what an unusual day

[bigdawg2003]

Well, the day wasn't that weird, but what happened at about 8:00 PM central was. One of my best friends from high school told me he was marrying a girl he had known for about 4 weeks. I'm just now recovering from the shock of this news, and I'm still very puzzled on what to think

One one hand, I'm happy that my friend thinks he's found the love of his life and is getting married. I believe you have to follow your heart on this, and it seems like this is what he's doing. I couldn't tell him not to do it.

OTOH, this guy is one of my best friends. I don't want to see him become an emotional wreck because of some college girlfriend. That argument makes me want to tell him he shouldn't do it, but I've always thought you would rather want to regret doing something like this than not doing it and wondering for the rest of your life "What if".

Any thoughts? Any opinion would be welcome.

[sabotai]

After four weeks? I give it less than a year.

[dawgfan]

It's not out of the question that the marriage could last, but the chances seem awfully slim if they've only known each other 4 weeks.

This is a tricky area for friends - to what extent do you show trust in his emotional judgement? How much do you know about the girl? How would the friend react if you don't respond positively to his plans?

I'd look at the situation as objectively as I could, and unless there was some compelling reason to raise a stink (like he's a complete emotional moron, she's a psycho-bitch from hell, etc.) I'd simply express a little concern that he's rushing into things, make him reassure you he's absolutely certain of his feelings and that getting married can't wait, and then accept his decision. Maybe it'll end badly and he'll regret it, but that's his responsibility.

How long is the engagement? Are they getting hitched right away?

[bigdawg2003]

dawgfan

I've never met the girl ever in my life. This guy was our class's valedictorian, and there's no doubt of his intelligence. He never seemed like the guy who would do something like this. That's why it's so shocking. They are thinking of getting married during spring break in dallas, so it'll be a while before they actually get married, if it gets that far.

[The Afoci]

I say let him go down in flames, but be at his side. Judging by the times, you are going to want to be around for the 3 or 4 bachelor parties you will go to for this one.

[Daimyo]

Marriages that begin during (or immediately after) college have very low success rates. The college experience is just so incredibly different from the post-college, "real world" experience. A relationship/partner that fits who you are during college has a good chance of being a terrible fit to who you become in the few years after college.

Combine that with the low success of marrying someone you've only known for 4 weeks and and the odds are probably not at all in their favor on this one.

[GrantDawg]

They have plenty of time to change their minds. I know of several marriages that started just like this that are still healthy and strong, so you can't say they never last. It is always a bad idea for a friend to stand in a friend's way when dealing with relationships like this. Really easy to destroy a friendship.

[Swaggs]

Any chance there is a pregnancy involved?

If not, I think the best you can do is suggest a fairly long engagement to your friend, so that they have a little more time to, one, get to know each other and, two, give their relationship a chance to fail before they are married.

[sabotai]

Well since Spring Break is about a 1/2 a year away, then they'll have a lot more time to figure this whole thing out. But they better have some sort of plan for their post-wedding lives or things will get ugly fast. Imagine coming home from the honeymoon and then instantly finding out how bad it will be actually living with someone. Going out and living together are worlds apart.

[VPI97]

A few weeks into my third year of college, I proposed to a girl I had only been dating for 6 weeks. We were married a year later, and last month celebrated our eighth anniversary.

So there.

[Balldog]

I work with a lady that married her husband after 4 weeks and they just celebrated their 28th wedding anniversary. You never know though.

[Ksyrup]

Has this guy been in relationships before, or is he just overreacting to the situation because it's relatively new to him and he's thrilled to have found someone?

[Critch]

I don't think there's anything you can do about it, so just stand back and hope for the best but be prepared to get many beers in if/when he gets dumped. We're all meant to be emotional wrecks at some point, it's character building

I used to work with a woman who went on a blind date. Half way through the blind date the guy propossed, they were married a couple of weeks later, and 20 years later (when I knew her) they were still married, so it can work.

[B & B]

Originally posted by Daimyo
Marriages that begin during (or immediately after) college have very low success rates. The college experience is just so incredibly different from the post-college, "real world" experience.

Im going to disagree here, except now I have enough money to buy the books I couldnt afford when I was in school.

[WussGawd]

I had been dating Mrs. Gawd for 4 months when we got engaged...we were married within another 5 months. We've been married now for over 17 years. We had our rough spots, but it's been great overall.

[Wolfpack]

I'll also have to dispute the "girl in college isn't the one you'll end up with" point. I met my wife as a junior and we married five (yes, five) years later. We pretty much knew it was going to be the case after about a year, so it was more getting other priorities taken care of, such as graduating from college and getting settled in life (particularly where she was going to go for grad school) before getting married.

My parents also met in college as did my sister and her husband.

[Franklinnoble]

There really are two important questions that your "friend" needs to consider:

1. Does she give good head?

2. Does "your friends" relationship with the chinchilla make her insecure?

[vtbub]

I dated my wife for six weeks before I proposed, together now seven years and married five.

I hope that your friend actually lives with her a bit before they get married. It certainly helped with us to know each other before saying I do.

[Daimyo]

Just to clarify what I said... Of course it can work. But i think the failure rate for marriages that begin (and by begin I mean the actual wedding ceremony) within 2 years of graduating college is something ridiculously high like >75%. So yes, of course, it CAN work out, but the odds are greatly against it. I'm also not criticizing those who choose to go that route (I got married within 9 months of graduating college so I'm in that boat). Just saying, as with everything, you should know, understand, and think long and hard about the facts before rushing into such a thing.

The best way to mitigate that IMO is to have a long engagement that includes at least a couple post-college years. Adapt to post-college life first, then adapt to married life instead of taking on both at once (they're both incredibly stressful on their own!)

If it was my friend, I wouldn't try to stop them, but I'd definately talk them about it. Who knows... he may just be swept up in the moment and sub-consciously want someone to talk him through it. The idea above about having a post-college plan is definately one thing to talk with him about just to make sure they've thought through all the little things that can become show-stoppers if not handled early.

[IMetTrentGreen]

the tribe has spoken. get married as fast as you can, as it has a 100% success rate

[Simms]

Originally posted by Daimyo
Marriages that begin during (or immediately after) college have very low success rates. The college experience is just so incredibly different from the post-college, "real world" experience. A relationship/partner that fits who you are during college has a good chance of being a terrible fit to who you become in the few years after college.

Combine that with the low success of marrying someone you've only known for 4 weeks and and the odds are probably not at all in their favor on this one.

I'm in the same boat as VPI here, but with an added twist....we worked together.

Met her the July before my senior year. Started dating in September. Announced our engagement 4 weeks later. Got married the following May (exactly seven days after my college commencement ceremonies).

Three cross-country moves, and two kids later, it'll be 7 years next May. Never a moment of regret.

In my experience (not just mine personally, but with others I've known as well), there *is* something to be said for the "when you know, you *know*" theory...but generally only if the people taking the leap are otherwise fairly rational people. I think in bigdawgs's case, the fact that the decision is totally out of the ordinary for his friend probably bodes fairly well.