Extended Family

HomerJSimpson · 02-28-2005, 09:42 AM

How much contact do you have with your extended family on a regular basis?

I was just informed last night that my Aunt (my dad's sister) passed away last week. She had been in a nursing home for a good number of years, and pretty much hadn't recognized anybody in 10 years. The funeral was last week, and no one contacted my sisters or me to let us know. My father passed away in 1997, so basically the main contact we had with that side of our family was gone. Whenever anything like this happened before, someone generally contacted my older sister, but she doesn't have a phone right now, so my only guess is they tried to call her, failed, and then just forgot about us. The thing is, though, most of them have my phone number and no one even thought about calling me.

I know that this is mostly my fault. I haven't stayed in touch as well as I should with my dad's family. Honestly, my only contact with my mom's family is through her. So, I'm not looking for sympathy here because I really can only blame myself.

What I'm really wondering, though, is how much contact do most people have with their more extended family? For those of you who have lost grandparents and parents, how often do you see your aunts, uncles, first cousins and whatnot?

I don't know. I maybe a special case, because even though I have a huge extended family (my parents were both one of six), none of them really have day-to-day contact. They are a bit scattered location wise, and they also tend to argue a lot when together.

Anyway, I'm not looking for the "sorry for your loss" responses (though I do appreciate your thoughts and prayers), but what I want to know what most people's relationship is with their extended family, and how much you have to do to keep it up.

Eaglesfan27 · 02-28-2005, 09:45 AM

My mom is one of 14 kids and I have a HUGE extended family on her side. I rarely see or talk to them (usually just at a reunion every 2 or 3 years.) I was very close to quite a few of them when I was younger too. I don't understand why we don't keep in touch considering how easy it is to do with internet, cell phones, etc. The only one I talk to sometimes is my cousin who also has an Xbox and we sometimes play games against each other on live.

gstelmack · 02-28-2005, 10:40 AM

Not much at all until my wife and I had our first child. I send DVDs/pictures off to the great-grandparents on both sides, and then started interneting slide shows, and now nearly every one of my aunts/uncles gets those pictures and occasionally sends an e-mail back. So I've had a lot more contact with them in the last 2 years than I did before.

Lathum · 02-28-2005, 10:50 AM

All of my grandparents are gone, but my mother was one of 5 daughters and my dad has a brother. I stay in pretty regular contact with all of them, except for the aunt in Minnesota. I am lucky because for the most part they all live in the same area. My cousins are some of my best friends and I even lived with one for a while.

Now that I live in Texas I don't see them very often, but if there was ever a tragedy, everyone would know within a matter of minutes. I guess I am pretty lucky, thank you for reminding me of this.

HomerJSimpson · 02-28-2005, 10:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lathum

All of my grandparents are gone, but my mother was one of 5 daughters and my dad has a brother. I stay in pretty regular contact with all of them, except for the aunt in Minnesota. I am lucky because for the most part they all live in the same area. My cousins are some of my best friends and I even lived with one for a while.

Now that I live in Texas I don't see them very often, but if there was ever a tragedy, everyone would know within a matter of minutes. I guess I am pretty lucky, thank you for reminding me of this.

You are. Enjoy.

hhiipp · 02-28-2005, 10:58 AM

For me calling my aunts/uncles/cousins just seems like a chore. I don't have anything in common with 99% of them and the only time I see or talk with them is at family get togethers which I normally don't want to be attending anyway.

Celeval · 02-28-2005, 10:59 AM

Very close. My father is one of ten, my mother one of four. We've all always been very close - while spread out, my father & his siblings rent a cottage on the water for two weeks every summer (have been doing that since my grandmother passed just over ten years ago), and basically everyone descends for at least a weekend. Same deal with weddings - I was married last year, the first of the grandchildren to do so; and my sister followed a couple months later - both events had the whole family travel. This was the first Christmas I didn't spend with this side of my family - I was with my wife's - but Thanksgiving was with many of them, and there will be Christmas and the cottage as well.

Perhaps it was the way my father's family grew up - very Irish Catholic. My father, like I said, one of ten... he had a set of cousins who were one of 12 (I think), and another group of close family friends who were in double digits. Extended family to me has never really meant my aunts, uncles and cousins - they've always been simply 'family', and extended means out farther than that, both blood relatives and close-enough-to-be.

We lost an uncle and aunt just a few weeks ago, unexpectedly; and that really brought this into focus for me. Family is something I've always taken for granted on some level, especially before I left home after high school - it's just always been an integral part of my life. Now that I'm through college and starting a family of my own, it's something I'm beginning to realize needs to have work put into it.

Not really sure if this is adding anything to the discussion, but just wanted to put some words down on paper. Screen. Whatever.

HomerJSimpson · 02-28-2005, 11:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Celeval

Very close. My father is one of ten, my mother one of four. We've all always been very close - while spread out, my father & his siblings rent a cottage on the water for two weeks every summer (have been doing that since my grandmother passed just over ten years ago), and basically everyone descends for at least a weekend. Same deal with weddings - I was married last year, the first of the grandchildren to do so; and my sister followed a couple months later - both events had the whole family travel. This was the first Christmas I didn't spend with this side of my family - I was with my wife's - but Thanksgiving was with many of them, and there will be Christmas and the cottage as well.

Perhaps it was the way my father's family grew up - very Irish Catholic. My father, like I said, one of ten... he had a set of cousins who were one of 12 (I think), and another group of close family friends who were in double digits. Extended family to me has never really meant my aunts, uncles and cousins - they've always been simply 'family', and extended means out farther than that, both blood relatives and close-enough-to-be.

We lost an uncle and aunt just a few weeks ago, unexpectedly; and that really brought this into focus for me. Family is something I've always taken for granted on some level, especially before I left home after high school - it's just always been an integral part of my life. Now that I'm through college and starting a family of my own, it's something I'm beginning to realize needs to have work put into it.

Not really sure if this is adding anything to the discussion, but just wanted to put some words down on paper. Screen. Whatever.

It is adding, and actually exactly what I asked for. Thanks.

JonInMiddleGA · 02-28-2005, 11:04 AM

This may be a classic case of YMMV.

I haven't seen a cousin, first/second/third/otherwise, on either side of my family since the last round of funerals more than a year ago.

My wife, on the other hand, got two phone calls concerning the health of her 90+ year old 3rd cousin last week.

I suspect the former is more common than the latter, but anything from one pole to the other probably isn't hard to find.

sabotai · 02-28-2005, 11:14 AM

It's hard to stay in contact with extended family when you don't have much of a family to begin with.

One of my uncles (mom's brother) died when I was very young and he didn't have any children or anything. My other uncle (dad's brother) lives in Florida as does my Grandmother (dad's mom). My grandfather (dad's dad) was in West Virginia the last we heard several years ago. My other grandmother (mom's mom) died when I was young. She had a few sisters but they got kind of pissy when my grandfather (mom's dad) remarried several years later. None of my great grandparents are still alive (although two of them made into the mid-90's). My aunt (dad's sister) was effectively kicked out of the father because she's a greedy bitch. She was really the only one of the three of my parents siblings (2 uncles and 1 aunt) to have kids and as a result of the crap she's pulled over the years, there's no contact with them. My dad still has an uncle or two that is still alive that he talks to every once in awhile (which is how he found out about his dad being in West Virginia).

Both my parents have pretty small families so there really isn't any closeness at all with extended family. I would say, however, that the small amount of family that is around me is pretty close.

judicial clerk · 02-28-2005, 05:32 PM

growing up, I lived in the same town with all of my aunts, uncles, and cousins. Since I have moved up to Portland, I have mostly lost contact with my relatives and my college buddies who I was very close to. My wife jokes that I have a deal with my friends and family "I don't call them, and they don't call me."

I don't know why I haven't kept up contact with my friends and family. I have had great relations with all of them and I have always enjoyed their company. And now that the years have been rolling past, I almost feel embarassed to contact them out of the blue. I think that while I come off as an extravert, I am actually an intravert and I have let my intravert tendecies to take over.

Or maybe I am just a big dumb man.

Easy Mac · 02-28-2005, 05:36 PM

Hmmm, I haven't seen my extended family for about 2 years. I was unable to attend my grandmother's funeral a couple of months ago due to some work obligations (I'll just say it was an insanely busy month at work and I was working 8 hours on weekends at the time). I never call them either. I have one living grandparent. One of my cousin's lives an hour away in Hilton Head, but we don't talk since she's like 5 years older than me. Everyone else is scattered throught Illinois, Jersey, and Colorado. I don't think I've talked to my mom's side in forever though. I'm sure I'll see everyone again whenever I get married.

tategter · 03-01-2005, 12:10 PM

I have never met most of my cousins, aunts, uncles, etc., and the relatives that I have met I don't really keep in contact with. You might say my family dynamic is a bit on the odd side. Drives my wife nuts because she is so close to her immediate and extended family.

HomerJSimpson · 03-01-2005, 12:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tategter

I have never met most of my cousins, aunts, uncles, etc., and the relatives that I have met I don't really keep in contact with. You might say my family dynamic is a bit on the odd side. Drives my wife nuts because she is so close to her immediate and extended family.

My wife's family is like that. I love spending time with them. I wish I could say that about my own family (though I will say there are many of them I miss).

02-28-2005, 09:45 AM	#2
Eaglesfan27 Hall Of Famer Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: New Jersey	My mom is one of 14 kids and I have a HUGE extended family on her side. I rarely see or talk to them (usually just at a reunion every 2 or 3 years.) I was very close to quite a few of them when I was younger too. I don't understand why we don't keep in touch considering how easy it is to do with internet, cell phones, etc. The only one I talk to sometimes is my cousin who also has an Xbox and we sometimes play games against each other on live. __________________ Retired GM of the eNFL 2007 Super Bowl Champion Philadelphia Eagles (19-0 record.) GM of the WOOF 2006 Doggie Bowl Champion Atlantic City Gamblers. GM of the IHOF 2019 and 2022 IHOF Bowl Champion Asheville Axemen.

02-28-2005, 10:40 AM	#3
gstelmack Pro Starter Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Cary, NC	Not much at all until my wife and I had our first child. I send DVDs/pictures off to the great-grandparents on both sides, and then started interneting slide shows, and now nearly every one of my aunts/uncles gets those pictures and occasionally sends an e-mail back. So I've had a lot more contact with them in the last 2 years than I did before. __________________ -- Greg -- Author of various FOF utilities

02-28-2005, 11:04 AM	#9
JonInMiddleGA Hall Of Famer Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Behind Enemy Lines in Athens, GA	This may be a classic case of YMMV. I haven't seen a cousin, first/second/third/otherwise, on either side of my family since the last round of funerals more than a year ago. My wife, on the other hand, got two phone calls concerning the health of her 90+ year old 3rd cousin last week. I suspect the former is more common than the latter, but anything from one pole to the other probably isn't hard to find. __________________ "I lit another cigarette. Unless I specifically inform you to the contrary, I am always lighting another cigarette." - from a novel by Martin Amis

02-28-2005, 10:50 AM	#4
Lathum Favored Bitch #1 Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: homeless in NJ	All of my grandparents are gone, but my mother was one of 5 daughters and my dad has a brother. I stay in pretty regular contact with all of them, except for the aunt in Minnesota. I am lucky because for the most part they all live in the same area. My cousins are some of my best friends and I even lived with one for a while. Now that I live in Texas I don't see them very often, but if there was ever a tragedy, everyone would know within a matter of minutes. I guess I am pretty lucky, thank you for reminding me of this.

02-28-2005, 10:58 AM	#6
hhiipp College Prospect Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: OH	For me calling my aunts/uncles/cousins just seems like a chore. I don't have anything in common with 99% of them and the only time I see or talk with them is at family get togethers which I normally don't want to be attending anyway.

02-28-2005, 10:59 AM	#7
Celeval Pro Starter Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Cary, NC, USA	Very close. My father is one of ten, my mother one of four. We've all always been very close - while spread out, my father & his siblings rent a cottage on the water for two weeks every summer (have been doing that since my grandmother passed just over ten years ago), and basically everyone descends for at least a weekend. Same deal with weddings - I was married last year, the first of the grandchildren to do so; and my sister followed a couple months later - both events had the whole family travel. This was the first Christmas I didn't spend with this side of my family - I was with my wife's - but Thanksgiving was with many of them, and there will be Christmas and the cottage as well. Perhaps it was the way my father's family grew up - very Irish Catholic. My father, like I said, one of ten... he had a set of cousins who were one of 12 (I think), and another group of close family friends who were in double digits. Extended family to me has never really meant my aunts, uncles and cousins - they've always been simply 'family', and extended means out farther than that, both blood relatives and close-enough-to-be. We lost an uncle and aunt just a few weeks ago, unexpectedly; and that really brought this into focus for me. Family is something I've always taken for granted on some level, especially before I left home after high school - it's just always been an integral part of my life. Now that I'm through college and starting a family of my own, it's something I'm beginning to realize needs to have work put into it. Not really sure if this is adding anything to the discussion, but just wanted to put some words down on paper. Screen. Whatever.

02-28-2005, 11:14 AM	#10
sabotai General Manager Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: The Satellite of Love	It's hard to stay in contact with extended family when you don't have much of a family to begin with. One of my uncles (mom's brother) died when I was very young and he didn't have any children or anything. My other uncle (dad's brother) lives in Florida as does my Grandmother (dad's mom). My grandfather (dad's dad) was in West Virginia the last we heard several years ago. My other grandmother (mom's mom) died when I was young. She had a few sisters but they got kind of pissy when my grandfather (mom's dad) remarried several years later. None of my great grandparents are still alive (although two of them made into the mid-90's). My aunt (dad's sister) was effectively kicked out of the father because she's a greedy bitch. She was really the only one of the three of my parents siblings (2 uncles and 1 aunt) to have kids and as a result of the crap she's pulled over the years, there's no contact with them. My dad still has an uncle or two that is still alive that he talks to every once in awhile (which is how he found out about his dad being in West Virginia). Both my parents have pretty small families so there really isn't any closeness at all with extended family. I would say, however, that the small amount of family that is around me is pretty close.

02-28-2005, 05:32 PM	#11
judicial clerk College Benchwarmer Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Portland, OR	growing up, I lived in the same town with all of my aunts, uncles, and cousins. Since I have moved up to Portland, I have mostly lost contact with my relatives and my college buddies who I was very close to. My wife jokes that I have a deal with my friends and family "I don't call them, and they don't call me." I don't know why I haven't kept up contact with my friends and family. I have had great relations with all of them and I have always enjoyed their company. And now that the years have been rolling past, I almost feel embarassed to contact them out of the blue. I think that while I come off as an extravert, I am actually an intravert and I have let my intravert tendecies to take over. Or maybe I am just a big dumb man.

02-28-2005, 05:36 PM	#12
Easy Mac Registered User Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Here	Hmmm, I haven't seen my extended family for about 2 years. I was unable to attend my grandmother's funeral a couple of months ago due to some work obligations (I'll just say it was an insanely busy month at work and I was working 8 hours on weekends at the time). I never call them either. I have one living grandparent. One of my cousin's lives an hour away in Hilton Head, but we don't talk since she's like 5 years older than me. Everyone else is scattered throught Illinois, Jersey, and Colorado. I don't think I've talked to my mom's side in forever though. I'm sure I'll see everyone again whenever I get married.

03-01-2005, 12:10 PM	#13
tategter High School JV Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Florida Swampland	I have never met most of my cousins, aunts, uncles, etc., and the relatives that I have met I don't really keep in contact with. You might say my family dynamic is a bit on the odd side. Drives my wife nuts because she is so close to her immediate and extended family.

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