk

[Spree]

Originally Posted by Izulde

*sigh* Tell me about it.

Okay. They finished in the bottom 10 in defense and offense in 2007, and became one of only seven teams in history to finish 1-15. They averaged over 70,000 in attendance per game, but most people just showed up at the stadium to witness first-hand a historically awful team. What's worse, they play in a substandard media market, their potential fan base only as big as Cleveland, Minnesota, or Arizona.

Oh, wait, it's just an expression.

[Autumn]

I think the others (some of them) are right. Coming straight out and saying you're not interested in keeping in contact is going to be necessary. With people like this, anything less than that isn't enough to get the message across. And I don't think you have to feel mean. There's no reason you have to be interested in chatting with her just becuase you're both on the Internets.

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by terpkristin

Um, I'm guessing yes. She is a lesbian, though as far as I know has been in a strong relationship for 10+ years. Her homosexuality does not bother me in the least, one of my closest friends is a lesbian. Though I'm straight, being a female in the aerospace industry and growing up a tomboy, I've ended up hanging out with all types, from all walks of life and all interests.

What's really bothering me here is how much she's been trying to get in touch with me. Male or female, it's disturbing.

/tk

Yeah, I figured as much. My experiences with the psychotic lesbian-stalker type indicate the following two things:

1) She likely wants to get with you and I mean -get- with you.
2) It only reinforces my belief you need to tell her directly to leave you alone. You may have to do this more than once, incidentally.

[Balldog]

Is she hott?

[TCY Junkie]

Is she bi?

[Lorena]

I was gonna say meet up with her and when you both sit down for coffee, ram your tongue in her ear to scare her off, but now that I know she's lesbian, that tactic won't work.

On a serious note, just be straightforward with her. No sense in dragging this further and cause additional stress in your life.

[Spree]

Originally Posted by Izulde

1) She likely wants to get with you and I mean -get- with you.

I like how people have such low self-esteem that they'll automatically assume the reason someone likes them is because they want to fuck them.

[Buccaneer]

Be mean.

[TCY Junkie]

Originally Posted by Lorena

On a serious note, just be straightforward with her. No sense in dragging this further and cause additional stress in your life.

Plus it only makes the stalker more stalkerish if you don't answer them, I'm guessing.

[jeff061]

Originally Posted by Spree

I like how people have such low self-esteem that they'll automatically assume the reason someone likes them is because they want to fuck them.

Are there people out there this determined to strike up a platonic relationship?

[TCY Junkie]

Yes, there is one at fuddruckers

[samifan24]

I would just probably meet with her once to be nice, then tell her how busy you are, etc. Then I would just continue not responding to her messages and maybe she'll finally get the idea.

As an aside, you do know that you can create an almost totally invisible Facebook profile which can't be searched, right? You could have Facebook and this stalker chick and your co-workers would never know. Facebook has pretty good security settings if you'd like to use the site but are wary about doing so.

[SFL Cat]

E-mail her a link to this thread.

[Racer]

I would go with the truth.

[Lorena]

Originally Posted by Racer

I would go with the truth.

SHE CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!

[Spree]

Originally Posted by jeff061

Are there people out there this determined to strike up a platonic relationship?

LOL, Good point.

[Senator]

Originally Posted by jeff061

Are there people out there this determined to strike up a platonic relationship?

Hare Krishna's?

[Rizon]

Tell her she can email me. I could use a stalker about now.

[Suburban Rhythm]

Originally Posted by samifan24

As an aside, you do know that you can create an almost totally invisible Facebook profile which can't be searched, right? You could have Facebook and this stalker chick and your co-workers would never know. Facebook has pretty good security settings if you'd like to use the site but are wary about doing so.

Never been a FB user and never will. But having an invisible profile, isn't that pretty 180 degrees of what the site is supposed to be for?

As for the thread itself, obviously hints aren't working. So, outright telling her might be the only way (if there is a way) to make it end.

[samifan24]

Originally Posted by Suburban Rhythm

Never been a FB user and never will. But having an invisible profile, isn't that pretty 180 degrees of what the site is supposed to be for?

No, not really. Facebook is a social networking site no matter how you choose to use it. I think tweaking the security settings for your account simply means tweaking whom you want to network with.

[Shkspr]

Originally Posted by SFL Cat

E-mail her a link to this thread.

If Stalker Girl is halfway competent, she's already seen the thread.

[Passacaglia]

Originally Posted by Shkspr

If Stalker Girl is halfway competent, she's already seen the thread.

Yeah, but chances are she thinks TK is talking about someone else.

[Autumn]

Originally Posted by Passacaglia

Yeah, but chances are she thinks TK is talking about someone else.

Yeah, she'll want to commiserate with you. "What, a psycho lesbian stalker is bugging you? That's awful. Why don't we meet for coffee and you can tell me all about it. Or we could meet at your house. I'm already there."

[oliegirl]

Have you thought about just being honest with her? Tell her that while it was nice to hear from her, you really are not interested in "re-connecting" with friends from high school in general, and that your friendship in high school was not really strong enough to resurrect at this point.

I'd think being straightforward, but not cruel about the situation would be the easiest way to resolve it. Also, at that point, if she doesn't listen, you can at least say "Look, I tried to be nice about it but you didn't get it, so I'll be blunt...leave me alone, don't contact me, I have nothing to say to you".

[Desnudo]

Tell her you've been real busy and don't have time for anything, but you'll be in touch. Then burn her house down.

[korme]

Originally Posted by Spree

So, you'd rather skip having coffee with a woman who seems to have an interest in you, and stay home and continue your FOF dynasty with the Dolphins?

Sorry. Why not give it a shot? Worst that could happen is a wasted afternoon, and afterwards at least she'll have her fill of terpkristen and probably won't contact you for awhile, which is what you want.

Edit: Was under the impression that terpkristin was male. This is a football forum, right?

[korme]

Originally Posted by Spree

I like how people have such low self-esteem that they'll automatically assume the reason someone likes them is because they want to fuck them.

That's the only reason I am friends with the girls that I am.

[flere-imsaho]

Originally Posted by Spree

Sorry. Why not give it a shot? Worst that could happen is a wasted afternoon, and afterwards at least she'll have her fill of terpkristen and probably won't contact you for awhile, which is what you want.

Edit: Was under the impression that terpkristin was male. This is a football forum, right?

Originally Posted by terpkristin

Um, I'm guessing yes. She is a lesbian, though as far as I know has been in a strong relationship for 10+ years.

Originally Posted by korme

[Celeval]

Originally Posted by Antmeister

Usual FOFC Response: Meet her face to face and get into a drag-down-knockout catfight while wearing tear away wrestling clothing. Make sure there is a lot of hair tossing and minimal mud. And pixplsthx!

Are you kidding??? This is TK we're talking about, she'd be in a cast for months.

[Antmeister]

Originally Posted by Celeval

Are you kidding??? This is TK we're talking about, she'd be in a cast for months.

LOL! Okay, I am almost crying here. I would love to see blog photos of her new injuries after the meeting with the pseudo-stalker.

[Pumpy Tudors]

Well, TK, my wife just asked me to tell you that she's sorry, and she won't be trying to contact you anymore. You should be OK now.

[Anthony]

isn't it easy to just continue ignoring her? its not like you're gonna run into her too frequently? i can easily avoid people online. i don't think you should feel compelled to do anything. you can always delete emails. the only time you have to confront a potential issue is if they ring your doorbell. anything else - emails, blog comments or phone calls - can be easily ignored/avoided/deleted.

one thing i don't like about Facebook is their chat feature. i just accepted a friend request from someone i knew in high school, last time i spoke to him was '95. then as i was looking at some things on Facebook i got a chat message from that same guy. i had two responses, one being "blast from the waaay past" and the other was "take care bro, we'll keep in touch" and i quickly logged off. see, how hard is that?

[terpkristin]

Originally Posted by Anthony

isn't it easy to just continue ignoring her? its not like you're gonna run into her too frequently? i can easily avoid people online. i don't think you should feel compelled to do anything. you can always delete emails. the only time you have to confront a potential issue is if they ring your doorbell. anything else - emails, blog comments or phone calls - can be easily ignored/avoided/deleted.

Without a doubt, it's easy enough to delete stuff, but with the increased frequency of messages in my inbox from her, plus her tweet, just makes me think I should put an end to it all.

I just really feel like a bee-yatch for having no real other reason not to "get back in touch" other than that I just really don't want to. I mean yes, the fact that she must be googling my online name is creepy, since it's not like I ever announced that I joined Twitter, except here (and posts here don't come up on Google in the first few pages that I've found), but...it alone doesn't feel like a good enough excuse. She was kinda weird back then, and seems still weird now. It's not like she and I are in circles where we'd run into eachother, depsite the fact that we're both in Northern VA. I'm just not interested, and that seems like a lame excuse, too.

/tk