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05-02-2003, 06:31 PM
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#151 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Originally posted by jerk3616:
It was a long drive home from Cinci. The road dark and dreary, jerk3616 took the wheel of his cheap-a** Hyundai and began the long journey home, memories of a Pirate loss fresh in his mind and the burning of tears on his cheeks, not to mention the agonizing pain of holding a giant run-on sentence in his memory. But he knew... Chuck U. Farley would be back... Bill Gates still owns the team... And Kodos would come back... jerk3616 smiled. |
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05-02-2003, 06:32 PM
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#152 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Originally posted by SuburbanPimp:
My Super Bowl Experience So here I am, just sitting at home watching the evening edition of Sportscenter. After listening to Stuart Scott spout off another lame ass ghetto rap reference, I am shocked as Kenny Mayne announces that the Super Bowl in Cincinnati has yet to sell out, and is actually far from it. Then, I hear the sound of my doorbell ringing. As I open up the door, I see the UPS truck speeding away in the distance, and in front of me is an overnight package. I open it up, and I read the letter that was enclosed. Obviously, the nimrods of Cincinnati’s loss is my gain.  “Dear Valued Customer, As a show of appreciation for your recent computer purchase, which included the home version of Microsoft Windows XP, Gateway and Bill Gates present you with a complimentary ticket to the 2012 Super Bowl, which is being held this year in Cincinnati, Ohio. Enjoy the game, and thank you once again for choosing Gateway and Microsoft! Sincerely, The Gateway and Microsoft Families” After dancing around my house in my boxers for several minutes, I calmed down, then hopped on the next flight out to Cincinnati. Sure, I had to wait three hours to finally board the plane after going through five check points, but this was the only Silicon Pirates game that I could see this year, AND IT WAS THE FREAKIN’ SUPER BOWL!  As visions of Bill Gates holding the Lombardi Trophy danced around in my head, I was on my way to Cincinnati.When I got there, I noticed something right away. LOTS of Boomer Esiason and Icky Woods jerseys. But, after suffering through the “Akili Smith era” and other bad ideas, one could wonder why. As I made towards my seats, I was wondering when I would finally have to stop walking. When I finally got to the aisle seat of the very last row at the top of the upper deck, I yelled out a number of expletives that was only heard by a few. Oh well, when the World Championship is in the hands of the Silicon Pirates, having crappy seats will be just a small price to pay. For the majority of the game, I was sitting on the edge of my seat. As the Pirates had the lead going into the fourth quarter, the positive thoughts were flowing inside my head. I guess I was being premature, but I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t going through the many options I had of celebrating when Gatesville won the Super Bowl. But, as the Bungles took the 13-12 lead, my heart sank, but there was still some hope left. After the unbelievable Luke Garcia play, I was crushed. When the clock hit zero, and the Bungles fans went crazy, I could only just get my things together and leave. As I walked down the stairs in my seating section, I looked at my “NOW I CAN DIE IN PEACE” sign that I made before I left for this journey, realizing that I must save it for another day. I’ll just have to dust it off for next year’s Bowl, whether I watch it from the stands or from my living room. Next year…next year. Now, it’s time for me to head back to L.A., and hope that the “Comeback Kids” can pull out some more magic. If we have a Gatesville-like year and get to the big game, then that will be enough for me. Oh, but we gotta beat Jimmy Fassel first.  |
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05-02-2003, 06:32 PM
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#153 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Originally posted by revrew:
I've been lying here now for hours. God only knows how long. I'm looking at a Cincinatti sky and that box of spilled nachos is starting to smell good. Of course, all the other fans got up and went home. A few stepped on me on their way out of the stadium. They turned off the lights a while back. The only sound is the distant rumble of overhead planes and the scratchy whisper of hot dog wrappers blown about by the wind. The concrete is cold. The nachos are stale. And I'm all alone. Bitterly, bitterly, alone. |
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05-02-2003, 06:33 PM
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#154 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Originally posted by DataKing:
HEADLINE: THE DALLAS MORNING NEWS February 1st, 2013 JERRY JONES' HOME VANDALIZED Late last night, the home of Jerry Jones, owner of the Dallas Cowboys football franchise, was vandalized. The police learned of the disturbance when they received a telephone call from Jones' house-boy, Troy Aikman. "I had just finished cleaning Mr. Jones' toilets," Aikman said, "when I heard the sound of a high-revving engine out front of the house. Thinking that Mr. Jones had returned early from his Bangkok sightseeing trip, I walked out the front door to welcome him home. But instead of Mr. Jones' limo, I saw a black Oldsmobile Alero, with its back bumper covered in Silicon Pirates bumper stickers, driving all over the lawn! That's when I called the police." The police arrived soon after, but the car and its driver had long since vanished. Upon further investigation, the police found that the driver had spelled out "CHUCK U FARLEY" quite clearly on Jones' neatly-manicured lawn. Charles Ulysses Farley is a professional football player, currenly on the roster of the Gatesville Silicon Pirates. Mr. Farley has experienced some measure of success in recent years, and has become a bit of a cult-hero among Silicon Pirate fans. He and his agent were both unavailable for comment. Detective Billy Joe Billyjoe, the chief investigator on the scene had this to say. "I'm sure it was just a couple of kids havin' a little fun. It's nothin' for anybody to worry 'bout." This reporter could not help that the detective's coffee cup was clearly adorned with the logo of the Silicon Pirates. As Mr. Jones is out of the country at the moment, he could not be reached for comment. |
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05-02-2003, 06:34 PM
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#155 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Thanks for your support, guys. It was a tough loss, but we'll get 'em next year. I think Berg has several Super Bowl wins in him.
 I'll do the season recap stuff someday soon - too tired to right now. -Kodos  |
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05-02-2003, 06:34 PM
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#156 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:
Ouch. The Bengals? That's gotta hurt. So damn close. My sympathies. Next year has to be the year. Each year you get closer. |
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05-02-2003, 06:35 PM
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#157 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Yeah, losing to the Bengals hurt. So many good players had off days. However, I've become more "cohesion" minded in the last season or two, so hopefully that will help my efforts and improve performance on both sides of the ball next season.
-Kodos P.S. No news on another patch for your baseball dynasty? |
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05-02-2003, 06:36 PM
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#158 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Originally posted by Shorty3281:
Shorty, a resident of Cinci, attended the game. When he got there, he was easily confused as to who to root for. On one hand, you had a Silicon like team, and Shorty likes the silicon. On the other, it's a home town. So Shorty went with a self made, halfie-jersey. It was a Silicon Ralph Randle/Bengal Ralph Money jersey. With each jersey on half a side. Of course, Shorty found himself cheering on the Berginator. There will always be next year. |
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05-02-2003, 06:36 PM
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#159 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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2012 Final Standings:
Wow. Lots o' parity in the league this year. 'cept for those Cowboys, of course!
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05-02-2003, 06:37 PM
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#160 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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2012 Individual Stats
QBs By all accounts, Berg had himself a great season. In addition to leading the team to its first Super Bowl berth, he also lead us to an 8-0 record within the NFC East. His 34 touchdowns fell just 4 shy of the NFL record currently held by Chris Chandler (38), and was good enough to qualify as the 4th highest touchdown pass total in league history. Not too shabby! Marshall "Marshall Marshall" Brady of the Arizona Cardinals finished in second place for touchdowns thrown with 24. Berg's 3,586 passing yards was third best in the league this year.
RBs Yep. We'll be lookin' for some new running backs in the offseason. Lazetti had a really disappointing season, so we will be looking to bring in some guys to compete with him for the starting spot in 2013.
Receivers Rookie WR Earl Thornton had himself a good season, while perennial favorite Kyle Diaz is slowing down, and didn't see much action unfortunately. Lazetti's only saving grace was that he did a decent job catching balls out of the backfield again this year. Cult favorite Chuck U. Farley had a good year at tight end, but the fact that he missed 6 games means he will most likely be overlooked for an All Pro nod.
Defenders Dave Sanders was our best tackler, while Al Ingram lead our linebacking corps in tackles. Still, we would like to get more out of Big Al somehow...
Pass Defenders Dave Sanders and Joel Harden had good seasons, although Harden missed 7 games due to injuries.
Sack Leaders Joey Rhoades was the bright spot on a weak defensive line this season.
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05-02-2003, 06:37 PM
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#161 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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2012 Individual Awards:
League MVP Award: Bob Macias, running back for the 49ers, won the 2012 NFL MVP Award (as well as winning the Offensive Player of the Year award and getting the first team All Pro nod at RB) based on his 362 carries for 1499 yards and 15 TDs, which he of course supplemented with 43 catches for 484 yards and 3 TDs. Personally, I would have given it to Berg, but I may be a bit biased... Gatesville Award winners: Berg won first team honors at QB for his 3,500 yard/34 TD performance. Once again, I thought MVP, the league thought something else. Levon Wallace earned first team honors at fullback, as he proved to be effective at both running and catching the ball in 2012. Left guard Rusty Pleasant, our big steal from Dallas this year, earned second team recognition at guard. Former Gatesvillains: Jackie Tuten Jackie won first team honors at DT based on his 64 tackles, 25 assists, and 7.5 sacks in 2012. This was Jackie's second first team nod, in addition to his 2008 second team award. If the chance should ever arise, we would love to get Jackie back. Dexter McNeil Our old friend Dexter McNeil's performance slipped a bit from his lofty 17 TDs/1 interception performance of 2011. In 2012, McNeil completed 219 of 391 attempts for 2488 yards, 15 TDs, and 13 interceptions in his first season with Richmond, while leading his team to a 6-10 campaign that saw his team finish in 6th place in the NFC West. You'll get 'em next year, Dexter! You know, in retrospect, I wish we had traded him to the Cowboys - that would have been so much fun! |
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05-02-2003, 06:38 PM
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#162 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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2012 Final Power Ratings:
Gatesville finished with a 57 rating, while Dallas gasped to a 33 rating. Keep up the good work, Jerry! |
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05-02-2003, 06:38 PM
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#163 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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2012 Team Rankings:
Team Rankings for 2012 Season: While our rushing offense was abysmal, our passing offense finished second only to Denver, who gained 4397 yards through the air in 2012. The defense was solid if not stellar in yards allowed.
For the second straight season, our offense scored the most points in the league. K.C. finished in second with 396 points scored. Due to a ball-hawking defense, we also allowed the second-lowest amount of points on defense. Only Jacksonville finished ahead of us with 223 points allowed. With these two statistics in mind, it is not hard to see how we made it to the Super Bowl. What is hard to see is how we didn't win it. But, you've gotta tip your hat to the Bengals; they lost the bowl in 2011, but came back and won it the next year. We expect to follow in their footsteps in 2013. After all, Berg promised me...
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05-02-2003, 06:38 PM
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#164 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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2012 Franchise Info:
Attendance: For the first time in our short history, Gatesville filled a higher percentage of its seats than Dallas did. I believe that little statistic deserves a big honkin' YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!
* Dallas' first year with their renovated stadium. 2012 Fan Support: News alert: We actually have some loyal fans! The Apocalypse is upon us!
2012 Profits/Losses: Hmmmm. We lose less, they lose more - I like it! With some help from increased ticket revenue (which climbed from $24,790,000 in 2011 to $41,640,000 in 2012, a 67% increase), our revenues ($113,490,000) were only outdistanced by our costs ($271,060,000) by a paltry $157,600,000! That's progress, folks!
2012 Franchise Values: You'll be fine! You'll be great! Gonna have the whole world on a plate! Starting here! Starting now! Everything's coming up roses!
Table Of Losses Through 2012 Another season will probably put us over the $9 billion mark in terms of losses. Keep selling that software, Billy boy!
And Speaking of Billions... Three teams are now worth over a billion dollars. Drum roll, please! Washington and St. Louis are both worth $1,014,590,000, but our division playmate Philly is worth the most at a whopping $1,023,120,000! Holy schnikees! |
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05-02-2003, 06:39 PM
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#165 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Hall of Fame Inductees:
Please join me in welcoming the following players into the Hall of Fame this offseason. The best thing is, there is nary a Cowboy to be seen! Brett Favre Mark Brunell Zach Thomas Yay Zach! We love ya!Jessie Armstead Warren Sapp |
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05-02-2003, 06:39 PM
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#166 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Hall of Fame Inductees Through 2012:
Here is a cumulative list of everyone who has made it to Canton thus far. Way to go, fellas! Some day, there will be some Silicon Pirates joining you! Yes, there are notably some Cowboys in there, but I still say that Randall Cunningham was an Eagle!
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05-02-2003, 06:39 PM
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#167 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Dallas Cowboys Hall of Fame:
Here is a list of all the Cowboys who have made it into the Dallas HoF:
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05-02-2003, 06:42 PM
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#168 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Player Spotlight: Chuck Ulysses Farley, TE #81
Born: 7/4/1982 Height: 6’7”. Weight: 278 pounds. Born and raised in Fairport, New York. Schooling: Attended Fairport High School, where he lettered in football, wrestling, and tennis. Attended college at Syracuse University. Voted team captain during his Senior year. Majored in Marine Biology; Minored in French. Graduated from Syracuse University in 2007 with 2.87 GPA. Drafted by Gatesville in 4th Round in 2007. Player Awards: 2011 2nd Team Tight End. Player Bio: Chuck Farley was born the only son of Henri “Henry” LeBlanc and Maude Samantha Farley. He grew up and eventually attended high school in Fairport, New York, a suburb of Rochester, the third largest city in the Empire State. Early on, Chuck exhibited an interest in the undersea exploits of Jacques Cousteau of television fame, and eventually became the youngest member of the Cousteau society. While in high school at Fairport High, he starred at quarterback, throwing for over 2000 yards and 32 touchdowns in his Senior year, while carrying the ball for 600 yards and 9 touchdowns. After a failed bid to become a crewman on the “Calypso” following graduation from Fairport High, Chuck decided to attend college at nearby Syracuse University. The coaching staff for the Orangemen initially converted Farley to the fullback position, but eventually he was moved to tight end his Junior year after teammate Frankie Wadsworth left the team to pursue an interest in claymation. In the following two seasons, Farley proceeded to break every receiving record for a tight end at SU. In the weeks immediately prior to the 2007 draft, Farley was arrested and accused of soliciting a prostitute after he tried to pick up an 89-year-old woman at the local Wegman’s grocery store. Although the charges were later dropped due to a lack of evidence, the damage was done, and his draft stock quickly plummeted. Eventually, Farley was taken in the fourth round by the Gatesville Silicon Pirates, who were preparing for their first season in Texas. Since joining the Pirates in 2007, Farley has been a model citizen in the Gatesville community, donating much of his free time to helping out at area rest homes, where he is known to frequently pitch in by cooking meals, entertaining folks, or sometimes just giving various residents sponge baths if needed. Career Statistics:
Last edited by Kodos : 05-02-2003 at 06:42 PM. |
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05-02-2003, 06:43 PM
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#169 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Well folks, that pretty much wraps things up for the 2012 season, as well as for Part III of The Bill Gates Challenge. This Saturday (12/8/2001) will mark the 6-month anniversary of this thread, and in celebration, I am going to take the rest of December off!
Just out of curiosity - Is The Bill Gates Challenge the longest continuous (more or less) single dynasty report in FOF Central history? I have no idea really, but it seems like most dynasties only last for a short time until the writer gets bored and moves on to something else. What I lack in quality, I hopefully make up for with perseverance! Anyhow, like I said, just curious. Maybe some of the older members would know.For those of you who haven't gotten bored yet and have followed this dynasty up until now, I would like to take a moment to say a huge "THANK YOU!" It's been fun, and I ain't done yet. I will be back with The Bill Gates Challenge Part IV in January. After all, Berg still needs to win the Super Bowl, Dallas still needs to be driven out of Texas, and Jerry Jones must still be made to pay for his sins. So, Bill Gates IV will be coming, just not for the next few weeks. Until then, enjoy the holiday season, spend more time with your loved ones, and enjoy each and every Cowboy defeat. I hope to see all of you back here in 2002! As the singer of my favorite band always says after a performance: "Don't forget us, and we won't forget you!" Happy holidays, - Kodos |
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05-02-2003, 06:44 PM
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#170 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Originally posted by Vince:
Well happy holidays to you too Kodos! I love this thread, and hope it never dies! Your contributions to this board are awesome, and add a happy moment (or a few happy moments) to my day. Keep up the good work buddy! |
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05-02-2003, 06:45 PM
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#171 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Originally posted by Alf:
Kodos, your dynasty has been an inspiration to all of us dynasty writers ! Great info. Good details (enough but not too much). So in a wold : "Very enjoyable to read". As for the longest dynasty, I would say that FOF2 VCII Brown challenge lastest a long time two. People involved : Darkiller, Subby, Syrinx, TRO, WebEwbank. Check this link and ask Darkiller about it : VCII Browns challenge An inspiration for all dynasty writers |
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05-02-2003, 06:45 PM
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#172 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Originally posted by revrew:
Ahhhh, the picture becomes clear. Thank you Kodos, for the background info on Chuck. 6'7 278! Now that's a big target. I now know destiny's reason for making me the president of the the Chuck Ulysses Farley Fan Club. All kidding aside, I too took up a childhood fascination with Jacques Cousteau. I also majored in Marine Biology, although at Texas A & M Galveston. (I must clarify, however, I am to this day terrified of nursing homes, and I consider Chuck's geria-nympholism an unspeakable blemish best left overlooked.) Chuck joins the long list of people who discovered there are no jobs to be had in marine biology, and therefore went on to other things! Chuck U. Farley, revrew, and John Steinbeck. Such elite company... |
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05-02-2003, 06:46 PM
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#173 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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To quote the philosophers Bartyles and James (sp?) "Thank you for your support" guys! It makes it more fun knowing my stuff will actually be read by a few people and that I am not just entertaining myself.
Alf: I guess if it took a village challenge to last longer than my thread, then I'm doing okay as a one-man operation. I haven't had much time to read others' dynasties for a while, so this break will be my chance to catch up on your Indiana VC. You should revive your Bordeaux dynasty soon too! Vince: Thanks! I enjoy your unique dynasty too, so I look forward to catching up on it over the holidays. Keep up the good work! Revrew: I was as shocked as you were to learn of Chuck's off-the-field interests. But remember: Love the sinner, Hate the sin. Or something like that. I figure, he likes older women; There are worse things he could do! I think he was just unlucky enough to run across a particularly asexual and prudish old lady, because let's be honest: What woman in her right mind wouldn't want a rich, strong, handsome fella like Chuck? As long as it is a mutual interest between him and his women, I say: Enjoy! I myself gravitate towards Natalie Portman, despite the fact that she is more than 10 years younger than me... |
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05-02-2003, 06:46 PM
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#174 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Originally posted by CK#12:
Happy Holidays Kodos, Wow, I didn't know this had been going on for six months. It seems like yesterday when I first read Part I and nearly laughed out loud in the middle of my office. I eagerly await Part IV in the New Year. |
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05-02-2003, 06:47 PM
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#175 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Originally posted by revrew:
Oh,wait a minute. I just realized my wife is older than I am. My first girlfriend was 4 years older than I was. Well, then. LONG LIVE FARLEY! (or maybe I should say, long live his love interests ) |
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05-02-2003, 06:47 PM
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#176 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Thanks, CK #12! You have a happy holiday too!
Revrew: You know, I often admire how well a Goldie Hawn or a Christie Brinkley has held up through the years (even if she is dumb as a post). As for Chuck, he used to have guys over to watch movies on occasion, but that kind of died down when they found out he had the entire "Golden Girls" series on DVD...  |
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05-02-2003, 06:57 PM
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#177 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Here the link to The Bill Gates Challenge Part IV: The Lords of the Rings?
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