03-29-2005, 12:28 PM | #1 | ||
The boy who cried Trout
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: TX
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Late night phone sex
From SNL:
Hostess.....Paris Hilton Trixie.....Amy Poehler Christy.....Tina Fey Warren Grabowski.....Fred Armisen Candy.....Maya Rudolph Trekkie.....Horatio Sanz Lexis.....Rachel Dratch Hobbit.....Seth Meyers Hostess: [sultry voice] Hey boys, feeling lonely tonight? Wanna chat with some of the most beautiful women in the world? At Exclusive Connections [title: "Exclusive Connections"], we know what kind of guy is calling a sex line at three in the morning [title fades], and we know exactly what turns you on. This is Trixie. [shot widens to include a woman wearing a pointy blue wizard's hat and matching cape] She's a Level 8 Dungeon Master, ready to serve all your D&D fantasies. Trixie: [sultry voice] What's that baby? You're a Level 5 Chaotic Evil Half-Orc? Oh, that makes me so hot. I'm a Lawful Neutral Druidic Monk with +5 melee range, Boots of Levitation, and a big, sharp Vorpal Sword. I want you to cast a saving throw, baby! Roll your twelve-sided die and cast it! Cast it! Hostess: [sultry voice] Mmmmm...that sounds sexy. But that's not all. If D&D's not your thing, and you'd rather be in a galaxy far, far away, this here's Christy. [shot widens to show a woman dressed exactly like Princess Leia at the beginning of A New Hope] She just got back from a trip to Dagobah, and boy is she lonely. Christy: [sultry voice] So, what's your name? [screen splits to show a man wearing thick-rimmed glasses and a Star Wars tee-shirt, on the other end of the line] Warren: Warren Grabowski. Christy: [sultry voice] Help me, Warren Grabowski, you're my only hope. Warren: I like that. Tell me I'm a nerf herder! Christy: [sultry voice] You know what you are, Warren? You're a stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder. Warren: [rapturously] Oh, God, yes! Hostess: [sultry voice] Say hello to Candy. [shot widens to show a woman dressed exactly like Uhura from Star Trek] She just got her massage license on Rigel VII, and she wants to go where no man has gone before. Candy: [sultry voice] You know what time it is, baby? It's the Vulcan mating season of Pon Farr. Much like the eel-birds of Regulus V, if I don't find a mate, I'll die. [screen splits to show an overweight man wearing glasses and a yellow Star Trek uniform, on the other end of the line] Trekkie: I'm giving myself the Vulcan Nerve Pinch right now. [displays hand with index and middle fingers splayed apart from ring and pinky, and moves his hand below his waist] Oooooh! Candy: [sultry voice] Oooh, yeah, I like that. I wanna do something logical to you, baby. Trekkie: Oh, that's nice! Hostess: [sultry voice] Still haven't found what you're looking for? Why don't you take a trip around the Misty Mountains to the Gap of Rohan, all the way to Rivendell, to meet our very own Elven princess, Lexis. [shot widens to show a woman with fake Elven ears and a diadem on her forehead] Lexis: [sultry voice] You've been a bad Hobbit, haven't you? [screen splits to show a man wearing a grey cloak fastened by a leaf-shaped clasp, rocking vigorously in a chair, on the other end of the line] Hobbit: I have been a bad Hobbit, yes. Lexis: [sultry voice] Well, bad Hobbits get sent to Mordor. Hobbit: But I want to go back to the Shire. Take me back to Eriador. Lexis: [sultry voice] Oh, you're going to Mordor, all right. First we're going all the way to Minas Morgul. Hobbit: Okay, that's good. Lexis: [sultry voice] We're going to take the long way around the plateau of Golgoroth. Hobbit: Okay, I can't take it! Lexis: [sultry voice] Then we're going right to the tippy-top of Barad-Dûr. Hobbit: Yes! Hostess: [sultry voice] Operators are standing by. Who knows, one of them might be me. Does Doctor Who turn you on, baby? Well, I'm getting into my TARDIS right now. [shot widens to show other operators behind her: a Stormtrooper, a woman with green hair and skin, and a leather-clad woman with white hair and red skin] Oooh, I better put on my big, floppy hat and scarf. [she puts on these garments] I hope I don't find any Daleks here. Are you a Dalek, baby? Do you want to exterminate me? Call today. |
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03-29-2005, 12:29 PM | #2 |
Coordinator
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: NJ
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Damn, i thought you were gonna offer.
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03-29-2005, 12:33 PM | #3 | |
Pro Starter
Join Date: Feb 2004
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Quote:
Holy shit. That line is getting some serious play at my next class. |
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03-29-2005, 12:38 PM | #4 |
Banned
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Placerville, CA
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We need video of this.
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03-29-2005, 12:48 PM | #5 |
General Manager
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: The Town of Flower Mound
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For a second I thought this was the "JLO is getting busy" thread and I was getting really worried about Franky...
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UTEP Miners!!! I solemnly swear to never cheer for TO |
03-29-2005, 01:05 PM | #6 | |
Banned
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Placerville, CA
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Quote:
Oh, come on... who wouldn't want video of JLo giving Ben the ole' Cleveland Steamer... |
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03-29-2005, 02:29 PM | #7 |
Grizzled Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Seattle
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Fucking brilliant - we need video of this.
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03-29-2005, 02:30 PM | #8 |
Coordinator
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: NJ
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It's actually not that great when you can see the actors staring at teleprompter the whole time and stumbling over their words.
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03-29-2005, 02:34 PM | #9 | |
Grizzled Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Edinburg,TX
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Quote:
See, I know I can't believe anything you say when you suggest that Paris Hilton can not act.
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You Stole Fizzy Lifting drinks! You bumped into the ceiling which now has to be washed and steralized, so you get NOTHING! You lose! |
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03-29-2005, 02:35 PM | #10 | |
Coordinator
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: NJ
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Quote:
Chick frightens me, she has 1 facial expression, it's downright creepy. |
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03-29-2005, 05:10 PM | #11 |
Grizzled Veteran
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: St. Paul, MN
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That was great sachmo.
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