Adopt a hockey player

[JeeberD]

Got this e-mail from a friend...
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Do you love hockey enough?


To All you hockey fans!


Since September 11, 2001, Americans and Canadians have come together as
never before in our generation. We have banded together to overcome
tremendous adversity. We have weathered direct attacks on our own soil,
wars overseas, corporate/government scandal, layoffs, unemployment,
stock price plunges, droughts, fires, mad cow, SARS, high gasoline
prices, and myriad economic and physical disasters both great and small.

But now, we must come together once again to overcome possibly our
greatest challenge yet. Hundreds of Professional Hockey players in our
very own nation are going to be locked out, living at well below the
seven-figure salary level. And as if that weren't bad enough they could
be deprived of their life- giving pay for several months, possibly
longer, as a result of the coming lockout situation.


But you can help! For only $20,835 a month, about $694.50 a day (that's
less than the cost of a large screen projection TV) you can help an NHL
player remain economically viable during his time of need. This
contribution by no means solves the problem as it barely covers the
annual minimum salary, but it's a start, and every little bit will help!



Although $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, to a hockey
player it could mean the difference between spending the lockout golfing
in Florida or on a Mediterranean cruise. For you, seven hundred dollars
is nothing more than a month's rent, half a mortgage payment, or a month
of medical insurance, but to a hockey player, $700 will partially
replace his daily salary. Your commitment of less than $700 a day will
enable a player to buy that home entertainment centre, trade in the
year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari, or enjoy a weekend in Rio.



HOW WILL I KNOW THAT I'M HELPING?


Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the player
you sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k), real
estate, and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. Plus,
upon signing up for this program, you will receive an unsigned photo of
the player lounging during the lockout on a beach somewhere in the
Caribbean (for a signed photo, please include an additional $150). Put
the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other peoples'
suffering.


HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING?


Your NHL player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants
to help in a time of need. Although the player won't know your name, he
will be able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator
in case additional funds are needed for unforeseen expenses.



YES, I WANT TO HELP!


I would like to sponsor a locked out NHL player. My preference is (check
below):
[] Forward
[] Defenseman
[] Goaltender
[] Entire team (Please call our 900 number to ask for the cost of a
specific team - $10 per minute)
[] Jaromir Jagr (Higher cost: $32,000
per day)


Please charge the account listed below $694.50 per day for the duration
of the lockout. Please send me a picture of the player I have sponsored,
along with a Jaromir Jagr 2001 Income Statement and my very own Bob
Goodenow (Executive Director of the NHLPA player's Union) pin to wear
proudly on my hat (include $80 for hat).


Your Name:
________________________________________________________________________
____
________________
Telephone Number: _______________________ Account Number:
________________________________ Exp.Date:_______ [] MasterCard [] Visa
[] American Express [] Other
Signature:
________________________________________________________________________
____
__________________



Alternate card (when the primary card exceeds its credit limit): Account
Number: ______________________________________________
Exp.Date:__________________________________
[] MasterCard [] Visa [] American Express [] Other
Signature:
________________________________________________________________________
____
___________________




Darlene Dynes
Accumark Promotions Group
240 Duncan Mill Road, Suite 101
Toronto, ON M3B 1Z4
Tel: 416-446-7769 Ext. 296
Fax: 416-446-1923
mailto:[email protected]

[TurnerONU22]

This is great stuff, lol, but it reminds me of Whose Line is it Anyway?, where they did a skit like this about the NBA lockout. They held a telethon, where you could help support the poor NBA players, while having Wayne Brady perform all these different songs about basketball. Anyone remember that?