Revelations of an FOFC Poster

[Abe Sargent]

Well, I figure I might as well be straight here as I am everywhere else.

A few will already know this from reading my Magic articles. I also told my staff this last year and this year during training. With that many people knowing, today I decided to go ahead and update my myspace blog and let the world know too. Might as well allow you folks the ability to know the same things about me everyone else does.

For my article where I explain this to my Magic audience, go here:

http://www.starcitygames.com/php/news/article/7878.html

This was written a little over three years ago, so my Magic public has known for a while.

I will post below what my blog says over on myspace. This is what I told everybody in my life that did not meet one of the two aforementioned groups.

PS - If you are the sort of person uncomfortable with someone revealing very personal, intimate information like this, then go back now. Don't read on. Thanks.




Again, you can read either one (or both for all I care

Here's the blog I posted:

Bonjour mes amis! As promised today tells the deepest tale I have to offer. Should you be one of my regular readers of my Magic column, you will already know this. Should you be on my staff last year, or on housing staff this year, again, you will already know.

As a result, you can go ahead and click the back button. However, for the rest of you, this will be news of a highly significant nature. I figure that since this is already out there, I might as well be up front with everybody.

As a quick review of my past, in 8th grade, my mother died, I broke my wrist and was unable to be on the basketball team despite working my way up to the starting five in practice, and then my father announced that we would be moving away from my previous home, family and school in Boone County. It was a tough year, and yet, in many ways, it was my greatest. I overcame a lot of stigma from fourth grade when I publicly told people I was gay as a joke, and they caught on and the school teased me. I was popular enough, secure in my faith, and I was in my niche. Moving was a tough thing for me, especially since I had lost my mother four months or so before we moved. The anniversary of her death is in one weeks. That makes this blog even more poignant.

My mother died in her sleep from heart complications due to a condition referred to as Huntington's Disease. I was the last to speak to her before she died. I remember being called down the principal's office on a cold October morning and passing by Mr. Weikel in the hallway and beaming that I had been called to the office. You either got called for something good or something bad, and I hadn't done anything wrong (which was, in itself, something unusual).

I came to the office and saw my father in the hallway. What was he doing here? He quietly ushered me into the teacher's lounge where Mr. Johnson was as well. I had no idea what was about to be said but I figured it was bad. My mother had a deteriorating condition with no cure. We knew she would die, but no matter how you steel yourself, you are never ready to hear that your mother passed away.

I watched many people die that day. My grandmother came to the house to bury her only daughter, and she was forlorn. It is not natural to bury one's own child. My father withdrew into his role as a pastor and would not come out again for some time. My sister kept wanting mother back and did not understand what was happening. I understood.

I returned to my literature class and announced that my mother had died. I figured that they had a right to know. I sat down in my chair and began to cry, out loud, right there is the classroom. Mr. Peters came over and rubbed my back. After about a minute, I asked if I could have the worksheet that the rest of the class was working on. Everybody deals with grief differently, and for me, her death had sunk in, and I was ready to move on.

I shed many other tears over my mother during my life, including one as I write these very paragraphs I love her and still miss her to this day, but the tear in my eye does not stop me from writing, and that day, they did not stop me from working on whatever worksheet was in front of me.

Here's the main issue and the reason that I bring it up now. Huntington's Disease is genetic. There is a 50/50 chance of passing it to your child.

When I went to consider grad school, I decided that it was time to find out if I had it or not. Plans in your life change depending on whether or not you expect to live until 40 or a normal retirement age.

Huntington's Disease is a disease that strikes your central nervous system. It begins with a palsy – a slight tick or motion that is uncontrolled. Over time, the palsies and ticks grow, and you begin making a lot of uncoordinated spontaneous movements.

You begin to lose the ability to write, to eat, to walk, to sleep. You eat less and burn a lot of energy, so a lot of people that suffer from Huntington's will suffer from malnutrition. Your mind starts to go as well. You experience memory loss, change of personality, and lose your ability to comprehend and understand things. Over time you become wheelchair bound, then bed ridden, and then eventually some part of your body gives out and you die. It could be your lungs and you suffocate, or your heart , in my mother's case, or something else. There is no cure for Huntington's Disease, and no drug you can take to stave off the effects.

The tests came back positive.

I have the Disease with the same degree that my mother had it. I can expect to contract it at about the same time and die at about the same time – 38 and 43.

In December I turn 31.

There will be no last minute reprieve, no miracle cure, no drug that will save me. In seven years or so I will have the first sign, and it will quickly and irreparably go down from there.

I think I always knew I had the disease. The beast that slew my mother and her father and his father before him will die with me. I have no children, no wife, no long term girlfriend that will become a wife. I'm just me. I enjoy my life, and I'm happy to have it.

I'd prefer to be alive with Huntington's than to have never lived at all.

That's why London was my last hurrah. It was my final chance to go out and do something, my last adventure before I retire. What is left for me but complacency? Hopefully this new dream of writing will succeed where the previous one failed. It's a much harder dream, but I have to keep trying at something. I cannot become a cog in the machine, waiting until for every tick of the clock, every turn of the calendar to bring me that much closer to my doom.

I will do what I can to make these last seven years matter.

Thanks

-Abe

[JeeberD]

Wow, I don't know what to say, Abe. You'll be in my thoughts, man...

[EagleFan]

Wow, sorry to hear about that. You are in my prayers. I know that doesn't really say, do or change much but it's sadly the best I can think of that this time.

[sabotai]

I'm sure anything I could think to say has already been said to you a hundred times over. I just hope you live a happy life and not end up with any regrets.

[Neon_Chaos]

A friend actually pointed me to this quote back in college, Abe, which has basically been my mantra in life since then. Just want to share it with you.

“One day at a time - this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has yet to come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.” - Ida Scott Taylor

[DanGarion]

My uncle has Progressive Supranuclear Palsy came down with it at @36 years of age (he's 41 now), normal onset is at @ 63. These types of diseases are terrible things and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. You are in my thoughts man.

[path12]

Abe, you are one of my favorite people on this board. God bless and thank you for writing that. I will however still be pissed if you're a demon this game.

[Icy]

Wow man, i think you taught all us an incredible lesson today, I truly admire the way you are handling it. Keep some hope, you never know what can happen in this life.

[Schmidty]

This is terrible news, and I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I can't imagine the things that you going through mentally and spiritually.

You will be in my prayers, and in the prayers of everyone in my church and family. Miracles can happen.

[oliegirl]

Wow, like everyone else, you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[saldana]

wow. i havent even got words....

[lordscarlet]

Enjoy the years you have, and good luck with the writing. Seven years is a long time to continue making the most of life.

[Passacaglia]

I'm sorry to hear that, Abe! I like your attitude about it, though!

[Klinglerware]

Now I understand why you didn't want to wait out the situation in the UK.

You'll be in my thoughts...

[Kodos]

Wow. What terrible news. I admire your strength in how you are handling it. I don't imagine I would handle the news nearly as well as you have. Make the most of the time you have. It's all any of us can do.

[Qwikshot]

I wish you the best. I can't really say more than that. Being that I turn 32 in about a month, it gives me something to reflect upon.

[Toddzilla]

Abe, I'm wrecked to hear about this, and my heart absolutely goes out to you and your family and friends. That being said, if there's anything you'd like to do down here in DC, there's a big contingent of FOFC-folks who'd like to get together and have some fun. The Nats are opening a new ballpark in the spring if you're interested

[Subby]

There's nothing that I can say that doesn't sound completely hackneyed or trite. Still, I wanted you to know that I found your words artful and moving.

Thanks for that.

[Noop]

[Pumpy Tudors]

Anxiety, Abe, whatever you would prefer to be called, I thank you for sharing your story with us. I can tell that you've done a lot of good with your life so far, and I'm sure that the good will continue. It's incredibly hard for me to read something like that, especially from someone who's almost exactly my age (I turn 31 in November), but it's heartwarming to see somebody as strong as you are.

Again, thank you.

[Lathum]

Abe this makes me sick to read...

I hope in your remaining years you ive your life to the fullest and do everything you want to do.

From just knowing you here and through werewolf I hope when you do eventually pass you realize you left the world a better place then when you arrived.

[wade moore]

Like others have said, I can't say anything that won't sound scripted/cheesy. So I'll just say - an inspiring story and I wish you luck with living life to the fullest.

[Swaggs]

Damn, Abe. We just studied this disease a few weeks and, prior to that, I had never heard of it.

No words, really. Just try to keep living as well as you can.

[flere-imsaho]

Originally Posted by JeeberD

Wow, I don't know what to say, Abe. You'll be in my thoughts, man...

I also don't know what to say, so I'll just quote JeeberD. Thanks for sharing, Abe.

[Draft Dodger]

I don't know what to say either.

[Lorena]

OMG Abe... Please know you're in my thoughts, so sorry to hear

[Eaglesfan27]

Huntington's is a terrible disease, and I admire the courage of all of those who face it bravely knowing they have it and that they are eventually going to deteriorate and die. My heart goes out to you, and I wish you nothing but happiness and I hope you accomplish everything you wish to over the next several years.

[CleBrownsfan]

You'll for sure be in my thoughts - live life to the fullest!

[King of New York]

A,

I can only hope that, when I have to come to grips with my own mortality, I can muster some of the same grace and courage that you've shown in your letter.

Best of luck with the writing.

[Honolulu_Blue]

I am really sorry to hear this, Abe. I really admire your courage and strength in facing all of this. It's very inspirational.

Good luck, man.

[BYU 14]

My heart goes out to you Abe. I greatly admire the incredible amount of courage you show in coming to terms with this, as well as the determination you have to live life to the fullest, day by day.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers

[SnDvls]

words can't express how I feel, but thanks for sharing this very personal note with all of us. There are a lot of "strangers" out here who will be thinking of you.

[CamEdwards]

Abe,

I've tried three times now to write something that doesn't sound trite, and have failed every time.

I'll echo Todd's thoughts though... if there's every been anything you wanted to do/see in D.C. I'd be happy to help try and make them happen.

[Antmeister]

Powerful read. Hope you succeed with the writing and hope that certain events in your life change the outcome of your future. Thank you for sharing that story.

[gkb]

Along with a lot of other people I don't really have the words to express what I'm feeling after reading your post. I hope the rest of your life is filled with joy.

[molson]

None of us are guaranteed another 7-10 years. And you're not guaranteed less than that. And one person's 40 years can be far happier than someone else's 80.

No one can really understand getting news like that, but I can understand the powerful reaction people are having. We're all utimately in the same boat of uncertaintly when it comes to mortality. They only thing we can know, is a rough idea of odds, nothing more.

[Dutch]

This really puts the shit we worry and stress about into perspective.

[MacroGuru]

Abe,

Wow....I came here today to post about me leaving to Australia, and I read this...it strikes a resonating chord, that I need to shrug off all the negative shit in my life and focus on the positive and my loved ones, I thank you for this, and the tears that I have shed, because it brings life back into focus.

I am sure some of you have read the book Tuesdays with Morrie, but I am picking it up again, because of this thread.

Abe, just remember, as Neil said in Dead Poets:

" I went into the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life ... to put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."

You do what you want, and enjoy everything to it's fullest extent....

[Barkeep49]

I want to acknowledge how difficult this must have been to write. Thanks for sharing with us and I am glad you will be around here for a few more years .

[dawgfan]

Thanks for your willingness to share this with us. I have a very good friend whose family carries the Huntington's gene, and I know how much grief it has caused them.

I imagine it must be extremely hard at times to deal with this, but you seem to have the best possible attitude about it - knowing your time is limited, live each day to the fullest.

[Godzilla Blitz]

An acquaintance of mine died of Huntington's. I was amazed at and inspired by how much living she stuffed into the last years of her life.

Very sorry to hear this, of course, but I do hope you enjoy all the time that remains. You'll be in my thoughts.

[thealmighty]

London need not be a last hurrah. You have 100s of last hurrahs yet to go- some of which you will not even realize you had- by touching people as you've touched many of us today. I hope you understand what I mean.

Live strong. My thoughts and prayers are added.

[st.cronin]

Abe, you're the best. I'm thankful for your presence. Have fun!!!

[MIJB#19]

Originally Posted by Anxiety

I'd prefer to be alive with Huntington's than to have never lived at all.

Beautiful

[st.cronin]

I know I already posted in this thread, but I really can't express how much this moves me. I just want to go find the Abe and give him a big hug.

[ArlingtonColt]

I just read your post here and went back and read the starcitygames post. The decklist was really touching and I can feel your thoughts and feelings in your card choices. As a fellow magic player, werewolf player, and FOFCer I thank you for writing this.

[KevinNU7]

Abe, that was powerful and it is very hard to imagine what you are going through.

Please let me know when your writing project is complete as I would love to read it.

[DaddyTorgo]

Abe,

Nothing that I can say either that wouldn't sound trite...but just know that I assume I speak for most of the board when I say that we're here for you, whether it's just to vent to, or to use in whatever way we can.

[Abe Sargent]

Thank you very much! I appreciate your kind words and love.

[Cringer]

Damn. I really wish I had read this before I posted bitching about Lowes. Definetly makes my troubles seem like poo. I don't think I have ever said this on this board before, just because it's not something I do much, but God bless you Abe.