Iowegian Legion: 2k1 Des Moines Dragons

revrew · 01-30-2003, 02:52 PM

By 1995, the diminutive, portly, and bald-headed Frank von Bienz had built an Iowan business empire. He began by raising soybeans suitable for several Oriental dishes, which he promptly labeled as "Grown in Mongolia" and sold to unsuspecting Midwestern Chinese restaurants. He then expanded his holdings by purchasing several reputable Iowan businesses, including a turkey processing plant in Postville and Western salad dressing in Grundy Center.

His big strike came, however, when Bienz began seeking an alternative power source for his giant corporate hog confine, which happened to cover nearly all of Kossuth and part of Hancock counties. A scientist in his Kanawha office (who happened to be high on methamphetamines at the time) discovered a process of impacting methane gases (found aplenty in the hog confine) and Schlitz brand beer with solar energy particles, thus releasing a form of fision energy 5 times more powerful, and 50 times as clean as uranium/plutonium nuclear energy. His discovery was quickly implemented in major power plants across the world—-Namibia, Bangladesh, Papua New Guinea, Guatamala, and Prairie du Sac, Wisconsin.

Not satisfied with supplanting Bill Gates atop America's wealthiest tycoon lists, the egomaniacal Bienz, whose massive inferiority complex and belief in Iowa as the "master state" prompted his unsuccessful bid for Iowa's secession from the Union in 1999, grew incensed with the St. Louis Rams' success under the leadership of Iowa stock boy Kurt Warner. Claiming "the state of Missery has no business enslaving an Iowan to do their dirty laundry," Bienz began acquiring weapons of mass destruction to use against Missouri. "Show me state, ha!" Bienz was quoted as saying. "I'll show you!"

Fortunately, a level-headed advisor named Rev Rew suggested an alternative plan. Using shady stock buyouts and a few unscrupulous "accidents", the family fortune of St. Louis Rams' ownership quickly disappeared, and Bienz was able to maneuver his way into controlling ownership over the franchise. He promptly moved the team to Iowa.

Renaming the Rams the Des Moines Dragons, and decking the team in new colors of Reptilian Green, Flame Red, and Metallic Gold, Bienz set apart one goal: rid the team of all inferior "outlanders", field a team composed of only Iowa grads, and win the SuperBowl.

Our story begins with the team's purging and move to the Hawkeye State. Beware the Dragon!

revrew · 01-30-2003, 02:54 PM

This 2k1 dynasty will not bore you with a breakdown of every player's scouted prowess, game-by-game play-by-play, or even complete roster lists. You'll be updated on the character and performance of players, without numerical clues to their true abilities, and games will be reported in Newspaper style, rather than box score style. Highlights only. No charts.

House Rules are as follows:
1. One player initiated trade allowed per year (exception made for purging year). The 7th round fairness test applies to all trades.
2. Unlimited FA signings (except as modified by rules 5-8 below.)
3. Contract renegotiations unrestricted as long as in final year of contract.
4. Undrafted rookie free agents can be given a max of 5-year minimum wage contract.

Now, the fun rules:
5. Only players graduating from Iowa colleges may play for the Dragons.
6. Rule #5 may only be excepted in the first, transitional year (and then only if necessary) by signing stop-gap players to one-year deals. By the second year, all Dragons will be Iowans.
7. In the case of Iowa colleges that share names with other schools (Northwestern, Cornell, etc.) no players shall be acquired from these schools if the Iowan origin is uncertifiable.
8. We don't give a rip about money or fans, this is a deranged man's socio-political statement.
9. The dynasty shall end when the Dragons win a SuperBowl.

On to the transitional year...beware the Dragon!

revrew · 01-30-2003, 02:55 PM

Hitch #1: Mike Martz didn't graduate from an Iowa school. Oops, he's now coaching elsewhere. New Coach? Kirk Ferentz (remember the time frame) hadn't yet made his stellar run with the Hawks. The Shoop brothers and Chuck Long couldn't be persuaded to leave Oklahoma, where they were having too much fun winning national titles.

This left us with only one choice. The omniscient, omnipotent, immortal Hayden Fry. But would he join the cause?

The meetings with Fry were going well until we informed The Coach that he would have to coach players from Iowa State as well as the U of I. "No," he said. "I will not stoop so low. A man has to have scruples," he said.

Even after von Bienz offered The Coach a gazillion bucks, Fry still stood his ground. Enter Rev Rew: "Follow me here, Coach. Picture if you will, an NFL team composed at the core of Hawkeyes. They bleed black and gold. Now added to that team are all the bastard traitors whose mommies sent them off to I Suck U. Then all the pansy-weights who went to UNI, Central, Drake, etc. hop on board. All these players that could have been Hawkeyes if it wouldn't have been for dividing the state's talent pool among those other institutions of lower learning. You still with me? Now picture that team winning the SuperBowl, beating NFL teams full of all-star squads from other colleges. Can you imagine how the governor of Iowa would react if he knew the Hawkeyes could have fielded such a team in college if it weren't for Iowa State? Why he'd be ashamed, embarrassed, outraged! He'd shut down Iowa State right away and demand its best athletes be sent to Iowa City! Don't you see? If they join the cause it only shows how they SHOULD have all been Hawkeyes!"

A sly grin came over The Coach's face. "You're full of #&^%#, kid. But I like your style. Count me in."

Beware the Dragon!

revrew · 01-30-2003, 02:55 PM

The First Year Purging
The Rams only have two Iowans on the roster: all-star QB Kurt Warner and rookie safety Desmond Hopkins. That's a little thin.

Free Agency has left over Iowa athletes:
T Ross Verba
ancient WR Quinn Early
CB Merton Hanks, and a few other no-names that will probably get signed anyway

Our scout says the best Iowa athletes to try to trade for from other teams are:
Atlanta's WR Tim Dwight (UofI)
Dallas' OT Erik Williams (Central of I.)
Tennessee S Marcus Robertson (ISU)

Other notables we'll need to try to trade for:
AZ CB Tom Knight, CHI DT Mike Wells, CIN RB Sedrick Shaw, DET DT James Jones, MN LB Bryce Paup, NYJ WR Dedric Ward, TB S Damien Robinson, WSH G Keith Sims.

There's a host of others we may target, but success may lie in can we or can we not go get these guys?

Bad news flash: Not a single Punter or Kicker in the NFL comes from Iowa. Our kicking game is going to stink.

Next update will detail trades made to acquire said players, if notable.

Beware the Dragon!

Kodos · 01-30-2003, 03:15 PM

The old relocate and purge trick. Always a sure way to strike dynasty gold!

Go Dragons!

tucker342 · 01-30-2003, 03:51 PM

Awesome!!! Did you go to U of I? I live in Iowa City.

Good luck, you're going to need it!

revrew · 01-30-2003, 07:55 PM

Kodos: Thanks. Didn't even occur to me how similar this was to Gatesville, but now that I look at it, it's almost carbon copy. O'course, my goals, and therefore my restricting house rules, are the big difference.

Tuck: No, I didn't grad from U of I, though I did turn down a free ride to go there. (It wasn't my fault! They didn't have a marine biology program!) But I grew up in Eastern Iowa, and well, if you know Iowa, you know what that means. Go Hawks!

And I am going to need luck. I got big problems in special teams, as I hope the draft gives me some goodies in the kicker dept. Otherwise, I may have to ammend the rules and go with no college kickers in the meantime. I also see salary cap probs down the road...but until then...my next installment.

revrew · 01-30-2003, 07:56 PM

Telegraph Herald: "Yes, there is no joy in Muddville. Mighty Frank von Bienz has struck out."

Des Moines Register: "...Isaac Bruce, gone! Orlando Pace, gone! Tory Holt, Kevin Carter, Adam Timmerman, Trent Green, London Fletcher -- gone, gone, gone, gone, gone! And the brains behind this? Gone, gone, gone!"

North Iowa Times: "The team that was supposed to come here was awesome! After this flurry of trading, now it's just awe-ful!"

AP News: DES MOINES - In an NFL record day of trading, Rev Rew, personnel manager of the new Des Moines Dragons, announced more than half of the team has been traded away to other franchises. Sources close to the team suggest the trade activity had been progressing for weeks, but news of 18 seperate NFL trades was kept quiet until a press conference at 4:00 pm today, where Rew announced the trades, using a PowerPoint presentation to list all the names. Rush hour radio talk show hosts are already claiming that Rew didn't get nearly the talent in return for the talent he gave up, but are thankful that at least superstars Kurt Warner and Marshall Faulk were spared from the trading block.

revrew · 01-30-2003, 07:57 PM

"Yes, Mr. Bienz, we obtained all of the priority players. Yes. Yes. Shall I list them for you? Dwight, Williams, Robertson, Verba, Early, Knight, Wells, Shaw, Jones, Banks, Paup, Ward, Robinson, and Sims. Secondary targets were obtained as well."

"Merton Hanks? I determined his waning talent level just wasn't worth the price. Our starting corners' contracts end this year, so we'll be ready to reload the corners next year. Our new safeties, however, should anchor our secondary for years."

"Yes, definitely a strong point. Our Defensive Tackles are outstanding as well. We'll be very strong up the middle, though we're weak on Linebackers at the moment."

"No, I couldn't find a single owner interested in taking Faulk. His contract was back-loaded too much. Besides, retaining him will keep the dogs off our back for a year. We might even make a run at the playoffs this year, and that will stop a lot of this..."

"San Diego State, sir."

"Yes, I know that's not in Iowa."

"We may just have to cut him next year if we can't find a trade."

"Very well, sir. And thank you." Click.

"Lunatic."

revrew · 01-30-2003, 08:00 PM

Beware the Dragon!

revrew · 01-30-2003, 08:01 PM

Huh. Wonder if that worked. Worked on my computer. Yours?

Chas in Cinti · 01-31-2003, 06:57 AM

worked!

revrew · 02-01-2003, 09:09 PM

Boone Republican:IOWA CITY--Murmers among players at Dragon training camp have nearly disappeared in the grueling 3-a-day practices conducted by Coach Fry. "He's the most disciplinarian coach I've ever seen," said star running back Marhsall Faulk. "Jeez, man, he wasn't this intense back in college," said wide receiver Quinn Early, who played under Coach Fry at the University of Iowa.

"Yeah, the guys are sweatin' it," said quarterback Kurt Warner, "but this guy really makes you believe in yourself. He's a slave driver and a motivator."

WHO Radio, Des Moines: "Looks like Fry is going to run a wide open offense, Bonnie."
"Open to what, Van?"
"Open to scoring. He's got receivers running all over the place, just like Warner saw with the Barnstormers. I don't think Kurt will have any more 7-touchdown games here in Iowa, but he sure will have the chance to put up some exciting games."

revrew · 02-01-2003, 09:10 PM

Pre-Season Report

Game 1: Oakland, Dragons win 20-17
Des Moines Register:"Faulk ran for 100...We were sacked 5 times. Looks like the lack of playing together may be hurting communication up front...Any time Tyrone Wheatley busts one for 60 yards, you know you've got pursuit problems."

Game 2: at Tennessee, Dragons win 44-24
Corwith-Wesley-LuVerne Times: "I'm going to tell my children I got to watch Marshall Faulk run for 5 touchdowns in the first half! Looks like all those nay-sayers forgot we still have the NFL's two most dangerous weapons."

Game 3: Buffalo, Dragons win 32-7
North Iowa Times: "We may have to rethink our pre-season comments. Shoot, Coach Fry has even straightened out Erik Williams. Last week Matilda Fredrickson said she saw him helping Imogene Swanson cross the street. What a nice boy he's turning out to be!"

Game 4: at Dallas, Cowpokes win 21-48
WHO radio: "You can't win when the other team controls the clock for 40 minutes of the game. Or when you give up 200 yards on the ground. Emmitt showed Faulk that maybe it's a bit early to declare a changing of the NFL guard."

Telegraph Herald: "Losing Defensive Tackle James Jones to a gruesome knee injury in the first quarter really hurts the Dragons. They were weak on the defensive front to begin with, and if the last three quarters are any indication of what the line looks like without Jones, the Dragons are in for a long season. The only bright spot was ancient Quinn Early's 100-yard game. Maybe the old wide-out still has some legs left, or maybe he's just a bit craftier that we all thought."

National Enquirer: "Multi-Tentacled Alien Spotted at NFL Pre-Season Game!"

revrew · 02-01-2003, 09:10 PM

Player Profile
ESPN MagazineDan Patrick Runs Deep with Tim Dwight

"Go back to special teams, shrimp."

DP: Are you really the punk Dan Reeves says you are?
TD: When you're a 5'8 white guy playing wideout, you've got to have a chip on your shoulder to get any respect.
DP: Who doesn't give you respect?
TD: When a 6'2 corner looks down at you and says, "Go back to special teams, shrimp," you've got to stick it to 'em. Run right by them, then jab a button hook so fast their spider legs get tied up, and watch them fall on their face while you spin again to the end zone.

DP: Who's your favorite new teammate in Des Moines?
TD: Gotta go with Quinn Early. We're complete opposites. I'm a jackrabbit on the field, and he's all smooth and crafty. We make a heckuva one-two punch.
DP: What kind of name is "Quinn"?
TD: Fits him good. Kind of name that should be hosting "Masterpiece Theater," he's got so much class.

DP: So what are the prospects for a single guy like you in Des Moines?
TD: Des Moines, nothin'; I'm still a cult-hero in Iowa City. Gotta think co-eds, man.
DP: Any sororities you'd recommend?
TD: Any you wouldn't?

revrew · 02-01-2003, 09:11 PM

Player Profile: Damien Robinson and Marcus Robertson
Sports Illustrated: "Rob Squad" -- picture two Dragon players back-to-back, arms folded with a pair of .38 specials pointed at you, and nylons over their heads.

What stands a cumulative 12 feet tall, weighs 414 pounds, boasts twin heads wearing numbers 31 and 32, and roams the Dragon secondary looking for someone to crunch? Not another mythological medeival monster, but a pair of safeties that wreak havoc on opposing quarterbacks, a pair of safeties nicknamed by fans "The Rob Squad."

Since Damien Robinson and Marcus Robertson first arrived at training camp, the two have developed an immediate chemistry. A chemical equation for giving headaches to other teams' offensive coordinators.

"Which of you is the free safety and which is the strong?" we asked them.

"Shhh. We're not telling," says Damien, "let the other teams worry about that."

Indeed, Coach Hayden Fry's defense masks which plays which position, and often interchanges the two. Having the players wear consecutive numbers is a dirty rotten trick as well.

But the players make sure any wideout foolish enough to cross the middle knows which is which. When Damien Robinson decks a receiver to the turf, he shouts out, "That's in-son!" And when Marcus Robertson takes a shot, he taunts, "That's ert-son!" And should some poor soul get sandwiched between, these two "bash brothers" shout together, "And that's the Rob Squad!" ...

...Even if you can't tell which is which when they mix up coverages, play different positions, block for each other on interception returns, give high fives, and share head-butts, one thing is certain: the Rob Squad is "stealing" the hearts of Dragon fans.

revrew · 02-01-2003, 09:12 PM

North Iowa Times:Esther Boomgarten reports that while walking her cat Fru-Fru down Walnut, the cat was suddenly startled by a 6'6 311 pound Dragon named Erik Williams. Fru-Fru made for the nearest tree and hid on a branch.

"But that giant man," said Boomgarten, "reached right up and got little Fru-Fru down and handed her to me. I tell you, that Erik Williams is turning out to be such a nice boy."

Team doctors report that Williams' stitches should be ready to come out in 1-2 weeks.

wade moore · 02-03-2003, 10:04 AM

This is a GREAT read..

fantastic flying froggies · 02-03-2003, 10:16 AM

EXCELLENT read even... Can't wait for the regular season...
Des Moines Dragons - early candidate for Golden Scribe Awards 2004...

revrew · 02-03-2003, 10:39 AM

Wade and Triple-F: Thanks, guys. Wow, I'm all vaklempt. "They like me, they really like me!"

I'll keep it rolling. I'm enjoying this immensely. And hey, don't forget to "rate this thread" down below. A five-star rating might get us a few more readers.

Kodos · 02-03-2003, 12:44 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by revrew
Game 4: at Dallas, Cowpokes win 21-48

WHO radio: "You can't win when the other team controls the clock for 40 minutes of the game. Or when you give up 200 yards on the ground. Emmitt showed Faulk that maybe it's a bit early to declare a changing of the NFL guard."

I know that it is only the preseason, but this was an unacceptable outcome.

Great start for your dynasty, and good luck in your future encounters with the Cowpokes!

DataKing · 02-03-2003, 01:07 PM

This is good stuff rev. Keep it up. I'll be following along for certain.

tucker342 · 02-03-2003, 10:31 PM

It's difficult, but I'm willing to look past my hatred for the city of Des Moines, as long as it brings Iowa domination. Great dynasty, keep it up!

revrew · 02-03-2003, 10:46 PM

Kodos: It wasn't my fault, man! They blew out my DT's knee in the first quarter and left their starters in all game! My scrubs were out there trying to beef it out against Aikman, Emmitt, etc. Of course, they no longer have Erik "He's such a nice boy" Williams.

DataKing and tuck: Thanks for the affirmation guys. Gotta like seeing somebody besides yourself posting when you're doin' a dynasty.

revrew · 02-03-2003, 10:47 PM

Reg. Game 1: Denver, Dragons win 17-10
Post-game Press Conf. with the coach:

Coach Fry, what were the keys to victory today?
"Defense! They didn't get an offensive touchdown on us. Couldn't sustain a drive."

Whose performance stood out in your mind?
"The Rob Squad played a heckuva game today. Damien had 9 tackles, and Marcus got the game-winning interception score. Game ball to Marcus!"

From somewhere in the background... "That's ERT-son!"

Who didn't play well today, Coach?
"Now, you listen here, you zit-faced, bottle-necked, lilly-livered pencil pusher. And don't make me repeat myself. I will not now, nor will I ever stand up and talk down one of my players. YOU GOT THAT? Don't you EVER ask me that question again! You vultures are going to crucify these players enough--with all your columns and radio gab-a-thons, talkin' like you know what it's like to work your %$^#$ off all weak, get pummeled on the weekend, and then wake up Monday morning begging for more--I sure as #%^#% ain't gonna give you any more ammunition. Now somebody ask me a question I can answer!"

Um, if you don't mind, um, coach, sir? What might be something you're going to work on this week in practice?
"That's better. We've got to work on our timing on the hot routes. Denver never let up the blitz today to test our line (they did a fine job, too), and we weren't able to make them pay for it. Quinn Early did a great job using his body to get in front of the corners all day, but he and Kurt were just a hair off. Quinn could have had 10 grabs today, but had to settle for 5. We'll fix that for next week. Now if you ladies don't mind, I've got a lot of work to do to get ready for Seattle. Good day."

revrew · 02-03-2003, 10:49 PM

North Iowa Times:"Eugene Brachenhausen, Dyersville Beckman football coach, welcomed Des Moines Dragon Erik Williams for a ribbon-cutting ceremony on the Catholic High School's new football field, Tuesday. Williams was quoted as cutting the ribbon with the words, "In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Saint Lombardi, play ball!"

"That Erik Williams," said school secretary Alice O'Malley, "he's turning out to be such a nice boy."

revrew · 02-05-2003, 03:29 PM

Game 2: at Seattle, Dragons win 41-28
[I[Coach Fry's postgame press conference[/i]:

Impressive, come-from-behind victory today, Coach--24 points in the fourth quarter. Who were the leaders of the comeback charge?

"I know the commentators gave the MVP today to Marshall. Sure, 3 TDs, and all. But there were a lot of heros on the squad today. Kurt had a great day, Dwight moved us between the 20s with, what? 7 catches? 100-some yards? Tony Horne's kickoff return was a real shot in the arm, and M-Rob...

From the background... "That's ERT-son!

"M-Rob had a great game, especially that pick in the end-zone. But I'll tell you this, ladies. Any time you can honor one of the guys with guts in the trenches, you do it. Tomorrow everyone will talk about Tony's kickoff return, and Faulk's 3 scores, but the guy that led our team today was Keith Simms. Who pulled outside and blew away the defenders for Marhsall's 2 touchdown runs? Keith. Who sprang Sedrick Shaw for his double 30-yard runs? Keith. Simms had 6 or 7 key blocks today--pancakes, I tell you! And in the first half, when we were playing like a bunch of...a bunch of...HOOSIERS, Keith was giving the same, steady, all-star performance. Game Ball to Keith Simms."

revrew · 02-05-2003, 03:30 PM

Player Profile: OG Keith Simms

SportsCenter Stuart Scott: "Some NFL Offensive Lineman like intimidating defensive ends. Others prefer linebackers. But not Des Moines Dragons' OG Keith Simms. He prefers scaring the wits out of defense-LESS...retired farmers."

(Scene moves from ESPN desk to driving inside a truck with Simms.) "Yeah, during the week I like driving this big, black Hummer into little towns outside of Des Moines, thumpin' the bass enough to rattle windows. I drive her right down main street, up and down a few times if it takes Grandma that long to get out of the chair where she's getting her hair dyed purple for the 14th time. I wait until every shop in town has got some retired farmer or lolli-pop lickin' kid stickin' his head out the door, then I pull into the gas station. I shut her down, get out one big ol' leg at a time, and fill her up.

"You should see the looks on their faces! Biggest, baddest, Brother they ever seen! Half these towns ain't ever seen a black man except on Fox! Then I drive to the next town and do it all over again.

"It's been a good day when I catch someone fillin' up at the next pump. I walk right over, tower right over their bony, terrified little face, lift up my mirror sunglasses, glare at 'em, and say, 'You better have a nice day, OR ELSE!' HA! What a riot! They 'bout $^&$ their drawers right there. Then when I walk away, they 'bout pee their pants laughin'. God, I love Iowa!"

(P.S. I don't know if the real Keith Simms is black, white, Korean, or Maltese; but for the sake of my twisted imagination, he just got African-Americanized)

revrew · 02-05-2003, 03:32 PM

North Iowa Times 83-year-old Abigail von Deuselknopfer of Ft. Dodge, Iowa, told the Times Des Moines Dragon Erik Williams held the door of the Ft. Dodge Aldi's grocery store open for her on Wednesday. "Back in my day," said Doozelnoppfer, "you could get some decent service at a grocery store. But not here. They even make you pay for bags and the cart! Good thing that Erik Williams showed up. Held the door open so I could get my bought-and-paid-for cart out to my truck. Then, instead of unloading it, he just lifted the whole cart up into the bed! What a nice boy that Erik Williams is turning out to be."

Aldi's Corporation did have this comment: "Um, the quarter is just a deposit. We, we don't sell the carts. See, she's supposed to bring it back and get her quarter...she thought she BOUGHT it?"

revrew · 02-06-2003, 10:52 PM

Game 3: San Fran, Dragons win 37-24
Burlington Hawkeye: "The Dragon offense is doing way more than just blowing smoke; they're blowing opponents away! The numbers speak for themselves: Warner 427 yards, Tim Dwight 12 for 174!, and Offensive Player of the Week Marshall Faulk had 100 by air and by sea. Even Coach Fry finally broke down and gave Faulk the game ball...

"M-Rob (that's ERT-son) led the defense with 9 tackles, 1 int, and 1 pass defended. His "bash brother" in the secondary, Damien Robinson should return from an inury sustained in yesterday's game in two weeks to play San Diego...

"Keith Sims continues his Pro-Bowl year at left guard."

Des Moines Register: "The city of Marshalltown, Iowa, honored Iowa's new favorite Marshall, Faulk that is, by extending him the key to the city. 'Marshall Faulk in Marshalltown Days', complete with a corn-fest, mini-doughnut stand, craft fair, and giant ball of popcorn shaped like a number 28, is scheduled for July 11-16."

revrew · 02-06-2003, 10:52 PM

North Iowa Times: "Elkader native Ralph Nortenbacher was surprised this week when Des Moines Dragon Erik Williams asked his permission to date his daughter*. "You just don't see many guys respecting a girl's father like that anymore," Nortenbacher said. "That Erik Williams is turning out to be such a nice boy."

*Editor's note: Daughter's name cannot be printed, on account of her being a minor.

revrew · 02-06-2003, 10:53 PM

Game 4: at Atlanta, Dragons win 34-31
Posted on CBSSportsline.com's fantasy discussion board by member #187665 CornNbeans: "Well, gents, you laughed at me for taking Tim Dwight in the second round. Who's laughing now, boys? Hmmm, what was my line this week? Warner, 441 and 3 scores, two of them to Dwight? Ha Ha Ha!"

Quarter-Season report
The Dragons are 4-0
Warner is #4 in the league with a 97.6 QB rating.
Dwight is the NFL's leading receiver, on pace for 120 catches, 1800 yds, and 12 TDs.
Faulk leads the NFL in combined yards and TDs, on pace for 24 scores.
M-Rob (that's ERT-son!) leads the NFL in INTS.
Keith Sims is #2 in the NFL in KRBs, while not having given up a sack yet.
DT Mike Wells is playing outstanding, on pace for 60 tackles from the DT spot.

revrew · 02-06-2003, 11:02 PM

"Mr. Bienz, are you sure we can't keep Faulk next year? He's well on his way to the MVP this year, and..."

"What does the San Andreas Fault have to do with..."

"Funny, sir. Very funny. No, I doubt it will move San Diego State to Iowa by then... But Marshalltown has already embraced him! Did you see all the press?"

"The popcorn ball idea is a bit wacky, I agree. But..."

"Okay, the mission. Remember the mission. I've got it... Sure will miss Faulk though."

"Happy Harvest to you too, sir. And a Merry Planting next year. There's no place like the barn for the holidays."

Kodos · 02-07-2003, 12:36 PM

At the end of the year, you can just tell him to Faulk off.

Anrhydeddu · 02-07-2003, 01:14 PM

Extremely entertaining.

revrew · 02-07-2003, 03:27 PM

Reader Feed-back Time!

Dear Readers,
Thank you for keeping up with the Dynasy thus far, and for your kind comments. I'm having a great time doing this, and you're participation is very welcome.

I've been cutting bits and pieces out of different broadcasts, newspapers, and various media to keep you up-to-date with the team's progress. But obviously, the national and state media coverage is more extensive than what I've sampled thus far. I'd like to know what information you would like more or less of:

* More player profiles? Or less? Get to know more players? Management? Coaching? Who would you like me to find an article on?
* More or less stats on individual games and players? Do you want a break-down on the games ala Kodos' Gatesville dynasty?
* Do you want more of GM Rev Rew's evaluation of strategy and talent?
* Do you want a strategic breakdown of the roster, and which players are Iowans?
* Too much write-up? Get moving on the season! (The next season is when the real fun begins, as we'll finish purging the team.) Or do you like the current pace?
* And lastly, what's your favorite part of the Dynasty thus far? ESPN coverage? Erik Williams updates? What do you look forward reading?

Thank you for your cooperation. Your participation can only make the Des Moines Dragon fan experience more thrilling!

Sincerely,
Rev Rew, GM Demented Des Moines Dragons

DataKing · 02-07-2003, 05:27 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by revrew

* More player profiles? Or less? Get to know more players? Management? Coaching? Who would you like me to find an article on?
I'm all for this. I'm especially interested in some of the less well-known players you have on the roster.

* More or less stats on individual games and players? Do you want a break-down on the games ala Kodos' Gatesville dynasty?
Unnecessary in my opinion. It doesn't really seem to fit the style you're already establishing.

* Do you want more of GM Rev Rew's evaluation of strategy and talent?
I'd be very much interested to hear what Rev Rew has to say about some of these characters.

* Do you want a strategic breakdown of the roster, and which players are Iowans?
Also unnecessary IMO, see #2.

* Too much write-up? Get moving on the season! (The next season is when the real fun begins, as we'll finish purging the team.) Or do you like the current pace?
I like the current pace just fine. It gives us a chance to get to know some of the players that will most likely be around for a while.

* And lastly, what's your favorite part of the Dynasty thus far? ESPN coverage? Erik Williams updates? What do you look forward reading?
The Erik Williams updates are my personal favorites, without a doubt.

Thank you for your cooperation. Your participation can only make the Des Moines Dragon fan experience more thrilling!

Sincerely,
Rev Rew, GM Demented Des Moines Dragons [/b]

revrew · 02-07-2003, 10:00 PM

Dataking: Thanks for the feedback. And for you Erik Williams fans, a bit of a teaser: He's about to convince the Iowa State Patrol that "he's turning out to be such a nice boy" too!

MylesKnight · 02-07-2003, 10:39 PM

Hmm, Des Moines Dragons. As in the Des Moines Dragons of the what now I believe is defunct International Basketball Association?

I kept up with the Rochester, MN team for a while.. Just noticed the name..

Enjoying it thus far Revrew

revrew · 02-10-2003, 02:14 PM

Game 5: San Diego, Dragons win 24-17

Mason City Globe-Gazette -- Kevin Schraub's "Keys of the Game": What you missed if you weren't watching Sunday
1. Damien Robinson (that's IN-son!) returned: The Rob-squad amassed 9 tackles, 6 assists, one INT, and 2 passes defended
2. On 1st and 10 from the Dragon 2, Keith Sims sprang Marshall Faulk for a 75-yard scamper.
3. Quinn Early and Game MVP Kurt Warner worked out their timing, just as coach Fry demanded, hooking up on 9-for-9.
4. Dragon's leading tackler, MLB Ron Harvey goes down with a shoulder injury for 3-5 weeks.

revrew · 02-10-2003, 02:18 PM

Player Profile: The receiving corps
Sports Illustrated: "Grass Clippings" -- (picture: 5 Dragon receivers standing atop and around a lawn tractor at midfield)

The grounds crew at Casey's Stadium in Des Moines never has to mow Monday following a Dragons game on Sunday. Kurt Warner and the league's shortest, but most potent, receiving corps makes certain there aren't any long blades to worry about.

"I keep chucking (the football) into the ground, and those guys dig down to get it," said Warner. "I swear if I stepped back to throw and just dropped the ball, before it hit the ground (WR Dave) Salley would scoot back to pick it up. If defenders want any INTs this year, they'd better learn to catch at their ankles."

Warner found Dave Salley, the Dragon's shortest mighty-sprite at 5'7, for a touchdown last week, the same place he usually finds him: about 3 inches off the ground. "I ran across the entire field, left to right," said Salley. "I think the safety lost me when Seau was on the ground. #55's helmet hid me from view."

Indeed, the Dragons' tallest receiver, Quinn Early, stands a mere 6 feet tall. "The other guys keep asking me how the weather is up here," says Early, "I tell them it's sunny when we're winning."

And apparently, it's sunny in Des Moines. The Dragons are tops in the league in points and victories, and boast the top receiver, 5'8 Tim Dwight. "I'm not short," says Dwight, "I've got plenty of vertical." Dwight's league-leading yards-per-catch average suggests he's right.

The Dragons' other two diminutive wideouts are making highlight films themselves. 5'9 Tony Horne, the only Dragon wideout not to graduate from an Iowa school (hmm, has anyone else noticed a pattern in Des Moines?), has dazzled the media with electric kick returns, including a 101-yard score in week 2. And two weeks ago 5'9 Dedric Ward showed why he was such a dangerous player at the University of Northern Iowa when he outjuked 6 Falcons on his way to a 65-yard touchdown reception that nearly covered twice that distance.

Dan Reeves, Atlanta's coach, summarizes the Dragon attack: "They've got a bunch of jackrabbits playing. When Des Moines gets into a four or five receiver set, it's like opening the rabbits' cage and asking the secondary to catch them all. What a zoo!"

"Rabbits?" says Dwight. "As long as we produce touchdowns they way rabbits, well, you know."

revrew · 02-10-2003, 02:25 PM

North Iowa Times: Perhaps you recall Elkader native Ralph Nortenbacher telling the Times how Des Moines Dragon Erik Williams asked his permission to date his daughter. Well, things didn't go quite so well as planned.

"When Erik came out to meet me," said Nortenbacher, "I couldn't quite see what he and my daughter had in common. I ended up deciding it wasn't a good idea for them to date.

"We got into quite an argument, but in the end, Williams respected my authority and was on his way. Later, he sent an apology note and a nice case of summer sausage. I tell you, that Erik Williams is such a nice boy."

For an article on the Nortenbacher's missing dog, turn to page 3C...

DataKing · 02-10-2003, 03:15 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by revrew
North Iowa Times: Perhaps you recall Elkader native Ralph Nortenbacher telling the Times how Des Moines Dragon Erik Williams asked his permission to date his daughter. Well, things didn't go quite so well as planned.

"When Erik came out to meet me," said Nortenbacher, "I couldn't quite see what he and my daughter had in common. I ended up deciding it wasn't a good idea for them to date.

"We got into quite an argument, but in the end, Williams respected my authority and was on his way. Later, he sent an apology note and a nice case of summer sausage. I tell you, that Erik Williams is such a nice boy."

For an on the Nortenbacher's missing dog, turn to page 3C...

I almost had Coke spill out my nose when I read that last line. Great stuff Rev!

revrew · 02-10-2003, 09:50 PM

Mucho gracias, DK. Perhaps Erik Williams didn't leave all his nasty ways behind in Dallas after all...

Kodos · 02-11-2003, 12:57 PM

Poor doggy. Devin Bergeron's pets keep disappearing too...

I think your dynasty is already in the right format. It's readily distinguishable from any other dynasty out there due to its style. It's the same thing that makes the L.A. Diablos dynasty good - it gives you something a little bit different. Different is good.

Kodos · 02-21-2003, 12:25 AM

Has Erik Williams gotten into big enough trouble to stop this dynasty?

fantastic flying froggies · 02-21-2003, 06:25 AM

I hear Revrew was kidnapped by an evil alien named K something or other...

revrew · 02-21-2003, 11:13 AM

Actually, revrew has been secretly working behind the scenes to produce a higher quality product. I've simmed ahead (God help me, Kodos--I'm playing Dallas later) so I can cut some of the crap and find more poignant news clippings to post. We've got some great stuff coming up, including a position battle between two Iowans who hope to start next year, etc.

Haven't posted lately because my work is seasonal and we're in crunch time right now. By next week, we should be up and rolling.

As for Erik Williams getting in trouble...he wouldn't do that, would he? He's such a nice boy, after all. But let's just say there is an Iowan District Court Judge driving a bright, shiny, brand new red Ferrari these days...

(P.S. Thank you so much for being faithful readers. I was hoping someone would notice my unfortunate absence. Sniff. I love you, man.)

Kodos · 02-21-2003, 11:15 AM

Can you feel the love tonight?

StanGunner · 02-21-2003, 12:02 PM

I think your format is fantastic. Most laughs I ever had reading a Dynasty thread. I believe the Award program next year will be a real battle with all the great posters now producing stories.

01-30-2003, 07:55 PM	#7
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Kodos: Thanks. Didn't even occur to me how similar this was to Gatesville, but now that I look at it, it's almost carbon copy. O'course, my goals, and therefore my restricting house rules, are the big difference. Tuck: No, I didn't grad from U of I, though I did turn down a free ride to go there. (It wasn't my fault! They didn't have a marine biology program!) But I grew up in Eastern Iowa, and well, if you know Iowa, you know what that means. Go Hawks! And I am going to need luck. I got big problems in special teams, as I hope the draft gives me some goodies in the kicker dept. Otherwise, I may have to ammend the rules and go with no college kickers in the meantime. I also see salary cap probs down the road...but until then...my next installment. __________________ Winner of 6 FOFC Scribe Awards, including 3 Gold Scribes Founder of the ZFL, 2004 Golden Scribe Dynasty of the Year Now bringing The Des Moines Dragons back to life, and the joke's on YOU, NFL! I came to the Crossroad. I took it. And that has made all the difference.

01-30-2003, 08:00 PM	#10
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Beware the Dragon! __________________ Winner of 6 FOFC Scribe Awards, including 3 Gold Scribes Founder of the ZFL, 2004 Golden Scribe Dynasty of the Year Now bringing The Des Moines Dragons back to life, and the joke's on YOU, NFL! I came to the Crossroad. I took it. And that has made all the difference.

01-31-2003, 06:57 AM	#12
Chas in Cinti High School Varsity Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Cincinnati, OH	worked! __________________ Email: [email protected]

02-01-2003, 09:10 PM	#14
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Pre-Season Report Game 1: Oakland, Dragons win 20-17 Des Moines Register:"Faulk ran for 100...We were sacked 5 times. Looks like the lack of playing together may be hurting communication up front...Any time Tyrone Wheatley busts one for 60 yards, you know you've got pursuit problems." Game 2: at Tennessee, Dragons win 44-24 Corwith-Wesley-LuVerne Times: "I'm going to tell my children I got to watch Marshall Faulk run for 5 touchdowns in the first half! Looks like all those nay-sayers forgot we still have the NFL's two most dangerous weapons." Game 3: Buffalo, Dragons win 32-7 North Iowa Times: "We may have to rethink our pre-season comments. Shoot, Coach Fry has even straightened out Erik Williams. Last week Matilda Fredrickson said she saw him helping Imogene Swanson cross the street. What a nice boy he's turning out to be!" Game 4: at Dallas, Cowpokes win 21-48 WHO radio: "You can't win when the other team controls the clock for 40 minutes of the game. Or when you give up 200 yards on the ground. Emmitt showed Faulk that maybe it's a bit early to declare a changing of the NFL guard." Telegraph Herald: "Losing Defensive Tackle James Jones to a gruesome knee injury in the first quarter really hurts the Dragons. They were weak on the defensive front to begin with, and if the last three quarters are any indication of what the line looks like without Jones, the Dragons are in for a long season. The only bright spot was ancient Quinn Early's 100-yard game. Maybe the old wide-out still has some legs left, or maybe he's just a bit craftier that we all thought." National Enquirer: "Multi-Tentacled Alien Spotted at NFL Pre-Season Game!" __________________ Winner of 6 FOFC Scribe Awards, including 3 Gold Scribes Founder of the ZFL, 2004 Golden Scribe Dynasty of the Year Now bringing The Des Moines Dragons back to life, and the joke's on YOU, NFL! I came to the Crossroad. I took it. And that has made all the difference.

02-01-2003, 09:10 PM	#15
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Player Profile ESPN MagazineDan Patrick Runs Deep with Tim Dwight "Go back to special teams, shrimp." DP: Are you really the punk Dan Reeves says you are? TD: When you're a 5'8 white guy playing wideout, you've got to have a chip on your shoulder to get any respect. DP: Who doesn't give you respect? TD: When a 6'2 corner looks down at you and says, "Go back to special teams, shrimp," you've got to stick it to 'em. Run right by them, then jab a button hook so fast their spider legs get tied up, and watch them fall on their face while you spin again to the end zone. DP: Who's your favorite new teammate in Des Moines? TD: Gotta go with Quinn Early. We're complete opposites. I'm a jackrabbit on the field, and he's all smooth and crafty. We make a heckuva one-two punch. DP: What kind of name is "Quinn"? TD: Fits him good. Kind of name that should be hosting "Masterpiece Theater," he's got so much class. DP: So what are the prospects for a single guy like you in Des Moines? TD: Des Moines, nothin'; I'm still a cult-hero in Iowa City. Gotta think co-eds, man. DP: Any sororities you'd recommend? TD: Any you wouldn't? __________________ Winner of 6 FOFC Scribe Awards, including 3 Gold Scribes Founder of the ZFL, 2004 Golden Scribe Dynasty of the Year Now bringing The Des Moines Dragons back to life, and the joke's on YOU, NFL! I came to the Crossroad. I took it. And that has made all the difference.

01-30-2003, 02:54 PM	#2
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	This 2k1 dynasty will not bore you with a breakdown of every player's scouted prowess, game-by-game play-by-play, or even complete roster lists. You'll be updated on the character and performance of players, without numerical clues to their true abilities, and games will be reported in Newspaper style, rather than box score style. Highlights only. No charts. House Rules are as follows: 1. One player initiated trade allowed per year (exception made for purging year). The 7th round fairness test applies to all trades. 2. Unlimited FA signings (except as modified by rules 5-8 below.) 3. Contract renegotiations unrestricted as long as in final year of contract. 4. Undrafted rookie free agents can be given a max of 5-year minimum wage contract. Now, the fun rules: 5. Only players graduating from Iowa colleges may play for the Dragons. 6. Rule #5 may only be excepted in the first, transitional year (and then only if necessary) by signing stop-gap players to one-year deals. By the second year, all Dragons will be Iowans. 7. In the case of Iowa colleges that share names with other schools (Northwestern, Cornell, etc.) no players shall be acquired from these schools if the Iowan origin is uncertifiable. 8. We don't give a rip about money or fans, this is a deranged man's socio-political statement. 9. The dynasty shall end when the Dragons win a SuperBowl. On to the transitional year...beware the Dragon!

01-30-2003, 02:55 PM	#3
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Hitch #1: Mike Martz didn't graduate from an Iowa school. Oops, he's now coaching elsewhere. New Coach? Kirk Ferentz (remember the time frame) hadn't yet made his stellar run with the Hawks. The Shoop brothers and Chuck Long couldn't be persuaded to leave Oklahoma, where they were having too much fun winning national titles. This left us with only one choice. The omniscient, omnipotent, immortal Hayden Fry. But would he join the cause? The meetings with Fry were going well until we informed The Coach that he would have to coach players from Iowa State as well as the U of I. "No," he said. "I will not stoop so low. A man has to have scruples," he said. Even after von Bienz offered The Coach a gazillion bucks, Fry still stood his ground. Enter Rev Rew: "Follow me here, Coach. Picture if you will, an NFL team composed at the core of Hawkeyes. They bleed black and gold. Now added to that team are all the bastard traitors whose mommies sent them off to I Suck U. Then all the pansy-weights who went to UNI, Central, Drake, etc. hop on board. All these players that could have been Hawkeyes if it wouldn't have been for dividing the state's talent pool among those other institutions of lower learning. You still with me? Now picture that team winning the SuperBowl, beating NFL teams full of all-star squads from other colleges. Can you imagine how the governor of Iowa would react if he knew the Hawkeyes could have fielded such a team in college if it weren't for Iowa State? Why he'd be ashamed, embarrassed, outraged! He'd shut down Iowa State right away and demand its best athletes be sent to Iowa City! Don't you see? If they join the cause it only shows how they SHOULD have all been Hawkeyes!" A sly grin came over The Coach's face. "You're full of #&^%#, kid. But I like your style. Count me in." Beware the Dragon!

01-30-2003, 03:15 PM	#5
Kodos Resident Alien Join Date: Jun 2001	The old relocate and purge trick. Always a sure way to strike dynasty gold! Go Dragons!

01-30-2003, 03:51 PM	#6
tucker342 Pro Starter Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Iowa City, IA	Awesome!!! Did you go to U of I? I live in Iowa City. Good luck, you're going to need it!

01-30-2003, 07:56 PM	#8
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Telegraph Herald: "Yes, there is no joy in Muddville. Mighty Frank von Bienz has struck out." Des Moines Register: "...Isaac Bruce, gone! Orlando Pace, gone! Tory Holt, Kevin Carter, Adam Timmerman, Trent Green, London Fletcher -- gone, gone, gone, gone, gone! And the brains behind this? Gone, gone, gone!" North Iowa Times: "The team that was supposed to come here was awesome! After this flurry of trading, now it's just awe-ful!" AP News: DES MOINES - In an NFL record day of trading, Rev Rew, personnel manager of the new Des Moines Dragons, announced more than half of the team has been traded away to other franchises. Sources close to the team suggest the trade activity had been progressing for weeks, but news of 18 seperate NFL trades was kept quiet until a press conference at 4:00 pm today, where Rew announced the trades, using a PowerPoint presentation to list all the names. Rush hour radio talk show hosts are already claiming that Rew didn't get nearly the talent in return for the talent he gave up, but are thankful that at least superstars Kurt Warner and Marshall Faulk were spared from the trading block.

01-30-2003, 07:57 PM	#9
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	"Yes, Mr. Bienz, we obtained all of the priority players. Yes. Yes. Shall I list them for you? Dwight, Williams, Robertson, Verba, Early, Knight, Wells, Shaw, Jones, Banks, Paup, Ward, Robinson, and Sims. Secondary targets were obtained as well." "Merton Hanks? I determined his waning talent level just wasn't worth the price. Our starting corners' contracts end this year, so we'll be ready to reload the corners next year. Our new safeties, however, should anchor our secondary for years." "Yes, definitely a strong point. Our Defensive Tackles are outstanding as well. We'll be very strong up the middle, though we're weak on Linebackers at the moment." "No, I couldn't find a single owner interested in taking Faulk. His contract was back-loaded too much. Besides, retaining him will keep the dogs off our back for a year. We might even make a run at the playoffs this year, and that will stop a lot of this..." "San Diego State, sir." "Yes, I know that's not in Iowa." "We may just have to cut him next year if we can't find a trade." "Very well, sir. And thank you." Click. "Lunatic."

01-30-2003, 08:01 PM	#11
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Huh. Wonder if that worked. Worked on my computer. Yours?

02-01-2003, 09:09 PM	#13
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Boone Republican:IOWA CITY--Murmers among players at Dragon training camp have nearly disappeared in the grueling 3-a-day practices conducted by Coach Fry. "He's the most disciplinarian coach I've ever seen," said star running back Marhsall Faulk. "Jeez, man, he wasn't this intense back in college," said wide receiver Quinn Early, who played under Coach Fry at the University of Iowa. "Yeah, the guys are sweatin' it," said quarterback Kurt Warner, "but this guy really makes you believe in yourself. He's a slave driver and a motivator." WHO Radio, Des Moines: "Looks like Fry is going to run a wide open offense, Bonnie." "Open to what, Van?" "Open to scoring. He's got receivers running all over the place, just like Warner saw with the Barnstormers. I don't think Kurt will have any more 7-touchdown games here in Iowa, but he sure will have the chance to put up some exciting games."

02-01-2003, 09:11 PM	#16
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Player Profile: Damien Robinson and Marcus Robertson Sports Illustrated: "Rob Squad" -- picture two Dragon players back-to-back, arms folded with a pair of .38 specials pointed at you, and nylons over their heads. What stands a cumulative 12 feet tall, weighs 414 pounds, boasts twin heads wearing numbers 31 and 32, and roams the Dragon secondary looking for someone to crunch? Not another mythological medeival monster, but a pair of safeties that wreak havoc on opposing quarterbacks, a pair of safeties nicknamed by fans "The Rob Squad." Since Damien Robinson and Marcus Robertson first arrived at training camp, the two have developed an immediate chemistry. A chemical equation for giving headaches to other teams' offensive coordinators. "Which of you is the free safety and which is the strong?" we asked them. "Shhh. We're not telling," says Damien, "let the other teams worry about that." Indeed, Coach Hayden Fry's defense masks which plays which position, and often interchanges the two. Having the players wear consecutive numbers is a dirty rotten trick as well. But the players make sure any wideout foolish enough to cross the middle knows which is which. When Damien Robinson decks a receiver to the turf, he shouts out, "That's in-son!" And when Marcus Robertson takes a shot, he taunts, "That's ert-son!" And should some poor soul get sandwiched between, these two "bash brothers" shout together, "And that's the Rob Squad!" ... ...Even if you can't tell which is which when they mix up coverages, play different positions, block for each other on interception returns, give high fives, and share head-butts, one thing is certain: the Rob Squad is "stealing" the hearts of Dragon fans.

02-01-2003, 09:12 PM	#17
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	North Iowa Times:Esther Boomgarten reports that while walking her cat Fru-Fru down Walnut, the cat was suddenly startled by a 6'6 311 pound Dragon named Erik Williams. Fru-Fru made for the nearest tree and hid on a branch. "But that giant man," said Boomgarten, "reached right up and got little Fru-Fru down and handed her to me. I tell you, that Erik Williams is turning out to be such a nice boy." Team doctors report that Williams' stitches should be ready to come out in 1-2 weeks.

02-03-2003, 10:16 AM	#19
fantastic flying froggies Pro Rookie Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Sunny South of France	EXCELLENT read even... Can't wait for the regular season... Des Moines Dragons - early candidate for Golden Scribe Awards 2004... __________________ Detroit Vampires (CFL) : Ve 're coming for your blood! Camargue Flamingos (WOOF): pretty in Pink

02-03-2003, 10:39 AM	#20
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Wade and Triple-F: Thanks, guys. Wow, I'm all vaklempt. "They like me, they really like me!" I'll keep it rolling. I'm enjoying this immensely. And hey, don't forget to "rate this thread" down below. A five-star rating might get us a few more readers. __________________ Winner of 6 FOFC Scribe Awards, including 3 Gold Scribes Founder of the ZFL, 2004 Golden Scribe Dynasty of the Year Now bringing The Des Moines Dragons back to life, and the joke's on YOU, NFL! I came to the Crossroad. I took it. And that has made all the difference.

02-03-2003, 01:07 PM	#22
DataKing Pro Rookie Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Chicago	This is good stuff rev. Keep it up. I'll be following along for certain. __________________ Current Games Diablo III (BattleTag: DataKing#1685) Allegiances: Chicago Bears - Detroit Red Wings - Kansas Jayhawks Awards: 2011 Golden Scribe - Other Sports Category (The Straight(away) and Narrow - A Forza Motorsport 3 Dynasty)

02-03-2003, 10:31 PM	#23
tucker342 Pro Starter Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Iowa City, IA	It's difficult, but I'm willing to look past my hatred for the city of Des Moines, as long as it brings Iowa domination. Great dynasty, keep it up! Last edited by tucker342 : 02-03-2003 at 10:35 PM.

02-03-2003, 10:46 PM	#24
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Kodos: It wasn't my fault, man! They blew out my DT's knee in the first quarter and left their starters in all game! My scrubs were out there trying to beef it out against Aikman, Emmitt, etc. Of course, they no longer have Erik "He's such a nice boy" Williams. DataKing and tuck: Thanks for the affirmation guys. Gotta like seeing somebody besides yourself posting when you're doin' a dynasty.

02-03-2003, 10:47 PM	#25
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Reg. Game 1: Denver, Dragons win 17-10 Post-game Press Conf. with the coach: Coach Fry, what were the keys to victory today? "Defense! They didn't get an offensive touchdown on us. Couldn't sustain a drive." Whose performance stood out in your mind? "The Rob Squad played a heckuva game today. Damien had 9 tackles, and Marcus got the game-winning interception score. Game ball to Marcus!" From somewhere in the background... "That's ERT-son!" Who didn't play well today, Coach? "Now, you listen here, you zit-faced, bottle-necked, lilly-livered pencil pusher. And don't make me repeat myself. I will not now, nor will I ever stand up and talk down one of my players. YOU GOT THAT? Don't you EVER ask me that question again! You vultures are going to crucify these players enough--with all your columns and radio gab-a-thons, talkin' like you know what it's like to work your %$^#$ off all weak, get pummeled on the weekend, and then wake up Monday morning begging for more--I sure as #%^#% ain't gonna give you any more ammunition. Now somebody ask me a question I can answer!" Um, if you don't mind, um, coach, sir? What might be something you're going to work on this week in practice? "That's better. We've got to work on our timing on the hot routes. Denver never let up the blitz today to test our line (they did a fine job, too), and we weren't able to make them pay for it. Quinn Early did a great job using his body to get in front of the corners all day, but he and Kurt were just a hair off. Quinn could have had 10 grabs today, but had to settle for 5. We'll fix that for next week. Now if you ladies don't mind, I've got a lot of work to do to get ready for Seattle. Good day."

02-03-2003, 10:49 PM	#26
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	North Iowa Times:"Eugene Brachenhausen, Dyersville Beckman football coach, welcomed Des Moines Dragon Erik Williams for a ribbon-cutting ceremony on the Catholic High School's new football field, Tuesday. Williams was quoted as cutting the ribbon with the words, "In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Saint Lombardi, play ball!" "That Erik Williams," said school secretary Alice O'Malley, "he's turning out to be such a nice boy."

02-05-2003, 03:29 PM	#27
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Game 2: at Seattle, Dragons win 41-28 [I[Coach Fry's postgame press conference[/i]: Impressive, come-from-behind victory today, Coach--24 points in the fourth quarter. Who were the leaders of the comeback charge? "I know the commentators gave the MVP today to Marshall. Sure, 3 TDs, and all. But there were a lot of heros on the squad today. Kurt had a great day, Dwight moved us between the 20s with, what? 7 catches? 100-some yards? Tony Horne's kickoff return was a real shot in the arm, and M-Rob... From the background... "That's ERT-son! "M-Rob had a great game, especially that pick in the end-zone. But I'll tell you this, ladies. Any time you can honor one of the guys with guts in the trenches, you do it. Tomorrow everyone will talk about Tony's kickoff return, and Faulk's 3 scores, but the guy that led our team today was Keith Simms. Who pulled outside and blew away the defenders for Marhsall's 2 touchdown runs? Keith. Who sprang Sedrick Shaw for his double 30-yard runs? Keith. Simms had 6 or 7 key blocks today--pancakes, I tell you! And in the first half, when we were playing like a bunch of...a bunch of...HOOSIERS, Keith was giving the same, steady, all-star performance. Game Ball to Keith Simms."

02-05-2003, 03:30 PM	#28
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Player Profile: OG Keith Simms SportsCenter Stuart Scott: "Some NFL Offensive Lineman like intimidating defensive ends. Others prefer linebackers. But not Des Moines Dragons' OG Keith Simms. He prefers scaring the wits out of defense-LESS...retired farmers." (Scene moves from ESPN desk to driving inside a truck with Simms.) "Yeah, during the week I like driving this big, black Hummer into little towns outside of Des Moines, thumpin' the bass enough to rattle windows. I drive her right down main street, up and down a few times if it takes Grandma that long to get out of the chair where she's getting her hair dyed purple for the 14th time. I wait until every shop in town has got some retired farmer or lolli-pop lickin' kid stickin' his head out the door, then I pull into the gas station. I shut her down, get out one big ol' leg at a time, and fill her up. "You should see the looks on their faces! Biggest, baddest, Brother they ever seen! Half these towns ain't ever seen a black man except on Fox! Then I drive to the next town and do it all over again. "It's been a good day when I catch someone fillin' up at the next pump. I walk right over, tower right over their bony, terrified little face, lift up my mirror sunglasses, glare at 'em, and say, 'You better have a nice day, OR ELSE!' HA! What a riot! They 'bout $^&$ their drawers right there. Then when I walk away, they 'bout pee their pants laughin'. God, I love Iowa!" (P.S. I don't know if the real Keith Simms is black, white, Korean, or Maltese; but for the sake of my twisted imagination, he just got African-Americanized)

02-05-2003, 03:32 PM	#29
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	North Iowa Times 83-year-old Abigail von Deuselknopfer of Ft. Dodge, Iowa, told the Times Des Moines Dragon Erik Williams held the door of the Ft. Dodge Aldi's grocery store open for her on Wednesday. "Back in my day," said Doozelnoppfer, "you could get some decent service at a grocery store. But not here. They even make you pay for bags and the cart! Good thing that Erik Williams showed up. Held the door open so I could get my bought-and-paid-for cart out to my truck. Then, instead of unloading it, he just lifted the whole cart up into the bed! What a nice boy that Erik Williams is turning out to be." Aldi's Corporation did have this comment: "Um, the quarter is just a deposit. We, we don't sell the carts. See, she's supposed to bring it back and get her quarter...she thought she BOUGHT it?"

02-06-2003, 10:52 PM	#30
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Game 3: San Fran, Dragons win 37-24 Burlington Hawkeye: "The Dragon offense is doing way more than just blowing smoke; they're blowing opponents away! The numbers speak for themselves: Warner 427 yards, Tim Dwight 12 for 174!, and Offensive Player of the Week Marshall Faulk had 100 by air and by sea. Even Coach Fry finally broke down and gave Faulk the game ball... "M-Rob (that's ERT-son) led the defense with 9 tackles, 1 int, and 1 pass defended. His "bash brother" in the secondary, Damien Robinson should return from an inury sustained in yesterday's game in two weeks to play San Diego... "Keith Sims continues his Pro-Bowl year at left guard." Des Moines Register: "The city of Marshalltown, Iowa, honored Iowa's new favorite Marshall, Faulk that is, by extending him the key to the city. 'Marshall Faulk in Marshalltown Days', complete with a corn-fest, mini-doughnut stand, craft fair, and giant ball of popcorn shaped like a number 28, is scheduled for July 11-16."

02-06-2003, 10:53 PM	#32
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Game 4: at Atlanta, Dragons win 34-31 Posted on CBSSportsline.com's fantasy discussion board by member #187665 CornNbeans: "Well, gents, you laughed at me for taking Tim Dwight in the second round. Who's laughing now, boys? Hmmm, what was my line this week? Warner, 441 and 3 scores, two of them to Dwight? Ha Ha Ha!" Quarter-Season report The Dragons are 4-0 Warner is #4 in the league with a 97.6 QB rating. Dwight is the NFL's leading receiver, on pace for 120 catches, 1800 yds, and 12 TDs. Faulk leads the NFL in combined yards and TDs, on pace for 24 scores. M-Rob (that's ERT-son!) leads the NFL in INTS. Keith Sims is #2 in the NFL in KRBs, while not having given up a sack yet. DT Mike Wells is playing outstanding, on pace for 60 tackles from the DT spot.

02-06-2003, 11:02 PM	#33
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	"Mr. Bienz, are you sure we can't keep Faulk next year? He's well on his way to the MVP this year, and..." "What does the San Andreas Fault have to do with..." "Funny, sir. Very funny. No, I doubt it will move San Diego State to Iowa by then... But Marshalltown has already embraced him! Did you see all the press?" "The popcorn ball idea is a bit wacky, I agree. But..." "Okay, the mission. Remember the mission. I've got it... Sure will miss Faulk though." "Happy Harvest to you too, sir. And a Merry Planting next year. There's no place like the barn for the holidays."

02-07-2003, 12:36 PM	#34
Kodos Resident Alien Join Date: Jun 2001	At the end of the year, you can just tell him to Faulk off.

02-07-2003, 01:14 PM	#35
Anrhydeddu Resident Curmudgeon Join Date: Oct 2002	Extremely entertaining.

02-07-2003, 03:27 PM	#36
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	*Reader Feed-back Time!* Dear Readers, Thank you for keeping up with the Dynasy thus far, and for your kind comments. I'm having a great time doing this, and you're participation is very welcome. I've been cutting bits and pieces out of different broadcasts, newspapers, and various media to keep you up-to-date with the team's progress. But obviously, the national and state media coverage is more extensive than what I've sampled thus far. I'd like to know what information you would like more or less of: * More player profiles? Or less? Get to know more players? Management? Coaching? Who would you like me to find an article on? * More or less stats on individual games and players? Do you want a break-down on the games ala Kodos' Gatesville dynasty? * Do you want more of GM Rev Rew's evaluation of strategy and talent? * Do you want a strategic breakdown of the roster, and which players are Iowans? * Too much write-up? Get moving on the season! (The next season is when the real fun begins, as we'll finish purging the team.) Or do you like the current pace? * And lastly, what's your favorite part of the Dynasty thus far? ESPN coverage? Erik Williams updates? What do you look forward reading? Thank you for your cooperation. Your participation can only make the Des Moines Dragon fan experience more thrilling! Sincerely, Rev Rew, GM Demented Des Moines Dragons

02-07-2003, 10:00 PM	#38
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Dataking: Thanks for the feedback. And for you Erik Williams fans, a bit of a teaser: He's about to convince the Iowa State Patrol that "he's turning out to be such a nice boy" too!

02-07-2003, 10:39 PM	#39
MylesKnight College Benchwarmer Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Neptune Beach, Florida	Hmm, Des Moines Dragons. As in the Des Moines Dragons of the what now I believe is defunct International Basketball Association? I kept up with the Rochester, MN team for a while.. Just noticed the name.. Enjoying it thus far Revrew __________________ IT'S ALL ABOUT THE BLACK & GOLD!!

02-10-2003, 02:14 PM	#40
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Game 5: San Diego, Dragons win 24-17 Mason City Globe-Gazette -- Kevin Schraub's "Keys of the Game": What you missed if you weren't watching Sunday 1. Damien Robinson (that's IN-son!) returned: The Rob-squad amassed 9 tackles, 6 assists, one INT, and 2 passes defended 2. On 1st and 10 from the Dragon 2, Keith Sims sprang Marshall Faulk for a 75-yard scamper. 3. Quinn Early and Game MVP Kurt Warner worked out their timing, just as coach Fry demanded, hooking up on 9-for-9. 4. Dragon's leading tackler, MLB Ron Harvey goes down with a shoulder injury for 3-5 weeks.

02-10-2003, 02:18 PM	#41
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Player Profile: The receiving corps Sports Illustrated: "Grass Clippings" -- (picture: 5 Dragon receivers standing atop and around a lawn tractor at midfield) The grounds crew at Casey's Stadium in Des Moines never has to mow Monday following a Dragons game on Sunday. Kurt Warner and the league's shortest, but most potent, receiving corps makes certain there aren't any long blades to worry about. "I keep chucking (the football) into the ground, and those guys dig down to get it," said Warner. "I swear if I stepped back to throw and just dropped the ball, before it hit the ground (WR Dave) Salley would scoot back to pick it up. If defenders want any INTs this year, they'd better learn to catch at their ankles." Warner found Dave Salley, the Dragon's shortest mighty-sprite at 5'7, for a touchdown last week, the same place he usually finds him: about 3 inches off the ground. "I ran across the entire field, left to right," said Salley. "I think the safety lost me when Seau was on the ground. #55's helmet hid me from view." Indeed, the Dragons' tallest receiver, Quinn Early, stands a mere 6 feet tall. "The other guys keep asking me how the weather is up here," says Early, "I tell them it's sunny when we're winning." And apparently, it's sunny in Des Moines. The Dragons are tops in the league in points and victories, and boast the top receiver, 5'8 Tim Dwight. "I'm not short," says Dwight, "I've got plenty of vertical." Dwight's league-leading yards-per-catch average suggests he's right. The Dragons' other two diminutive wideouts are making highlight films themselves. 5'9 Tony Horne, the only Dragon wideout not to graduate from an Iowa school (hmm, has anyone else noticed a pattern in Des Moines?), has dazzled the media with electric kick returns, including a 101-yard score in week 2. And two weeks ago 5'9 Dedric Ward showed why he was such a dangerous player at the University of Northern Iowa when he outjuked 6 Falcons on his way to a 65-yard touchdown reception that nearly covered twice that distance. Dan Reeves, Atlanta's coach, summarizes the Dragon attack: "They've got a bunch of jackrabbits playing. When Des Moines gets into a four or five receiver set, it's like opening the rabbits' cage and asking the secondary to catch them all. What a zoo!" "Rabbits?" says Dwight. "As long as we produce touchdowns they way rabbits, well, you know."