Post office shut down because of suspicious package

[JeeberD]

Vibrating package shuts down post office

Associated Press

LILBURN, Ga. - A Gwinnett County post office and surrounding area were evacuated after a mail carrier came across a vibrating package.

X-rays revealed the box to be X-rated.

U.S. Postal Service spokesman Michael Miles said the package was making a sound Wednesday and aroused suspicion from the carrier and his supervisor, who carried the priority mail into the parking lot and called police.

The Gwinnett County bomb squad, U.S. Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms and the Gwinnett County Fire Department evacuated the building and the parking lot, and shut down Postal Way at U.S. Highway 29.

A high-tech robot was sent in to pick up the package and X-ray it. The X-ray showed some kind of wires and something else, Miles said. When it was opened, authorities found adult toys including a vibrator and massage oil.

The Lilburn resident to whom the package was addressed will be notified of what happened, but will not be prosecuted.

"Since these are all legal items, we won't be doing any follow-up investigation," police spokesman Cpl. Dan Huggins said.

Information from: Gwinnett Daily Post

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That's gotta be embarassing. Of course, you would think a person would think it wise to remove the batteries before it was shipped...

[Marmel]

Speaking of which,

Fritz, your package will be a little late getting there. Not really my fault. Thanks, I enjoyed it, especially the expert manueveur you talked about.

[Fritz]

what Marmel is trying to tell us is that he has a suspicious package.

[Fritz]

dola,

I am reminded of Marmel's favorite Karaoke tune

"We're caught in a trap
I can't walk out
because I love you too much, baby.
Why can't you see,
That passion requires 2 Ds,
when you insist on the old fashioned way?

(chorus)
We can't go on together,
without our Suspicious Package
and we can't build our dreams,
without Suspicious Items...."

[Calis]

Reading that, I couldn't help but be reminded of this.

Narrator: Was it ticking?
Airport Security Officer: Actually throwers don't worry about ticking 'cause modern bombs don't tick.
Narrator: Sorry, throwers?
Airport Security Officer: Baggage handlers. But, when a suitcase vibrates, then the throwers gotta call the police.
Narrator: My suitcase was vibrating?
Airport Security Officer: Nine times out of ten it's an electric razor, but every once in a while...
[whispering]
Airport Security Officer: it's a dildo. Of course it's company policy never to, imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article "a dildo", never "your dildo".
Narrator: I don't own...


Good stuff.