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03-10-2006, 07:03 PM
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Grizzled Veteran
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Ashburn, VA
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Gah, I Hate Death.
Apologies if this rambles, I'm pretty upset right now and writing while crying isn't easy...
So my great uncle Lou passed away yesterday. "Great uncle" in that he's truly my dad's uncle, but for as long as I can remember, he was been much more in my family than my true uncle (my dad's brother) is. My dad's parents died when I was 4 (his dad) and when I was 8 (his mom), and since then, we see next to nothing of his brother but made a point to see uncle Lou every time we headed north (I'm 26 now, so that's saying something). His death wasn't unexpected...he'd been sick for awhile, and spent the last 2 and half weeks or so in hospice, so I knew the end was coming, but it still sucks to lose a member of your family. More than that, I can't imagine how my dad is holding up, seeing that it's the last person in his family we really talked to on a regular basis. I'm sure my mom is supporting him, but still... My dad sent an email to us three kids (my brother, my sister, and I, I'm the oldest of the 3) asking us to write a message of condolence at the site for the funeral home (http://currentobituary.com/ShowObit....48&member_id=5 ) and I'm so truly at a loss of what to say. More than that, work is crazy right now and I've got a big presentation to make to our customer on Tuesday, and the funeral is Monday. My sister has school and can't really take off, and my brother just started a new job, and so I feel even more "responsible" to go, not only because I'm the oldest, but because I'm sure my mom could use some help with my dad. I remember what he was like when his mom died, and I can't imagine what this is like for him. But with work, with me having some massive deadlines coming up that I can't meet without going into the office, and with this customer meeting (a systems design review, pretty much one of the big landmarks in aerospace engineering that is a payment milestone), this is just an extraordinarily bad time for me to have to take off. I've been working 50 hours weeks and still it's hectic. So I'm torn there. My mom said, " if you want to fly into manchester for the funeral, you can, but we are not "requiring" it" and, "sweetie, it is really up to you. with a presentation the next day, it would not be the coice that I would make, but you know how you feel and how prepared you are better than I do," but I still feel like it's wrong for me not to go. I hate funerals. We've had more than a few lately in my family (on my mom's side) and I break up completely. My mom, who had to bury her sister and her dad recently, has been much more solid than I've been...so maybe I wouldn't even be useful to my parents. I don't know. Any thoughts on what I could write for the message of condolence? Any thoughts on what I should do about the funeral? I'll feel terrible if I don't go, and feel terrible for a variety of different reasons if I do. /tk
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03-10-2006, 07:05 PM
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#2 |
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Pro Starter
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Willow Glen, CA
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Sorry to hear that TK...it's never easy to deal with.
Your mileage may vary, but I think that it would probably be better to go to the funeral -- while you'll feel terrible, that will pass in time. Feeling terrible because you didn't go is something that isn't as likely to pass.
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Every time a Dodger scores a run, an angel has its wings ripped off by a demon, and is forced to tearfully beg the demon to cauterize the wounds.The demon will refuse, and the sobbing angel will lie in a puddle of angel blood and feathers for eternity, wondering why the Dodgers are allowed to score runs.That’s not me talking: that’s science. McCoveyChronicles.com. |
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03-10-2006, 07:44 PM
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#3 |
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Hall Of Famer
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: New Jersey
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I'm not going to make any suggestions (I know that isn't very helpful) but my heart goes out to you. You and your family will be in my prayers tonight.
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03-10-2006, 07:48 PM
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Head Cheerleader
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Caught somewhere between Raising Hell and Amazing Grace...
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I agree with Vince...as close as you were to him and as much as you clearly loved him, it sounds as if you need the closure for yourself.
You are in our thoughts and prayers.
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03-10-2006, 07:49 PM
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Pro Starter
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Muskogee, OK USA
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Sorry for your loss. You and your family is in my prayers.
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03-10-2006, 07:56 PM
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#6 |
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Hall Of Famer
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Newburgh, NY
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If he was that important to you, I'd recommend that you find a way to go home. I missed my great aunt's funeral and I wish I had been there. Looking back on it the two days of travel for me wouldn't mean anything to me now, but missing her funeral still bothers me.
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To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.. - Mr. Rogers |
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03-10-2006, 08:09 PM
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#7 |
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Captain Obvious
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Norman, Oklahoma
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Work all weekend on the tuesday stuff. Then go to the funeral
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Thread Killer extraordinaire Yay! its football season once again! |
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03-10-2006, 08:37 PM
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#8 |
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Hattrick Moderator
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Pintendre, Qc, Canada
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don't know what to say tk, not much to help you but to tell you that you and yours and in my thoughts this moment and throughout the rough times.
FM
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A Black Belt is a White Belt who refused to give up... follow my story: The real life story of a running frog... |
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03-10-2006, 09:28 PM
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#9 |
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Unregistered
Join Date: May 2004
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Oh TK, I'm so, so sorry
Please know that you're in my thoughts tonite. |
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