DeToxRox's Face The Board Answers

[Antmeister]

The first 50 Questions:

1. Where did you grow up?

I grew up in lovely Berkley, Michigan, which for such a small city, has a decent amount of FOFC presence.

2. What brought you to the FOFC?

FOF 2001 I think it was. Honestly, I don't even play FOF games, but if there is a TCY 2 I'd buy it in a heartbeat. Anyway, I was reading the forums and noticed how funny some of the people were, so I decided to become a poster, one of which that adds absolutely nothing to any discussion.

3. Have you ever played werewolf?

No -- Conversley, I am not a virgin. ZING.

4. Do you have any superpowers?

Does charm count?

5. What do you do for fun? What do you do for money?

Anything that has to do with sports, I.E play, watch or gamble on. As for what I do for money? I currently collect $362 a week from Unemployment which is sensational as I am a college student living at home with Mommy and Daddy.


6. How long do you expect to live?

All it takes is one angry Husband, but honestly I don't concern myself with all that death jazz. When I go, I go, though I hope it's in a skydiving accident, or something cool like that.

7. What do you look like?

The pic says it all .. Except now I have a shaved head. I am also 6'4, 225 lbs with Betty Davis eyes.

8. What do you prefer physically in a woman?

I'm more of an ass and leg man, though I need at least a B cup. I didn't do A's in school, so I see no reason to do A's out of it.

9. How did you get your username?

Rumors of Michael Irving detoxing made me think, "wow, that rocks". The rest is elementary.

10. What sports do you follow?

All of them. Well, I know we have a soccer contingent on FOFC, and I do not follow that. See answers #3.

11. Which are your favorite teams?

Sigh. Tigers and Lions, plus obvious the Pistons and Wings, as well as a die hard Wolverine guy. Always have a rooting interest in other teams though. I love the Braves, GMen and Caps. The Braves have always been a favorite because John Smoltz is my favorite MLB'er ever. I loved LT growing up, and thusly, the GMen have always held a spot in my heart. And the Caps have Alexander the Great. I can watch him play every god damn night.

12. Why or how did they become your favorite teams?

The local teams are my favorites because of just that. I love watching Wolverines games with my dad. I still remember my first game was Lloyd Carr's debut vs Virginia and it was one of the coolest things I've ever seen. MERCURY HAYES!

13. What do you do for a living?

I work for the Government like Logan .. Except I collect unemployment.

14. Do you have any post-secondary education? if so, where?

In the process of finishing my Bachelors at Oakland University. From there I am going to get a Masters in Education or Counseling. I'll be touching kids! A/S/L?

15. Are you married? Have a common law partner? Have kids?

Nope. Have a girlfriend though, Lindsay, going on two years in December. Chances are she will be the one I marry, but we're talking 3 or 4 years in the future, so obviously things can change.

16. What would you say is some of your favorite music?

Metallica, GNR, Faith No More, Murphys Law, Sage Francis .. Basically some old school speed metal, rock, hardcore, punk and hip hop.


17. What would you say are some of your favorite movies?

Slap Shot - The perfect movie: Tits, ass, violence, vulgar language and Paul Newman (RIP Reg)

18. Where were you born?

Pontiac, MI .. It's where some of the hood in me comes from I s'pose

19. Where have you lived and where do you live now? Do you have any opinions on the places you have lived in?

Well, when I lived upstairs I had a window, but now that I am downstairs my parents don't know when I am having sex, so I prefer upstairs. But I'll be out of here in about a year and I look forward to it.

20. Do you play any sports? Have you played any sports in the past? Are there sports you want to try out?

Career softball player now. Perrenial clean up hitter and LF. As of 9/29, I lead the club in average and RBI. And yes, I am in the middle of a cycle.

In the past I played hockey and baseball. Concussions ended the former, curveballs the latter.

21. Happiest moment of your life?

When I had sex for the first time and I lasted like seven minutes. I wish I were joking too but I was 15 and expectations were low.

22. Saddest moment of your life?

When Lem died on the Shield. Shit fucking sucked. Fuck you Shane. Ugh again I wish were joking but I was in shock when it happened.

23. If you had to re-live one moment in your life, what would it be?

Probably the first hockey fight I had. It was a huge brawl where the goalies fought and this little kid tried taking me out. I punched him in the face, then tackled him down and just sat on him watching the rest of the fight. It'd be the second time cops had to come to a game that season, though I can honestly say only one of those two fights our team started.


24. What regrets do you have?

I posted about this before, but probably letting this girl my buddy liked's friend blow me in the parking lot of a bowling ally while on a double date with them. She wasn't worth it, and it wasn't that good, plus I really do feel bad because it ruined things with my friend and the girl.

I also regret quitting baseball in high school. I was better at baseball but I loved hockey and hockey was year round so I just didn't have the time which sucks.

25. Do you consider yourself to be an introvert or an extrovert?

Extrovert - Always have been outgoing. I can't keep to myself.


26. What is your favorite catch phrase?

"Stick 'em, fuck 'em, christ, pop 'em!" - Slap Shot

27. What are your top 5 movies?

1. Slap Shot
2. The Big Lebowski
3. The Usual Suspects
4. Sleepaway Camp
5. Shawshank Redemption

28. What would you do with 1 million bucks? 10 million?

1 Million - Hookers and blow
10 Million - A really good detox

I don't know to be honest. I am not someone who needs a lot of money. I'd probably make sure my family was taken care of to the best I could, and then I'd buy a decent house, maybe at like 200K and set up an amazing man's room. That'd be about it.

29. You're at a party and as it progresses, everyone strips naked and jumps in the pool, do you join?

Honestly, I was probably the one to go in first. I am naked a lot. It's freeing and I am a-okay with my body.

30. What's your beverage of choice?

Water

31. Do you have an abnormal fear?

I fucking detest mustard. It's horrible and it killed thousands in Vietnam. I am so against it that when I go out to eat I have the waitress move it for me so I don't have to touch it. It's fucking gross. Ugh.

32. What food do you never tire of?

Pizza. I could eat it daily but I am pretty sure I don't want to end up looking like Kirstie Ally.

33. What better: vanilla or chocolate?

Chocolate

34. What better: sweet or salty?

Salty

35. Favorite YouTube video?

The one where that Asian guy gets his arm bitten off by the aligator. What a fucking idiot. Though before FX took it down, I could watch the "It's Always Sunny" clip of the Night Man episode.

36. If you could have any superpower, what would it be?

Probably an ability to never premature ejaculate.

37. Which bad habits drive you crazy?

Smoking is stupid, and I don't get the point of it but whatever. Also, when girls dip, it makes no sense and it is really fucking dumb.

38. Do you have any annoying habits?

Bite my nails.

39. List 1 thing you would change about yourself.

It takes me way too long to get tan. I could use less time going from an 8 to a 9.

40. What's your favorite thing to do on a Saturday night?

Hang out with my girlfriend and watch sports.

41. Do you have any hidden talents?

I know the theme to Silver Spoons.

42. What happens to us after we die?

I hide the evidence.

I don't believe in after life, so I will probably end up in Purgatory.

43. Would you break the law or lie to save a friend?

Sure. I lie to them to get out of going out with them, so I have no problem lying to save them.

44. Did you ever have a realistic dream that truly scared you?

A few weeks ago I thought I lost a fantasy football game I won. I was up by 3.8 points and Nick Folk had a shot for a FG on 4th and 8 but Dallas didn't kick it. I would've lost by .2. In my dream he made the FG so in a sweat I checked my website to make sure I won.

45. What are you not afraid of?

Everything but mustard and centipedes.

46. Which is worse: rejection or failure?

Rejection probably. Failure builds character as long as you put the effort in. Rejection doesn't let you get that chance to put said effort in.

47. What are you hoping for in the future?

A good teaching job and eventually to be a counselor.

48. You are on a flight from California to Texas and the back of the airplane catches fire. You have
enough time to make ONE phone call, who would you call?

CNN to get my 15 minutes of fame.

49. You are at the doctor's office and she has informed you that you have one month to live.. what do you do?

I'd hope it's Tornado season and I'd go to Kansas and drive a car straight into a Tornado. No joke I'd love to go out this way, and I always have thought it'd be really fucking cool. Worst case scenario you survive, and you take the memory to the grave.

50. Why are SpongeBob SquarePants' parents round like sea sponges while he is square like a kitchen sponge?

Because the only people who watch the show are kids and college students who smoke a lot and watch Anime?


Do you feel bad at all winning the Cup, and then signing Hossa on top of it?

Nope. It was flat out amazing and it gave me yet another reason to slob Kenny Holland's knob. When you have the best franchise in your sport it makes it that much easier to attract top talent. Then look at the sport itself. Hockey players seem more driven to hoist Lord Stanley then any other athlete in any other sport with their respective trophies. So to do that they make sacrifices, ala leaving money on the table. Detroit gives them the best shot and Kenny has earned that by being the best.

Biggest pet peeve? FOFC pet peeve?

Biggest pet peeve - Girls who go to sporting events to be seen, but have no desire to watch the fucking game. Sure you look hot in your jean skirt and Magglio Ordonez jersey, but when you open your mouth I wish nothing more then for your larynx to disappear.

FOFC pet peeve - Werewolf. It's a lot better now that they have been banished from the main land though.

DeToxRox cereal is introduced-- what is on the box? what is in the cereal? And what is the cool prize inside?

It'd just be my face stamped over the front end of a Cinamon Toast Crunch Box. That is far and away the best cereal ever.


How will you handle Colorado's loss to Oklahoma State?

Curse a lot because you cheesed.

Define what you will view as success under Rich Rod. How long will it take to reach that? Or, can it be reached?

National Championship. I say four seasons to be totally honest. The big ten won't be ready for his offense when it fires on all cylanders, and Ohio State is the only team standing in the way in that regard. And as of now, OSU still struggles with Spread Offenses. Perhaps I am just being an optimist but by then Tate Forcier will be a Junior with a Senior heavy OL, it makes for the perfect storm.

When Rich Rod screws Michigan over, are you gonna come up with new posts bashing him or are you planning on just quoting all of the posts of Swaggs, timmynausea, WVUFAN, etc from last year?

When Rich leaves UM, I'll be upset at first I am sure, but this isn't WVU, this is Michigan, and no offense to those posters who I really like, but Michigan will still have a great coach. It may have another two year adjustment if they go to a more traditional offense but regardless, we'll be fine. Personally, I suspect Jim Harbaugh, no matter the drama with what he said last year, would be the next in line, and it'd make the Michigan Nation mighty happy.


Your call this time: Marlo or Avon?

Okay, this is quite possibly the toughest choice I have EVER had to make. I guess what it boils down to is who could I just go out and hang with? In that regard Avon wins because the dude was always so damn happy. He was all about a good time. Marlo on the other hand, was all business. I have a feeling that you'd spend all night listening to him bitch about how people are disrepcting them, and then you'd have to go all Chris on their asses for him.

With Avon, you'd just let it go, then drive by that sumbitch later. So I say Avon, but I'd still be cool with Marlo, mainly because he isn't human, and he'd murk anyone who looked at him the wrong way.


Who do you think the starting quarterback will be at Michigan in 3 years?

Tate Forcier. Absolutely love this kid, and I personally feel like RichRod want's to run an offense where he can throw 45-50 percent of the time. Forcier is great with the short route, and can keep a D honest deep. With the kids we have already here, and coming in at skill positions, the balance could make Michigan the best offense in the Nation. Too much speed in a still traditionally slow Big Ten is going to change the culture of the Conference.

Who is your favorite obscure Red Wing?

Kevin Hodson. He was a seive, but he had his moments. Personally though, I loved the guy because at City Arena in Detroit the Wings were doing a skate because Oak Park had something going on, so I was there for a game. Being a goalie, he noticed me and called me over as I was stretching, and gave me two of his sticks. I thought that was fucking bad ass.

Most hated current NHL player? Most hated NHL player of all time?

Currently I detest Chris Pronger, which is sad because he is what a hockey player should be, but I get so sick of him whining and bitching all the damn time. The guy never shuts up.

Most hated of all time is still Claude Lemeuix. It's more then the fact he killed Draper. He has killed Detroit numerous times with clutch goals, and he was always so smug about it. I still watch the Brawl often, just to see him get totally eaten by Mac, even if it was a cheap shot on Mac's part. I absolutely loved it.

What are your favorite 3 restaurants in the Metro Detroit area?

1. Silas in Berkley. The best Italian food I have ever had in my life. You need to go there if you haven't yet because you'll be in Heaven.

2. Lafayette Coney in Detroit. The best Coney place, and it's open 24 hours, I am not sure how it can get better then that. Oh wait, I know exactly how, you also get an order of chilli cheese fries and you'll prematurely ejaculate all over the table.

3. Xochimilco in Mexicantown. If you love Mexican food, this is the best place for it. Their chips and salsa are also sensational, to the point where I'll buy 4 bags every time I go so I have snacks for like two weeks.

I'd say that's the hat trick of Metro Detroit.

Worst thing about living here?

Royal Oak douchebags. Now I don't mean you HB, but I detest downtown Royal Oak with such passion. There are too many assholes there who think their shit doesn't stink, and then you have the Emo contingent mixed in with the activist crowds. It's just too much for me to handle. Diversity is great, but I wish the assholes all didn't have to congregate together five minutes from where I lvie.

Best thing about living here?

Location. 20 minutes from the Copa and Ford Field, 30 minutes from the Joe, 30 minutes from the Palace, an hour from the Big House and Yost. It's amazing. I am not sure there is a better place in the State to live if you're a sports fan because you're so close to everything.

You are starting a NHL team. Pick: three current forwards, 2 current defensemen, and 1 current goalie.

RW - Alexander Ovechkin: Best offensive player in the NHL, and the most exciting offensive threat I remember since Bure was a rookie. Where Alex the Great truly excels though is he is such a phyiscal presence. It's insane how strong this guy is.

C - Sidney Crosby: He is the best playmaker in hockey. I don't think I can add much more to it.

LW - Rich Nash: Put this guy on a competent team and he is going to score 50-60 goals a season. He is the best power forward in hockey, bar none. What is most impressive about Nash though is he has such great hands and is deceptivley quick. In space he is as good as anyone with the puck in his stick.

D - Nick Lidstrom: Best player in the NHL. Best European Player in NHL History. Top 10 player in NHL History.

D - Dion Phaneuf: Becoming one of my favorites to watch, he plays D like it should be played. He is like the son Scott Stevens and Scott Neidermayer would've had. Very physical defensivley, very fluid offensivley, he does it all on the point.

G - Roberto Lulongo: As far as pure talent, Roberto gets the nod. I shudder to think what he'll do if he ever plays on a good team. For the record, I still endorse trading Datsyuk for Lulongo, that is how good this guy is. He'll win two or three cups before it's all said and done.

The Lions have 11 defensive linemen. How is it possible that all 11 suck so bad?

I think Avril will be a good player, and ditto for Fluellen. I actually still like this past draft, but back to the question at hand. Other then them though, Dwayne White can start in this league, and DeVries plays with a great motor. So there are four guys I'd keep, but only one I'd start right now. I think that says it all.

Should Jim Leyland be given an extension?

No. Leyland is a guy I love and he did a lot for this team and hell, even this city, but this team is not what he envisoned, which is a team full of Vet's who know how to play the game. That is what he caters to. Now this team is going to need some infusion of youth, and he will stand in the way of their development if you want my opinion.

Plus, he is too loyal to his staff, and outside of Van Slyke, all those guys should go. Chuck Hernandez is the worst assisstant coach in any sport. That is how useless this guy is.

Why the name change?

I don't even remember to be honest. DeToxRox sounded cooler (Which is sad) then what I had before, so I just went with it. It makes me sound like a really sweet gamer, at least.

You expressed your wish to be laid off for many months. You recently got your wish. Has it been everything you've hoped for?

Oh God yes. I will now show you a normal day in my life:

Noon - Wake up and check some stuff on the net

1 PM - Run two miles, workout and shower

3 PM - Eatch Lunch

3:30 PM - XBox or PS3

7 PM - Dinner

8 PM - TV/Video Games

11 PM - Run another mile

11:15 PM - Homework if I have it, talk to my girlfriend, and some video games or TV

3 AM - Bed

What have you been doing since your layoff?

See above

What is it about hardcore music that you like so much?

Honestly, while I still listen to it from time to time, I am not into it as much. It was youthful ignorance, I s'pose. Trying to be different or some stupid shit. Honestly, I liked the shows a whole lot more then the music because I love stage diving and all that stupid shit. Hardcore does have a great message though if you ask me. It's a big family on that scene for the most part, and bands like Bane or With Honor have messages in songs you'll never hear in the Mainstream. I think that is awesome and why I became so attached.

Hardcore chicks are fucking slags though.

What's your favorite sexual position?

Doggy. It feels amazing and I am all about the ass slap. Plus, I think when the girl reaches under and starts playing with the ballsack is one of the coolest things ever. Sometimes too, my balls itch because I shave them and the hair is growing back, so I'll have my girlfriend scratch them for me. Talk about twice the satisfaction.

What's the fastest you've ever ejaculated while with a girl?

Like literally two thrusts and done. I don't even know why it was so fast, but I didn't like the girl that much and I came, so I didn't feel bad. Whether she told all her friends or not didn't matter either; she was the skinny one in the group.

Have you ever been caught masturbating?

One time. My paranoid schitzofrentic Uncle came in to my room when I was beating off but I don't think he realized what was going on. Sad thing is once he left, I kept going. It wasn't my fault though, I was watching MTV Undressed.

How big is your penis (erect)?

7 inches. I only know this because during my Senior year we had a pool going for biggest. All honor system based mind you. I came in fourth. The one kid was like 10 inches apparently, and I don't doubt it.

Do you shave your pubic region? Wax? Clip? Let it grow free?

Shave religiously. I hate how it mats and shit when I sweat so I take a preemptive strike.

Have you ever had your salad tossed?

Yeah, a few times. It feels pretty good actually. The first time was kind of weird but it's a different sensation, one everyone should try to have done to them at least once.

If your girlfriend asked you for a three-way with another dude, how would you respond?

I'd be bummed I am sure. Now if it was some chick I was casually seeing, I'd probably do it because I really wanna' Eifel Tower some chick one day.

You are forced at gun-point to watch one of your parents masturbate. Who do you choose, and what do you expect to see when the gunmen reveal your self-abusing parent.

Probably my dad because he's pushing 60 and I am not sure he can do much with it anymore.

What's your second favorite fast-food joint behind Wendy's?

I'll go with Arbys. I mean, can David Putty really be wrong?

Which race do you like the least.?

Okay, this is tough. Right away white and black are out because I love hockey and the best sex I ever had was with a black girl. So those two top my list. Honestly though, and this is not a shot at anyone who may be reading this and is Chalodian, but I've had three fights in my life, and all were with Chalodians (two on the ice). The problem is where I live their are "gangs" to an extent, but they're mostly harmless. They just get very obnoxious and those few experiences I've had with them rubbed me the wrong way. I know a few Chalodian girls I think are cool, so it's not as if I hate them all, but if I had to pick, I guess it's them.


What do you find sexy about mulattos (particularly me)?

I think it's the fact I used to like the Hersey Cookie and Cream bar a lot.

Do you think we would be banned from FOFC if they had a transcript of all of our instant messages throughout the years?

No question.

Why do I always get slops

If you're anything like me, it's because you have no standards.

Why for the love of all that is holy did you decide to become a goalie.

I loved having that pressure on me and embraced it. It was awesome. The only thing I hated about it were games where your team is blowing out some team of gongers, and you stand there like an asshole all game.

Why are Wolverines becoming the Buckeye's punching bag in football?

Michigan became soft under Lloyd Carr sadly. I love Lloyd but the game passed him by. He wasn't able to make adjustments and the Vest was. That is it in a nutshell. But watch out for RichRod. It's a different attitude in Ann Arbor now.

Why did I pick you for this?

You love inflicting pain on others. But I only have one rebuttal: Mike Teel.

If Bugs Bunny and Mickey Mouse got into a fight, who would win?

The people, assuming one of them dies in the process.

5 hockey pucks and 3 hockey sticks cost $23.
5 hockey pucks and 1 hockey stick cost $20.
How much does 1 hockey puck cost?

Depends .. is it one of those Slovakian pucks?

Do you want my tickets to Tigers/Rays on 9/27?

Don't have a time machine. Sowwy.

[Logan]

Was looking forward to this. Awesome read.

Apologies in advance for pushing you further down the B12 South standings.

[flere-imsaho]

Awesome. Many LOL moments.

[Honolulu_Blue]

Great stuff, DeTox!

I couldn't agree with you more about Royal Oak douchebags. I live only a few blocks from Downtown Royal Oak and I rarely go there and other than maybe grabbing dinner at some place there, I've never gone out for an evening there for the very reasons you mentioned. There's this new bar called "The Black Finn". A cool looking place, tons of TVs, decent beer selection, but I could never go in there. I walk my dog by it often and the concentration of douchebags in there is simply douchetastic.

I'll definitely give Silas a try. My current favorite local spot is "Amici's Pizza." It's super delicious and since Lady H_B recently went vegan, it has plenty of options for her.

[DeToxRox]

Originally Posted by Honolulu_Blue

Great stuff, DeTox!

I couldn't agree with you more about Royal Oak douchebags. I live only a few blocks from Downtown Royal Oak and I rarely go there and other than maybe grabbing dinner at some place there, I've never gone out for an evening there for the very reasons you mentioned. There's this new bar called "The Black Finn". A cool looking place, tons of TVs, decent beer selection, but I could never go in there. I walk my dog by it often and the concentration of douchebags in there is simply douchetastic.

I'll definitely give Silas a try. My current favorite local spot is "Amici's Pizza." It's super delicious and since Lady H_B recently went vegan, it has plenty of options for her.

Amici's is good. Though too many former teammates of mine have worked there so eat at you own risk. I kid. Silas is right down the road though, off of Greenfield on 12 mile. I'm partial to the chicken parm myself but their pizza is amazing too.

[Passacaglia]

10. What sports do you follow?

All of them.

Embarrassing Sarah Palin moment, right there.

[DeToxRox]

Originally Posted by Passacaglia

Embarrassing Sarah Palin moment, right there.

I was giving her some love for supplying me with some new JO material.

[fantom1979]

I grew up in Southfield and amazingly, I have never been to Silas. Will have to try that out.

I avoid Royal Oak with a passion (add downtown Rochester, Birmingham, and Mt. Clemens as well).

Xochimilco is good stuff. I don't get down there nearly enough