TAFGTAWVIDMSIND

The Afoci · 03-26-2005, 06:45 PM

The Afoci's Fictional Guide to a weekend vacation in Duluth Minnesota starting in Fargo North Dakota.

Don't Do Drugs.

The noise that awoke me the night before we were to leave started a blurred vacation that didn't go as well as it had been planned only days before. Drunk and a bit high, I heard the wife of my best friend in their kitchen. I had just passed out on their sofa for about two minutes too long. Time to stay cool I thought to myself. It didn't go as well as planned as her raised voice angered at the drunken driving she knew we had participated in only hours before. Unable to defend myself, I repeated sorry over and over and left.

The ride home was no better. I had a list of things to get before we were to leave. It had a wide range, an eighth, four bottles of cough syrup, some mushrooms, a twenty four pack of beer, two cans of Jif Peanut Butter, ham, cheese, bread, 3 gallons of water, orange soda, and last but not least, the nemisis of my list, a single lettered pill of greatness.

After purchasing five bottles of cough syrup, a twenty four pack of beer, two cans of Jif, ham, cheese, bread, 3 gallons of water and some orange soda, I was back to the vehicle with little to no resistance from the clerk. He understood the trouble that could occur when attempting to open a wallet that you just weren't that sure of what was in it. Bowling nights do awful things to men and their wallets. Money wasn't a concern, but the lack of a condom could mean that the fat lady at the bowling alley finally tricked you. The condom was still there. Success.

The next stop got me the eighth and the mushrooms. After smoking and splitting the fifth bottle of my cough syrup three ways, I was on my way...Sort of. I had to reverse my truck about 100 yards. Tunnel vision was setting in and attempting to manuveur with just a rear view mirror was irrational at this point. Obviously a 132 point turn was required. After midly tapping the building twice, I was on my way. After repeated stops at friends and friends of friends and the only bars I could think of that might contain what I was looking for, I was still empty handed. Finally, the sweet sounds of my phone brought me the pills desired and I was packed and ready. An early morning start was required to fit in the many destinations on this voyage.

The Afoci · 03-26-2005, 06:55 PM

The trip is a great one that I would recommend to anyone in the Fargo Moorhead area that has little money to spend, limited time to spend it and a desire to see two nice lakes, Leech Lake in Walker Minnesota and Lake Superior from the Canal Park Inn in Canal Park in Duluth. Also on this voyage, you will experience The Great Lakes Aquarium, an incredible freshwater aquarium featuring a big ass two story tank in the middle that will keep you occupied for hours. Almost two of them. If you walk slow. You will also witness the greatness of two Omnimax movies in a back to back in a night of glorious exploration following a group of people going down the Nile in a raft and the excitement of real footage from the Age of Vikings! The rest of the night is free to roam the cities many trails or to get a drink at local tavern.

The next morning, after a great night of sleep or a restless, nervous night in which you room was attacked by roving Vikings in big yellow white water rafting boats, you get to stop at the wonderful Duluth Zoo. Yep, there a polar bears there.

Next up is a guide to navigating the vast distance between Fargo and Duluth in less than 8 hours. Well most consider the trip a 5 hour one at best; I will show you the keys to making the trip more exciting and keep your mind occupied as you travel through the beautiful forests that could drive any sane man crazy with the sickness.

The Afoci · 03-26-2005, 07:23 PM

Awaking at the early hour of 6 am is required. There is one hour of prep time and then hit the road by 7 am at the latest. During this first hour it is required that you smoke at least one bowl. The road can be a cruel lady without this mind calming substance. It will be the centerpiece to keeping you sane and grounded the whole trip. Eat Wheaties, as much of the bastards as you can because nothing you do the rest of the weekend will allow you to get any goodness in you.

Now the best part of early travel is that cops seem to worry less about swerving drivers than they do at night. Most must assume that it is just old people who can’t drive. Also, the route taken is, after the first 40 miles, mostly two lane, cop free zones.

You may find yourself surprised how quickly Detroit Lakes comes and you leave the easy driving ways of four lane high ways. Armed with the knowledge that two turns gets you on a road that takes you directly to the first stop and attraction on this voyage, Leech Lake in Walker Minnesota.

Another surprise that can occur is that a half bottle of cough syrup drank in a short period can lead to tunnel vision that can hinder ones ability to drive to fast. Keep speeds no higher than 50 miles per hour. People will assume your wacky driving is more a fact that you have North Dakota plates and the idea of hills and trees has sent you into a fit of fear that doesn’t allow you to drive faster than the speed your at. Also, gripping the steering wheel incredibly tightly along with having your face as close to the windshield as possible will be considered normal activities.

Now here is a tip for the traveler that has drunk too much cough syrup and the tunnel is closing up altogether. Do not attempt to open the tunnel up with a couple mushroom tops. This will only worsen the situation.

By now you find yourself in Walker. One right turn and then a left gets you out to what could be considered the start of the adventures to come. As the first surge of your body strikes, remember the ice on the lake is meant above all other things for you to slide on. Also keep in mind that the snow on the lake wants nothing more than to eat you alive. Slowly. Painfully. Fear large piles of it like fat ladies who hang out at bowling alleys trying to take advantage of engaged males. It may seem that you are traveling at incredibly high speeds and the swooping birds and lunging animals are trying to kill you, but try to remember, you most likely are going 5 miles per hour and nothing is going to happen. Until you get caught by a snow pile.

Now this important, remember, stay cool. Calm down. Think the situation through. Smoke another bowl and then assess the situation. You have two tires buried in snow. They just happen to be the front ones. You have managed to drive about half the vehicle off the road into a rather large drift. Don’t panic when the front doors don’t want to open at first. The back doors are still usable. No matter what some crazed lady sitting in the passenger seat says, remember, the ice should hold you, I mean the Blazer is on the ice, I am not going to fall through am I. Better make my steps careful ones where my feet get no less than 3 feet off the ground for each one and they are at least 3 foot wide gaps between left foot print and right one. That is why before you left you removed you socks. Snow getting in your shoes is your excuse. Remember, before leaving, take your socks off.

Honestly, the man who is about to pull you out doesn’t have a distorted face and his voice doesn’t really sound like something you can see but can’t explain. Tell him about the flu you have and how the drugs they gave have made you pretty messed up, and how your girlfriend will drive from here on out. Thank him and drive away yourself; she is in much to bad of a condition to drive. And besides, the power locks have occupied her for the last hour, why break up a good thing.

The rest of the trip, take it easy, there is lots of weekend left. Smoke a bowl and calm down. Have a beer if you must, but remember, at three in the morning, those could be a life saver if you get thirsty. Drive safely through the tree lined roads. And when you get to the Canal Park Inn in Duluth, park the vehicle and come back here. I will walk you through what to expect and how to react to people you will encounter to ensure a good weekend of privacy.

PilotMan · 03-26-2005, 08:10 PM

Dude, you forgot the last 'F' in your title. This thing is going down the tubes already.

Pyser · 03-26-2005, 11:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Afoci

Also, gripping the steering wheel incredibly tightly along with having your face as close to the windshield as possible will be considered normal activities.

I'm not the only one. Good.

I have no idea what's going on here, but pick me up.

Pyser · 03-27-2005, 12:30 AM

dola, this thread made me think of this:

hxxp://www.midnightpajamajam.com/xtc.htm

The Afoci · 03-29-2005, 09:22 AM

If everything goes as planned, we should be checked into the hotel sometime tomorrow night.

nfg22 · 03-29-2005, 10:40 AM

Thanks for the props too leech lake, I love that place, My grandparents have a summer cabin up there and I usually spend a few weeks there, but this summer I will be living there while attending college in Bemidji and that should be awesome..

The Afoci · 05-05-2005, 06:52 PM

You find yourself in the parking lot of the hotel. Something seems wrong, actually, everything seems wrong. It was suppose to be early to midafternoon. It is pitch dark out. You had showered that morning, but the smell of body odor filled the vehicle. Things are still distorted. The clock is reading 3:23 but your mind is unsure if it is am or pm. The fact the your vehicle is slightly dented on the drivers side and that you are parked in two spaces completely escapes your mind. Quick. Smoke. A. Bowl. It will be okay in a few minutes...

The Afoci · 06-08-2005, 11:56 PM

You stumble out the vehicle and into your hotel. Motel. Holiday Inn. Stay calm. Get cool man, you know that you are about to experience something you can't handle. A fucking person. She will ask you questions you have no answers to. Answer questions you don't remember asking and tell you highly important things you won't even hear. After you drop your credit card on the counter, get it back, and attempt to sign your name like a living person, you stumble to your room. Your pretty sure. Until you are hit upside the head. Your girlfriend is trying to tell you something. It is now that you notice the shrooms have taken hold. You are fucked. The door you just opened had nothing on the otherside. You see sounds as the race towards your ears. You are not positive the last thing you saw that was 100 percent real. You accept the fact that most likely you are dead and no one sees you. Your attempts to speak only allow you to moan like a man with no tongue. You have completely lost control of your limbs. You tell yourself you will never eat more than a quarter again. You finish the rest of the half you set aside for you for this trip on your voyage. Perhaps you lied to yourself a bit on how much you took along...its okay, we understand. Put the damn jif in your mouth and shut up... Yes you are choking. Hopefully, you will wake up...

Coughing, choking, drowning. Fucking peanut butter everywhere. Or is it shit. Yes, and empty peanut butter can. Why does it smell funny? I am so confused. My head hurts, I hate myself and am so hungry, I can't decide what to eat. The room is semi-trashed, or did it just start this way? What the fuck, one o'clock. Please be saturday, please be saturday.....YES. We are on schedule....

03-26-2005, 06:55 PM	#2
The Afoci Pro Rookie Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Moorhead	The trip is a great one that I would recommend to anyone in the Fargo Moorhead area that has little money to spend, limited time to spend it and a desire to see two nice lakes, Leech Lake in Walker Minnesota and Lake Superior from the Canal Park Inn in Canal Park in Duluth. Also on this voyage, you will experience The Great Lakes Aquarium, an incredible freshwater aquarium featuring a big ass two story tank in the middle that will keep you occupied for hours. Almost two of them. If you walk slow. You will also witness the greatness of two Omnimax movies in a back to back in a night of glorious exploration following a group of people going down the Nile in a raft and the excitement of real footage from the Age of Vikings! The rest of the night is free to roam the cities many trails or to get a drink at local tavern. The next morning, after a great night of sleep or a restless, nervous night in which you room was attacked by roving Vikings in big yellow white water rafting boats, you get to stop at the wonderful Duluth Zoo. Yep, there a polar bears there. Next up is a guide to navigating the vast distance between Fargo and Duluth in less than 8 hours. Well most consider the trip a 5 hour one at best; I will show you the keys to making the trip more exciting and keep your mind occupied as you travel through the beautiful forests that could drive any sane man crazy with the sickness. __________________ I had something.

03-26-2005, 07:23 PM	#3
The Afoci Pro Rookie Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Moorhead	Awaking at the early hour of 6 am is required. There is one hour of prep time and then hit the road by 7 am at the latest. During this first hour it is required that you smoke at least one bowl. The road can be a cruel lady without this mind calming substance. It will be the centerpiece to keeping you sane and grounded the whole trip. Eat Wheaties, as much of the bastards as you can because nothing you do the rest of the weekend will allow you to get any goodness in you. Now the best part of early travel is that cops seem to worry less about swerving drivers than they do at night. Most must assume that it is just old people who can’t drive. Also, the route taken is, after the first 40 miles, mostly two lane, cop free zones. You may find yourself surprised how quickly Detroit Lakes comes and you leave the easy driving ways of four lane high ways. Armed with the knowledge that two turns gets you on a road that takes you directly to the first stop and attraction on this voyage, Leech Lake in Walker Minnesota. Another surprise that can occur is that a half bottle of cough syrup drank in a short period can lead to tunnel vision that can hinder ones ability to drive to fast. Keep speeds no higher than 50 miles per hour. People will assume your wacky driving is more a fact that you have North Dakota plates and the idea of hills and trees has sent you into a fit of fear that doesn’t allow you to drive faster than the speed your at. Also, gripping the steering wheel incredibly tightly along with having your face as close to the windshield as possible will be considered normal activities. Now here is a tip for the traveler that has drunk too much cough syrup and the tunnel is closing up altogether. Do not attempt to open the tunnel up with a couple mushroom tops. This will only worsen the situation. By now you find yourself in Walker. One right turn and then a left gets you out to what could be considered the start of the adventures to come. As the first surge of your body strikes, remember the ice on the lake is meant above all other things for you to slide on. Also keep in mind that the snow on the lake wants nothing more than to eat you alive. Slowly. Painfully. Fear large piles of it like fat ladies who hang out at bowling alleys trying to take advantage of engaged males. It may seem that you are traveling at incredibly high speeds and the swooping birds and lunging animals are trying to kill you, but try to remember, you most likely are going 5 miles per hour and nothing is going to happen. Until you get caught by a snow pile. Now this important, remember, stay cool. Calm down. Think the situation through. Smoke another bowl and then assess the situation. You have two tires buried in snow. They just happen to be the front ones. You have managed to drive about half the vehicle off the road into a rather large drift. Don’t panic when the front doors don’t want to open at first. The back doors are still usable. No matter what some crazed lady sitting in the passenger seat says, remember, the ice should hold you, I mean the Blazer is on the ice, I am not going to fall through am I. Better make my steps careful ones where my feet get no less than 3 feet off the ground for each one and they are at least 3 foot wide gaps between left foot print and right one. That is why before you left you removed you socks. Snow getting in your shoes is your excuse. Remember, before leaving, take your socks off. Honestly, the man who is about to pull you out doesn’t have a distorted face and his voice doesn’t really sound like something you can see but can’t explain. Tell him about the flu you have and how the drugs they gave have made you pretty messed up, and how your girlfriend will drive from here on out. Thank him and drive away yourself; she is in much to bad of a condition to drive. And besides, the power locks have occupied her for the last hour, why break up a good thing. The rest of the trip, take it easy, there is lots of weekend left. Smoke a bowl and calm down. Have a beer if you must, but remember, at three in the morning, those could be a life saver if you get thirsty. Drive safely through the tree lined roads. And when you get to the Canal Park Inn in Duluth, park the vehicle and come back here. I will walk you through what to expect and how to react to people you will encounter to ensure a good weekend of privacy. __________________ I had something.

03-26-2005, 08:10 PM	#4
PilotMan Head Coach Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Seven miles up	Dude, you forgot the last 'F' in your title. This thing is going down the tubes already. __________________ He's just like if Snow White was competitive, horny, and capable of beating the shit out of anyone that called her Pops. Like Steam? Join the FOFC Steam group here: http://steamcommunity.com/groups/FOFConSteam

03-29-2005, 09:22 AM	#7
The Afoci Pro Rookie Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Moorhead	If everything goes as planned, we should be checked into the hotel sometime tomorrow night. __________________ I had something.

05-05-2005, 06:52 PM	#9
The Afoci Pro Rookie Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Moorhead	You find yourself in the parking lot of the hotel. Something seems wrong, actually, everything seems wrong. It was suppose to be early to midafternoon. It is pitch dark out. You had showered that morning, but the smell of body odor filled the vehicle. Things are still distorted. The clock is reading 3:23 but your mind is unsure if it is am or pm. The fact the your vehicle is slightly dented on the drivers side and that you are parked in two spaces completely escapes your mind. Quick. Smoke. A. Bowl. It will be okay in a few minutes... __________________ I had something.

03-27-2005, 12:30 AM	#6
Pyser Pro Rookie Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Los Angeles	dola, this thread made me think of this: hxxp://www.midnightpajamajam.com/xtc.htm

03-29-2005, 10:40 AM	#8
nfg22 College Benchwarmer Join Date: Mar 2004	Thanks for the props too leech lake, I love that place, My grandparents have a summer cabin up there and I usually spend a few weeks there, but this summer I will be living there while attending college in Bemidji and that should be awesome..

06-08-2005, 11:56 PM	#10
The Afoci Pro Rookie Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Moorhead	You stumble out the vehicle and into your hotel. Motel. Holiday Inn. Stay calm. Get cool man, you know that you are about to experience something you can't handle. A fucking person. She will ask you questions you have no answers to. Answer questions you don't remember asking and tell you highly important things you won't even hear. After you drop your credit card on the counter, get it back, and attempt to sign your name like a living person, you stumble to your room. Your pretty sure. Until you are hit upside the head. Your girlfriend is trying to tell you something. It is now that you notice the shrooms have taken hold. You are fucked. The door you just opened had nothing on the otherside. You see sounds as the race towards your ears. You are not positive the last thing you saw that was 100 percent real. You accept the fact that most likely you are dead and no one sees you. Your attempts to speak only allow you to moan like a man with no tongue. You have completely lost control of your limbs. You tell yourself you will never eat more than a quarter again. You finish the rest of the half you set aside for you for this trip on your voyage. Perhaps you lied to yourself a bit on how much you took along...its okay, we understand. Put the damn jif in your mouth and shut up... Yes you are choking. Hopefully, you will wake up... Coughing, choking, drowning. Fucking peanut butter everywhere. Or is it shit. Yes, and empty peanut butter can. Why does it smell funny? I am so confused. My head hurts, I hate myself and am so hungry, I can't decide what to eat. The room is semi-trashed, or did it just start this way? What the fuck, one o'clock. Please be saturday, please be saturday.....YES. We are on schedule.... __________________ I had something. Last edited by The Afoci : 06-15-2005 at 11:02 PM.

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