My Arena Rant

[Draft Dodger]

my wife and I see about 10-15 hockey games a year. during a long drive back from the Fleet Center last, I had the chance to think about some of the things that REALLY bug me.

1) It's a freaking jumbotron, people
Seeing people spend much of the game disco dancing and jumping around like a crazed lunatic with the sole purpose on getting on the jumbotron is absolutely ridiculous. I'm not talking about enthusiastic fans, here. I'm talking about people who spend more time looking for the cameras panning the arena than they do watching the game. Do these people think they are going to get a movie deal from their 3 seconds of fame? Sad. And annoying.

2) Wait for a break in play, PLEASE
OK, if you want to spend more time in line waiting to overpay for some bad food and watered down beer, fine. I can handle getting up twice a period to let you out (and then back in) because you've obviously paid good money for the opportunity to eat greasy food, not to watch a game. But, for crying out freaking loud, will you at least have the courtesy to wait for a stoppage of play before leaving / returning. It's not THAT hard to fathom, is it?

3) I'm sure your tits are nice, but do the little kids need to see them?
I'm as perverted as they come. Seriously. And I enjoy seeing women on the jumbotron as much (if not more) as the next guy. But, I worry a bit about the message being sent to the youngsters by repeatedly showing cute girls (the less-clad, the better) on the jumbotron, usually to a great deal of cheering from the crowd. Last night, the cameras focused on a woman who promptly whipped up her top; they managed to cut away before it happened, but I thought this was incredibly crass for a hockey game where lots of kids are in attendance. Save it for the GNR concerts, please (a friend of mine attended a GNR concert recently, and she went into the ladies room where 3 girls were actually practicing flashing their boobs).

4) The seats are numbered for a reason
This REALLY pisses me off. There is nothing worse than going to a game, getting to your seats and have someone sitting in them, and then having them act surprised that you want to sit in the seats you paid for. I'm stupified by this, really. You KNOW they aren't your seats, you KNOW the event is sold out, you KNOW that someone will be coming to sit there, and then you look at me like I'm the asshole for kicking YOU out of MY seat. And, then, even more amazing, instead of going to your real seats, you move to the closest available empty seat, where the process is repeated again and again. Last night, the people that were in our seats at the Fleet moved 4 times during the game as people came and bumped them out. Everytime they pulled the same "oh-I-thought-this-was-my-seat" act (even pulling out and reading the tickets and going, "isn't this section x?"), and then moved up or back a row until the real owner of THOSE seats came back (each time, causing about 10 people to have to stand up and shuffle around while the play was going on). I've got no issue with halfway through the game, seeing some seats that are closer and that have been empty all game, and then moving down, but don't act like I'm putting you out for wanting to sit in the seat that I paid for. It's not a movie theater...

Thanks for listening.

[Tarkus]

Well, besides the tits remarks I can totally relate.

Tarkus

[Marmel]

What do you expect from hockey fans?

You should try going to a Blues game. those people are simply uncivilized.

[cthomer5000]

I've only been to one hockey game ever, a Devils game last year. They had attendants at each section who would not allow people back into the seating until a break in play.

Obviously people can get up at any time, but I guess they at least had the returning aspect covered.

[Anrhydeddu]

4) The seats are numbered for a reason

It must be a Boston thing. I've been to a good number of stadiums and no where have I experienced "let's grab any open seat" syndrome than at Fenway. In the 4 innings I was there last year, I must have seen 20-30 seat shifting and shuffling. I love Boston but not their fans.

[KWhit]

I thought the best time to get up to get something to eat was while they were actually playing. I mean it's HOCKEY! I'd much rather be in my seat to see the tits than the actual game.

By the way, DD, do you go to that many hockey games because you lost a bet with someone or something?

[rkmsuf]

When serious injury or death is imminent from a flying puck you can do whatever you want...

[Ben E Lou]

Originally posted by KWhit
I thought the best time to get up to get something to eat was while they were actually playing. I mean it's HOCKEY! I'd much rather be in my seat to see the tits than the actual game.

By the way, DD, do you go to that many hockey games because you lost a bet with someone or something?

I heart KWhit! You're doing Georgia proud my man!

[sabotai]

DD, #4 bugs me the most. I mean, it is SO EASY to find your seat. There are numbers on the seats, the number of the section is painted on the fucking steps, there are signs above the doorway that tell you the section number as you walk in....people are retarded.

And KWhit, we all understand and acknowledge that dim-witted slow thinkers, like yourself, are just not smart enough to follow and understand the great sport of hockey. Everyone already knows that.

[rkmsuf]

Us folks who braved the metal benches at Foxboro Stadium have a whole different perspective.

Those were the days when teamwork mattered. You had to have a whole row push over so you could center your rear on the little number sticker on the bench that represented your seat...

Poor babies having to have someone get up...try moving 3000 lbs of human flesh 3 feet to the right so you could actually have a seat...

[GoldenEagle]

Oh, I thought this was a post about Bruce Arena, the US Men's soccer team coach.

[Maple Leafs]

Great work, DD. May I add a few?

Have some vague understanding of the rules. I understand that not everyone is a hardcore fan, and there's a place for casual fans at a hockey game. But if you don't know what's going on, sit quiety and try to learn. Here's a few hints: when the player on your team trips over his own blueline and crashes into the boards because he's a mouth-breather who can't skate, the other team does not get a penalty. It's true.

If you're going to heckle a player, put some effort into it. Belt it out, so that there's some chance the guy could actually hear you. Don't sit there and timidly squeak out your witty one-liners in a voice that only your section can hear. We're not your test audience. If you're going to yell, yell.

Chants are cool. I encourage people to start chants. But understand that if you try to start a chant and nobody joins you after the first three repeats, you're a loser and we're all going to laugh at you.

If you have tickets in the third level, don't bring a handmade sign that spells out the name of the network broadcasting the game. You're not going to get on TV. Put the sign down so we can see the game. The only exception is if you're a little kid, in which case it's cute to have a sign in the 300-section.

Finally, do not start, encourage, or participate in "the wave". Ever. End of story. The only possible exception is if, on the way to the game, your Delorean was hit by lightning, causing you to trime-travel back to 1984 when doing the wave was cool.

P.S. I don't know what kind of girl possesses the unqiue blend of stupidity and sluttiness that would make it necessary to actually practice flashing your boobs, but I do know that I want to meet her.

[Craptacular]

I remember the good ol' days at County Stadium (Milwaukee for you Hotlantans and Oak Ridge boys), before the latest labor problems. There would be 12 people in the entire upper deck, and there would STILL be security guards keeping you out of the upper box seats if you had tickets for the upper grandstand seats. We've gotta keep these seats free in case 10,000 fans with upper box tickets file in after the 3rd inning!

[ColtCrazy]

Point 1: Totally agree. Colts fans are bad for this too. And we wonder why people make fun of Hoosiers. You'd think they'd have won the lottery the way they are jumping around. I swear this one moron high fived his buddies when he got on the screen. What a frickin' cool ray. I hope he dies happy (preferably before next season)

Point 2: Football fans aren't as bad for this since there's ALWAYS a break in the action. Still, why does the one person with the bladder the size of flea's nut always sit in the middle of the row???

Point 3: Just once I'd like to see this happen actually. At the game, they always play kiss the girl then show these couples kissing. The first game of the year they showed a very attractive girl kissing her man and the crowd howled. Since then, the youngest couple has been in their early 140s. I keep hoping for lesbians, but I'm probably in the wrong state for that.

Point 4: Counting has to be a problem for some people because every game always sees some idiot in row 8 when he should be in row 13.

Chanting is cool, as long as its something clever. Best ever is "You're shit and you know you are" that I've heard.

The wave is moronic. Some people even bitch when others don't do the wave. What the hell? It's always started by some drunken fool or a 13 year old girl off a dare.

[Draft Dodger]

I can't believe I forgot to rant against the wave. There should never, ever, ever, ever be a wave at a hockey game. no way. not at all.

and, if you could stop playing "Country-Eye Joe", I'd be happy as well.

[McSweeny]

i think it's "COTTON-Eye Joe"

[cuervo72]

Originally posted by McSweeny
i think it's "COTTON-Eye Joe"

Yeah, what is it with hockey and that song? I never hear it anywhere else.

[Draft Dodger]

Originally posted by McSweeny
i think it's "COTTON-Eye Joe"

you're probably right.

[Draft Dodger]

Originally posted by cuervo72
Yeah, what is it with hockey and that song? I never hear it anywhere else.

maybe it's the baseball gods getting revenge because we don't have to listen to Who Let the Dogs Out.

[Maple Leafs]

Originally posted by ColtCrazy
I keep hoping for lesbians, but I'm probably in the wrong state for that.

Or the wrong country. We've had that happen in Ottawa a few times.

On the other hand, the latest kiss-cam fad is to end it by showing two players, so you take the good with the bad. Usually they just laugh it off, but if it's a wise guy like Hull or Roenick they may plant one on the other guy's helmet. (That sounds vaguely dirty).

Of course, if it's two Islanders tough guys, they just start making out.

[bbor]

Originally posted by Maple Leafs
Roenick they may plant one on the other guy's helmet.

With the way Roenick looks it does'nt surprise me to hear about him kissing some dude's flesh helmet.

[Lathum]

Originally posted by KWhit
I thought the best time to get up to get something to eat was while they were actually playing. I mean it's HOCKEY! I'd much rather be in my seat to see the tits than the actual game.

By the way, DD, do you go to that many hockey games because you lost a bet with someone or something?

Have you ever actually been to a game? I realize the rules might be slightly more complicated than NASCAR or say, ultimate fighting, but once you see a game live you are hooked.

[lynchjm24]

Originally posted by Lathum
Have you ever actually been to a game? I realize the rules might be slightly more complicated than NASCAR or say, ultimate fighting, but once you see a game live you are hooked.

I've been to hundreds of NHL games, AHL games, ECHL games.

I couldn't care less if the NHL went out of business tomorrow.

I've been to two games this season
Carolina/NYI on the island and Dallas/Washington in DC. They couldn't have been more boring. Thank god one was free and the other I paid 6$ to see from the second row.

[ice4277]

Originally posted by KWhit
By the way, DD, do you go to that many hockey games because you lost a bet with someone or something?

No, he won the bet...the loser had to go to watch baseball.

[RPI-Fan]

At RPI games they repainted steps, including going over the letters on the rows of seats. So they just put them on the seats. They're a little hard to see at first, but they stand out quite well.

So anyways, there are ALWAYS fools (usually 30-40ish yuppies) who are SO proud of themselves for 'finding their seats even without letters on the rows'. There's also always the 'M... N... O... no no no.. that was P!!!' morons.

Anyways, when will people realize that acting like fucking fools makes them fucking fools?

~rpi-fan

[KWhit]

Originally posted by Lathum
Have you ever actually been to a game? I realize the rules might be slightly more complicated than NASCAR or say, ultimate fighting, but once you see a game live you are hooked.

Oh yeah. I've been to a couple of Hurricanes games and was dragged to a minor league game once. I was not hooked.

Yes, I understand the rules. I understand icing. I know what the crease is. Just not my thing.

I mean, first of all, why the Hell do they play a sport on ice?!?! Second: half the time, you can't even see it when a goal is scored - you just hear the horns and start to chear. And it seems to me that there's far less strategy than in other sports (but maybe I just don't see it).

Sorry for the thread-jack.

Back on topic: Yeah, the wave sucks everywhere. Who the Hell starts that crap?

[sterlingice]

So anyways, there are ALWAYS fools (usually 30-40ish yuppies) who are SO proud of themselves for 'finding their seats even without letters on the rows'. There's also always the 'M... N... O... no no no.. that was P!!!' morons.

Ok, I'm definately going to play the "now I know I enjoy these sports more than most people" card but it's a valid defense. Anyhoo- two more types of people who just make me want to beat them and take their seats and give them to people who have never been to a game or something.

1. Cell Phone User.
Ok, this is a lot more common in baseball or football than arena sports (and frankly, every indoor building especially arenas, theaters, and churches should be equipped with cell phone jammers, which, oddly enough were declared unconstitutional) but you know the type. This is the guy who goes to the game and spends the 2nd through 9th inning on his phone. Great! You made it to the game... but you didn't watch it at all. Do you also pay $5 to catch a (good) movie, then walk out after the previews? Once a friend of mine got so annoyed at one of these people, he took out his wallet, unfolded it like a cell and started yelling "buy! buy! buy! sell! sell! sell!" Then, for some reason, cell phone prick just looked indignantly at him and continued his conversation. Not only that, but these cell phone conversations invariably are not in sync with the game so you have some guy talking while you could hear a pin drop in the rest of the stadium in a tense situation (home free throw, etc). But, of course, the most annoying thing about it is that it's about something so completely inane and moronic (see: 99.93% of all cell phone conversation) that it just makes you feel stupider for having heard it which leads us to...

2. Moron.
Ok, not moron like the guy you see who can't figure out how to work the ketchup dispenser. You take pity on that person, for the most part. This is the guy who's friends made him go to the game. Or the girlfriend who was forced to the game because she drug her boyfriend to some crappy chick flick the week before. Or the idiot who would rather be anywhere but here but it would hurt his social standing if he didn't show up to some event. This isn't just moron: it's an inconsiderate moron. And for at least 2/3rds or 3/4ths of the game, you are left trying to block out his/her droning voice. This is the person who insists on being the center of attention because if they are miserable, then everyone else around them will be, too. If any of you have seen the Lewis Black comedy special about "If it weren't for my horse, I never would've made it through college" then you know what I'm taking about. Picture the scene: You're intently watching for the puck to drop on a faceoff in the nearside corner and WHAM: "You know, I really wanted to tell Jamie today that her hair was ugly and..." it kindof goes away for a second as your brain recoils and throws up immediate defenses. However, they always have this shrill or just plain loud voice that cuts through your defenses and makes you want to throw them on the ice and have [Insert Enforcer here; I choose Bob Probert] slam them as hard as possible into the boards, thus forcing air out of their lungs and shutting them up. Now, I'm not saying you should talk about the game and only the game but once the game has started, at least try to keep it sports related. I don't need to hear about your godforsaken fraternity party while attempting to watch a KU football "game". And I don't care about how you look or how you think the girl next to you looks or how wasted you are going to be this weekend. Did you need to come to a game to talk about this? You're at the game and you paid money to go there: enjoy the game or quit invading my airspace.

SI

[Maple Leafs]

Originally posted by sterlingice
1. Cell Phone User.

There is a special place in hell for people who get baseball tickets right behind home plate, then spend the game on their cell phones, calling their friends at home so they can wave to them on TV. Can we get some snipers for these people, please?