Iowegian Legion: 2k1 Des Moines Dragons

[revrew]

CWL Times
"Who is going to step up now?" asked Howie Long, the colorful commentator following the third quarter of Sunday's SuperBowl. After scoring two touchdowns in the first half, Marshall Faulk had disappeared. Kurt Warner was struggling. Timmy Dwight couldn't shake Oakland cornerback Charles Woodson. Where would a hero come from?

How about West Virginia?

Oakland was winning 20-14 and driving to get into field position for at least 3 more. They had the ball on the Des Moines 44 facing a second and 15. But when Gannon released the ball, outside linebacker and West Virginia-born Bryce Paup drove the left guard to the ground and batted the ball back into Gannon's face.

Now facing third and 15, Gannon dropped back into the shotgun. Timmy Brown streaked across the middle. Gannon released. And again, Bryce Paup swatted the ball to the ground. "No, sir," said Paup after the game, "Not in my neighborhood."

The Dragons were energized. Momentum began to swing Des Moines' way. Yet the team was still one hero short of a victory, until...

On the following drive, the Oakland D had stalled the Dragons on the Oakland 17. Then coach Fry pulled something out of the playbook the Raiders weren't ready for. On third and 4, Warner pitched the ball right to Faulk on a sweep. Oakland pursued.

But that's when silky smooth WR Quinn Early winked at the corner guarding him. "Damn," said Oakland CB Tory James after the game, "he winked at me. I was watching his eyes to see what he was up to, and that S.O.B. winked at me!"

Quinn released his block on James and cut back across the field. Right before Faulk was hit, #28 handed off the ball to #88. On the end around reverse, Quinn Early took the ball into a wide-open field and sprinted 17 yards to the endzone. Dragons 21, Oakland 20.

After Oakland failed to score on their next posession, they gave the ball back to Des Moines with only 3:37 on the clock. If they could just stop the Dragons, they'd have one more chance.

But Quinn Early winked again. And he caught a 7-yard first down pass. Then 5 plays later, he caught another 8 yard pass. With less than a minute to play, he caught another. This time, it was for a touchdown. Dragons win, 28-20.

Now the media gave #28 Marhsall Faulk the MVP for his 200 combined yards (most of which came in the first half) and 2 touchdowns. A noble performance indeed. But just in case you were wondering, "Who's going to step up now?" that would be number eighty-eight, Quinn Early.

[revrew]

Superbowl MVP: Marshall Faulk
1st Team All-pro RB: Marshall Faulk
Offensive Player of Year: Marshall Faulk
NFL MVP: Marshall Faulk

Impressive campaign for the Marshall, no?

1st Team WR: T.Dwight
1st Team K: J. Wilkins

[revrew]

Is that the end, faithful readers? The dynasty was supposed to end when we won a SuperBowl. Lo and behold, we win it in the first year.

Of course, we were supposed to win it all with only Iowans, and this first victory came with several non-Iowa grads, including an MVP from San Diego State. Yes, I know that's not in Iowa. So what should we do?

You're right. The spirit of the dynasty has only just begun. Time to bring Mr. Bienz' diabolical plan to the next level. On to year 2! Beware the Dragon!

[Kodos]

Send that lousy-non-Iowan MVP a packin'!

[tucker342]

Who needs Marshall Faulk when you have Sedrick Shaw(uh oh)

[revrew]

Charles City Press: "Cardona Trade Bait?" -- DES MOINES: Des Moines Dragon TE Derek Cardona's agent told reporters that the Buffalo Bills have expressed an interest in trading for Cardona. Apparently, they're offering a 5th round draft pick in exchange for the Charles City native.

"Not to worry," however, said Dragons GM Rev Rew, "Cardona's place is safe with the team. We even have plans for expanding his role."

Does this mean Cardona's rival tight end on the team, Scott Slutzker, is on the way out?

"We've received trade offers on both tight ends," said Rew, "but neither offer has risen to the point of temptation. We like both these guys, and teams are going to have to step it up if they want to pry them away from the Dragons."

[revrew]

"Mr. Bienz, our bluff is going to be called. I cannot find a decent offer on Faulk, ISU went 0-11 this year..."

"Well, that means there isn't a single player worth drafting from the Cyclones. Our entire draft pool is limited to Hawkeyes, Panthers (who stunk it up this year, too), and small school guys."

"I think we can play the bluff on the first draft day. I'm looking at trading away that first pick for another in the second and some prospects. There's a couple of guys who are almost worth their weight in the second round. But after that, we'll pick straight Hawkeyes for the next couple rounds. No one will be fooled. Nobody. You've either got to make an announcement on that second day or leave me out to dry."

"What do you mean, 'How well do I dry?' The press will butcher me!"

"You really want me to B.S. like we're not playing only Iowans? I can see the first time we're on TV -- 'I'm so and so, University of Iowa,' over and over again, like a broken record."

"Yes! Yes, I'm in. I know that's why you've given me this job. I just figured you'd cut me a little slack, take some of the heat when we went all Iowan."

"Tough. Be like Fry. Got it, sir. Be like Fry. Be like Fry. Good bye, sir. Be like Fry. Be like Fry..."

[revrew]

"Ladies and gentlemen of the press, I have several announcements to make. Firstly, we've traded our first round pick. In exchange we will receive a young quarterback, some help at defensive end, and Minnesota's second round pick.

"Secondly, I must remind you of the dire salary cap straits this team was in when I took over as GM. We chose at the beginning of last year, rather than to dismantle and rebuild, to try one more shot at the Lombardi trophy. We succeeded, but now we must pay the piper. Some of our more expensive veterans need to be moved to make way for younger, more cap-friendly players. Center Steve Everitt was among the casualties today, traded to Buffalo for a pass rush specialist.

"Lastly, I grieve to tell you, that due to unreconcilable differences, Dragons management was forced to choose between Iowa legend, coach Hayden Fry and running back Marshall Faulk. Given Faulk's high salary demands, especially after last season's success, and with his threat of a holdout, we simply cannot afford to keep his services. Regrettably, and since his agent has refused to drop Faulk's no-trade clause, Marshall Faulk was released today. We will dearly miss his presence. That is all."

"No, that is all. Good day."

[revrew]

"Thank you for coming, Marshall. Please have a seat."

"What the %$^&%$, Rew? What is all this $%^^@ I see on ESPN about 'unreconcileable differences' and contract holdouts and demands and stuff? You know I ain't pulling that crap! I talked to my agent--he's hopping mad over all this, and I'm even more ^!$$ed off!"

"Well, Marshall, it is possible that the unreconcileable differences weren't all on your end..."

"What do you mean?"

"You did call Coach Fry an S.O.B. on national television."

"But he calls himself that!"

"And, let's face it, you are a bit of a primadonna."

"What!"

"Now, listen up, Marshall. You're not going to play in Des Moines again. Ever. And we can do this one of two ways..."

"What are you saying?"

"Stop your trap and listen! You can play the game here, give the media the whole 'differences of personality, just wasn't working out, best for me and for the team' thing, and we'll cut you. Let you go play for someone else. I'll even let inquiring GMs know the contract hold-out was just a B.S. job to placate the fans and you're cool to play."

"And if I don't?"

"Well, Marshall, if you don't, you know there is no 'no-trade' clause in your contract. Play the game here, pally, or we trade you to Cincinatti."

"You wouldn't. They wouldn't."

"Hey! Dillon would look good in Reptilian and Gold."

"I don't know..."

"Fine then. I'll get Jerry Jones on the phone, instead."

"Okay! Okay! Dang it, you win! I'll play the game, I'll play."

"There's a good girl. I knew you'd come to see it our way."

[DataKing]

That's just plain mean.

I love it.

[Kodos]

The Jerry Jones bit was going too far. No man should be threatened with that.

[revrew]

Sorry, Kodos, I was just "Being like Fry. Be like Fry. Be like Fry..."

Besides, Marshall exposing our deception at this point was just a bit too risky. We need to keep the North Iowa Times on our side for now. They're going to come in handy later...

[revrew]

WHO Radio "How can they just let him go?"

"What can you say, Bernard? It's how the cap structure works today. SuperBowl teams can't afford to keep everyone. Right, Rev?"

"Basically. The St. Louis Rams chose to ignore reality to keep on winning. But it couldn't be avoided forever."

"But, dang it, man. Faulk? He's the NFL MVP for crying out loud!"

"True, and he wanted to be paid like it, believe me. The money just isn't there. Besides, Bernard was it?, much of the core of the team is still there. We still have an MVP in Kurt Warner. Did you forget about him? And the league's top receiver! The Rob-Squad will still be drilling people in the secondary, and Sims and Williams, the anchors of our offensive line are intact. We lack depth now, but the foundation is still there. Now it's Sedrick Shaw's turn to shine!"

"You're not going to draft a back, Rev?"

"Probably not in the second round. Shaw is at least that good, and we need more help, say, in the secondary."

NFL Draft to be conducted over the weekend. See the results on Monday

[revrew]

Draft Day 1
ESPN Coverage: "and with the 52nd overall pick, the Des Moines Dragons take safety Orlando Weber of the University of Iowa."

Kiper: "Weber has the size and speed to really contribute to a team. 6'1, 214, and he returned kicks for the Hawkeyes, too. He was Iowa's star player this year. Kind of surprising to see Des Moines take a safety here, especially when they really need a linebacker. But Weber is a great athlete and was one of the best safeties available."

ESPN Coverage: "and with the 62nd overall pick, the Des Moines Dragons select wide receiver Ronnie Turnbull of Drake University."

Kiper: "Whoa, is that a stretch! Sure, Turnbull has got the size the Dragons need at wideout (6'2, 203), but there were probably better receivers on the board. But, if Turnbull is as good at grabbing 3rd down catches as he was for Drake, it will make the Dragon offense that much harder to stop."

[revrew]

Draft Day 2
"and with the 98th pick, the Des Moines Dragons select safety Arnie Sharpe, University of Iowa."

Salisbury: "That's an awful pick for Des Moines. What is GM Rew thinking?"

"103rd pick, the Dragons select kicker Mario van Pelt, University of Iowa."

Kiper: "That's the third Hawkeye the Dragons have taken in this draft, and the second that is just plain stupid. They could have had van Pelt in the sixth round if they wanted him."

"138th pick, Dragons select safety Clarence Humphrey, University of Iowa."

Salisbury: "Three safeties out of one school? To a team that doesn't even need one? What is going on?"

"156th pick..."

Salisbury: "Let me guess, a safety."

"...the Dragons select linebacker Rondell Drake, University of Iowa."

Kiper: "Finally, a needed linebacker. But why Drake? Oh, he's from the U of I. Somebody get the commishioner on the phone, this is wrong."

"186th selection, Dragons take guard Sammy Wilkins, University of Iowa."

"and with the final selection of the 2002 NFL draft, the Des Moines Dragons select linebacker Rondell Strong, University of Northern Iowa."

[tucker342]

classic!!! The best news yet was the shitiness of Iowa State.

[revrew]

Post-draft press conference
"Rev, can you explain why you only drafted players from Iowa colleges?"

"That wasn't by design. At every opportunity we were looking for players who were athletic, coachable, with a good work ethic, and upstanding character. And when our spot came, we drafted the player that best fit those qualities. There were others we had our eyes on, like Delphrine Lee out of Clemson, but he was taken two spots ahead of us, if I remember correctly."

"But Rev, you passed up talent and need to draft some of these Hawkeyes."

"We didn't draft only Hawkeyes, remember. And talent doesn't do any good if they don't get along with the coaches, aren't teachable, or miss practice because they're in drug rehab. We got what we were looking for."

"But what about your fourth-round pick, Arnie Sharpe? He's been in jail twice during his career at the University of Iowa, was suspended for half a season for drug use, and currently faces 3 paternity suits?"

"Those, um, days are behind him."

"Rev, you're full of $%^$&!"

"Look, this conference is over! But let me make one thing perfectly $%##&$ clear, you pencil-pushing profanity spewer! You all thought I was an idiot last year, and we won the #&$*#& SuperBowl! 'Oh, look at me! I'm a sports columnist who entertains the masses with my wit and wisdom.' Well, who's the idiot now, Shakespeare? If you've got a problem with my job performance, well, sorr-rry, but I don't have the authority to fire myself! Take it up with somebody who does. Good day."

[revrew]

I know I said I wouldn't do this, but this is more for my reference, so I can print it out...

The All Iowan, 2nd year, Des Moines Dragons Roster in depth-chart order
As Printed in Cedar Rapids Gazette

QB 13 Kurt Warner 6'2 220 4yr vet, UNI
QB 15 Todd Bouman 6'2 227 5yr vet, Upper Iowa U
QB 16 Levon Finley 6'5 206 Rookie , Luther College

HB 49 Sedrick Shaw 6'0 214 5yr vet, U of I
HB 39 Tavian Banks 5'10 208 4yr vet, U of I
HB 42 Troy Davis 5'7 191 5yr vet, ISU
HB 43 Rico Langley 6'1 211 2yr vet, U of I

FB 89 Derek Cardona 6'4 254 2yr vet, ISU
FB 44 Arnie Carter 6'0 227 Rookie , Kirkwood Community

TE 87 Scott Slutzker 6'4 240 3yr vet, U of I
TE 89 Derek Cardona see above (FB)
TE 81 Mark Sellers 6'3 260 4yr vet, Wartburg College

WR 85 Tim Dwight 5'8 180 4yr vet, U of I
WR 88 Quinn Early 6'0 190 14yrvet, U of I
WR 80 Dedric Ward 5'9 184 5yr vet, UNI
WR 86 Ronnie Turnbull 6'2 203 Rookie , Drake
WR 84 Dave Salley 5'7 178 2yr vet, ISU
WR 83 Kenny Shedd 5'10 165 8yr vet, UNI

C 52 Brad Meester 6'3 298 2yr vet, UNI
C 59 Casey Wiegmann 6'3 295 6yr vet, U of I
C 56 Mike Devlin 6'2 325 2yr vet, U of I

G 75 Keith Sims 6'3 318 12yrvet, ISU
G 78 Gene Williams 6'2 320 11yrvet, ISU
G 68 Sammy Wilkins 6'1 283 Rookie , U of I
G 71 Danny Burgess 6'6 303 Rookie , U of I

T 72 Erik Williams 6'6 311 11yrvet, Central (IA)
T 79 Ross Verba 6'4 308 5yr vet, U of I
T 76 Mike Goff 6'5 316 4yr vet, U of I
T 65 Sean Zahursky 6'6 305 4yr vet, Iowa Wesleyan

P 14 Rob Russell Dont care Rookie, Grinnell College
K 8 Mo Van Pelt Dont care Rookie, U of I

DE 99 Steve Price 6'4 290 9yr vet, Loras College
DE 92 Allen Miller 6'3 239 3yr vet, Coe College
DE 98 Shawn Poston 6'6 301 Rookie , Luther College

DT 93 Mike Wells 6'3 315 8yr vet, U of I
DT 94 James Jones 6'2 295 11yrvet, UNI
DT 97 Howie Underhill 6'3 305 2yr vet, Wartburg College
DT 96 Mike Hamiter 6'4 280 4yr vet, Mount Mercy College

MLB55 Bryce Paup 6'5 250 12yrvet, UNI
SLB53 Rondell Drake 6'3 255 Rookie , U of I
WLB54 Rondell Strong 6'1 253 Rookie , UNI
LB 57 David Matthews 6'1 258 Rookie , Loras College
LB 51 Ray Bankston 6'2 236 Rookie , Upper Iowa University
LB 58 Mark Maslowski 6'1 246 3yr vet, Drake

CB 30 Tom Knight 6'0 197 6yr vet, U of I
CB 29 Desmond Hopkins 6'1 202 2yr vet, U of I
CB 37 Clarence Humphrey 6'1 209 Rookie , U of I
CB 36 Arnie Sharpe 5'9 196 Rookie , U of I
CB 45 Ryan Lozano 6'0 180 Rookie , Central (IA)
CB 41 Jared Farrell 5'8 194 Rookie , Grinnell College

FS 31 Marcus Robertson 5'11 205 11yrvet, ISU
SS 32 Damien Robinson 6'2 214 5yr vet, U of I
S 34 Orlando Weber 6'1 214 Rookie , U of I
S 29 Desmond Hopkins see above (CB)

[revrew]

Cedar Rapids Gazette -- same day: "Something's Rotten in the State of Iowa" -- The Des Moines Dragons caught heat from the national media when every player drafted this April came from an Iowa college or university.

Now it's our turn to breathe a little fire on the Dragons' management.

Coming out of training camp at Decorah's Luther College, every Dragon on the roster, including 17 rookies, comes from an Iowa school. Yep. Every single, stinking (and many of them do) one.

Every Iowa High School valedictorian receives an automatic full-ride scholarship to the Iowa University of their choice. Apparently, if they play football too, Dragons GM Rev Rew will give them a full ride to the NFL as well.

One Bulldog, one Panther, and six Hawkeyes were drafted in this year's NFL draft. Every one by the Des Moines Dragons. With this kind of free pass going on, look for recruiting classes to improve at each of these schools this year. After all, not every school can boast that even their second string players get drafted in the NFL. But thanks to GM Rew, Hawkeye benchwarmer Clarence Humphrey will get to warm a bench in the NFL now too.

"People don't seem to remember that Terrell Davis was a second-string guy at Georgia," says GM Rew. "He was stuck behind Garrison Hearst. Just because a guy gets log-jammed behind other quality guys, doesn't mean he doesn't deserve a shot to show what he can do."

Humphrey may get more than a shot. He's penciled in as the team's third cornerback.

Several newspapers in Iowa are calling for GM Rew's head. NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue has placed several calls to Dragons' owner Frank von Bienz. But the pressure seems to be falling on deaf ears.

"Rew rebuilt a team, nearly from scratch last year, and we won the SuperBowl," says Bienz, "He was unorthodox last year too, I mean, who ever heard of 18 trades before the draft? All announced on one day? But the man showed he's a genius. Even if he does stumble on a few risks this year, and they don't pan out, the cap put him in a place where he has to be a bit unorthodox. I don't expect to keep the Lombardi trophy this year, but when we get it back, you'll see how brilliant Rew is. He has my full support."

Yeah, well SuperBowl or not, he's lost ours. Add the Gazette to the growing list of newspapers that considers Rev Rew's genius to have driven him mad.

[revrew]

North Iowa Times: Leading in to this NFL preseason, once again the big-city Iowa newspapers have found a scapegoat for their senseless slandering.

"He's mad," said one Cedar Rapids newspaper of the new object of media scorn, Des Moines Dragons' GM Rev Rew. "A loony," wrote a Waterloo paper. Des Moines' largest newspaper said of Rew, "We're ashamed to be supporters of an NFL franchise whose management has chosen to make a mockery of the NFL. We wear bags over our heads, for every ounce of pride Iowans felt over winning the SuperBowl has now been stripped of us, betrayed by Rew, left us naked before the world as the laughingstocks of the NFL. Governor Vilsack should consider charging Rew with treason."

Tisk, tisk, you vile, impulsive, forked-tongue, big-city papers. How quickly you forget! Weren't you the same ones that called Erik Williams last year a "criminal," a "druggie," and an "alley cat"?

It took a district court ruling and a North Iowa Times expose` to prove your foolish mudslinging was misplaced. What will it take to convince you that you're wrong about Rew now, too?

"Treason" indeed. Perhaps Vilsack should consider investigating some of these newspapers for yellow journalism, biased coverage, and libel.

Alas, that's the kind of reporting you can expect, we suppose, when you read a newspaper owned by a New York City conglomerate. For fairer, more honest, and more responsible journalism, we suggest you renew your subscription to the North Iowa Times.

[DataKing]

This dynasty report continues to crack me up.

Keep up with the good stuff, rev.

[revrew]

Mason City Globe-Gazette: MINNEAPOLIS -- Adding insult to injury for the Des Moines Dragons and unorthodox general manager Rev Rew, the Minnesota Vikings have signed last year's Dragon star and NFL MVP Marshall Faulk to a one-year deal.

With Faulk and wide receiver Randy Moss, look for Minnesota to boast a high octane offense this year. And with the Vikings facing Des Moines in the second game of the season, look for the supercharged Vikes to demolish our depleted Dragon squad.

[revrew]

North Iowa Times Sheriff's Report: Keith Sims, 33, of Des Moines--disturbing the peace, public disruption, noise disturbance, $300.

[Kodos]

Sims was framed! I swear it is true!

[primelord]

Originally posted by Kodos
Sims was framed! I swear it is true!

And how do you know this? Is it because YOU framed him???

[Kodos]

Originally posted by primelord
And how do you know this? Is it because YOU framed him???

Guilty as charged, sir.

[revrew]

Apparently, someone close to the team knew what little town he was off to next (in this case, Postville), and tipped the sheriff off that he was coming. But how would anyone know? You'd have to have, like, alien powers of mind reading or something.

[revrew]

Training Camp Report: Sedrick Shaw
Telegraph Herald -- DECORAH: "Back when I was coaching the Hawkeyes," says Des Moines Dragon coach Hayden Fry, "Iowa State had this kid named Troy Davis. Happens to play for the Dragons now, too. But Davis was running for 2,000 yards a year. Some snot-nosed reporter asked me if I would like Davis on my team. I told him, No, I'd rather have Shaw. I meant it then, and I mean it now. Shaw will shine!"

In training camp so far, Coach Fry has called it right. When newly acquired DE Shawn Price teased the offensive line about no longer blocking for an MVP, Sedrick bob-and-weaved right past Price for a 14-yard pickup.

"If he's gonna drop his jaw and let that fool talk come out," said Shaw afterwards, "he's gonna look just like he did today -- undy pants all dropped around his knees trippin' over hisself tryin' to catch my flyin-by-his-sorry-ass self."

Shaw wastes no time letting his teammates know he has every intention of stepping up among the league's elite backs.

"Shaw sure does know how to talk the talk," said WR Quinn Early, "if he can run half as well as he can trash, we're going to be just fine."

So far, the man his teammates have nicknamed "Sedrick the entertainer" is walkin' the walk as well.

[revrew]

Training camp report: Center of attention: Brad Meester
Telegraph Herald DECORAH: When training camp began, most expected 6-year veteran and former Chicago Bear Casey Wiegmann to be the Dragon's starting center.

Until the Harley rolled up.

A quad exhaust, Harley Davidson low-rider roared down US 52, making everyone on the Luther campus look up. But it wasn't the low-flying airplane they expected to see. It was new Dragons center Brad Meester aboard his beast.

And if Meester's hog didn't get him enough attention, his presence surely did. Meester's beefy, tattoo-clad arms flexed as he stepped off the Harley. He ripped off his black leather chapps, revealing Dragon uniform pants beneath. As he approached the practice field, some of his new teammates snickered at his Hell's Angel image.

"This guy's a whole biker gang all by himself! Is there a diner around here? A saloon? Where'd we get this guy?" laughed WR Tim Dwight.

Then Meester took off his motorcycle helmet.

"Oh, my, double, freaking, un-stinking-believable, gracious, holy, sweet mother..." stammered Dwight. (Apparently he was having some kind of religious experience.)

Be that as it may, more than one Dragon stood agape at Meester's jet black mohawk, tattood cheekbones, pierced nose, ears, and the chains connecting all of the above.

Meester walked to the bench, slammed down his biker helmet, took out the chains and hooks from his face, and picked up a Dragon helmet. He regarded it a moment, then slammed it on his head, and trotted out onto the field.

"Bring it on!" he shouted.

At first, his teammates might have mocked him. But after finishing the day's full-pad practice wearing only a helmet, pants, and a white T-shirt, Meester won the respect of the team. And he won himself a starting job, too.

[revrew]

Pre-Season Results

Game 1: Buffalo, Dragons lose 6-27
CWL Times "The rookie wideout brought in for third downs in 4 receiver sets, Ronnie Turnbull, will be out with injury for 2-3 months. This won't help the Dragons anemic offense..."

Game 2: at Indianapolis, Dragons lose 0-34
Mason-City Globe-Gazette "As the Dragons offense struggles to find its rhythm, Indianapolis cashes in on two interception returns for touchdowns. Native son Scott Slutzker, though getting the start at tight end, hasn't brought in a catch yet this preseason."

Game 3: at KC, Dragons lose 22-34
Boone Republican "The Chiefs piled up 285 yards on the ground against a woeful Dragons' front 7. Until James Jones comes back from an injury sustained in last year's preseason, the Dragons don't have the braun to stop the run."

Game 4: Chicago, Dragons lose 13-24
Mt. Pleasant News "Damien Robinson has had an excellent preseason. Bryce Paup is doing everything he can to lead the team from the MLB spot. But if the offense can't get moving, the team will do a lot of losing."

[revrew]

Pre-season Rhetoric
Des Moines Register"One preseason down, four losses on the books, and nary a win. Can you go from awesome to awful in a single year? You betcha. Thanks, Rev."

Sports Illustrated"It's been a tough offseason for the defending champs. Loss of all kinds of talent and the addition of, well, nobody will make Des Moines look more like defending chumps. Still, QB Kurt Warner and WR Tim Dwight will keep the afterburners blazing. Our prediction: 4th in the Division, 6-10.

Telegraph Herald "The Rondell twins at OLB will look more like roadkill twins as NFL backs run all over them. There's a reason Dragon RB Sedrick Shaw looked good in training camp -- he was running around a pair of stiffs."

North Iowa Times "Doomsdayers from those big-city papers have been whining incessantly about the quality of the Des Moines Dragon roster. So we sent Times reporter Edna Blauenschnauzen to Dragons' training camp in Decorah to investigate.

'The Dragons sure are a lot bigger than the high school team,' Blooenschnauzer said. 'And they were so fast, I kept losing the skinny ones in my bifocals. Why, that Kurt Warner even killed a sparrow when the poor dear flew in the way of one of Kurt's throws. I think other the other teams in the NFL might be in trouble. Kurt's a killer.'

Thank you, Edna, for your expose` on the real state of the Des Moines Dragons. Perhaps part way through the season, when the Dragons sit at 7-3 atop their division, those big-city papers will finally admit their errancy. Trust us, The North Iowa Times, when we tell you it's going to be a fine year."

[revrew]

Game 1: New Orleans, Dragons win 21-20
Burlington Hawkeye"Only a pair of Mo van Pelt field goals (2 of the 5 he attempted in the game) showed on the board with the Dragons trailing the Saints 20-6 with 5 minutes remaining. It looked grim.

But game MVP Sedrick Shaw (21-111, TD) found a hole behind OT Erik Williams for a lively, 33-yard sprint. Two touchdowns and a two-point conversion later, the Dragons led 21-20 with 48 seconds remaining. The Saints' hopes, however, were quickly dashed when rookie Dragon Orlando Weber intercepted the ball and time expired.

Next week, the Dragons head north to face former friend, now bitter foe, Marshall Faulk and the rival Minnesota Vikings!"

[Kodos]

I'm sorry, but....I just can't root for a sparrow killer!

[revrew]

Well, Edna's eyesight isn't the greatest. It might have been a chickadee. Maybe a blackbird. Hard to tell from the remains.

[revrew]

August 21
Des Moines Register DES MOINES: Mr. Frank von Bienz, owner of the Des Moines Dragons, was arrested today on 32 counts of insider trading, conspiracy, blackmail, tax evasion, and several other charges. Sources close the the Polk County District Attorney indicate that Bienz' conviction on several of these charges is virtually unavoidable. What this means for the future of the Des Moines Dragons at this time is uncertain..."

October 22
North Iowa Times "Didn't we tell ya? The Dragons sit at 7-3 well atop the NFC West. Sedrick Shaw leads the NFL in touchdowns and rushing yards, and stands 160 yards over former MVP Marshall Faulk. Tim Dwight is leading the NFL in receiving yards. What was all that fuss earlier in the year? Hey, Des Moines, Cedar Rapids, Dubuque, Waterloo, and Souix City, eat lutefisk and die, why don't ya?"

January 3
North Iowa Times "The new management of the North Iowa Times regrets to inform you that senior editor Jans Jorgenssonson has been dismissed from the paper, and the new senior editor is Bill Smith, formerly of New York City, New York. We also would like to take this opportunity to rescind the former comments made about eating lutefisk that appeared in this paper under prior management. You can be assured that current management will be far more responsible in journalistic integrity than the former.

In other news, the Des Moines Dragons continued their downward spiral, finishing the season on the heels of their sixth consecutive loss with a record of 7-9. Offensive Tackle Erik Williams will face trial in the murder case of an NFL referee on the 5th of February."

January 31
Mason City Globe-Gazette "Despite a dismal conclusion to the Dragons' season, today's NFL awards present some hope for next year. Timmy Dwight made all-pro 1st team with his 89-1542-8 season. Erik Williams, despite his legal troubles, led the NFL in KRBs and made second team all-pro. Linemates Keith Sims and Brad Meester also made 2nd team all-pro. In other positive news, despite injury Sedrick Shaw finished 6th in the NFL with 1099 yards and 11 touchdowns, which by the way, was 200 more yards and 3 more touchdowns than Marshall Faulk. Bryce Paup concluded his outstanding year with 100 tackles and an impressive 9 passes defended. The outstanding trio of safeties for the Dragons -- Robertson, Robinson, and rookie Orlando Weber -- finished with a combined 201 tackles and 15 interceptions."


February 5
Des Moines Register DES MOINES: To no one's surprise, the jury deliberated for less than 15 minutes today, finding Erik Williams guilty of murder in the second degree. Court sources said the fact that the slaying happened on Monday Night Football probably hurt Williams' case."

February 8
Cedar Rapids Gazette "Respected veteran Quinn Early announced his retirement today..."

April 28
Burlington Hawkeye "The outcry continues as for the second consecutive year, Des Moines Dragons GM Rev Rew drafts only players from Iowa colleges..."

May 13
Des Moines Register DES MOINES: Frank von Bienz was found guilty of 27 of the 32 charges against him...Tagliabue confiscated ownership of the team and is seeking alternative ownership..."

August 14
North Iowa Times"Despite being credited with the best pick in this year's rookie draft (QB Jared "Divine" Levine from the University of Iowa, 15th overall pick), Dragon's GM Rev Rew was fired today by newly selected Dragon owner, Mortimer Mills of Ankeny.

Rev Rew was credited with the Dragon's SuperBowl win in their inaugural season, but has been harshly criticized for nearly every managerial decision since then. Though still regarded as a brilliant, if highly eccentric, GM, it is believed Mortimer Mills wanted to make a clean break with the previous, scandalized ownership. Rew's dismissal was forseeable after the release of Coach Fry last week."

[Kodos]

Fired? The Rev was fired? What's going on here?!?!?!?!?

[DataKing]

This is one of those dream sequences, like from the old show 'Dallas' or something, right?

Say it ain't so, rev!

[revrew]

Dream sequence? Hmm...what is that? hehe.

Actually, the dream sequence possibility is still open, but I just began a new business venture and can't spend time on two dynasties at once. Since the ZFL is hopping so well, I'm going to try to keep that one up, and put the Dragons on back burner. It's still all saved in the computer, but I just can't get to it right now. Thanks for reading along. Perhaps the Dragons will "awake" again later...