It Rhymes With Puke-2003-2004 Season (A Duke Anti-Dynasty)

[WussGawd]

Fans of the Dynasty, you can find the first year of our story here.


8 April 2003


Charlotte Fishwrap-Times


Coach K Leaves Duke to become Coach/GM of the NBA Charlotte Thunder


Sources have confirmed that a 12:30 PM Press Conference announced by the Charlotte Thunder will introduce Mike Kryszewski as the new head coach and general manager of the NBA's Charlotte Thunder, to commence with the end of the 2002-2003 NBA Regular Season.

Wuss Gawd, assistant coach at Duke, is simultaneously expected to be announced as the new Duke Men's Basketball coach.



Excerpts from the Duke 3:00 PM Press Conference to announce the resignation of Coach K, and the subsequent hiring of Wuss Gawd, the new Duke basketball coach.


Reporter #1: Coach Gawd, do you intend to retain most of the coaching staff here at Duke from Coach K's previous regime."

Wuss Gawd: (grinning widely). "Well, Ed, as you know, these guys are under contract. That being said, I will do what I can to help further these guys careers. If they want to stay, I'll be happy to have them for lunch, in a white wine sauce with shallots, he thought. If they want to leave, I certainly won't stand in their way."

Reporter #2: "Mr. Gawd, what changes do you envision for this team from Coach K's?"

Wuss Gawd: (smirking) "Thanks, Cindy. Great question. First, and let me emphasize, my main goal is to give the fans, alumni, sponsors, and students the kind of program they so deeply deserve."

"We will recruit athletes that represent the best of what Duke has to offer and we will put together teams that will bring Duke basketball to a whole new level."

Reporter #3: "Mr. Gawd, Duke basketball is already an elite program. How can you expect to do much more?"

Wuss Gawd: (grinning evilly) "Dan, thanks for the question. Yes, Duke is a great program, one of the two or three best. But I firmly believe that with the athletes I will bring in and the coaches we have in place, we can take the program to places its never been before."

[WussGawd]

OK. Time to get down to serious business. Time to bring an end to the Duke Dynasty.

Make no mistake about it, I have a lot of work ahead. Here's the damage to my plans wrought by the last year of Coach K:

Final Record: 30-7 overall, 15-4 in the ACC
ACC Tournament: Runner-up, lost to North Carolina in Championship Game
Postseason: Elite Eight, NCAA Tournament. Lost to Eventual Runner-up Michigan State
Program Prestige: 80 (Very High)
Recruting Class, 2002-2003 Season: Ranked #4 out of 320 schools.
Players Drafted into NBA: 3


Now, let's take a look at the coaching Staff

The ratings for the assistants in order are as follows:
Offensive Skills, Defensive Skills, Rebounding, Ball Handling, Athleticism, Evaluating Current Ability, Evaluating Future Potential, Recruiting Skill

For the trainer, there is only one rating, which is Player Conditioning and Recovery.

Afterward, I will list their ambition rating, which measures their likelihood to take another job.


Assistant Head Coach Ray Anderson: Exc, Exc, Good, Exc, Exc, Exc, Good, Exc, Ambition: Medium

Assistant Coach Albert Whitworth: Exc, Good, Good, Exc, Good, Good, Avg, Good, Ambition: Medium

Assistant Coach Shawn White: Avg, Avg, Good, Good, Good, Good, Good, Good, Ambition: Very High

Trainer Mark Curry: Average

And now for the first interactive poll of the dynasty.

Yes, it's the 2003 edition of the "Shuffling Deck Chairs on the Titanic" Pool.

Which of the three assistant coaches is likely bail out on Lifeboat #4 along with Lord and Lady Gordon? Which assistant coach will leave first and why?

Post your reason, and your anti-Duke comment, and we'll tally the poll up tomorrow morning, at 7 AM or so Arizona Time.

[JeeberD]

Anderson's the first one gone. He's too damn good to stick around on a sinking ship...

Christian Laettner sucks!

[WussGawd]

OK. Including my own, both of us predict that Ray Anderson will be the first one gone.


Now let's look at our squad and get a feel for our training settings for the year. TDCB allows you to allocate 45 hours a week into study time, practice, conditioning, etc. Here's our chance to really, really mess up the talent. Let's start by position to look at each of the players who will undoubtedly.

Point Guard:

Roy House, 5'11" 150 lb. Sophomore, GPA 3.44.
Notable Strengths: Quickness, 3 Point Shot, Conditioning
Weaknesses: Jumping, Inside and Medium Range shooting, Awareness
Probable Role: Backup PG, Limited Minutes off the bench.

The thing that disappoints me about Roy is his conditioning. He hasn't been able to break a 4 minute mile in weeks. I think it's much more important for him to become the team's Frank Shorter than to be able to hit a 15 foot jumper. So I max out conditioning for him.

And what's this with the 3.44 GPA? With more work, I know Roy can pull that up to a 4.00. So 10 hours of study hall a week seems reasonable. We wouldn't want to risk Roy's shot at Phi Beta Kappa after all.

On the other hand, Roy's court awareness is fine. Why do we need a point guard who has a sense of where his teammates are on the floor. We don't want that, he might find somebody open for a good shot. No scrimmages for you, Roy!

Courtney Lyles, 6'2" 162 lb Freshman point guard, GPA NA.
Strengths: Awareness, Shooting, Ballhandling, Passing, basically, he's a f***ing nightmare.
Weaknesses: Strength, Endurance, Rebounding.
Probable Role: Starting point guard, college star.

My best hope with Courtney is that he might leave after a year or two for the NBA. I will keep him short-winded (no endurance or conditiong time), and give him no study time. With luck, I can keep him academically ineligible.


Shooting Guards:

Mayce Puzey: 6'2", 156 pound junior, GPA 2.06
Strengths: Shooting, Awareness, Passing, Quickness, Jumping
Weaknesses: Not a good ballhandler, or defender. Poor conditioning and strength
Probable Role: Starter

My best hope with Mayce is to keep him off the floor by flunking out. Mayce, buddy, let's talk. Remember those study halls Coach K kept sending you to? Fuhgetaboutit. No more study halls. How's that? And all that running and weightlifting you do? Waste of time. Keep working on your shooting son. And if you could develop a coke habit it would be real helpful, ok?

Derricus Granger: 6'4", 169 lb. freshman, GPA NA
Strengths: Awareness, Passing, shooting, ball handling, defense, another member of a freshman class I'm really beginning to hate.
Weaknesses: Small mammals that eat the eggs.
Probable Role: Significant minutes off the bench, a threat to steal the starting job.

Again, I can't do training camp settings for him this year, but if I could, I'd keep Derricus weak and try to lower his study time to threaten academic eligibility.

Kenyon Wright: 6'4" 178 lb. freshman, GPA NA
Strengths: Good all around skills
Weaknesses: No particularly eye popping skills. Court Awareness, particularly on defense.
Probable Role: Limited minutes.

Our main goal will be to keep Kenyon from developing his shot in future years, and try to mess with him academically.

Next Up: Frontcourt

[WussGawd]

Duke 2003-2004: Frontcourt


Small Forwards:

Cuonzo Owens: 6'5" 172 lb. Sophomore, GPA 3.72
Strengths: Awareness, Ball Handling, Defense, Quickness
Weaknesses: Three Point Shooting, Strength, Small Dinosaurs that eat the eggs.
Probable Role: Starter, College Star, likely early entrant NBA draft

There isn't a whole lot of damage I can do to Cuonzo. He was a starter last year, and should see more minutes now that he's the BMOC.

"Cuonzo, your game is complete, there's not much I can do for you. May I suggest, well, son, the Clippers are in serious need of a shooting guard."


Alton Lang: 6'8", 229 lb. sophomore, GPA 1.99
Strengths: Defense, Awareness, Ballhandling, can create own shot.
Weaknesses: Will usually miss his own shot, Strength, Passing, Shooting, ACADEMICS
Probable Role: Backup SF, if he stays eligible.

Alton played only 15 games last year as a reserve on the end of the bench. He missed a good chunk of the season with bad grades. With any luck, I'll see to it he's ineligible for the season.

"Alton, son. I want you to know that if I *ever* see you in Study Hall, I will cut you from the team. Do you understand?"


Power Forwards


Scott Brand: 6'7" 195 lb. redshirt freshman, GPA 3.74
Strengths: Passing, shooting, awareness, jumping, quickness. Another one of our disgustingly good freshmen.
Weaknesses: Has yet to perfect the ability to walk on water.
Probable Role: Starter, college star.

I wash my hands on this one. He's too well developed for me to screw up. Pray for early entrance into the NBA draft.


Tom Davis: 6'6" 179 lb. redshift freshman, GPA 2.36
Strengths: Passing, decent all around skills
Weaknesses: Endurance, Academics
Probable Role: Backup PF

"Tom, you are a good kid, but you really need to focus on your passing skills. I don't want you studying. I want you to spend all the time you can on your passing skills...and no running."

Kris Robinson: 6'6" 167 lb. freshman, GPA NA
Strengths: Just about everything
Weaknesses: Ballhandling, Endurance

Another member of our disgustingly good incoming recruits. Gawd, I hate our freshmen.


Next up, Centers.

[DataKing]

I hear Ray Anderson has gone into a horrible fit of depression now that Coach K has left the program. I wouldn't be surprised if he were to take his own life any day now.

I'm looking forward to the day when the Blue Devils are forced to sing the blues.

[WussGawd]

Duke 2003-2004 Roster

Centers:


Brad Braswell: 6'10" 251 lb Junior, GPA 3.87
Strengths: Everything except three point shooting
Weaknesses: None Really
Probable Role: Starter, College Star, probable early entrant to NBA Draft

I throw up my hands on Brad. I can't screw him up, no matter how much I might want to.


Tony Haginas: 6'8" 237 lb. Redshirt Freshman, GPA 3.09
Strengths: Shooting, Strength, Court Awareness
Weaknesses: Ball Handling, Conditioning.
Probable Role: End of the bench

"Tony, boy. You need to bulk up. No running laps, no miles. In fact, here, eat this bag of Cheetos. Do you smoke? No? OK, start. And while we're at, no ball-handling drills. Thanks, son."


Mike Cole: 6'8" 232 lb. True Freshman, GPA NA
Strengths: Pretty much everything.
Weaknesses: Three point shot
Probable role: Backup Center

Mike is another one I throw my hands up on. He'd start on most teams in Div I, and is already better than Tony Haginas. Basically, he's gong to haunt me for a few years.

[WussGawd]

Coaching Change

The following item made it into the Inbox today:

"Well, it seems your ability as head coach and teacher has paved the way for promising assistant Ray Anderson. He has just accepted a position as the new head coach of Western Carolina. While we wish him the best of luck, we need to focus back on our program. Therefore, you will need to replace his spot on the staff before proceeding.

Duke Athletic Director
On behalf of the School Board"


So Ray Anderson was the first casualty...


The Second Annual "Shuffling Deck Chairs on the Titanic" Pool

The hiring of Ray Anderson leaves us with the 2nd "Shuffling Deck Chairs on the Titanic Pool"

First, our new Hire:

Eric Strong, Assistant Head Coach, 39. Ratings: Good, Excellent, Excellent, Excellent, Good, Good, Good, Excellent, Ambition: Medium

And our returning Assistant Coaches:

Assistant Coach Albert Whitworth: Exc, Good, Good, Exc, Good, Good, Avg, Good, Ambition: Medium

Assistant Coach Shawn White: Avg, Avg, Good, Good, Good, Good, Good, Good, Ambition: Very High

Go ahead and submit your picks for the 2nd Shuffling Deck Chairs on the Titanic" Pool and we'll tally them on Tuesday Morning.

[WussGawd]

Scouting and Scheduling


Scouting


The Top recruiting service this year appears to be Basket Bytes. Since I have no compunction about spending the Pukies' money, I happily hire them...after all, I wouldn't want a guy I recruited as a 1-star Diaper After Stewed Prunes Dandy to turn into a hidden gem.


Schedule

Duke Results 



Date  IP Rank  .400 Rank  CRI  Opponent  Record  Score  W/L   

11/13/03  10  12  -  Stanford  0-0  -  -  

11/20/03  23  21  -  Providence  0-0  -  -  

11/22/03  -  -  -  SW Texas State  0-0  -  -  

11/25/03  -  -  -  Georgia  0-0  -  -  

11/29/03  -  -  -  @Dayton  0-0  -  -  

12/4/03  -  -  -  Belmont  0-0  -  -  

12/6/03  -  -  -  Ball State  0-0  -  -  

12/8/03  -  -  -  @South Alabama  0-0  -  -  

12/12/03  25  22  -  @California  0-0  -  -  

12/18/03  -  -  -  Hofstra  0-0  -  -  

12/19/03  -  -  -  @James Madison  0-0  -  -  

12/25/03  -  -  -  Mississippi St.  0-0  -  -  

12/26/03  -  -  -  South Carolina St.  0-0  -  -  

12/29/03  -  -  -  @Clemson  0-0  -  -  

1/3/04  9  10  -  Maryland  0-0  -  -  

1/8/04  -  25  -  Wake Forest  0-0  -  -  

1/10/04  -  -  -  Florida State  0-0  -  -  

1/15/04  17  19  -  North Carolina  0-0  -  -  

1/18/04  -  -  -  @N.C. State  0-0  -  -  

1/22/04  -  -  -  @Georgia Tech  0-0  -  -  

1/26/04  -  -  -  Georgia Tech  0-0  -  -  

2/1/04  -  -  -  N.C. State  0-0  -  -  

2/7/04  17  19  -  @North Carolina  0-0  -  -  

2/11/04  -  -  -  Clemson  0-0  -  -  

2/14/04  15  13  -  Virginia  0-0  -  -  

2/16/04  -  25  -  @Wake Forest  0-0  -  -  

2/20/04  9  10  -  @Maryland  0-0  -  -  

2/26/04  -  -  -  @Florida State  0-0  -  -  

2/27/04  15  13  -  @Virginia  0-0  -  -  

[BFleming]

I will not rest, nor stop reading until the Duke football team is the most successful game in town....That is, 1-10 football season vs. 0-31 college ball...I almost feel bad for the Cameron Crackheads...nevermind, that was just gas

[JeeberD]

I'm thinking that your new hire will be the next to go. Strong looks really good.

And speaking of...why did you hire such a good coach? You get to choose who the new coaches are, don't you? Or are you just assigned new ones?

[tucker342]

My question is, how are you going to stop from being fired? Since I don't think you can turn off firings, can you?

[WussGawd]

Originally posted by JeeberD
I'm thinking that your new hire will be the next to go. Strong looks really good.

And speaking of...why did you hire such a good coach? You get to choose who the new coaches are, don't you? Or are you just assigned new ones?

Well, technically he left during the 2002-03 season, which I was actually trying to make a go of as the old coach.

I can fire a new coach every 2 seasons, and will be exercising that option next year. Basically, if he doesn't leave, I'll fire him.

[WussGawd]

Originally posted by tucker342
My question is, how are you going to stop from being fired? Since I don't think you can turn off firings, can you?

Actually, you can shut off hirings/firings of head coaches...don't know what effect that has on assistants though. I haven't switched it on yet, but that switch can be flipped at any time (unlike in TCY, where it's set in stone the moment you start a particular game). So don't worry, like Captain Smith, I'll be around long enough to see to it that this ship hits rock bottom.

[WussGawd]

Gentlemen, it has come to my attention that Duke University practices discriminatory recruiting practices. I know, it's shocking. It shocked me. In fact, I couldn't sleep for a week after finding out what a monstrous organization I now work for.

Yes, it's true, Duke does have minority student-athletes, and even a couple of different sexual orientation (no, don't bother asking which ones), but I am disgusted to learn that not one member of our athletic department has an SAT score less than 1000. Not one! How can this be?

I have discovered, as well, that Duke apparently will only recruit student-athletes that are talented (our football program notwithstanding). As you can imagine, this deeply disappoints my generally egalitarian views.

I can tell you, folks, to quote my man Bob Dylan, the times, they are a changin'. Here at Duke University, on the men's basketball team, we will not discriminate against student-athletes, regardless of their race, creed, gender, species, intellect, or talent. We *will* begin to recruit athletes with the brains of a small bowl of fruit. We *will* recruit basketball players that can only dribble fruit juice out of a sippy cup. We will recruit players that can't spell their name, and we will recruit players that can't jump, shoot, pass or dribble.

Yes, folks, at Duke, we will make you proud to realize that anybody can play basketball on scholarship at Duke.

But folks, I am here to tell you that this is not enough. We have had an adverse impact on the class of people that are both clumsy and dumber than a box of rocks. Therefore, I am pleased to announce the creation of the "Sharp as a Butter Knife" scholarship.

Every year, I will recruit one player with a GPA less than 2 who plays basketball not quite as well as my cat. So it is with great pleasure that I announce the 2003-2004 Sharp as a Butter Knife Scholarship candidates:

[WussGawd]

2003-2004 Sharp as a Butter Knife Scholarship Candidates:

Since our needs are at center, our three candidates are centers:


Ricky Jefferson
6'11" 229 lb, 1.91 GPA
Strengths: None, really
Weaknesses: Offense, Defense, Ball Handling, Potential
Rating: 1-Star
High School Stats: 5.6 PPG, 3.3 RPG. 34.5% FG%, 55% FT%
Outstanding Achievements: Recently learned to tie his shoes. Successfully navigating his senior year with a 1.0 Grade Average.


Michael Walcutt
6'8" 195 lb, 1.84 GPA
Strengths: None
Weaknesses, Defense, Ball Handling, Rebounding, Potential
Rating: 2-Star
High School Stats: 5.5 PPG, 1.1 RPG, 45.9% FG%, 65.1% FT%
Outstanding Achievements: Now can pronouce most two syllable words.


Flye Collier
7'0" 227 lb, 1.93 GPA
Strengths: None
Weaknesses: Offense, Rebounding, Potential
Rating: 1-Star
High School Stats: 7.6 PPG, 7.7 RPG, 0% FG%, 78% FT%
Outstanding Achievements: Breathing.


*****
We also lightly recruit a number of shooting guards to fill the other of our two scholarships. Onto the hoops for the week.

[WussGawd]

Week 1: November 10-16, 2003


Duke begins the season ranked #1 in both polls, not shocking in light of the quality of the first recruiting class and the #4 finish at the end of last year.


#10 Stanford vs. #1 Duke, November 13, 2003:


Duke is invited to the Great Alaska Shootout, where they face #10 Stanford on Thursday, November 13, in the first Round. Duke is a slight favorite according to .400 Sports.

The game is not even close. Duke rolls to a 44-32 lead at the half, and pummels Stanford 90-68. Five Duke players finish in double figures, and ten players rack up at least a deuce. Duke outrebounded the Trees 34-27, and shot 57% from the field.

Ouch.

Duke will take on Texas, which absolutely destroyed NC State 100-46.


#1 Duke vs. #8 Texas, November 14, 2003:


Duke rebounded from a 37-34 halftime deficit to beat Texas 82-73. Macey Puzey leads all Duke scores with 18, while shooting guard Dan Kolder of Texas scored 20. The key was Duke shooting 9 of 20 from three point range, and 32 of 59 from the field.

Damn.

Duke will face Mississippi in the final. Mississippi first beat UMass 85-70, then beat Providence 67-53 to reach the final.


#1 Duke vs. #12 Mississippi, November 15, 2003:


As with Texas, Duke leaves the court at the break trailing, this time 46-39. Again, as with Texas, Duke comes back, outscoring Mississippi 42-26 in the second half to win 81-72.

Both teams put four players into double figures. The game was won at the foul line, as Duke shot 16 of 20 from the charity stripe versus a paltry 7 of 9 from the Rebels.

Tragically, Duke wins the Great Alaska Shootout.

[WussGawd]

Week 2 Recruiting and Games


Sharp as a Butter Knife Scholarship Update:


Ricky Jefferson, nitwit and center nobody wants, visits along with fellow sharp as a butter knife candidate Michael Walcutt. The rumors that they were lost for several hours on campus are simply not true, though we did find Ricky in the library on the second floor curled up in a fetal position whimpering.

While he visited, Ricky spent several hours with our coed, Linda, touring the campus...no really...well, ok, at least they toured the inside of Linda's dorm room, but what do I care.

I made a scholarship offer to Ricky, and explained at great length that it would be wise not to use crayon to complete the necessary letter of intent form as crayon is hard to read when faxed. I also demonstrated the difference between writing "b" and "d" to help him with completing the form.

I also made an offer to the worst player who is interested in playing for Duke, a disgustingly good shooting guard from New York named Chris Woni.


#11 Providence at #1 Duke, Thursday 11/20/03

Providence is heavily favored by the oddsmakers, despite playing on the road. Hopefully, Vegas is right on this one.

Sure enough, the odds makers were right. The game was tied 31 all at halftime, but Duke left their game in the locker room at the start of the second half, as Duke got outscored 41-26 in the second half to lose 72-57. One pair of stats will explain the loss:

Duke: 26 of 70 from the field, 2 of 25 from the 3 point arc. Macey Puzey led all scorers with 17, but most tellingly, he was the only Duke player in double figures.

Duke drops to 3-1 with the loss, and undoubtedly drops from the #1 Ranking.


Southwest Texas State at #1 Duke, Thursday, 11/22/03

Duke should have no problem with this team. The game could get ugly, particularly in light of Duke's desire to bounce back from the disappointing Providence loss.

Sure enough, it is a rout. Duke wins 90-63 in a game that wasn't even that close. Cuonzo Owens, junior small forward pours in 23. Duke forces 18 turnovers and out rebounds SW Texas State 39-19. Duke climbs to 4-1 overall.

[Kodos]

I sure hope we can get Walcutt to come to Duke. He looks positively stellar!

[WussGawd]

Week 3 Recruiting and Games


Recruiting Wars:


Good news...all of my Sharp as a Butter Knife Scholarship candidates now consider Duke their #1 choice for a scholarship.

Flye Collier, the third of the scholarship candidates visited last week. He apparently has a geeky obsession with shiny objects. Gave him a handful of pocket change and he spent the next two hours playing with it and looking at his reflection in the coins, smiling inanely. He says he'd like to come to Duke, but only if he can get plenty of "shineys."

Chris Woni, three star shooting guard and the worst player who has actively expressed a desire to go to Duke also visits. We give him "the other tour." We show him the steam plant, a tour of our maintenance facilities, give him a tour of every restroom on campus and tell him how impressed we are with North Carolina...sadly, he's still interested in Duke at the end, so my 1-star shooting guard beauties may be left at the altar.


#25 Georgia at #2 Duke, Tuesday, November 25, 2003


Happily, Jim Harrick is not the coach at virtual Georgia, so no academic problems to forfeit the game to me here.

Duke is a slim favorite over Georgia, mainly based on bench strength.

Unfortunately, it's not as close as the oddsmakers think. Duke takes a 39-29 lead, and cruises to an easy 81-60 win. Both teams shoot terribly, but the game is won and lost on the boards as Duke outrebounds the Bulldogs 52-32.

Duke climbs to 5-1.


#2 Duke at Dayton


Duke is heavily favored against the Flyers to climb to 6-1.

Sure enough, it isn't close. Duke rolls to a 50-11 halftime lead, then puts it on cruise control. Final Score: Duke 100, Dayton 45.

As might be expected, the Blue Devils dominate in every category. Owens leads all scorers with 21, Lyles has 8 points and 12 assists, Braswell has a double-double, with 16 points and 16 rebounds.

Duke finishes the week at 6-1.

[WussGawd]

Week 4 Recruiting and Games


The week begins by learning that sadly, all of my players are still academically eligible, despite my efforts. Grr.

Mel Lawson and D.J. Tahid, two of the 1-star shooting guard beauties in the bridesmaid role in case Woni commits elsewhere tour the campus. Either one would probably come to Duke in a heartbeat, but per the house rules, I have to make one offer to a player who begins with an interest in Duke. Both of them are impressed with the campus. Amazingly, they only get lost once, though Mel Lawson calls 911 to be found again.


Belmont at #2 Duke, Thursday, December 4, 2003.


Duke is heavily favored over Belmont to climb to 7-1.

Sure enough, the Blue Devils roll. They take a 45-25 lead, and basically double it in the second half, 90-51.

Macey Puzey leads all scorers with 19 (including 4 of 6 treys), 5 Duke players wind up in double figures.

Duke climbs to 7-1. By now, my wife is hiding the sharp objects from me. The kids haven't spoken to me in weeks, and I can't blame them.


Ball State at #2 Duke, Saturday, December 6, 2003


The alma mater of David Letterman visits Cameron Indoor Stadium (why do they call a basketball arena a stadium, anyway. wtf is that?). Duke is projected to win in another laugher.

As expected, Duke rolls. After taking a 51-37 lead, Ball State collapses in the second half as Duke rolls to a 105-57 victory.

Duke climbs to 8-1. Do I even have kids anymore?

[Kodos]

Damn it! What's with all the damn winning?!?

[JeeberD]

Good job with trying to bribe Collier with the pocketchange. Maybe you need to report your infraction to the NCAA and put youself on probation. Nothing like no postseason and loss of scholarships to send a program down the toilet...

[Patman]

In my opinion, you should attempt to get all your star players doing incredibly good this year, since most likely there's no way you can sink the ship. Maybe they will leave for the NBA then.

Also, if i got a choice to vote for one of the 3 centers, I'd pick Flye because he has the coolest name

[WussGawd]

Originally posted by Patman
In my opinion, you should attempt to get all your star players doing incredibly good this year, since most likely there's no way you can sink the ship. Maybe they will leave for the NBA then.

This is my thought. A team as good as Duke carries with it the seeds of its own destruction. With 2 to 3 players leaving every year for the NBA, I should be able to replace the four and five star American Beauties with one star stinkweeds in short order, particularly for the next couple of years. It would not shock me to see Duke go from great to horrid in the space of a couple of seasons.

[WussGawd]

Week 5 Recruiting & Games

Happily, despite the two wins last week, Duke drops a spot in the polls from #2 to #3.


Recruiting

Not a lot of movement on the recruiting front, which kind of frightens me.


#3 Duke at South Alabama, Monday, December 8, 2003


Duke again rolls in a laugher, 81-49. Cuonzo Owens paces the scorers with 20 points on 9 of 15 from the field. Duke outrebounds South Alabama 39-21 and shoots a scorching 63% from the field.

Duke climbs to 9-1.


#3 Duke at California, Friday, December 12, 2003


California is a cut above much of the opposition I've been facing thus far. Perhaps they can give the Pukies a better game.

But, it was not to be. Duke takes a 9 point halftime lead, and coasts to victory, 86-73. Mayce Puzey leads all scorers with 17, as four Duke players score in double figures. Duke outrebounds Cal 41-28, and shoots 57% from the field in the victory, while holding Cal to 45%.

Duke climbs to 10-1.


At this point, I spend my days in a darkened office, unwilling to look at the harsh light of my failure. I let the assistants run the team while I recruit. Of course, this only worsens my mood, because the facts are my recruits are doing a better job with the team than I would. I need something to brighten my mood, to give me hope. Something, anything...

[WussGawd]

Week 6 Recruiting and Games


It has always been my experience in life that good things come with bad. This has certainly become the case here. The good news comes in the mail. The envelope is crumpled up, and has the address written in, then crossed out, and then written in again in crayon. The letter is in worse condition.

"Dear Coach Gawb:"

I cumpleated the letter like you asked me to, but I coodn't figger how to use the faks mashine, so I'm sending you the ledder of camitment by mail. I luke forwerd to plaing for you nekst yeer.

Ricky."


The following recruits have verbally committed to Duke this week: C Ricky Jefferson - South Region (SC)

Basket Bytes
Scouting Service


Ricky certainly looks like the ideal version of what we are hoping for in this new era of Puke, er, Duke basketball.


Later, in the day, our star small forward, Cuonzo Owens, comes to the office, and we have the following exchange:

Cuonzo: "Coach?"

WG: "Yes, Cuonzo, what is it?"

C: "Can I talk to you for a moment?"

WG: "It's your dime, well, fifty cents, anyway."

C: "Coach, I've been thinking, and I believe I'm ready to go pro."

WG: "Uh, Cuonzo, I don't think you're the right sex for that. I believe the male term for that is gigolo. Besides, why would a kid with a 3.89 GPA want to do that anyway?"

C: (looking confused) "No coach, I mean I'm going to declare for the NBA Draft."

WG: (smiling broadly) "Oh, that's too bad..." (stifling laughter).

C: (looking confused) "You mean you're not upset?"

WG: (smiling) "Upset? Naw, Cuonzo. Go ahead, no problem. I'll have the SID schedule the press conference."

C: (beaming) "Thanks, coach."

As he closes the door, behind him, Cuonzo smiles. In the background, behind the closed office door, he hears a war whoop followed by "YES!"
********

All of a sudden, I think I can bear a few more wins this year.


*******
So now I need to recruit a small forward to go with a shooting guard and center. I look at a few more geeks with high academics and absolutely horrid basketball skills at the small forward spot. Unfortunately, it looks like 3 star shooting guard Chris Woni is going to take my other scholarship (he's the worst player interested in Duke).


On the basketball front, Duke climbs back to #2.


Hofstra at #2 Duke


Duke takes a 44-25 lead at the half, and rolls to an 80-48 win. Cuonzo Owens celebrates his impending draft into the NBA by scoring 27 points on 12 of 17 from the field.

Duke outrebounds Hofstra 46-17 and shoots 65% from the field in the win.


#2 Duke at James Madison


Perhaps Duke was looking past JMU to the start of the ACC conference schedule. Perhaps they were bored. Perhaps I'd been running them in 3 a day practices for a couple of weeks. Whatever the reason, JMU gave the Pukies a scare before falling 69-56.

As usual, we killed them on the boards, and at the line, where Duke shot 11 of 12 vs. 0 for 2 for JMU.

Duke finishes the week at 12-1...still, it's been a good one.

[WussGawd]

Week 7 Recruiting and Games

Duke remains at #2. Fellow ACC team Virginia now occupies the #1 spot.

Recruiting

Not much to report here. Still waiting form Woni to take or turn down the shooting guard scholarship, though he's making noises like he might go elsewhere now.

A couple of small forward stinkweeds visit, and I offer one of them Cuonzo's scholarship.


#6 Mississippi State at #2 Duke, Thursday, December 25, 2003


At last, a chance to lose a game, or so I thought. Prospects look even brighter as the Bulldogs take a 33-28 lead into the locker room. Unfortunately, their game never comes out of the locker room in the second half. Duke outscores Mississippi State 40-26 in the second half to win 68-59.

Cuonzo Owens again leads the scoring with 17 points, while Braswell has another triple double, with 12 points and 13 boards. The game is won on the boards, as Duke outrebounds Mississippi State 52-36. Both teams shoot poorly.

Duke climbs to 13-1.

On a positive note, freshman point guard Courtney Lyles pulls a hammy and is out for three to four weeks.


South Carolina State at #2 Duke, Friday, December 26, 2003


Duke rolls to a 50-20 halftime lead and then empties the bench as they win 83-64. Sophomore power forward Scott Brand scores 18 to pace Duke to the win (leading scorer overall was SC State PG Raymond Buller, who poured in 27) while Cuonzo Owens put up a double double, with 16 points and 11 boards.

Duke again dominated in all categories, as three players put up 16 or more.

Duke climbs to 14-1.

[WussGawd]

Week 8 Recruiting and Games


Duke climbs back to the #1 spot, despite Virginia's 12-0 record. Conference games begin this week.


Recruiting

No real action here. I continue to recruit a couple of one-star stinkweeds to fill Cuonzo Adams' small forward slot...both have me as their number one choice, so I should be able to add another terrible player to the end of the bench.


#1 Duke at Clemson, Monday, December 29, 2003


Duke has little difficulty in dispatching the Tigers, as they turn a 39-34 halftime lead into a 73-60 victory. Scott Brand narrowly missed a double-double with 17 points and 9 boards to lead all scorers. Duke outrebounded Clemson 44-25 and held them to 41% from the field to key the victory.

Duke climbs to 15-1 (1-0).


#17 Maryland at #1 Duke, Saturday, January 3, 2004


Duke struggles mightily with the Terps in the first half, and goes into the locker room trailing 36-40. In the second half, Duke rallies, outscoring Maryland 40-33 to win 76-73.

Cuonzo Owens puts up another double-double (18 points, 12 rebounds) to pace all scorers. Duke again wins this one on the boards, outrebounding Maryland 35-21.


Duke climbs to 16-1 (2-0).

[WussGawd]

Week 9 Recruiting and Games


Recruiting


All quiet on the recruiting front this week. I pay a visit and aggressively recruit both of our stinkweed small forward candidates, but other than that things are quiet.


#16 Wake Forest at #1 Duke, Thursday, January 8, 2004


Again, Duke has an easy time with a ranked opponent. This time, they take a 42-32 halftime lead and never look back, winning 82-71.

Derricus Granger scores 18 for us to lead the charge, while Wake Forest's Jamal Bremer lights us up with 28 in the loss.

Duke climbs to 17-1 (3-0).

Sadly, there's no way we won't win the ACC regular season title in my mind.


Florida State at #1 Duke, Saturday, January 10, 2004


Duke has little trouble with a terrible Florida State squad, rolling to a 47-27 halftime lead and putting on the cruise control to coast to an 81-67 victory.

Cuonzo Adams posts another double-double (15 points, 12 boards) to lead the change...thank Gawd he's going pro at the end of this year.

Duke finishes the week 18-1 (4-0).

[WussGawd]

Week 10 Recruiting and Games:


Duke completes the recruiting class, recruiting one-star small forward Leland Sanders from Tucson Salpointe in Tucson, AZ.

Here's a final look at the Duke Recruits who will begin stinking up Cameron Indoor Library with the 2004-2005 season:



Ricky Jefferson

Winner, 2003-2004 Sharp as a Butter Knife Scholarship
Position: Center
Vitals: 6'11", 229 lbs.
GPA: 1.91
High School: Spartanburg HS, Spartanburg, SC
Rating: 1 Star
Stats: 6.1 PPG, 2.6 RPG, 3.5 APG, 4.1 TOPG, 28.5% FG%, 55% FT%
Notable Accomplishments: Once actually scored in double figures this season. Can walk and chew gum at the same time with practice. Poor speller.


Chris Woni

Position: Shooting Guard
Vitals: 6'2", 176 lb.
GPA: 3.41
High School: Groton HS, Groton NY
Rating: 3 Stars
Stats: 9.2 PPG, 1.1 RPG, 4.7 APG, 5 TOPG, 40% FG%, 28% 3PT%, 69% FT%
Notable Accomplishments: Parents have dressed him in Duke paraphernalia since birth. Ugly, and his mother dresses him funny.


Leland Sanders

Position: Small Forward
Vitals: 6'5" 177 lb.
GPA: 3.05
High School: Salpointe HS, Tucson, AZ
Rating: 1 Star
Stats: 5.6 PPG, 2.5 RPG, 2.4 APG, 5.2 TOPG, 26.7% FG%, 55% FT%.
Notable Accomplishments: Got a scholarship from Duke, didn't he?


#4 North Carolina at #1 Duke, Thursday, January 15, 2004


Any hopes North Carolina might have of winning this one were dashed early. Duke took a 37-29 lead at the half, and cruised, winning 79-63. Brad Braswell posted a double-double (11 points, 10 boards). Duke again wins this one on the boards, outrebounding the Tar Heels 41-25.

Our season has now clearly entered the 9th Circle of Hell.


#1 Duke at NC State, Sunday, January 18, 2004


Duke leads the Wolfpack at 34-30 at halftime, and all of a sudden I have visions of upset losses dancing in my head. Tragically, the dream turns into a nightmare. Duke outscores NC State 46-19 in the second half and pasts NC State 80-49.

Cuonzo Owens leads the charge with 16. Duke dominates statistically, but one stat tells the story better than the rest. NC State 22 turnovers, Duke 9.

Duke finishes the week 20-1 (6-0).

I am in hell.

[WussGawd]

Week 11 Games


#1 Duke at Georgia Tech, Thursday, January 22, 2004


Duke absolutely rolls in this one, outscoring Georgia Tech 87-60. Cuonzo Owens chips in 22 (Ronald Patterson, SF for the Yellow Jackets had 24), while Scott Brand has a double-double (17 points, 12 rebounds).

Duke climbs to 21-1 (7-0)

[WussGawd]

Week 12 Games


Georgia Tech at #1 Duke, Monday, January 26, 2004


It's Tuesday morning. There's a spring in my step. The flowers smell more fragrant, the sun shines brighter, the birds sing, heck I even went home last night and had a good shag with Mrs. Gawd. Why, do you ask?

Because an absolutely mediocre Georgia Tech team beat the Pukies last night.

Things looked good at the half, with Duke clinging to a 37-36 lead. But Duke folded like a cloth napkin at the local steakhouse last night in the second half to lose 75-72.

Cuonzo Owens had 23 for Duke in his usual stellar effort, but Georgia Tech had four starters score in double figures including 2 with 21 points apiece. The looking stat in the game:

Turnovers:
Duke 21
Georgia Tech 11

Duke drops to 21-2 (7-1).


NC State at #1 Duke, Sunday, February 1, 2004


Sadly, all good things come to an end. The Wolfpack do an excellent job ending Duke's losing streak at 1. Duke wins 87-71.

Brad Braswell scores 18, and Cuonzo Owens has another double-double in the win (12 points, 10 boards. Adrian Ray of NC State leads all scorers with 22 in the losing effort.
Duke outrebounds the Wolfpack 45-25 to key the win.

Duke climbs to 22-2 (8-1).

[WussGawd]

Week 13 Games


#1 Duke at #14 North Carolina, Saturday, February 7, 2004


This may have been the most fun I've had since I became head coach. North Carolina takes an early lead and never lets go, winning 72-68.

Mayce Puzey leads Duke with 16, while the Tar Heels put four in double figures. Most notably, Cuonzo is a nonfactor, scoring only 6 points.

Duke drops to 22-3 (8-2).

[WussGawd]

Week 14 Games


Clemson at #1 Duke, Wednesday, February 11, 2004


Duke dominates the boards 55-33 and sleepwalks to a victory over the Tigers. Cuonzo Owens leads the Pukies with 12, while Brad Braswell posts a double-double (I0 points, 13 boards). Clemson shooting guard Abel Hearns led all scorers with 16.

Duke climbs to 23-3 (9-2).


#11 Virginia at #1 Duke, Saturday, February 14, 2004


Man, oh, man, oh man, am I beginning to have a negative effect on these guys. At the half Cavaliers lead 47-27. It doesn't get any better in the second half, as Virginia CLOBBERS Puke, 80-61.

Woohoo...man, I love the sweet-sour smell of a putrid loss. To celebrate, I have a couple of celebratory drinks and give the players Sunday off, much to their surprise.

Duke drops to 23-4 (9-3).

[WussGawd]

Week 15 Games

What the (censored) do I have to do to get rid of the #1 Ranking? I got clobbered by an unranked Georgia Tech team. I lose to North Carolina. I set back the progress of Duke basketball by a decade in losing a 20 point laugher to Virginia and still, I'm ranked #1.

Should I maybe pull a Knight and start picking fights with media members who vote in the AP Poll? Nah, that'll just lead to problems letter when the program stinks and I need friendly press.

Oh, well, in an archetypical example that illustrates polling to be an inexact science, Duke remains #1, despite going 3-3 in its last six games, and looking gawd-awful in the process. On to the games...


#1 Duke at #17 Wake Forest, Monday, February 16, 2004


Duke came dangerously close to losing a second ACC game in a row. It was tied 74 all at the half, but we pull it out in OT, outscoring the Demon Deacons 15-9. Cuonzo Owens leads all scorers with 26, along with Grant Jackson of Wake Forest.

Duke climbs to 24-4 (10-3).


#1 Duke at #18 Maryland, Friday, February 20, 2004


Duke has little trouble with the Terps, taking a 47-37 halftime lead and cruising to an easy victory, 83-66. Cuonzo Owens again lights it up, this time scoring 27 in the victory. Gawd, how I hate him.

Duke climbs to 25-4 (11-3) as we head into the last week of regular season play.

[WussGawd]

Week 16 Games


As we head into the last week of ACC Conference play, the #1 seed in the ACC Tournament is still in doubt. Here's the logjam at the top:

Duke 11-3
Wake Forest 10-4
North Carolina 9-5


#1 Duke at Florida State, Thursday, February 26, 2004


Duke clinches at least a share of first place in the ACC with a 76-58 rout of the Seminoles. It was close at the half, but Duke's depth wore down FSU. Courtney Lyles led all scores with 15 points and 8 assists, but the most telling statistic were the three players who finished with 9 boards each for Duke, who outrebounded FSU 42-21.

Duke climbs to 26-4 (12-3). Wake Forest beat Virginia to keep pace, Duke can clinch the ACC Regular Season Title with a win tomorrow night against Virginia, or a Wake Forest loss to Florida State on Saturday.


#1 Duke at #15 Virginia, Friday February 27, 2004


Duke avenges its horrendous loss at Cameron Library with a victory over the Cavaliers. Cuonzo Owens ends his regular season career with the Blue Devils in style, another double-double (20 points, 10 rebounds).

Duke wraps up the regular season 27-4 (13-3) and clinches the #1 seed going into the ACC Tournament.

[WussGawd]

Final ACC Standings, 2003-2004 Season:

       ACC Standings

       Duke               13      3     .81   27       4    .87249 197

       North Carolina     11      5     .68   23       6    .79236 190

       Wake Forest        11      5     .68   21       7    .75236 175

       Georgia Tech       9       7     .56   18      10    .64219 204

       Maryland           7       9     .43   20      11    .64232 204

       Virginia           7       9     .43   20       9    .69229 183

       Clemson            6       10    .37   16      15    .51229 231

       N.C. State         5       11    .31   11      19    .36212 234

       Florida State      3       13    .18   14      15    .48215 222

Bracketology, NCAA Tournament:
In: Duke, North Carolina, Wake Forest, Georgia Tech, Maryland, Virginia
Bubble: Clemson needs 2-3 wins in ACC Tournament (44 RPI)
Out: NC State, Florida State

[WussGawd]

ACC Tournament


Thursday, March 4, 2004:

#8 NC State 84, #9 Florida State 72.

The Wolfpack ends FSU slight NIT hopes.


Friday, March 5, 2004:
#2 North Carolina 75, #7 Clemson 63

So much for Clemson's NCAA hopes...this actually will jeopardize their shot at the NIT.

#6 Virginia 76, #3 Wake Forest 55

Virginia is a weird team, has been all year. They could flame out in the first round, or they could shock a few people in the NCAA Tournament.

#5 Maryland 82, #4 Georgia Tech 56

This could jeopardize Georga Tech's NCAA chances.

#8 NC State vs. #1 Duke

Duke takes a 37-20 lead at the half, then cruises to win 90-44. Cuonzo Owens leads all scorers with 23, while Scott Brand pulls down 12 boards in the win.

The absolutely lopsided statistic: Duke outrebounded the Wolfpack 44-13.


Saturday, March 6, 2004

#6 Virginia 76, #2 North Carolina 65

See my above comment about Virginia...I would not want to meet them on the first weekend.

#5 Maryland vs. #1 Duke

In a game very reminiscent of the earlier Virginia loss, Maryland rolls to a 47-27 halftime lead and never looks back, winning 81-63. Cuonzo Owens had 19 points and 7 rebounds in the loss, but the eye-popping numbers were on the other half of the box score:

Kelvin Flores, 23 points.
Henry Williams, 11 points, 12 assists.
Chris Pratt, 6 points, 13 rebounds.


ACC Tournament Championship:

#5 Maryland 68, #4 Virginia 57.


Clemson and Georgia Tech make the NIT. Duke, North Carolina, Maryland, Wake Forest and Virginia make the NCAA Tournament.

We'll look at the tournaments tomorrow.

[WussGawd]

NCAA Tournament, 2003-2004 Season:


First Round, Thursday, March 11, 2004:

East Regional:

#8 UCLA 80, #9 Michigan 60
#7 Temple 82, #10 Gonzaga 68
#2 Mississippi 88, #15 Old Dominion 42
#1 Boston College 83, #16 Maine 53

Midwest Regional:

#9 St. Josephs 76, #8 Georgia 44
#7 Stanford 77, #10 Georgetown 66
#2 Kentucky 87, #15 Siena 50
#1 Michigan State 83, #16 New Orleans 49

South Regional:

#6 Cincinnati 78, #11 Indiana-Purdue 45
#12 Jackson State 75, #5 Texas Tech 65
#4 Tennessee 81, #13 Northwestern State 52
#3 Illinois 81, #14 Tennessee-Martin 42

West Regional:

#6 Iowa State 87, #11 Bradley 45
#5 Virginia 88, #12 American University 51
#4 Mississippi State 81, #13 Wisconsin-Milwaukee 78
#3 Notre Dame 94, #14 UTEP 38

[WussGawd]

NCAA Tournament, 2003-2004 Season


First Round, Friday, March 12, 2004:

East Regional:

#6 Maryland 71, #11 Pennsylvania 47
#5 Arkansas 61, #12 Norfolk State 44
#4 North Carolina 84, #13 St. Francis (PA) 55
#3 Providence 96, #14 Davidson 54

Midwest Regional:

#6 Connecticut 74, #11 Texas A&M 64
#5 Wake Firest 85, #12 Ohio 46
#4 Kansas 77, #13 St. Louis 69
#3 Wisconsin 72, #14 Montana State 56

South Regional:

#8 Indiana 82, #9 Missouri 60
#7 Arizona 77, #10 Villanova 39
#2 Florida 85, #15 Florida Atlantic 48
#1 Duke 88, #16 Birmingham Southern 63


The oddsmakers didn't consider this one a game, and from all appearances, they were correct. Duke barely broke a sweat, carrying a 49-37 lead into halftime, and cruising in the second half. Four Duke players scored in double figures, with Cuonzo leading all scorers with 18. Duke will face a dangerous Indiana squad in the second round on Sunday.

West Regional:
#8 Syracuse 74, #9 Massachusetts 66
#7 Oklahoma 80, #10 Xavier 56
#2 USC 84, #15 Cal-State Northridge 66
#1 Texas 78, #16 Air Force 47

[WussGawd]

NCAA Tournament, 2003-2004 Season


Second Round, Saturday, March 13, 2004:

East Regional:

#1 Boston College 64, #8 UCLA 54
#2 Mississippi 80, #7 Temple 72 (OT)

Midwest Regional:

#1 Michigan State 69, #9 St. Joseph's 62
#2 Kentucky 79, #7 Stanford 47

South Regional:

#4 Tennessee 95, #12 Jackson State 38
#3 Illinois 74, #6 Cincinnati 56

West Regional:

#4 Mississippi State 74, #5 Virginia 57
#6 Iowa State 68, #3 Notre Dame 57

[WussGawd]

NCAA Tournament, 2003-2004 Season:


Second Round, Sunday, March 14, 2004

East Regional:

#4 North Carolina 66, #5 Arkansas 56
#3 Providence 76, #6 Maryland 66

Midwest Regional:

#4 Kansas 60, #5 Wake Forest 49
#6 Connecticut 69, #3 Wisconsin 62

South Regional:

#1 Duke 90, #8 Indiana 56

This one was more lopsided than the first round game, if that's possible. Duke led 44-27 at the break, then made it real ugly in the second half. Cuonzo Owens led all scorers with 21 points, one of four Duke players to score in double figures again. Duke will face Tennessee on Friday.

#2 Florida 80, #7 Arizona 37

West Regional:

#1 Texas 75, #8 Syracuse 48
#2 USC 73, #7 Oklahoma 64

[WussGawd]

NCAA Tournament, 2003-2004 Season:


Sweet Sixteen, Thursday, March 18, 2004:

East Regional:

#4 North Carolina 64, #1 Boston College 63

Midwest Regional:

#4 Kansas 66, #1 Michigan State 64

South Regional:

#2 Florida 77, #3 Illinois 60

West Regional:

#6 Iowa State 73, #2 USC 69

[WussGawd]

NCAA Tournament, 2003-2004 Season:


Sweet Sixteen, Friday, March 19, 2004:

East Regional:

#3 Providence 81, #2 Mississippi 59

Midwest Regional:

#2 Kentucky 69, #6 Connecticut 62 (OT)

South Regional:

#4 Tennessee 77, #1 Duke 75

Woohoo! No Final Four for you, PUKIES!!!!

Tennessee takes a huge 47-25 halftime lead, and a furious Duke rally falls just short in the second half.

Cuonzo scores 17 for Duke, but let these numbers be etched into your memory forever: 21, 17, 14. Tennessee's leading scorers, rebounder and assists getters racked these totals up in the game.

West Regional:

#1 Texas 89, #4 Mississippi State 47

Of the four #1 seeds, only Texas makes it to the Elite Eight.

[WussGawd]

NCAA Championship, 2003-2004 Season:


Elite Eight, Saturday, March 20, 2004:

East Regional:

#3 Providence 66, #4 North Carolina 65

Midwest Regional:

#2 Kentucky 75, #4 Kansas 55


Elite Eight, Sunday, March 21, 2004:

South Regional:

#2 Florida 65, #4 Tennessee 62

West Regional:

#1 Texas 72, #6 Iowa State 51

[illinifan999]

I got a question. Does the game really say thigns like, Recently learned how to tie his shoes, or breathing? Or do you just make it up?

[WussGawd]

NCAA Tournament, 2003-2004 Season


Final Four, Saturday, March 27, 2004:

Yes, it's Final Four Time and Duke is nowhere to be seen. What's better, with three stinky recruits coming in, they will never get any closer than they just were, at least, not on my watch.

Die, Duke scum! Oh, wait. Must stifle my enthusiasm for our loss while on campus.

Never mind. That's better.

Oh, while we're at it. Let's think up an appropriate salute, while we congratulate the 65th best college basketball team in America, the Alabama Hot Pink Tide, who beat the Washington Puppies 62-59 in the 2004 Not Invited Tournament Championship Game. Congratulations, Alabama, you can pick up your trophy in the men's room at La Guardia on your way out of New York. Belch.


Anyway, on to the Final Four:

Florida 79, Providence 72
Texas 79, Kentucky 68

This of course, leads to the inevitable title game, an all south of the Mason-Dixon line affair, which ended this way:

Florida 78, Texas 60

Our condolences go out to the fans of the Florida Gators, tough luck guys. Looks like you'll have to work a little harder to suck next year.

Next up, we'll look at the first set of award contestants.

[WussGawd]

Originally posted by illinifan999
I got a question. Does the game really say thigns like, Recently learned how to tie his shoes, or breathing? Or do you just make it up?

Uh, that's just me. Truth be told, I think TDCB could learn a little bit from TCY in terms of the recruiting model. It's much improved from the release version, but still not as good.

[WussGawd]

The award polls are up. Only two that merit a look this year. Feel free to vote, and comment why. We'll award the thing on Wednesday, after you've had a chance to say their peace, and get the ball rolling on the decline and fall of the Puke Dynasty.

Woohoo, BURN BABY BURN!!!!!