OT: Advice Needed

[lcjjdnh]

Need some advice with a tricky situation which just came up.

It starts few monthes ago right before our junior prom. There was the girl who I really liked but both of us are pretty shy so we never really talked to each other but we were friendly. We have known each other for almost ten years and our parents are pretty much best friends so we were friends but we never really hung out. Anyway, I wanted to ask her to the prom but being really shy, I needed some encouragement, which one of my "friends" offered me. I use the term friend losely, because it seems that his really only nice to me at certain times and any time there's someone else around, he feels the need to instead make fun of me to impress them. But anyway, I thought he was being a good guy and trying to help me out. So finally, I'm ready to ask her and I find out that she got asked to the prom that morning. I'm disappointed but there was nothing I could do. So my friend sayd that's okay, they're not going to go out so maybe you still have a shot with her.

So taking his advice, I begin to hang out with her and my friend a lot. But as we hang out more and more I notice my "friend" seems like her, although he keeps assuring me that I definitly had a shot. Eventually I ask her out, but she says she just wants to be friends. But seeing as how my friend finds out about it without me telling him, I learned that weekend that the two of them had in fact decided to go out but split up with in hours. But now I'm pretty pissed off at him because I know he's be going behind my back this whole time.

We'll now just this week they have decided to go out although they won't tell me, it's obvious. I told her the last time that I didn't really care, which is really not the truth, but I'm not a very confrontational guy.

Here's were the dilema comes in. Knowing my friend for 10 years, I know he's the biggest scum bag in the world. To quote Sir Lawrence Wildman in Wall Street, the kid would sell his own mother to make a deal, and he'd send her C.O.D. He lies about pretty much everything. I've seen him lie about what TV shows he watched the night before. When my one friend accused him of lying about what he was doing at nights he threw a fit. Then two weeks later he hangs out with the girl but tells us he's "too tired" to do anything. When my other friend says something about it to him he calls him whiney. And now I find out he reads this girl's email without her knowing. And this is just the beginning the list of stuff he does just goes on and on.

My question is whether I should tell this girl what he's doing. I mean I really don't want to see her get hurt, but on the same point I don't want the two of them to think I'm just doing it to break them up because I like her. I mean one time my friend went nuts and demanded an apology from me one day because the previous night I had said I don't usually like action movies and he said I just said that to impress her. Then one time when I was driving and missed a turn, he accused me of doing it on purpose so I would get to spend more time in the car with her. Really this kids got a screw loose. Any advice as to whether I should talk to the girl and tell her what I think.

[thesloppy]

I suggest you detach yourself from the situation entirely.

[Blackadar]

Nah, just keep quiet. She'll figure out the guy is a dirtbag and you can be there to pick up the pieces!

[cuervo72]

Guy sounds like a jackass. Why is it again that you're still friends with him?

[Celeval]

Echo cuervo.

Of all you've said, the most f-ed up thing he's doing in my thought is that he's reading her email behind her back. She needs to know that, that's a bad sign.

Do you value her friendship/potential to date over his friendship? If so, let her know. You don't have to confront, and don't necessarily expect her to believe you. Don't push. Like Dobbs said above, be the shoulder.

[cuervo72]

I agree with the e-mail, that's a big invasion of privacy and breach of trust. I'm not sure what the best action here is though, going to her directly or what. I'm sure if your parents knew (say if you mentioned it off-handedly), they would pass it along to her parents. I don't know if that's the best way to go about it though.

Hey, funny thing Celeval...I was watching the PGA championship and at first glance thought I read 'Celeval' on one of the leaders' hats (um, that would be 'Cleveland"). I think I read this board too much

[Ksyrup]

I got involved in a similar situation in college. It ended badly - for me - when I told her what he was doing (he was seeing other girls while pretending to be in a serious relationship with her) and the chick ended up staying with the guy.

Stay away from it. Far, far away from it. Since you've shown interest in her, it will just come off as if you are making things up to get her away from him. At least that's how he'll spin it, and she'll likely buy it.

[Fritz]

[otis]She may be weary,
Women do get weary
Wearing the same shabby dress
And when she’s weary,
Try a little tenderness.

You know she’s waiting,
Just anticipating
Things she may never possess.
While she’s without them,
Try a little tenderness.

It's not just sentimental,
She has her grief and care,
And a word that’s soft and gentle,
Makes it easier to bear.
You won’t regret it,
Women don’t forget it,
Love is their whole happiness.
It’s all so easy
Try a little tenderness.
[/otis]

[Mustang]

Originally posted by lcjjdnh
Here's were the dilema comes in. Knowing my friend for 10 years, I know he's the biggest scum bag in the world.

Umm.. usually you don't call friends the biggest scum bag in the world. I'd be finding some new friends.

[Celeval]

Originally posted by cuervo72
Hey, funny thing Celeval...I was watching the PGA championship and at first glance thought I read 'Celeval' on one of the leaders' hats (um, that would be 'Cleveland"). I think I read this board too much

LOL

Love it. :-D

Kevin

[Franklinnoble]

I say you kick the guys ass. If you're not sure if you can take him, bring a baseball bat with you.

[bbor]

This is a Friend?

What would someone that DOES'NT like you do??

Time to hit the friend store and get some new ones

[Fritz]

Originally posted by Franklinnoble
I say you kick the guys ass. If you're not sure if you can take him, bring a baseball bat with you.

since he is not a pro can he use an aluminum bat? There is nothing like the "ping" sound of solid contact.

[Franklinnoble]

Originally posted by Fritz
since he is not a pro can he use an aluminum bat? There is nothing the "ping" sound of solid contact.

Absolutely. Aluminum is lighter and stronger - he'd have better bat speed and would be more likely to break things, like, say, his friend's skull.

[lcjjdnh]

I wouldn't quite say he is a friend, more that we have common friends which thus requires us to hang out together. Plus we and our parents had been good friends for years until he decided he needed to start impressing people when he got to high school. And he did tell me that he was going to help but clearly that didn't work out. What really upsets me though is that I know he talked about me to her behind my back and she probably believed him not knowing him as long as I did. So now, I really don't know what she thinks of me.

[lcjjdnh]

Also, another potential problem which might come up. I happen to also be close with the girl's parents. I help coach my brother's soccer team with him and my dad and have known the guy for jsut as long as I've known the girl. I know he really respects my opinion and really likes me. For instance, I was at their house the other nighting and was sitting outside with her parents and two of their friends and he's sitting there bragging about me. And like anytime he introduces me to anyone he always feel the need to tell them how smart I am, etc. Anyway, he may potentially ask me what I think of the kid whose dating his daughter. Do I tell him the truth(that I think he's a scumbag) or should I lie to him and tell him he's an okay guy. Especially since if he tells his daughter what I say, it could be again misconstrued as an attempt to break them up, which I don't want it to come of as.
So again, any advice if this comes up.

[Franklinnoble]

It's hammer time, dude...

[thirdandlong]

If her dad brings it up...tell him The guy is a scum bag. Of course that would cause you nothing but grief.

You say you are non confrontational, run with that. If you insert yourself, or even allow yourself to be inserted, you come off looking like you are playing an angle to try and win her.

Really cut your losses, and try to put her behind you. You may find out that you have another shot at her in a few years. Something that is hard to understand when you are younger, is that there really will be another gal that catches your eye. Sooner or later it will happen. When it does...make sure you take your shot. Otherwise all you can do is wonder about what might have been.

[damnMikeBrown]

Originally posted by Fritz
[otis]She may be weary,
Women do get weary
Wearing the same shabby dress
And when she’s weary,
Try a little tenderness.

She may be wolly,
Women do get wolly,
Wearing the same cherry mess
And when she’s wolly,
Try a little tenderness.

[vtbub]

The less you say the better.

The more consistent you are the better.

Be the shoulder and when he hurts her beat the snots out of him, preferably in front of her.

No, seriously, no violence.

[cuervo72]

Originally posted by Franklinnoble
It's hammer time, dude...