Iowegian Legion: 2k1 Des Moines Dragons - Page 2

revrew · 02-22-2003, 10:12 PM

Game 6: Atlanta, Dragons win 34-7
Game notes: 2 INTs for M-Rob (that's ERT-son!), Erik Williams had 2 TD KRBs, Quinn Early goes down to injury, and reserve Tight End Derek Cardona catches his first career TD.

Player profile: TE Derek Cardona and TE Scott Slutzker
Charles City Press: When Scott Slutzker graduated from Mason City Newman in 1994, Charles City prep football star Derek Cardona thought he'd seen the last of his arch-nemesis. Cardona and Slutzker exchanged hits on the gridiron often, as Cardona led Charles City High to the State Title game in '94 and Slutzker met him there, leading the Newman Knights to the eventual championship.

Back then, Cardona played linebacker and Slutzker was a wide receiver. "Scott always presented a challenge," Cardona said. "He was big enough to take my best hits and shifty enough to miss them. I sure was glad when he graduated."

But in college, Cardona and Slutzker met up again. This time, both were converted to Tight End--Cardona at ISU, and Slutzker at the University of Iowa. "He wasn't trying to hit me anymore," Slutzker said. "But I made sure I outplayed him. More catches, more yards, more touchdowns--just so he remembered who won that championship."

Slutzker finished his outstanding college career and was drafted in the third round by San Diego. Cardona finished one year later and was drafted in the fifth by New Orleans. But when Des Moines Dragons general manager Rev Rew took over the team, he traded for both northern Iowa natives. The rivalry was reborn.

"Guess I'm just going to have to give Derek a little more grief," says Slutzker.

"(Starting tight end) Erni Conwell's contract is up at the end of the year," says cardona. "And coach Fry has already told us he hoped one of us would step up and show we're ready to take over if need be. I think I've got a good shot. Scott is probably a more dangerous receiver, but I'm a hard worker, a tough blocker, and I'm really trying to develop a well-rounded game."

"Probably a more dangerous receiver?" scoffs Slutzker. "Looks like Cardona needs another reminder." But despite his talk, after 6 games, Slutzker has 3 catches without a touchdown, and Cardona just grabbed a score this week.

Who will win the hottest contested Dragon's position battle? So far this season, the score is Cardona--1, Slutzker--0.

revrew · 02-22-2003, 10:26 PM

North Iowa Times The charitable ventures of Des Moines Dragon Erik Williams seem to know no bounds. This week the Times caught up with Williams on a remote stretch of U.S. Hwy 18, east of Monona, Iowa.

On Tuesday, Williams gathered a group of no less than five State Highway Patrolmen and the Clayton County Sheriff at the popular tourist attractrion, Spook Cave. He gathered the squad cars in a cozy circle around his own vehicle and apparently held some kind of cookout.

What exactly Williams was up to is unknown at this time, but a reporter from the Times quoted Williams as saying they enjoyed "roast pig" while he "'splained to them cops that their radar guns have gotta be off."

We asked Clayton County Sheriff Earnest Gustaffson if he was impressed as much with Erik's kind, nice nature as we are.

"Kind?" he responded. "Nice? Oh, sure."

Williams apparently has developed a heart for righting injustice. Gustaffson told the Times the NFL star has an appointment in two weeks to explain to a District Court Judge how innaccurate State Troopers' radar guns have become.

revrew · 02-23-2003, 04:13 PM

Game 7: KC Chiefs take Dragons to OT at Arrowhead
Des Moines Register: "In the most thrilling game thus far of the inaugural Des Moines Dragons' season, superstars and unlikely heroes alike teamed up to take the Chiefs into overtime.

But it didn't look like it was going to happen that way.

In the fourth quarter, after a third-down sack knocked quarterback Kurt Warner out of the game with a hyper-extended wrist, the Kansas City Chiefs rallied to score the go-ahead touchdown, leading the Dragons 28-21. The touchdown and consequent kickoff gave the Dragons and backup quarterback Erik Kramer a 7-point deficit, 91 yards of turf to tie, and a mere 35 seconds to salvage the game.

A cold Kramer came in and found former Chief Tony Horne for a 28-yard gain. On the next play he found former Iowa Hawkeye and now Dragon star Tim Dwight for another chunk of real estate (Dwight caught 10 for 181 yards on the day). And with the last play of regulation, former Hawkeye runningback and soccer star Tavian Banks broke out of the slot for an 18-yard touchdown reception!

Stunned, the Kansas City Chiefs stalled in overtime. Dragons win, 31-28!

revrew · 02-26-2003, 10:30 PM

Game 8: Dragons take first loss to San Fran, 14-39
Mt. Pleasant News: "Kurt Warner's hyperextended knee may cost him 3-5 weeks, but it will probably cost backup QB Erik Kramer a lot more than that in confidence. The reserve threw 4 INTs on his way to a truly unspectacular game."

Mason City Globe-Gazette--editorial "It has come to our attention that a certain newspaper from Charles City has suggested hometown boy Derek Cardona had a one-touchdown lead on Mason City native Scott Slutzker in the battle for next year's Des Moines Dragons' tight end slot. This paper just wanted to point out to the public that Slutzker caught two passes in this weekend's game, while Cardona sat on the bench. Sources close to the team suggest Slutzker, and not Cardona, has the edge in said battle."

revrew · 02-26-2003, 10:34 PM

Game 9: Carolina, Dragons win 47-41
Telegraph Herald "Yo-Yo Kramer!" -- 330 yards and 5 touchdowns for the backup QB

Charles City Press - editorial "This paper just wanted to point out the the public that Des Moines Dragon Scott Slutzker didn't play a down in the Dragons' win on Sunday. The score is still Cardona-1, Slutzker-0."

Kodos · 02-27-2003, 12:55 AM

Go Slutzker! I have always enjoyed the company of Slutzkers! Glad to see you're back, Rev!

revrew · 02-27-2003, 04:37 PM

Thank you, Kodos. We've hit the presses! The best is yet to come.

revrew · 02-27-2003, 04:37 PM

North Iowa Times Apparently, Distict Court Judge Eugene Kuchenbrod has no intention of honoring the recent, unverified, libelous allegations that have surrounded Des Moines Dragon Erik Williams. Though several charges--including reckless endangerment with a motor vehicle and driving while intoxicated--were presented before Kuchenbrad on Thursday, the judge acquitted Williams on all counts.

"I know Williams had his troubles in Dallas," said Kuccenbrat, "but that's no reason to single him out for attention here. He isn't predisposed toward trouble, just because he played for Jerry Jones."

In fact, during his college career at Central, Williams had a clean disciplinarian record, and maintained a 2.9 GPA.

But not everyone in the court room agrees. Prosecuting attorney Max Bringolf said, "What more evidence could a court need? I knew something was amiss when we discovered Judge Kitchenbran was a Central alum."

The Times attempted to contact Kichenbunt to comment on the prosecuting attorney's hint of accusation. We weren't able to reach the judge, but his secretary, Imogene Obermokamp, told us, "I'm sorry, but Judge Kickenbutt will be unavailable for several days. He's out driving his new Ferrari and he doesn't want to be disturbed."

Well, Miss Overmuccamp, tell Prosecuting Attorney Bragginelf, Iowans don't want Erik Williams disturbed, either. He's got a SuperBowl to win!

revrew · 03-04-2003, 11:48 AM

Man, how often to I have to post to keep this on the front page? The competition for Dynasty space is relentless!

revrew · 03-04-2003, 11:51 AM

NEW CONTEST! NEW POLL! YOU'RE INPUT NECESSARY! ERIK WILLIAMS' FATE HANGS IN THE BALANCE! (did all the caps get your attention? I knew they would.)

Go to the Dynasty Polls section for an opportunity TO BE PUT IN A DRAWING FOR A GENUINE, DES MOINES DRAGONS ERIK WILLIAMS JERSEY!

The time is limited, so enter now. Not everyone will make it into the drawing.

revrew · 03-04-2003, 10:15 PM

Game 10: at NYGiants, Dragons lose 24-31

Player Profile: OLB Bryce Paup
Burlington Hawkeye: When Des Moines Dragon linebacker Bryce Paup was a senior at UNI, there was a skinny kid with a strong arm and a funny grip in the freshman dorm: current Dragon QB Kurt Warner.

"Yeah, Kurt was there in practice," says Paup. "I think I remember squashing #13 to the ground a time or two. Other than that, I don't remember a $&% thing about Warner."

Don't expect him to. Paup has had a long NFL career, helped by a short memory and an even shorter fuse. "Somebody clips me on a play, I forget about it. Somebody holds me, I forget about it. Somebody talks about my Momma, and I make them pay for the rest of the season."

Paup has a soft spot for Mom, ever since leaving the blue-collar, coal-mining town of Gump's Point, West Virginia, when his mother passed away from lung cancer. Paup was 14. "After Daddy died in the shaft when I was 3, the only way Momma could make it with us 18 children was to go into the mine herself. The company did it to her. Made her sick. After she died, we kind of all took off different directions."

Paup took off for Iowa, baling hay in the summer to make enough money to feed himself and get into college. At UNI, Paup made a name for himself, driving into offensive lineman and throwing them to the ground on his way to a sack. "Most of those boys didn't weigh more than 4 or 5 bales of hay," says Paup. "Wasn't nuthin' to toss them aside."

In the NFL, Paup continued his streak of finding the QB. While playing for the Buffalo Bills, Paup led the NFL in sacks with 17 1/2 from his OLB spot. And while injury and 11 years in the NFL have removed his name from the sack leader boards, they haven't stopped him from being a leader. The grizzled vet co-captains the Dragons D, and looks forward to playing again with former UNI teammate, DT James Jones, after he returns from injury next year.

"JJ ain't never met an offensive lineman he liked. I tend to agree with him," says Paup.

The colorful, hard-working Paup has won a place in the heart of blue-collar Iowans. But West Virginia doesn't even remember it's native son. "After I got my first big contract," says Paup, "I bought out that $%#@* #@^%$% &^$#% %%^## company that $#%#& #^#$## %##&#% my mother. I shut the whole %#$#^ town down. Ain't no Gump's Point on the map no more. Good riddance."

Perhaps we were wrong about him having a short memory.

revrew · 03-04-2003, 10:16 PM

Don't forget to vote in the poll, and you may enter the drawing for an autographed Des Moines Dragons jersey!

revrew · 03-05-2003, 04:39 PM

Game 11: (7-3)Washington, Dragons (8-2) win 31-13
Charles City Press: "We just wanted to point out to the public that Charles City native Derek Cardona caught a touchdown in Sunday's game. Mason City native Scott Slutzker, meanwhile, failed to make the box score. For those keeping score at the Globe-Gazette, that would be Cardona-2, Slutzker-0."

revrew · 03-05-2003, 04:42 PM

Game 12: New Orleans, Dragons win in OT 40-34
Des Moines Register: "In Sunday's win over the Saints, quarterback Erik Kramer threw for 421 yards and 4 touchdowns. But the big news may be who he threw those passes to: former Iowa Hawkeye teammates Tim Dwight (who had 107 yards and the game-winning TD in OT), and backup runningback/wide receiver Tavian Banks (who finished with 108 yards in the air and a score himself)."

Player Profile: RB/WR Tavian Banks
Sport Magazine: (Picture a swimming trunk clad Banks in a Heisman pose on a surfboard, in a corn field) "Corn's Up, Dude!" -- Don't let the dark skin, permed and blond-died hair, and thick, surfer accent fool you, Tavian Banks lives in Iowa. And he plays for the Des Moines Dragons.

Tavian may be the only part black, part Hispanic, surfing football player with blond, curly hair in Iowa. For that matter, he might be the only one in the country.

"I grew up in Florida, dude. Figured I'd be, like, a 'Cane!" says Banks.

But when he talks about college athletics, Banks is talking about playing a different kind of football, the kind called "football" overseas. Banks was a three-time all state soccer player in Tallahassee, but his quick feet and blazing speed caught the eye of Iowa Hawkeye football coach, Hayden Fry.

"We knew that punk could run," says Fry, "but we weren't sure he knew how to use his hands. When he found out Miami wasn't going to offer him a soccer scholarship, we were the only college with a football scholarship left on the table."

"Man," says Banks, "I thought Iowa was going to be so gnarly. Gag me with a pork rind. And, sure, the biggest wave on the Wapsipinicon river crests at about two feet -- I know, I tried it -- but playing football was totally awesome!"

Banks never quite fit in on the Iowa City campus, but his exploits on the field made him a star. He and Hawkeye kick return specialist Tim Dwight were both oddballs in Iowa, a fact that made them close friends. Both were drafted in the fourth round after their senior seasons, Dwight to Atlanta and Banks to Jacksonville.

"I thought going back to Florida was the bomb," says Banks, "but that Coughlin was like slipping a toe off the bank of a tube and spread eagling off South Tampa." (We have no idea what he meant by that, but by the tone in his voice, it must have been "gnarly".)

Now, being reunited with Dwight and Coach Fry in Iowa suits Banks just fine. "Coughlin got me for a change-of-pace back. Then, he like put in athletic, bruising Taylor and less athletic, more bruising Mack. Where's the love? But my man Fry is letting me split wide and get open in the field. I guess I showed him I've got the hands and the feet for this job. That Fry is like slippin Sex Wax on my boogie board and doin Bahama." (Again, we have no idea what that means, but we hope it doesn't mean what it sounds like.)

As for surfing, Banks is often seen off Waikiki in the off-season, catching a few rays and a plenty of waves. "Better to hang ten in Iowa for the season and take off for white sands in the Summer than try to surf Jacksonville," says Banks.

Yeah. That would be like, so gnarly.

revrew · 03-06-2003, 09:37 PM

Game 13: at Carolina, Dragons win 30-13
Telegraph Herald:"Carolina 13, Tony Horne 30!"--DES MOINES--In Sunday's game against the Panthers, North Carolina born and Clemson-grad Tony Horne gave his 103 family and friends who showed up for the game their money's worth. The Des Moines Dragon Horne accounted for all three of the victorious Dragons' touchdowns. The first was electrifying.

After Des Moines won the coin toss and elected to receive, Tony Horne caught the ball deep in his own end zone. Against the advice of fellow return man Timmy Dwight, Horne ran the ball back -- an NFL record 109 yards for the touchdown.

On the Dragons' next possession, reserve QB Erik Kramer (playing for the injured Kurt Warner) found Horne in the back of the endzone again, this time for a 5-yard touchdown reception.

In the third quarter, Horne completed the tri-fecta, returning a punt 67 yards for paydirt. The three touchdowns bring Horne's season total to 8, second on the team behind Marhsall Faulk.

With Ericsson Stadium so friendly to it's native son, don't be surprised if Carolina shows an interest in trading for Horne next year.

revrew · 03-07-2003, 04:20 PM

Player Profile: S Desmond Hopkins
Chrisitian magazine, Sports Spectrum: "Playing with the Dragon" (Picture Hopkins in uniform with a huge grin, standing in a circle of children at a hospital, giving a "noogie" to a larger-than-life, green, plush, stuffed dragon) Desmond Hopkins was born 12 weeks premature, a tiny baby in the tiny town of Bethlehem, Georgia. And like another Bethlehem baby, Hopkins believes God has set him apart for a reason.

"When I was a kid," says Hopkins, "the others picked on me for being small. They used to wait for me before school, lift me up by the ankles, and try to shake my lunch money out of my pockets. They said I was good for nothin'."

But Hopkins' family taught him faith in God could overcome any obstacle, even bullies. "I told them God helped David lick Goliath, and one day I was going to lick them too. Of course," says Hopkins with an infectious grin, "they beat the snot out of me for saying that."

After a few beatings, Hopkins learned that discretion was the better part of virtue, and that speed was the better part of survival. "I started running, and after a while they couldn't catch me anymore. When I hit high school I started running track. My sophomore year I set a state record in the 200. After that, the shotput throwers had my back. David might have been a mighty warrior in his own right," says Hopkins, "but he knew how important it was to have a Jonathan at his right hand."

That speed caught the eye of University of Iowa head football coach, Kirk Ferentz, and soon Hopkins was running for the Hawkeyes. Now he's a rookie free safety for another Iowa coach, Hayden Fry, head coach of the NFL's Des Moines Dragons.

"Playing in the NFL is pretty hard for a man of faith," says Hopkins. "Sure, you've got the image of all these players that shove Jesus in your face every time the microphone is on, but you also have women who shove more enticing things in your face when the microphone is off. There's drugs and steroids, wild parties, and more money thrown around than a guy knows what to do with."

How does Hopkins deal with the temptation? "I may be a Dragon," says Desmond, "but that doesn't mean I have to act like one."

While Kurt Warner is the team's most outspoken Christian, Hopkins prefers to let his actions speak louder than his post-game interviews. Hopkins volunteers midweek at Mason City's Mercy Hospital, sharing a talent he picked up in college. "I'm not that good at it really, just a dog and a giraffe, but the kids in the cancer ward love my balloon animals anyways. I hang with the kids, bring them a smile, then I go out in the waiting room and pray with their parents. I don't care how anti-God a parent might be when they come in to Mercy, every one with a baby in that cancer ward is looking to the sky for answers, for strength, for a miracle, or for hope. If I can give them any of those things, I'll do it."

Hopkins wouldn't talk to us about it, but we know he's also helped families out with their medical bills, too. Janis Houston of Nashua, Iowa, told Sports Spectrum, "God put him in the NFL for a reason. Not every one could afford to help us with the cost of chemo the way he did. He may be a Dragon on Sunday, but he's an angel the rest of the week."

revrew · 03-11-2003, 11:30 AM

North Iowa Times: Following the Minnesota Vikings game, look for an exlusive Times interview with Des Moines Dragon, Erik Williams! Williams will set the record straight about the incident at Spook Cave, his time in District Court, and the undeserved negative press attention he's received from some of the state's larger-city newspapers.

revrew · 03-11-2003, 11:30 AM

Game 14: Minnesota Vikings, Dragons win 30-0
Des Moines Register: Dragons Clinch Homefield! "Thanks to a 30-0 drubbing of the Vikings in the first NFL border-war between Iowa and Minnesota, the Des Moines Dragons (12-2) have clinched homefield advantage throughout the NFC playoffs...

"...two key blocks from tackle Erik Williams loosed Faulk for 47- and 38-yard touchdown runs..."

"Regarding the new rivalry between the Vikings and Dragons, sometimes cocky Dragon RB and former Hawkeye Sedrick Shaw said, 'Man, do the Vikings stink! Do you know what would happen if all the pigs on Iowa farms moved to Minnesota? Both states would smell better! HA!"

revrew · 03-11-2003, 11:32 AM

"Yes, Mr. Bienz, I actually am happy for the team's success."

"Why? Let me show you how I see it. After all the crying the press did about our trades in the pre-season, our success is making us look brilliant! While we're gathering all this fan-support behind a winning team, we're also signing our own permission slip to do whatever we want in the next off season! Who would question such brilliant management?"

"No, that's even better. If we win the SuperBowl, then we can feed the media a line about all these players wanting big salaries, and then we can dump whoever we want! We'll say Tony Horne was holding out for more money than we could fit under the cap; we'll B.S. them about how leading tackler Richard Harvey wanted a big extension. We can get rid of every non-Iowan on the team with that excuse! Oh, man, I hope we do win it all."

"Not to worry. I got the Faulk problem covered. Wait until the press conference I have planned after the Tampa game. It's all good. Everything is playing right into our hands."

revrew · 03-12-2003, 12:43 PM

North Iowa Times: The Erik Williams Interview
Erik Williams is in the media constantly. First it was in Dallas--drug scandals and locker-room brawls. When he was traded to the Des Moines Dragons, the big man's media exposure got even bigger. But back home in Iowa (Williams is a Central College grad) his image has changed.

Williams credits his remarkable turnaround from Cowboy bad apple to Iowa peach to the increased public accountability he's recieved. "It isn't anything like big D," Williams said. "There I could get away with anything legal, and most things illegal, and there were too many other stories to cover. Here, I make front page news if I take a crap!"

Williams first made our front page when he rescued a poor, old lady's lost kitten. "That little bobcat jumped off the branch at me," Williams said, "'bout clawed my eyes out. I was going to kill that rat until I saw the old lady comin'. I said, 'Here, grandma! Now that jungle you've got on your head can have a tiger to go with it!'" But Williams is only joking. That "Grandma" was the cat's owner, xxx, and xxx told the Times Williams was the most polite young man she had ever met.

"What's that you say?" she asked us. "Huh? Speak up, can't hear you! Oh, yeah! Nice boy! Said he'd rescued little Tiger from the jungle. 'Course, it was only a maple, but I am glad to have Tiger back."

Williams made news again when he helped yet another elderly woman with her groceries. "Oh, that?" Williams commented humbly. "I only lifted that cart up because I dropped my Coke on the ground." Shhh, don't tell Pepsi; they just signed a deal with Des Moines Dragon owner Frank von Bienz.

The news coverage from Des Moines and Dubuque, however, hasn't treated Williams as kindly. We asked him about the criticism he's received.

"I didn't do it, I tell you. It was Michael Irvin."

Sources close to the team confirm that Irvin, Williams' former teammate and notorious Dallas bad boy, has been visiting Williams, trying to stir up trouble.

But was Irvin to blame for the problems at Spook Cave?

"That was all a misunderstanding," says Williams. "When I said I was going to 'beat that fat pig into the ground,' the cop seemed to think I was talking about him! Can you imagine that? He called his friends to back him up, then I proposed a little scrimmage--you know, since we were all together anyways. I gave one of them a helmet slap, then when the sheriff blitzed, I pancaked him. We were having great fun. Until the guy on my left whipped out the handcuffs. Then it got ugly. I don't care what the lawbook says, handcuffs are defensive holding."

The Times seems to be the only newspaper in Iowa that bothered to check up on Williams' story. We asked NFL official Dick Blindside if handcuffs would be considered holding. He said they would. Sadly, most area newspapers sided with the state troopers.

With the record set straight, perhaps those fancy, big-city newspapers will start cutting Erik Williams a little slack. And if they would like to apologize for how they've written about Wiliams, we know right where they can find him. For the next two months, when the rest of the team is taking Tuesdays off, Williams will be engaged in yet another public service project--picking up trash on the side of I-80. He'll be the big one in the orange jacket. With black lettering.

What a nice boy that Erik Williams is turning out to be.

revrew · 03-12-2003, 12:50 PM

The drawing has been conducted! 6 of you were entered. Click the link to see the results!

Thank you for your votes.

revrew · 03-13-2003, 08:33 PM

Game 15: loss at TBAY, 9-30
Post-game Press Conference
"Jim Tyler, Des Moines Register. Coach, do you have any concerns about Kurt Warner being rusty after his injury? Will he be able to lead this team in the playoffs?"

"Jim, with home-field wrapped up, now is the perfect time for Kurt to work off any rust he might be carrying. I'm confident he'll be in top shape by the playoffs."

"Rosie Rawlings, Globe-Gazette. Coach, are Scott Slutzker or Derek Cardona going to see much playing time in the playoffs?"

"We're not looking that far ahead yet, Rosie. Mencacingly...And we're not looking to next year, EITHER."

"Englebert Klumperdink, North Iowa Times. Your thoughts on Erik Williams' bad treatment in the Des Moines media?"

Collective groans from press corps

"Bert, (laughs) a blind man dropped a bag of gold and couldn't find it. Along came a crook with a bag of silver. When the blind man asked the crook to help him find the bag of gold, what do you suppose the crook did?"

"Helped him find his gold?"

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

"Coach! Roger Hawkford, (newspaper name strangely mumbled, unclear). Is there any truth to the rumor that you and Marshall Faulk are at odds over the team's direction?"

Sudden buzz and clamoring erupts in the press room. Dragons' GM Rev Rew takes the microphone and addresses the media.

"Ladies and gentlemen. If there is any truth to a severe personality conflict between Marshall and our esteemed coach, it will not be subject to public scrutinty. Any matters of conflict in personal relationships between any coach or player will be kept strictly in the clubhouse."

"But, Rev! Doesn't the public have a right..."

"AND FURTHERMORE! Should you attempt to pry into this matter further, both Coach Fry and Mr. Faulk recognize that in the spirit of team harmony, no comments on such matter can be made to the press. Both of them will deny any rumors of disagreement, disharmony, or threats of physical violence."

"Violence! Mr. Rew, you must..."

"That is ALL. Ladies and gentlemen of the press, good day."

Snickering to self afterwards..."Lovely."

revrew · 03-13-2003, 08:34 PM

Game 16: Loss at New Orleans 21-50
Burlington Hawkeye:"Dragons Limp into Playoffs" -- Back-to-back losses are tough to take going into the playoffs. Kurt Warner's return from injury has been marred by interceptions and double L's.

But the Dragons don't appear discouraged. WR Quinn Early (who had a season high 125 yards in Sunday's loss) spoke for the team. "We've worked the kinks out these last two weeks. Now we take a bye week to rub on a little Ben-Gay. We'll be refreshed and recharged for Iowa's first-ever NFL playoff game.

"All of our losses have come on the road. The Dragons have never lost in Iowa, and we don't intend to start now."

RB Sedrick Shaw has a different way of saying it. "We got beat up down South. But now somebody's got to try to do that in the Dragon's Den. First one to the feast will probably be Dallas. Well, Cowboys, welcome to the dungeon; we'll put the caldron on for you."

revrew · 03-13-2003, 08:35 PM

Year-end notables
Marhsall Faulk gaines 1105 yards and 18 TDs on the ground, 972 and 3 in the air. MVP is still a possibility.

Kurt Warner's QB dips to 90.4

Tim Dwight wins the receiving crown, 91-1448 and 6 scores. His YAC total was second to only Randy Moss.

Others' performance declined at the end of the year. These 3 look like our only stars for year-end honors.

revrew · 03-13-2003, 08:36 PM

Charles City Free Press:Final totals are in for this year's NFL season and let's take a look at the crucial statistics:

Newman Knight Scott Slutzker, 115 plays, 2 starts, 4 catches, 39 yards. Oh, and by the way, ZERO touchdowns.

Charles City's very own Derek Cardona: 48 plays, 3 catches, 6 yards. Oh, and TWO TOUCHDOWNS, BABY!

Who will start next year if Ernie Conwell can't work out a contract extension? It may come down to who has a chance to shine in the playoffs.

revrew · 03-13-2003, 08:37 PM

Looks like Sedrick is a prophet. We've got Dallas in the Divisional playoff. Welcome to Dragon's Lair, 'Boys. We remember the whoopin' you gave us in the preseason. Dragons never forget, they just get even.

Whatcha think, faithful readers? Can the Dragons knock off the enemy of our esteemed Kodos and all that is good in the universe? Who will win? The Dragons or the Dark Side?

revrew · 03-13-2003, 08:37 PM

Dallas Morning Star:"Going to Erik's House" -- DES MOINES: It has been nearly 6 months since Erik Williams left Dallas. The police scanners have been strangely quiet.

The trade that sent Williams to Des Moines for new Cowboy superstar Orlando Pace has been a blessing for Jerry Jones, and our beloved 'Boys in blue are going north to Iowa to show Dragons GM Rev Rew how mistaken they were for letting Orlando go.

Kodos · 03-15-2003, 02:19 AM

Those damned Cowboys must be made to pay! Erik Williams is a fine young man, now that he has escaped the evil clutches of Jerry Jones. Smite the Cowboys in the name of Kodos!

Kodos · 03-15-2003, 02:33 AM

P.S. Interesting drawing of ol' Kodos there. But I'm green and have just one eye!

DataKing · 03-15-2003, 11:51 AM

The Dragons just HAVE to knock off the Cowpokes!

Take it to 'em rev...do it for Erik!

revrew · 03-16-2003, 07:52 AM

Divisional Playoff: Dallas comes to town
Boone Republican:"All Cylinders Go!" -- DES MOINES: If any young player on the Dragons was worried about the team's recent losses going into the playoffs, take a lesson from the veterans.

Kurt Warner came back in MVP form, throwing 332 yards, 3 TDs, and no INTs. NFL MVP-to-be Marshall Faulk added 169 and 3 TDs on the ground. Marcus Robertson grabbed an INT and a fumble recovery. That is how you get it done in the post-season.

Six touchdowns proved a few too many for Dallas to overcome as the hometown Dragons dished up a whipping in the first NFL game ever to be played in Iowa. For those who haven't heard...final score: Des Moines 48, Dallas 18.

Kodos · 03-16-2003, 12:40 PM

Yes! Way to crush Jerry Jones and his Legion of Evil!

revrew · 03-17-2003, 11:05 PM

Post-game on field Interview with Marshall Faulk
Leslie Visser: "Marshall, great game today! What keyed the team's success?"

"Great blocking up front. Sims plowed the way for me a couple of times, Erik played like he was really pissed at his old teammates. It was fun to watch."

"Will today's game help your bid for NFL MVP?"

"It had better. I'm sick of all that talk after the Tampa loss."

"Speaking of which, what about this talk that you and Coach Fry are at odds with one another?"

"Man, I'm even more sick of that. Fry doesn't get along with everyone. He's a hardnosed S.O.B. But I'm fine with that. I do my job. I've got no problems with Coach."

"Thanks, Marshall. Dragons win today, 48-18. But perhaps not all is well in Des Moines. Not often you hear a player call his coach an S.O.B. after a win. Is there something going on? We'll have to wait and see."

Kodos · 03-18-2003, 12:53 PM

I think Marshall meant that coach was a Seasoned Old Baller.

revrew · 03-18-2003, 07:28 PM

Actually, Kodos, at about week ten, I instructed Coach Fry to call himself a "hardnosed S.O.B." on a regular basis. Playing a little psychology -- I'd hoped players would start to get that image and throw it around a little bit.

They have been. Williams called Fry a "hardnosed S.O.B." in a radio interview in week 13, M-Rob used it at an autograph signing in week 15, and Paup uses it contstantly: "Yep, me and coach. We're a couple of hardnosed S.O.B.'s."

I couldn't believe it when Faulk used it after the game, though! And of course, the 10Grand we gave Visser to twist it the way we wanted her to came in handy.

revrew · 03-18-2003, 07:29 PM

"Yes, Mr. Bienz! I saw it! I can't believe Faulk played into our hands like that! I couldn't have paid him to say it better. We should be able to dump him after this year now, easy. The radio talk shows are eating it up."

"Yessir. Still the plan. We win the SuperBowl and we've got carte blanche on the roster next year."

"No, that's French."

"Not a player, no. I know France isn't in Iowa. It's an expression. 'Carte blanche' is a French expression. It means we can do whatever we want."

"Right. No Frenchies on the roster next year. Got it. Okay, bye, Mr. Bienz."

revrew · 03-18-2003, 07:31 PM

North Iowa Times: In an increasingly common gesture of good will, former Dallas Cowboy and current Des Moines Dragon Erik Williams met his former teammates at the airport following Sunday's game.

His accolades of appreciation for his former teammates drew the attention of several spectators.

"All I heard," said Council Bluffs businessman Bud Willigschnauzenfeffer, "was a big man with a deep voice shouting how great somebody else's mother was last night. I looked up and, I couldn't believe it, it was Erik Williams."

Unfortunately, Erik's teammates showed why they were such a bad influence on him in Dallas. Several attempted to assault Williams and met his compliments with improper and crude suggestions about Erik's mother. A near brawl ensued before police led Williams to safety and escorted the Texan miscreants to their plane.

revrew · 03-19-2003, 10:29 AM

NFC Championship game: Washington at Des Moines
Telegraph Herald"Warner Skins Washington!" -- DES MOINES: 343 yards and 5 touchdowns later, the Washington Redskins sit on a plane wondering what kind of storm struck in Des Moines. That would be a former Iowa Barnstormer, Kurt Warner.

Warner led the Dragons to a 41-28 victory in Sunday's NFC Championship game, and in so doing, led the first-year Des Moines Dragons to the Superbowl.

Now only Oakland stands in the way of bringing the Lombardi trophy to the Hawkeye state.

revrew · 03-19-2003, 10:32 AM

Mason City Globe-Gazette: "North Iowans Grab Two of Warner's Five"-- DES MOINES: While much ado has been made about Kurt Warner's five touchdown passes, Marshall Faulk's troubles with Coach Fry, and Tim Dwight's continuous highlight reel, two little-mentioned Dragons played a big role in Sunday's win in the NFC championship game--backup tight ends, Scott Slutzker and Derek Cardona.

Under the surface of the Dragons' dominance has been brewing an increasingly intriguing question. With starting Tight End Ernie Conwell's contract up, and his extension questionable, will one of these two unsung heroes be first fiddle next year? And if so, which one?

Some thought the playoffs would determine the answer. But Sunday's matchup seemed to only make the answer more difficult to discern.

In the second quarter, Mason City native Scott Slutzker lined up on the strong side of a single-back set. It was second and goal from the 7. Slutzker darted inside, left the linebacker in his dust, cutting outside for a catch in the flat. As the strong safety came over for the tackle, Slutzker side stepped him, then spun out of the cornerback's hold, lunged two more yards, and struck paydirt. Seven yards, seven points, and Slutzker's only catch of the game.

But in the third quarter, his rival Derek Cardona of Charles City evened the score. On third and goal from the three, Cardona bowled over the outside linebacker and grabbed a touchdown--also his only catch of the day.

"Slutzker has got moves," concedes Cardona, "but he's streaky. If he put his nose to it, he'd be the starter next year. But until he does, I'm going to keep working."

When asked about his touchdown, Slutzker only laughed and said, "Can't touch this! Dum-da-da-dum."

Blue-collar Cardona versus blue-chip Slutzker. Will the decision be made on SuperBowl Sunday?

Kodos · 03-19-2003, 01:31 PM

Alright! Way to lay waste to the Skins. Now it's time to make Al Davis suffer! Go Dragons!

revrew · 03-19-2003, 09:22 PM

What a thrill if the Dragons could take out both of the NFL's evil empires on the way to the Lombardi trophy! But we shall see...

tucker342 · 03-19-2003, 09:31 PM

super bowl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Go IOWA.

revrew · 03-20-2003, 02:48 PM

Oops, wrong Des Moines Dragons...

revrew · 03-20-2003, 06:05 PM

SuperBowl Sunday
WHO radio Pre-game show:
"Dragons are favored by six and a half. Caller, who do you love?"

"Oakland's got no answer for Marshall Faulk. With 150 yards and 3 scores, Dragons win, 42-21. I looooove Des Moines!"

"Bruce in Tama, who do you love?"
"Charles Woodson can't keep up with my man Timmy. And I ain't talking Brown, Baby. Dragons win, 48-28. I luuuuuv the Dragons!"

"Jenny in Clive, who do you love?"
"The Rob-squad gonna open a can of whoop on those Raider Receivers. 2 picks for M-Rob and the Dragons win 28-10. I luuuuuv the reptilian and gold!"

"Ooh, very nice. Color coordinated. Good calls, listeners. I'm picking Dragons 31-24. They cover the spread, but barely. How 'bout you, Jim?"

"Sorry, Jim, but Gannon has been playing too well, and with Tom Knight out, I see a close game brewing. I'm taking Oakland with the spread, Dragons with the game. Des Moines 31-28."

"What? You were born in Wisconsin, weren't you?"

"What's that have to do with anything?"

"Hmmph. Cheesehead."

revrew · 03-20-2003, 10:39 PM

SuperBowl Sunday
Half-time show
Howie: "100 yards and a pair already. If Oakland doesn't find some way to stop Faulk, this is going to get ugly."

Terry: "No, ugly is going to be what you look like dressed up in that Dragon costume after Des Moines wins this thing. No going back now, Raider-boy, a bet's a bet."

Howie: "Oakland's only down by one touchdown, Terry. And let's not forget what lovely former Raider and current commentator made People's 50 most beautiful people this year. Who you callin' ugly?"

revrew · 03-20-2003, 10:40 PM

SuperBowl Sunday: Third quarter, Raiders lead 17-14
Howie: "My boys in black must have listened to the half-time show. They've keyed up on Faulk and completely shut him down. Only one first down in the third quarter for Des Moines. And the Dragon defense is on the ropes. Who's going to step up now?"

Kodos · 03-20-2003, 11:34 PM

Looks like the Rev is takin' a page out of the Godzilla Blitz manual for creating suspense....

revrew · 03-21-2003, 11:05 AM

Yes, I suppose I am. See y'all on Monday. Have a nice weekend.

Oh, wait...y'all don't know what happened in the fourth quarter yet? Well, let me fill you in.

Darn, I'm getting some static on the .....net connect.... Odd how that happens. Only in X-Com and the Iowe.......dynasties, I guess.

Well, suffice it to say, that in the fourth quarter, Oakland was.........Gannon passed......Brown across the middle, which ended the.....winked at the corner. Which was way cool. Then he took the handoff and....touchdow....but that S.O.B. wasn't done. He caught.....only a few seconds, which wasn't enough time so.....wins.

Have a.......weekend!

DataKing · 03-21-2003, 11:38 AM

Bastard!

Kodos · 03-21-2003, 02:05 PM

Oh yeah?!? Well I know the fate of my entire Bill Gates dynasty. Details to come in a few months....

02-26-2003, 10:30 PM	#54
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Game 8: Dragons take first loss to San Fran, 14-39 Mt. Pleasant News: "Kurt Warner's hyperextended knee may cost him 3-5 weeks, but it will probably cost backup QB Erik Kramer a lot more than that in confidence. The reserve threw 4 INTs on his way to a truly unspectacular game." Mason City Globe-Gazette--editorial "It has come to our attention that a certain newspaper from Charles City has suggested hometown boy Derek Cardona had a one-touchdown lead on Mason City native Scott Slutzker in the battle for next year's Des Moines Dragons' tight end slot. This paper just wanted to point out to the public that Slutzker caught two passes in this weekend's game, while Cardona sat on the bench. Sources close to the team suggest Slutzker, and not Cardona, has the edge in said battle." __________________ Winner of 6 FOFC Scribe Awards, including 3 Gold Scribes Founder of the ZFL, 2004 Golden Scribe Dynasty of the Year Now bringing The Des Moines Dragons back to life, and the joke's on YOU, NFL! I came to the Crossroad. I took it. And that has made all the difference.

02-27-2003, 12:55 AM	#56
Kodos Resident Alien Join Date: Jun 2001	Go Slutzker! I have always enjoyed the company of Slutzkers! Glad to see you're back, Rev! Last edited by Kodos : 02-27-2003 at 12:57 AM.

03-04-2003, 11:48 AM	#59
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Man, how often to I have to post to keep this on the front page? The competition for Dynasty space is relentless! __________________ Winner of 6 FOFC Scribe Awards, including 3 Gold Scribes Founder of the ZFL, 2004 Golden Scribe Dynasty of the Year Now bringing The Des Moines Dragons back to life, and the joke's on YOU, NFL! I came to the Crossroad. I took it. And that has made all the difference.

03-04-2003, 11:51 AM	#60
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	NEW CONTEST! NEW POLL! YOU'RE INPUT NECESSARY! ERIK WILLIAMS' FATE HANGS IN THE BALANCE! (did all the caps get your attention? I knew they would.) Go to the Dynasty Polls section for an opportunity TO BE PUT IN A DRAWING FOR A GENUINE, DES MOINES DRAGONS ERIK WILLIAMS JERSEY! The time is limited, so enter now. Not everyone will make it into the drawing. __________________ Winner of 6 FOFC Scribe Awards, including 3 Gold Scribes Founder of the ZFL, 2004 Golden Scribe Dynasty of the Year Now bringing The Des Moines Dragons back to life, and the joke's on YOU, NFL! I came to the Crossroad. I took it. And that has made all the difference.

03-04-2003, 10:15 PM	#61
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Game 10: at NYGiants, Dragons lose 24-31 Player Profile: OLB Bryce Paup Burlington Hawkeye: When Des Moines Dragon linebacker Bryce Paup was a senior at UNI, there was a skinny kid with a strong arm and a funny grip in the freshman dorm: current Dragon QB Kurt Warner. "Yeah, Kurt was there in practice," says Paup. "I think I remember squashing #13 to the ground a time or two. Other than that, I don't remember a $&% thing about Warner." Don't expect him to. Paup has had a long NFL career, helped by a short memory and an even shorter fuse. "Somebody clips me on a play, I forget about it. Somebody holds me, I forget about it. Somebody talks about my Momma, and I make them pay for the rest of the season." Paup has a soft spot for Mom, ever since leaving the blue-collar, coal-mining town of Gump's Point, West Virginia, when his mother passed away from lung cancer. Paup was 14. "After Daddy died in the shaft when I was 3, the only way Momma could make it with us 18 children was to go into the mine herself. The company did it to her. Made her sick. After she died, we kind of all took off different directions." Paup took off for Iowa, baling hay in the summer to make enough money to feed himself and get into college. At UNI, Paup made a name for himself, driving into offensive lineman and throwing them to the ground on his way to a sack. "Most of those boys didn't weigh more than 4 or 5 bales of hay," says Paup. "Wasn't nuthin' to toss them aside." In the NFL, Paup continued his streak of finding the QB. While playing for the Buffalo Bills, Paup led the NFL in sacks with 17 1/2 from his OLB spot. And while injury and 11 years in the NFL have removed his name from the sack leader boards, they haven't stopped him from being a leader. The grizzled vet co-captains the Dragons D, and looks forward to playing again with former UNI teammate, DT James Jones, after he returns from injury next year. "JJ ain't never met an offensive lineman he liked. I tend to agree with him," says Paup. The colorful, hard-working Paup has won a place in the heart of blue-collar Iowans. But West Virginia doesn't even remember it's native son. "After I got my first big contract," says Paup, "I bought out that $%#@* #@^%$% &^$#% %%^## company that $#%#& #^#$## %##&#% my mother. I shut the whole %#$#^ town down. Ain't no Gump's Point on the map no more. Good riddance." Perhaps we were wrong about him having a short memory. __________________ Winner of 6 FOFC Scribe Awards, including 3 Gold Scribes Founder of the ZFL, 2004 Golden Scribe Dynasty of the Year Now bringing The Des Moines Dragons back to life, and the joke's on YOU, NFL! I came to the Crossroad. I took it. And that has made all the difference.

02-22-2003, 10:26 PM	#52
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	North Iowa Times The charitable ventures of Des Moines Dragon Erik Williams seem to know no bounds. This week the Times caught up with Williams on a remote stretch of U.S. Hwy 18, east of Monona, Iowa. On Tuesday, Williams gathered a group of no less than five State Highway Patrolmen and the Clayton County Sheriff at the popular tourist attractrion, Spook Cave. He gathered the squad cars in a cozy circle around his own vehicle and apparently held some kind of cookout. What exactly Williams was up to is unknown at this time, but a reporter from the Times quoted Williams as saying they enjoyed "roast pig" while he "'splained to them cops that their radar guns have gotta be off." We asked Clayton County Sheriff Earnest Gustaffson if he was impressed as much with Erik's kind, nice nature as we are. "Kind?" he responded. "Nice? Oh, sure." Williams apparently has developed a heart for righting injustice. Gustaffson told the Times the NFL star has an appointment in two weeks to explain to a District Court Judge how innaccurate State Troopers' radar guns have become.

02-23-2003, 04:13 PM	#53
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Game 7: KC Chiefs take Dragons to OT at Arrowhead Des Moines Register: "In the most thrilling game thus far of the inaugural Des Moines Dragons' season, superstars and unlikely heroes alike teamed up to take the Chiefs into overtime. But it didn't look like it was going to happen that way. In the fourth quarter, after a third-down sack knocked quarterback Kurt Warner out of the game with a hyper-extended wrist, the Kansas City Chiefs rallied to score the go-ahead touchdown, leading the Dragons 28-21. The touchdown and consequent kickoff gave the Dragons and backup quarterback Erik Kramer a 7-point deficit, 91 yards of turf to tie, and a mere 35 seconds to salvage the game. A cold Kramer came in and found former Chief Tony Horne for a 28-yard gain. On the next play he found former Iowa Hawkeye and now Dragon star Tim Dwight for another chunk of real estate (Dwight caught 10 for 181 yards on the day). And with the last play of regulation, former Hawkeye runningback and soccer star Tavian Banks broke out of the slot for an 18-yard touchdown reception! Stunned, the Kansas City Chiefs stalled in overtime. Dragons win, 31-28!

02-26-2003, 10:34 PM	#55
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Game 9: Carolina, Dragons win 47-41 Telegraph Herald "Yo-Yo Kramer!" -- 330 yards and 5 touchdowns for the backup QB Charles City Press - editorial "This paper just wanted to point out the the public that Des Moines Dragon Scott Slutzker didn't play a down in the Dragons' win on Sunday. The score is still Cardona-1, Slutzker-0."

02-27-2003, 04:37 PM	#57
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Thank you, Kodos. We've hit the presses! The best is yet to come.

03-04-2003, 10:16 PM	#62
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Don't forget to vote in the poll, and you may enter the drawing for an autographed Des Moines Dragons jersey!

03-05-2003, 04:39 PM	#63
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Game 11: (7-3)Washington, Dragons (8-2) win 31-13 Charles City Press: "We just wanted to point out to the public that Charles City native Derek Cardona caught a touchdown in Sunday's game. Mason City native Scott Slutzker, meanwhile, failed to make the box score. For those keeping score at the Globe-Gazette, that would be Cardona-2, Slutzker-0." Last edited by revrew : 03-05-2003 at 04:40 PM.

03-05-2003, 04:42 PM	#64
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Game 12: New Orleans, Dragons win in OT 40-34 Des Moines Register: "In Sunday's win over the Saints, quarterback Erik Kramer threw for 421 yards and 4 touchdowns. But the big news may be who he threw those passes to: former Iowa Hawkeye teammates Tim Dwight (who had 107 yards and the game-winning TD in OT), and backup runningback/wide receiver Tavian Banks (who finished with 108 yards in the air and a score himself)." Player Profile: RB/WR Tavian Banks Sport Magazine: (Picture a swimming trunk clad Banks in a Heisman pose on a surfboard, in a corn field) "Corn's Up, Dude!" -- Don't let the dark skin, permed and blond-died hair, and thick, surfer accent fool you, Tavian Banks lives in Iowa. And he plays for the Des Moines Dragons. Tavian may be the only part black, part Hispanic, surfing football player with blond, curly hair in Iowa. For that matter, he might be the only one in the country. "I grew up in Florida, dude. Figured I'd be, like, a 'Cane!" says Banks. But when he talks about college athletics, Banks is talking about playing a different kind of football, the kind called "football" overseas. Banks was a three-time all state soccer player in Tallahassee, but his quick feet and blazing speed caught the eye of Iowa Hawkeye football coach, Hayden Fry. "We knew that punk could run," says Fry, "but we weren't sure he knew how to use his hands. When he found out Miami wasn't going to offer him a soccer scholarship, we were the only college with a football scholarship left on the table." "Man," says Banks, "I thought Iowa was going to be so gnarly. Gag me with a pork rind. And, sure, the biggest wave on the Wapsipinicon river crests at about two feet -- I know, I tried it -- but playing football was totally awesome!" Banks never quite fit in on the Iowa City campus, but his exploits on the field made him a star. He and Hawkeye kick return specialist Tim Dwight were both oddballs in Iowa, a fact that made them close friends. Both were drafted in the fourth round after their senior seasons, Dwight to Atlanta and Banks to Jacksonville. "I thought going back to Florida was the bomb," says Banks, "but that Coughlin was like slipping a toe off the bank of a tube and spread eagling off South Tampa." (We have no idea what he meant by that, but by the tone in his voice, it must have been "gnarly".) Now, being reunited with Dwight and Coach Fry in Iowa suits Banks just fine. "Coughlin got me for a change-of-pace back. Then, he like put in athletic, bruising Taylor and less athletic, more bruising Mack. Where's the love? But my man Fry is letting me split wide and get open in the field. I guess I showed him I've got the hands and the feet for this job. That Fry is like slippin Sex Wax on my boogie board and doin Bahama." (Again, we have no idea what that means, but we hope it doesn't mean what it sounds like.) As for surfing, Banks is often seen off Waikiki in the off-season, catching a few rays and a plenty of waves. "Better to hang ten in Iowa for the season and take off for white sands in the Summer than try to surf Jacksonville," says Banks. Yeah. That would be like, so gnarly. __________________ Winner of 6 FOFC Scribe Awards, including 3 Gold Scribes Founder of the ZFL, 2004 Golden Scribe Dynasty of the Year Now bringing The Des Moines Dragons back to life, and the joke's on YOU, NFL! I came to the Crossroad. I took it. And that has made all the difference.

03-06-2003, 09:37 PM	#65
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Game 13: at Carolina, Dragons win 30-13 Telegraph Herald:"Carolina 13, Tony Horne 30!"--DES MOINES--In Sunday's game against the Panthers, North Carolina born and Clemson-grad Tony Horne gave his 103 family and friends who showed up for the game their money's worth. The Des Moines Dragon Horne accounted for all three of the victorious Dragons' touchdowns. The first was electrifying. After Des Moines won the coin toss and elected to receive, Tony Horne caught the ball deep in his own end zone. Against the advice of fellow return man Timmy Dwight, Horne ran the ball back -- an NFL record 109 yards for the touchdown. On the Dragons' next possession, reserve QB Erik Kramer (playing for the injured Kurt Warner) found Horne in the back of the endzone again, this time for a 5-yard touchdown reception. In the third quarter, Horne completed the tri-fecta, returning a punt 67 yards for paydirt. The three touchdowns bring Horne's season total to 8, second on the team behind Marhsall Faulk. With Ericsson Stadium so friendly to it's native son, don't be surprised if Carolina shows an interest in trading for Horne next year.

03-07-2003, 04:20 PM	#66
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Player Profile: S Desmond Hopkins Chrisitian magazine, Sports Spectrum: "Playing with the Dragon" (Picture Hopkins in uniform with a huge grin, standing in a circle of children at a hospital, giving a "noogie" to a larger-than-life, green, plush, stuffed dragon) Desmond Hopkins was born 12 weeks premature, a tiny baby in the tiny town of Bethlehem, Georgia. And like another Bethlehem baby, Hopkins believes God has set him apart for a reason. "When I was a kid," says Hopkins, "the others picked on me for being small. They used to wait for me before school, lift me up by the ankles, and try to shake my lunch money out of my pockets. They said I was good for nothin'." But Hopkins' family taught him faith in God could overcome any obstacle, even bullies. "I told them God helped David lick Goliath, and one day I was going to lick them too. Of course," says Hopkins with an infectious grin, "they beat the snot out of me for saying that." After a few beatings, Hopkins learned that discretion was the better part of virtue, and that speed was the better part of survival. "I started running, and after a while they couldn't catch me anymore. When I hit high school I started running track. My sophomore year I set a state record in the 200. After that, the shotput throwers had my back. David might have been a mighty warrior in his own right," says Hopkins, "but he knew how important it was to have a Jonathan at his right hand." That speed caught the eye of University of Iowa head football coach, Kirk Ferentz, and soon Hopkins was running for the Hawkeyes. Now he's a rookie free safety for another Iowa coach, Hayden Fry, head coach of the NFL's Des Moines Dragons. "Playing in the NFL is pretty hard for a man of faith," says Hopkins. "Sure, you've got the image of all these players that shove Jesus in your face every time the microphone is on, but you also have women who shove more enticing things in your face when the microphone is off. There's drugs and steroids, wild parties, and more money thrown around than a guy knows what to do with." How does Hopkins deal with the temptation? "I may be a Dragon," says Desmond, "but that doesn't mean I have to act like one." While Kurt Warner is the team's most outspoken Christian, Hopkins prefers to let his actions speak louder than his post-game interviews. Hopkins volunteers midweek at Mason City's Mercy Hospital, sharing a talent he picked up in college. "I'm not that good at it really, just a dog and a giraffe, but the kids in the cancer ward love my balloon animals anyways. I hang with the kids, bring them a smile, then I go out in the waiting room and pray with their parents. I don't care how anti-God a parent might be when they come in to Mercy, every one with a baby in that cancer ward is looking to the sky for answers, for strength, for a miracle, or for hope. If I can give them any of those things, I'll do it." Hopkins wouldn't talk to us about it, but we know he's also helped families out with their medical bills, too. Janis Houston of Nashua, Iowa, told Sports Spectrum, "God put him in the NFL for a reason. Not every one could afford to help us with the cost of chemo the way he did. He may be a Dragon on Sunday, but he's an angel the rest of the week."

03-11-2003, 11:30 AM	#67
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	North Iowa Times: Following the Minnesota Vikings game, look for an exlusive Times interview with Des Moines Dragon, Erik Williams! Williams will set the record straight about the incident at Spook Cave, his time in District Court, and the undeserved negative press attention he's received from some of the state's larger-city newspapers.

03-11-2003, 11:32 AM	#69
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	"Yes, Mr. Bienz, I actually am happy for the team's success." "Why? Let me show you how I see it. After all the crying the press did about our trades in the pre-season, our success is making us look brilliant! While we're gathering all this fan-support behind a winning team, we're also signing our own permission slip to do whatever we want in the next off season! Who would question such brilliant management?" "No, that's even better. If we win the SuperBowl, then we can feed the media a line about all these players wanting big salaries, and then we can dump whoever we want! We'll say Tony Horne was holding out for more money than we could fit under the cap; we'll B.S. them about how leading tackler Richard Harvey wanted a big extension. We can get rid of every non-Iowan on the team with that excuse! Oh, man, I hope we do win it all." "Not to worry. I got the Faulk problem covered. Wait until the press conference I have planned after the Tampa game. It's all good. Everything is playing right into our hands."

03-12-2003, 12:43 PM	#70
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	North Iowa Times: The Erik Williams Interview Erik Williams is in the media constantly. First it was in Dallas--drug scandals and locker-room brawls. When he was traded to the Des Moines Dragons, the big man's media exposure got even bigger. But back home in Iowa (Williams is a Central College grad) his image has changed. Williams credits his remarkable turnaround from Cowboy bad apple to Iowa peach to the increased public accountability he's recieved. "It isn't anything like big D," Williams said. "There I could get away with anything legal, and most things illegal, and there were too many other stories to cover. Here, I make front page news if I take a crap!" Williams first made our front page when he rescued a poor, old lady's lost kitten. "That little bobcat jumped off the branch at me," Williams said, "'bout clawed my eyes out. I was going to kill that rat until I saw the old lady comin'. I said, 'Here, grandma! Now that jungle you've got on your head can have a tiger to go with it!'" But Williams is only joking. That "Grandma" was the cat's owner, xxx, and xxx told the Times Williams was the most polite young man she had ever met. "What's that you say?" she asked us. "Huh? Speak up, can't hear you! Oh, yeah! Nice boy! Said he'd rescued little Tiger from the jungle. 'Course, it was only a maple, but I am glad to have Tiger back." Williams made news again when he helped yet another elderly woman with her groceries. "Oh, that?" Williams commented humbly. "I only lifted that cart up because I dropped my Coke on the ground." Shhh, don't tell Pepsi; they just signed a deal with Des Moines Dragon owner Frank von Bienz. The news coverage from Des Moines and Dubuque, however, hasn't treated Williams as kindly. We asked him about the criticism he's received. "I didn't do it, I tell you. It was Michael Irvin." Sources close to the team confirm that Irvin, Williams' former teammate and notorious Dallas bad boy, has been visiting Williams, trying to stir up trouble. But was Irvin to blame for the problems at Spook Cave? "That was all a misunderstanding," says Williams. "When I said I was going to 'beat that fat pig into the ground,' the cop seemed to think I was talking about him! Can you imagine that? He called his friends to back him up, then I proposed a little scrimmage--you know, since we were all together anyways. I gave one of them a helmet slap, then when the sheriff blitzed, I pancaked him. We were having great fun. Until the guy on my left whipped out the handcuffs. Then it got ugly. I don't care what the lawbook says, handcuffs are defensive holding." The Times seems to be the only newspaper in Iowa that bothered to check up on Williams' story. We asked NFL official Dick Blindside if handcuffs would be considered holding. He said they would. Sadly, most area newspapers sided with the state troopers. With the record set straight, perhaps those fancy, big-city newspapers will start cutting Erik Williams a little slack. And if they would like to apologize for how they've written about Wiliams, we know right where they can find him. For the next two months, when the rest of the team is taking Tuesdays off, Williams will be engaged in yet another public service project--picking up trash on the side of I-80. He'll be the big one in the orange jacket. With black lettering. What a nice boy that Erik Williams is turning out to be. __________________ Winner of 6 FOFC Scribe Awards, including 3 Gold Scribes Founder of the ZFL, 2004 Golden Scribe Dynasty of the Year Now bringing The Des Moines Dragons back to life, and the joke's on YOU, NFL! I came to the Crossroad. I took it. And that has made all the difference.

03-12-2003, 12:50 PM	#71
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	The drawing has been conducted! 6 of you were entered. Click the link to see the results! Thank you for your votes. __________________ Winner of 6 FOFC Scribe Awards, including 3 Gold Scribes Founder of the ZFL, 2004 Golden Scribe Dynasty of the Year Now bringing The Des Moines Dragons back to life, and the joke's on YOU, NFL! I came to the Crossroad. I took it. And that has made all the difference.

03-13-2003, 08:33 PM	#72
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Game 15: loss at TBAY, 9-30 Post-game Press Conference "Jim Tyler, Des Moines Register. Coach, do you have any concerns about Kurt Warner being rusty after his injury? Will he be able to lead this team in the playoffs?" "Jim, with home-field wrapped up, now is the perfect time for Kurt to work off any rust he might be carrying. I'm confident he'll be in top shape by the playoffs." "Rosie Rawlings, Globe-Gazette. Coach, are Scott Slutzker or Derek Cardona going to see much playing time in the playoffs?" "We're not looking that far ahead yet, Rosie. Mencacingly...And we're not looking to next year, EITHER." "Englebert Klumperdink, North Iowa Times. Your thoughts on Erik Williams' bad treatment in the Des Moines media?" Collective groans from press corps "Bert, (laughs) a blind man dropped a bag of gold and couldn't find it. Along came a crook with a bag of silver. When the blind man asked the crook to help him find the bag of gold, what do you suppose the crook did?" "Helped him find his gold?" "Yeah, that's what I thought." "Coach! Roger Hawkford, (newspaper name strangely mumbled, unclear). Is there any truth to the rumor that you and Marshall Faulk are at odds over the team's direction?" Sudden buzz and clamoring erupts in the press room. Dragons' GM Rev Rew takes the microphone and addresses the media. "Ladies and gentlemen. If there is any truth to a severe personality conflict between Marshall and our esteemed coach, it will not be subject to public scrutinty. Any matters of conflict in personal relationships between any coach or player will be kept strictly in the clubhouse." "But, Rev! Doesn't the public have a right..." "AND FURTHERMORE! Should you attempt to pry into this matter further, both Coach Fry and Mr. Faulk recognize that in the spirit of team harmony, no comments on such matter can be made to the press. Both of them will deny any rumors of disagreement, disharmony, or threats of physical violence." "Violence! Mr. Rew, you must..." "That is ALL. Ladies and gentlemen of the press, good day." Snickering to self afterwards..."Lovely."

03-13-2003, 08:34 PM	#73
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Game 16: Loss at New Orleans 21-50 Burlington Hawkeye:"Dragons Limp into Playoffs" -- Back-to-back losses are tough to take going into the playoffs. Kurt Warner's return from injury has been marred by interceptions and double L's. But the Dragons don't appear discouraged. WR Quinn Early (who had a season high 125 yards in Sunday's loss) spoke for the team. "We've worked the kinks out these last two weeks. Now we take a bye week to rub on a little Ben-Gay. We'll be refreshed and recharged for Iowa's first-ever NFL playoff game. "All of our losses have come on the road. The Dragons have never lost in Iowa, and we don't intend to start now." RB Sedrick Shaw has a different way of saying it. "We got beat up down South. But now somebody's got to try to do that in the Dragon's Den. First one to the feast will probably be Dallas. Well, Cowboys, welcome to the dungeon; we'll put the caldron on for you."

03-13-2003, 08:35 PM	#74
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Year-end notables Marhsall Faulk gaines 1105 yards and 18 TDs on the ground, 972 and 3 in the air. MVP is still a possibility. Kurt Warner's QB dips to 90.4 Tim Dwight wins the receiving crown, 91-1448 and 6 scores. His YAC total was second to only Randy Moss. Others' performance declined at the end of the year. These 3 look like our only stars for year-end honors.

03-13-2003, 08:36 PM	#75
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Charles City Free Press:Final totals are in for this year's NFL season and let's take a look at the crucial statistics: Newman Knight Scott Slutzker, 115 plays, 2 starts, 4 catches, 39 yards. Oh, and by the way, ZERO touchdowns. Charles City's very own Derek Cardona: 48 plays, 3 catches, 6 yards. Oh, and TWO TOUCHDOWNS, BABY! Who will start next year if Ernie Conwell can't work out a contract extension? It may come down to who has a chance to shine in the playoffs. __________________ Winner of 6 FOFC Scribe Awards, including 3 Gold Scribes Founder of the ZFL, 2004 Golden Scribe Dynasty of the Year Now bringing The Des Moines Dragons back to life, and the joke's on YOU, NFL! I came to the Crossroad. I took it. And that has made all the difference.

03-13-2003, 08:37 PM	#76
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Looks like Sedrick is a prophet. We've got Dallas in the Divisional playoff. Welcome to Dragon's Lair, 'Boys. We remember the whoopin' you gave us in the preseason. Dragons never forget, they just get even. Whatcha think, faithful readers? Can the Dragons knock off the enemy of our esteemed Kodos and all that is good in the universe? Who will win? The Dragons or the Dark Side?

03-15-2003, 02:19 AM	#78
Kodos Resident Alien Join Date: Jun 2001	Those damned Cowboys must be made to pay! Erik Williams is a fine young man, now that he has escaped the evil clutches of Jerry Jones. Smite the Cowboys in the name of Kodos!

03-15-2003, 02:33 AM	#79
Kodos Resident Alien Join Date: Jun 2001	P.S. Interesting drawing of ol' Kodos there. But I'm green and have just one eye!

03-15-2003, 11:51 AM	#80
DataKing Pro Rookie Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Chicago	The Dragons just HAVE to knock off the Cowpokes! Take it to 'em rev...do it for Erik! __________________ Current Games Diablo III (BattleTag: DataKing#1685) Allegiances: Chicago Bears - Detroit Red Wings - Kansas Jayhawks Awards: 2011 Golden Scribe - Other Sports Category (The Straight(away) and Narrow - A Forza Motorsport 3 Dynasty)

03-16-2003, 07:52 AM	#81
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Divisional Playoff: Dallas comes to town Boone Republican:"All Cylinders Go!" -- DES MOINES: If any young player on the Dragons was worried about the team's recent losses going into the playoffs, take a lesson from the veterans. Kurt Warner came back in MVP form, throwing 332 yards, 3 TDs, and no INTs. NFL MVP-to-be Marshall Faulk added 169 and 3 TDs on the ground. Marcus Robertson grabbed an INT and a fumble recovery. That is how you get it done in the post-season. Six touchdowns proved a few too many for Dallas to overcome as the hometown Dragons dished up a whipping in the first NFL game ever to be played in Iowa. For those who haven't heard...final score: Des Moines 48, Dallas 18.

03-16-2003, 12:40 PM	#82
Kodos Resident Alien Join Date: Jun 2001	Yes! Way to crush Jerry Jones and his Legion of Evil!

03-17-2003, 11:05 PM	#83
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Post-game on field Interview with Marshall Faulk Leslie Visser: "Marshall, great game today! What keyed the team's success?" "Great blocking up front. Sims plowed the way for me a couple of times, Erik played like he was really pissed at his old teammates. It was fun to watch." "Will today's game help your bid for NFL MVP?" "It had better. I'm sick of all that talk after the Tampa loss." "Speaking of which, what about this talk that you and Coach Fry are at odds with one another?" "Man, I'm even more sick of that. Fry doesn't get along with everyone. He's a hardnosed S.O.B. But I'm fine with that. I do my job. I've got no problems with Coach." "Thanks, Marshall. Dragons win today, 48-18. But perhaps not all is well in Des Moines. Not often you hear a player call his coach an S.O.B. after a win. Is there something going on? We'll have to wait and see." __________________ Winner of 6 FOFC Scribe Awards, including 3 Gold Scribes Founder of the ZFL, 2004 Golden Scribe Dynasty of the Year Now bringing The Des Moines Dragons back to life, and the joke's on YOU, NFL! I came to the Crossroad. I took it. And that has made all the difference.

03-18-2003, 12:53 PM	#84
Kodos Resident Alien Join Date: Jun 2001	I think Marshall meant that coach was a Seasoned Old Baller.

03-18-2003, 07:28 PM	#85
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Actually, Kodos, at about week ten, I instructed Coach Fry to call himself a "hardnosed S.O.B." on a regular basis. Playing a little psychology -- I'd hoped players would start to get that image and throw it around a little bit. They have been. Williams called Fry a "hardnosed S.O.B." in a radio interview in week 13, M-Rob used it at an autograph signing in week 15, and Paup uses it contstantly: "Yep, me and coach. We're a couple of hardnosed S.O.B.'s." I couldn't believe it when Faulk used it after the game, though! And of course, the 10Grand we gave Visser to twist it the way we wanted her to came in handy.

03-18-2003, 07:29 PM	#86
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	"Yes, Mr. Bienz! I saw it! I can't believe Faulk played into our hands like that! I couldn't have paid him to say it better. We should be able to dump him after this year now, easy. The radio talk shows are eating it up." "Yessir. Still the plan. We win the SuperBowl and we've got carte blanche on the roster next year." "No, that's French." "Not a player, no. I know France isn't in Iowa. It's an expression. 'Carte blanche' is a French expression. It means we can do whatever we want." "Right. No Frenchies on the roster next year. Got it. Okay, bye, Mr. Bienz." __________________ Winner of 6 FOFC Scribe Awards, including 3 Gold Scribes Founder of the ZFL, 2004 Golden Scribe Dynasty of the Year Now bringing The Des Moines Dragons back to life, and the joke's on YOU, NFL! I came to the Crossroad. I took it. And that has made all the difference.

03-18-2003, 07:31 PM	#87
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	North Iowa Times: In an increasingly common gesture of good will, former Dallas Cowboy and current Des Moines Dragon Erik Williams met his former teammates at the airport following Sunday's game. His accolades of appreciation for his former teammates drew the attention of several spectators. "All I heard," said Council Bluffs businessman Bud Willigschnauzenfeffer, "was a big man with a deep voice shouting how great somebody else's mother was last night. I looked up and, I couldn't believe it, it was Erik Williams." Unfortunately, Erik's teammates showed why they were such a bad influence on him in Dallas. Several attempted to assault Williams and met his compliments with improper and crude suggestions about Erik's mother. A near brawl ensued before police led Williams to safety and escorted the Texan miscreants to their plane.

03-19-2003, 10:29 AM	#88
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	NFC Championship game: Washington at Des Moines Telegraph Herald"Warner Skins Washington!" -- DES MOINES: 343 yards and 5 touchdowns later, the Washington Redskins sit on a plane wondering what kind of storm struck in Des Moines. That would be a former Iowa Barnstormer, Kurt Warner. Warner led the Dragons to a 41-28 victory in Sunday's NFC Championship game, and in so doing, led the first-year Des Moines Dragons to the Superbowl. Now only Oakland stands in the way of bringing the Lombardi trophy to the Hawkeye state.

03-19-2003, 10:32 AM	#89
revrew Team Chaplain Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA	Mason City Globe-Gazette: "North Iowans Grab Two of Warner's Five"-- DES MOINES: While much ado has been made about Kurt Warner's five touchdown passes, Marshall Faulk's troubles with Coach Fry, and Tim Dwight's continuous highlight reel, two little-mentioned Dragons played a big role in Sunday's win in the NFC championship game--backup tight ends, Scott Slutzker and Derek Cardona. Under the surface of the Dragons' dominance has been brewing an increasingly intriguing question. With starting Tight End Ernie Conwell's contract up, and his extension questionable, will one of these two unsung heroes be first fiddle next year? And if so, which one? Some thought the playoffs would determine the answer. But Sunday's matchup seemed to only make the answer more difficult to discern. In the second quarter, Mason City native Scott Slutzker lined up on the strong side of a single-back set. It was second and goal from the 7. Slutzker darted inside, left the linebacker in his dust, cutting outside for a catch in the flat. As the strong safety came over for the tackle, Slutzker side stepped him, then spun out of the cornerback's hold, lunged two more yards, and struck paydirt. Seven yards, seven points, and Slutzker's only catch of the game. But in the third quarter, his rival Derek Cardona of Charles City evened the score. On third and goal from the three, Cardona bowled over the outside linebacker and grabbed a touchdown--also his only catch of the day. "Slutzker has got moves," concedes Cardona, "but he's streaky. If he put his nose to it, he'd be the starter next year. But until he does, I'm going to keep working." When asked about his touchdown, Slutzker only laughed and said, "Can't touch this! Dum-da-da-dum." Blue-collar Cardona versus blue-chip Slutzker. Will the decision be made on SuperBowl Sunday? __________________ Winner of 6 FOFC Scribe Awards, including 3 Gold Scribes Founder of the ZFL, 2004 Golden Scribe Dynasty of the Year Now bringing The Des Moines Dragons back to life, and the joke's on YOU, NFL! I came to the Crossroad. I took it. And that has made all the difference.