Today's "Parents can be idiots" Story...

[Ben E Lou]

For those who enjoy a little U.I.C., a sad day is forthcoming this spring. Little Precious, the youngest daughter of Obtuse Mother, will be graduating from high school, and no more will I be befuddled by Obtuse Mother's amazing inability to follow simple instructions. However, a phone call that I just received might be an indication that Obtuse Mother II might just be present in my community.

BACKGROUND: We have a major event tomorrow night with Middle School students. The flier, which OM2 clearly downloaded and promptly ignored, can be found [here].

THE CALL WENT SOMETHING LIKE THIS:

BEN: Young Life Northlake. This is Ben.

OM2: Hi, my name is _____? and my daughter _____ is in 6th grade at Tucker Middle? And she wants to go to the event you're having tomorrow night? (I put in question marks there because every sentence that OM2 uttered at the beginning of the conversation was intoned as a question, not a statement.) I went to your web site and read over everything and downloaded the flier? I have one question, though, can I just run to the post office and drop it in the mail? I'm sure you'll get it tomorrow.

BEN'S INNER MONOLOGUE: If you'd read over "everything," you'd see that the flier says precisely NOT to do that, in red letters, no less.

BEN: {Affecting a cheerful voice.} Well, we're really trying to get folks to turn those in before then so we can have an accurate head-count, just in case we need to reserve another bus. We'd hate to have to leave anyone behind. Do you pick your child up from school? The school is keeping forms in an envelope for me in the office, and I'm going by there today shortly after pick-ups are done to get the ones that have been turned in there.

OM2: Oh no. Normally I do, but today I've got a tennis match (EDITORIAL COMMENT: Now THERE'S a shocker!) and she's taking the bus home.

BEN: Well, no problem. I live in the middle of Tucker, right behind the high school, so I can't be very far from you. You can just drop it in my mailbox any time this evening or early tomorrow morning. Several folks are doing that. Where would you be coming from?

OM2: We're right off of Old Tucker-Norcross in the Pleasantdale area. (EDITORIAL COMMENT: We're talking a mile and a half from my house at the most here...)

BEN: Oh, great, no problem! You're quite close to me. Just take Tucker-Norcross towards Lawrenceville Highway, and turn at the last street before you get there, which is my street..... (various other identifying stuff about my street and my house.)

OM2: OK. I got it. Let me make sure. I take Chamblee-Tucker towards Lavista....

BEN: Hold on, I thought you said you were coming from Old Tucker-Norcross.

OM2: {Silence, for about 10 seconds}

BEN: Hello?

OM2: Well, I get them all confused. I'm not sure if it is Norcross-Tucker, Tucker-Norcross, Chamblee-Tucker, Tucker-Chamblee or Tucker-Lawrenceville. (NOTE: There is no such road as Tucker-Lawrenceville OR Lawrenceville-Tucker OR Tucker-Chamblee.)

BEN'S INNER MONOLOGUE: Geez, even _______ {Obtuse Mother's Name} KNOWS THE NAMES OF THE SIGNIFICANT THOROUGHFARES THAT SHE LIVES NEAR!!!

BEN: Well, the Pleasantdale area is near both Old Tucker-Norcross and Chamblee-Tucker. You want to take Old Tucker-Norcross, like you're going to the Walmart

OM2 (And in the immortal words of Dave Barry, I SWEAR I am not making this up...): Well, will she need a sleeping bag?

BEN: {politely, really, I promise I was} No, I've been doing this for several years now, and I've never seen an adolescent sleep when there are over 100 other adolescents present, along with free video games and go-cart rides.

BEN'S INNER MONOLOGUE: AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 LOL OMG WTF!!!111

OM2: Should I send any money for food? She might get hungry or thirsty if she's up all night.

BEN: No need, the drinks are free all night long, plus she gets 2 slices of pizza. {EDITORIAL NOTE: Once again, a bit of information that was on the flier.}

OM2: One last question: how are they getting home?

BEN: Parents need to pick up kids at 6:00am at Malibu. It would cost an additional $15-20 per person if we had the bus just sit there all night long and bring us back to the Tucker area.

OM2: Where is Malibu?

BEN: On Brook Hollow Parkway, in Norcross (EDITORIAL NOTE: Yes, ladies and gents, yet ANOTHER bit of information that was on the flier.)

OM2: Oh, OK. I'll let my husband figure that out. I'll be dropping her off at Briarlake Baptist tomorrow night, and I'm sure he'll be the one picking her up Saturday morning. Thank you so much!

BEN: No, that's Briarcliff Methodist, at the corner of Briarcliff and Shallowford.

OM2: Oh, was that on the flier?

BEN: Yeah, I think it was. (I am TOO gracious to these people.)

OM2: {giggle} Oh, I'm sorry! Well, thank you so much for all your help.

BEN: You're welcome, and I look forward to meeting you and your daughter tomorrow night.

Wow. Just wow.



Oh yeah, I haven't even mentioned yet about the 10 or so moms who have come to the door in the last couple of days and said, when one of us opened the door, "Hi! Is this the Young Life Office???" Every time it happens (including once while I was writing this post), the odds increase that I'm going to snap and say, "What gave you that clue, you dim bulb??? Was it that big ol' sign RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF YOU that says 'YOUNG LIFE' in big, bold letters, or was it the dozens of pictures of kids, many wearing 'Young Life' shirts on the bulletin board right there next to you, or was it perhaps the fact that five signs on this property that say "Young Life" directed you to this particular door???"

[albionmoonlight]

In OM2's defense, I never understood suburban Atlanta's obsession with mix-and-match double street names. Always confused the heck out of me when I had to go out that way.

That said, OM2 sounds like a keeper. I am glad that we will be getting stories for the next few years.

[KevinNU7]

Originally Posted by SkyDog

Oh yeah, I haven't even mentioned yet about the 10 or so moms who have come to the door in the last couple of days and said, when one of us opened the door, "Hi! Is this the Young Life Office???" Every time it happens (including once while I was writing this post), the odds increase that I'm going to snap and say, "What gave you that clue, you dim bulb??? Was it that big ol' sign RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF YOU that says 'YOUNG LIFE' in big, bold letters, or was it the dozens of pictures of kids, many wearing 'Young Life' shirts on the bulletin board right there next to you, or was it perhaps the fact that five signs on this property that say "Young Life" directed you to this particular door???"

This is a general question that anyone asks when they first walk into a place they have never been before. It can be frustrating for the people working there but you have to realize it's just what people do to feel comfortable.

[Ben E Lou]

Originally Posted by albionmoonlight

In OM2's defense, I never understood suburban Atlanta's obsession with mix-and-match double street names. Always confused the heck out of me when I had to go out that way.

I mean, it ain't rocket-science. Chamblee-Tucker Road takes you from Chamblee to Tucker. Tucker-Norcross Road takes you from Tucker to Norcross. Those are the only two such double-named ones in Tucker, and surely if you LIVE near both of them, it would seem to make sense to learn which one is which.

That said, OM2 sounds like a keeper. I am glad that we will be getting stories for the next few years.

Yeah, that's one reason I love having this outlet. If she does turn out to be as frustrating as I suspect that she will, at least I'll be sitting there during the mind-boggling conversations with her saying to myself, as I do with the original OM, "Well, at least this will be a good story to tell on the board!"

[albionmoonlight]

Originally Posted by SkyDog

I mean, it ain't rocket-science. Chamblee-Tucker Road takes you from Chamblee to Tucker. Tucker-Norcross Road takes you from Tucker to Norcross. Those are the only two such double-named ones in Tucker, and surely if you LIVE near both of them, it would seem to make sense to learn which one is which.

I agree completely. I'm just talking from the perspective of someone who did not live near those roads and never could tell my Ashford from my Dunwoody.

That someone who lives out there still does not know the main roads around her house is funny and sad at the same time. But mostly funny.

[st.cronin]

Originally Posted by SkyDog

BEN'S INNER MONOLOGUE: AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 LOL OMG WTF!!!111

This was my favorite part.

[ISiddiqui]

Sorry Skydog, though I have to say that I hope OM2 hangs around for more amusing stories like this .

Though "Tucker-Lawrenceville" was funny as well as the query of whether she needed to bring a sleeping bag! LOL! What part of PARTY ALL NIGHT didn't she understand again?

[sterlingice]

Damn obtuse mother. Makes it so we can't make sleeping bag jokes

SI

[JeeberD]

OK, fess us. Who called Ben pretending to be a mother so just they could ask about sleeping bags?

[HomerJSimpson]

I cannot believe she asked about bringing a sleeping bag. Priceless.

[Schmidty]

Originally Posted by JeeberD

OK, fess us. Who called Ben pretending to be a mother so just they could ask about sleeping bags?

jbmagic?

[sterlingice]

If I had his number...

Speaking of things to annoy people with, why no update on your sig, Jeebs

SI

[HomerJSimpson]

Originally Posted by Schmidty

jbmagic?

She did say everything in the form of a question. Hmmmmm....

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by HomerJSimpson

She did say everything in the form of a question. Hmmmmm....

Alex Trebek?

SI

[JeeberD]

Originally Posted by sterlingice

Speaking of things to annoy people with, why no update on your sig, Jeebs

SI

Thanks for the reminder...

[Buzzbee]

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Ben - I took the liberty of creating a generic flier for you to use from now on. I hope it is useful.

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Young Life Northlake - Event Information

The following is information about the Young Life event occurring tomorrow that your sweet, precious little child told you about 15 minutes ago. Since I'm sure you have numerous questions about the event, here are some answers to some frequently asked questions:

Directions:

Turn on your computer. Open your internet browser. No, not that. Internet Explorer. At the top where it says Address type in the following: www.mapquest.com. No you dummy. You jumped ahead and didn't read the directions. You don't type the address of where you want to go where it says address. You type the web address of Mapquest. There, that's better. Now, where it says Directions click on that. Now, in the From section type your address. Next, type in the address of the Young Life office in the To section. Now, click on Get Directions. Almost there. Now, go turn on your printer. Print the page and you will have better directions than I could give you, that you wouldn't follow anyway.

FAQ:

• We are departing at 6 pm sharp. If your child isn't there, tough.
  
• Permissions slips can be mailed prior to, the day of, or even three weeks after the event. We just need to have something on file in case we get audited.
  
• Transportation will be provided to the event. We are not responsible for children thrown from the back of a pickup truck, out the sunroof of a car, or from the back of a motorcycle.
  
• Yes, your child will need condoms, as it is typical for adolescents to sneak off and have sex during one of the many times that they are left totally unsupervised for long periods.
  
• No, a sleeping bag is not required. We have beds so that when your children do have intercourse, they will be as comfortable as possible.
  
• Yes, you should give your children a minimum of $100 in increments of $20 so that they can buy crack and crystal meth from the drug dealers we will have located around the facility.
  
• You do not need to pick up your child at the event facility after the event is over. The porn production company we have hired will drive the van a block or two from your house and leave your child on the street.
  

CONTACT INFORMATION:

If you have additional questions, please call the Young Life office at 1-800 555-1212.

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* This flier is strictly a joke, since I know you obtuse parents out there won't read it, but will go straight to the phone number to call.

[digamma]

What kind of Georgia fan schedules a lock-in the night before the UGA-Tennessee game?

[Ben E Lou]

Originally Posted by HomerJSimpson

I cannot believe she asked about bringing a sleeping bag. Priceless.

I've actually had four or five ask if they needed to bring a sleeping bag or pillow. I'm guessing that all of those are parents whose oldest child is in middle school. Veteran parents would know that there's a 0% chance that any kid will sleep.

[Ben E Lou]

Originally Posted by digamma

What kind of Georgia fan schedules a lock-in the night before the UGA-Tennessee game?

Believe me, the football schedules were consulted. I wanted to do it on 9/23, but Malibu was already booked for that weekend when I called them in June. 9/30 wouldn't work due to Tucker's Homecoming celebration, and I wanted to get it done in time to have two subsequent meetings before our weekend trip in early Novemeber, so I didn't want to go any later than this weekend. I usually wake up a little after noon on these things, so I should be good to go by kickoff.