The Art of Contrition

[John Galt]

A post of mine in another thread got me thinking. One thing that has troubled me a lot about public discourse in America is the premise of infallibility. There seems to be a growing notion that admitting mistakes or apologizing is a sign or weakness or something wrong. As a result, apologies seem few and far betweeen. Similarly, I think Americans have a hard time accepting apologies and offering forgiveness. Often apologies are met with silence or derision. And this, of course, makes apologies harder to make (but not an excuse not to make them, IMO).

And I think this is a very sad state of affairs. When I was younger, I was an arrogant snot. I thought I had all of the answers and rarely felt the need to apologize for hurting someone's feelings or offending anyone. I felt that being "right" was all that mattered. I kept this belief pretty strongly, probably for various personal psychological reasons, well into my twenties. It is one of my great regrets in life.

I think the trend towawrd no-apologies is especially strong in internet communication. On the web, there rarely is an incentive to apologize because you don't actually have to be face-to-face with a person. My post that sparked this was in another thread and I realized that as many nasty things that have been said about me (my nomination as QotM moderator in particular had all sorts of attacks on my integrity), I've only ever received one apology. In other instances, recently, posters have quoted admitted defamers as authority without apology, made personal attacks, but ignored facts contrary to their attacks, and made bizarre references to my character. But nary an apology has been made. That strikes me as a problem.

So, I have begun to look deeper at myself. Outside of FOFC, I've been trying for a while to heal past wounds and do my best to be honest (including angry), but to be ready to apologize if I do something to hurt someone. Overall, I think I'm doing well at this. At FOFC, I've started getting angry at a few posters that I feel outright lie or attack me personally without apology or acknowledgement of mistake.

However, what I haven't done is offer my own apologies for the things I've done to hurt people here at FOFC. So, physician, heal thyself.

I'd like to apologize to couriers. I always thought he was a good board member, if a little eccentric. As part of the whole QotM fallout, couriers left the board (although he did return a lot later under another name). It was my discussion with him that led to his depature. Without rehashing the details of that discussion, I want to apologize. I'm not sure I would do anything different today, but that doesn't mean I'm not sorry for having done it. I'm sorry.

I'd like to apologize to Jason Tobias IV. He was always one of my favorite posters, but I think one of his last posts was in response to a joke I made about him. I thought he understood my sarcasm and joke, but afterwards I wasn't so sure. I don't know if I contributed to his leaving, but I'm sorry either way.

I want to extend an apology to everyone who liked a thread that I killed with Star Wars and Big Lebowski quote-o-thons. While I'm not sure any thread really had much going for it, it was still self-indulgant of me. I'm sorry.

I want to say sorry to Clay and BM. I gave up hope on your game and may have said the series was doomed. I'm glad I was wrong. Sorry.

I want to apologize to everyone again for continuing to debate Mrs. Kippy and others in numerous threads. I've prolonged painful threads that should have died peacefully. I'm sorry.

I want to apologize and salute numerous dynasty writers. I've been a total leach to many dynasties without offering any compliments or even chiming in from time to time. Eaglesfan27's recent dynastry in particular sticks out as one I've enjoyed but haven't said anything about. I don't think I've ever posted in a QS dynasty either, but I've really enjoyed them.

I'd like to apologize to Franklinoble. I killed your precious QotM and slept with your wife. Sorry. And I want to apologize to Bubba because his family did not understand the dangers of inbreeding.

I guess I'm still having trouble with these apology things, but the whole point of apologizing is to come up with new reasons to apologize.

I'm sure there are other apologies I should make and will add them to this thread as I think of them, but I wanted to start the process of contrition for me at FOFC. Thanks.

[sovereignstar]

couriers, eccentric? Never.

[Bubba Wheels]

Like your thought process, your apologies need work.

[Blackadar]

Originally Posted by John Galt

And I want to apologize to Bubba because his family did not understand the dangers of inbreeding.

YA GOTTA WARN A BRUTHA' BEFORE POSTING THAT!!!

(I'm now cleaning up Diet Coke that I spewed on keyboard/monitor)

[CHEMICAL SOLDIER]

Now that it's summer and some of us have some free time, I 'd like to know what books the gang here would reccomend as a reading material. Books that have read or are currently reading of all genres are welcome.

[CHEMICAL SOLDIER]

That above post was meant to be a seperate thread.

[damnMikeBrown]

I'm glad you're back.

[Warhammer]

I applaud you for your effort. While I disagree with apologies in politics, except in extreme cases, I think we need more apologies on a personal level.

[Crapshoot]

Originally Posted by John Galt

And I want to apologize to Bubba because his family did not understand the dangers of inbreeding.

.

For one shining moment, I agree with Franklin's QoTM goal..

[stkelly52]

Originally Posted by John Galt

And I want to apologize to Bubba because his family did not understand the dangers of inbreeding.

I find this statement offensive. In the midst of what seems to be an honest statement with many good points, you conclude with an unprovoked spitefull, hurtfull remark like this one.

I realize that you were likly just trying to add humor to your post, but to do so at someone else's expence is completly unjustified.

[timmynausea]

Also completely hilarious.

[John Galt]

Originally Posted by stkelly52

I find this statement offensive. In the midst of what seems to be an honest statement with many good points, you conclude with an unprovoked spitefull, hurtfull remark like this one.

I realize that you were likly just trying to add humor to your post, but to do so at someone else's expence is completly unjustified.

Yeah. I thought about that. And you are right that I was just trying to add humor (and I did admit in the next sentence that it would be something I would apologize for in the future). I guess Bubba has said enough mean things about me that I felt the jab was justified. Just as I felt Franklinnoble could take the jab about me sleeping with his wife (simply because he has said far worse about many people here). Anyway, I was probably wrong. So, in the spirit of apologies, I apologize.

[John Galt]

Originally Posted by damnMikeBrown

I'm glad you're back.

Thanks.

[John Galt]

Originally Posted by CHEMICAL SOLDIER

That above post was meant to be a seperate thread.

You know the board has a feature that allows you to delete posts.

[Dutch]

Originally Posted by John Galt

Thanks.

Hmmm, I'm the one you blamed for leaving "for good". Where's my fucking apology, bitch?

[John Galt]

Originally Posted by Dutch

Hmmm, I'm the one you blamed for leaving "for good". Where's my fucking apology, bitch?

And that is why I didn't apologize to you Dutch. It wouldn't be from the heart. I still feel that what you said to me was offensive. When I called you on it, you didn't take it back. And then in the thread about me leaving, I think you glossed over what really happened. I guess I'm still not good at apologies because I feel I can't apologize to you since you have shown no remorse for what you said to me.

BTW, I never intended to leave after that thread. albionmoonlight was right that I was just meaning to "get some [internet] air." But after some people started piling on in that thread, I decided a break might be a good idea.

[Raiders Army]

Did this thing with JG happen while I was deployed? Could somebody point me to the thread?

[timmynausea]

The weird thing is that I thought all of this was going to lead up to an apology to Arles, and then it didn't.

[Crapshoot]

Originally Posted by John Galt

Yeah. I thought about that. And you are right that I was just trying to add humor (and I did admit in the next sentence that it would be something I would apologize for in the future). I guess Bubba has said enough mean things about me that I felt the jab was justified. Just as I felt Franklinnoble could take the jab about me sleeping with his wife (simply because he has said far worse about many people here). Anyway, I was probably wrong. So, in the spirit of apologies, I apologize.

When it comes to Bubba, your apology was spot on. Sometimes, calling a spade a spade is just fine.

[John Galt]

Originally Posted by timmynausea

The weird thing is that I thought all of this was going to lead up to an apology to Arles, and then it didn't.

Yeah. Like with Dutch, I'm still not ready. I was very harsh to Arles, and probably indefensibly so, but I still don't like what he has done lately and his lack of remorse makes any apology hard for me to stomach right now. Maybe I'll bump it after some time and apologize to Arles.

[John Galt]

Originally Posted by Raiders Army

Did this thing with JG happen while I was deployed? Could somebody point me to the thread?

If you are referring to me leaving, this was the thread:

http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~fof/foru...ad.php?t=34238

If you are referring to other instances, I leave it to others to direct you because I really don't want to go through the threads where people attack me.

edit: and if you do read that thread, slapbone did take back his comment (I'm not sure which thread that was in) and I hold no ill-well toward him for it.

[Ksyrup]

Sometimes forgiveness provides more comfort than an apology.

I'm just sayin'.

[Dutch]

Originally Posted by Raiders Army

Did this thing with JG happen while I was deployed? Could somebody point me to the thread?

Maybe, but if you find the thread, you will find it anti-climatic.

[John Galt]

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

Sometimes forgiveness provides more comfort than an apology.

I'm just sayin'.

And you are right. I can't disagree. But unfortunately, I'm not a strong enough person to forgive yet (especially without any modicom of an apology). But yeah, you are right.

[Raiders Army]

Originally Posted by John Galt

If you are referring to me leaving, this was the thread:

http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~fof/foru...ad.php?t=34238

If you are referring to other instances, I leave it to others to direct you because I really don't want to go through the threads where people attack me.

edit: and if you do read that thread, slapbone did take back his comment (I'm not sure which thread that was in) and I hold no ill-well toward him for it.

Oh yeah, I remember that! I even posted in it!

[Ksyrup]

Originally Posted by John Galt

And you are right. I can't disagree. But unfortunately, I'm not a strong enough person to forgive yet (especially without any modicom of an apology). But yeah, you are right.

Not saying I am, either, in any given situation, but still...

[John Galt]

Originally Posted by Raiders Army

Oh yeah, I remember that! I even posted in it!

And so you did. Lay off the sauce, Raiders Army.

[Raiders Army]

Hey, the funny thing about this is that when I say I'm sorry on theses boards I mean it....when I say it to my wife, sometimes I don't. Heheh.

[Drake]

You and all the rest of us, brother. You and all the rest of us.

[Airhog]

I would like to apologize for posting all those half-assed dynasty attempts. Only the b-17 FF2 dynasty made it to the end of page 1

I would also like to apologize for all those dumb spoof threads I posted. I think I only posted 1 that was even remotely funny.

I would like to apologize for killing the original Thread Killer Thread. I dont think JeeberD will ever forgive me for that one.

I would also like to apologize to all the Texas fans. It not are fault we kick your ass every year in football. Your coach just doesnt have what it takes to win the big game

[John Galt]

I remembered another apology I definitely intended to make and can't believe I forgot to in my original post. I apologize to Glengoyne for calling him a "hack." Really, it wasn't justified and was probably based on me in part mistaking some posts for his that belonged to other posters. Either way, I shouldn't have said it. I'm sorry.

[CamEdwards]

I'd like to apologize to the Native Americans for stealing their land and raping their children.

I was only 13, but I should have known better.

[flere-imsaho]

Originally Posted by CamEdwards

I'd like to apologize to the Native Americans for stealing their land and raping their children.

I was only 13, but I should have known better.

You're older than I thought.

[Dutch]

Originally Posted by CamEdwards

I'd like to apologize to the Native Americans for stealing their land and raping their children.

I was only 13, but I should have known better.

lmao!

[Crapshoot]

Originally Posted by CamEdwards

I'd like to apologize to the Native Americans for stealing their land and raping their children.

I was only 13, but I should have known better.

hilarious Cam- you're a riot.

[GroundCat]

What the hell is this topic all about?

[GroundCat]

Not a single football post or kick-ass video game to be found

[CamEdwards]

Originally Posted by GroundCat

Not a single football post or kick-ass video game to be found

Sounds like John Galt owes you an apology.

[Schmidty]

I think we have a lot of pussies on this board. All this touchy-feely makes me nauseous.

[Klinglerware]

Originally Posted by GroundCat

Not a single football post or kick-ass video game to be found

You'll learn soon enough about what the FOFC is all about...

[Eaglesfan27]

None of us are perfect. Welcome back John.

[Glengoyne]

Originally Posted by John Galt

I remembered another apology I definitely intended to make and can't believe I forgot to in my original post. I apologize to Glengoyne for calling him a "hack." ... I'm sorry.

Whoot I made the cut...Thanks!! I do agree that it was uncalled for, although I'm sure I've said equally disparaging things with regard to your opinions. I appreciate the sentiment you are expressing here, and extend an apology to you if any of my comments toward you had a similar effect.

Unfortunately, I will no longer have this particular cross to carry around any more. At one time I was going to add your "hack" comment to my Signature, or maybe have SkyDog make that my User Description. I think I may have prefered it when I felt you wronged me somehow.

Thank You

[Izulde]

I'd like to apologize to all the newbies whose asses I chewed out on the OOTP Boards resulting in my ban until late July.

[HomerJSimpson]

Originally Posted by Schmidty

I think we have a lot of pussies on this board. All this touchy-feely makes me nauseous.

You just need a hug, Schmidty. And maybe a tickle-pile.

[John Galt]

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

Not saying I am, either, in any given situation, but still...

OK. I'm still not a good enough person, but I'm going to try. I hereby renounce all my efforts to retaliate for attacks on me and will go back to being my "rational" self even when faced with personal attacks and outright dishonesty.

In doing so, I apologize to Dutch for being mean to him.

I apologize to Schmidty for attacking him after his post about me. However, I'm still waiting to hear about my offered $1000 bet that I noticed you let drop (in addition to the whole thread where attacked me). Either way, sorry.

I apologize to Arles for calling him a moron (and related similar terms). I did only intend it in response to his specific accusation that I kept telling everyone who disagreed with me that they was stupid. I thought going to an extreme of calling Arles stupid was appropriate. In other words, don't read my reply literally. I don't think anyone understood that, though. Either way, sorry.

I apologize to Blackie for using the words "fuck" and "ass" in mean ways against him.

I think that covers everyone, but if I forgot someone I'll add them later.

edit: and for Blackie add the word "dick" too which I recently posted.

[Blackadar]

Originally Posted by John Galt

I apologize to Blackie for using the words "fuck" and "ass" in mean ways against him.

Thanks John, but it's unnecessary. First, I have thicker skin than that. Two, I don't really think that your apology is all that heartfelt. Three, I just think you need to chill out a bit.

Attack if you need to attack. Call someone a fuckwad. I certainly do.

But you also have to realize that with your views being fairly radical - you're at one end of the political spectrum, buckaroo - you're going to be challenged and defending yourself and your positions quite a bit. And you'll tend to be outnumbered. If that's too difficult to handle, it may be better to stay out of the Religion and Political threads.

[Raiders Army]

Originally Posted by John Galt

I apologize to Blackie for using the words "fuck" and "ass" in mean ways against him.

edit: and for Blackie add the word "dick" too which I recently posted.

Was the sentence, "Fuck you in the ass with a huge dick?" That would have covered all the bases.

[Blackadar]

Originally Posted by Raiders Army

Was the sentence, "Fuck you in the ass with a huge dick?" That would have covered all the bases.

Flattered, but sorry. Exit only.

[John Galt]

Originally Posted by Blackadar

Thanks John, but it's unnecessary. First, I have thicker skin than that. Two, I don't really think that your apology is all that heartfelt.

It was and is, but oh well.

[Arles]

Originally Posted by John Galt

I apologize to Arles for calling him a moron (and related similar terms). I did only intend it in response to his specific accusation that I kept telling everyone who disagreed with me that they was stupid. I thought going to an extreme of calling Arles stupid was appropriate. In other words, don't read my reply literally. I don't think anyone understood that, though. Either way, sorry.

John, I appreciate the apology, but I never made this accusation:
"specific accusation that I kept telling everyone who disagreed with me that they was stupid"

I never used the words "stupid" or "idiot" (a claim from the other thread) in any of my responses to you.

Now, I did say "Perhaps you could direct your vast level of intelligence and wisdom on these issues that us mindless cretans have a hard time following to answer that claim." But that was only after a flurry of insults had come at me and others in the thread. Still, that was a little too over the top in retrospect.