How do you get your mom off the phone?

[M GO BLUE!!!]

I can never get my mother off the phone... She calls sometimes twice a night, always at the worst time possible if I'm watching TV. When I had a girlfriend (so this is going back!) it was always at a bad time too. Telling her she called at a bad time doesn't do anything... She just goes on and on about things you can't recall after you hear it. My sister says she just doesn't answer the phone most times. I end up feeling bad for her talking to my machine with the whole "So where are you..." She can go for an hour without my saying anything, and I actually hear the phone ring and know that I have absolutely nothing to say, and neither does she!

Anyone else have a mom that calls all the time? Is there a magic word to not have my TV paused for an hour?

[MrBug708]

Just tell her your busy and have to go. If she asks, just say you're playing with the monkey

[k0ruptr]

Hmm... IMO I say you let her talk, Moms need these times , just to feel closer to the son or daughter. I wish I hadn't tried to get my mom off the phone as often as I did If you are are absolutely busy with something important its understandable, but if not, give her the time.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

Originally Posted by MrBug708

Just tell her your busy and have to go. If she asks, just say you're playing with the monkey

Believe it or not, my mother would laugh and ask "What monkey?" Then turn that into a joking inquisition...

[korme]

How about people in general, one of my friends, love him to death but a phone call with him is an hour minimum... I usually end up just half listening and let him ramble

[Vinatieri for Prez]

Tell her you really have to go poopy.

[Ragone]

I fear the parody thread title to this..

[hoopsguy]

I've gone through a host of different options over the years. Having the microwave beep in the background, having the doorbell ring, pulling in a roommate to help with some excuse. These are all required when Mom just doesn't understand "bye" or "I've got to go", and have come in handy for situations where I'm just done with the conversation but Mom isn't having it.

[Noop]

Originally Posted by Shorty3281

How about people in general, one of my friends, love him to death but a phone call with him is an hour minimum... I usually end up just half listening and let him ramble

Oh my gawd I have the same thing happen to me. I mean its annoying but I understand why he calls because he married at a young age so he is only allowed to talk to certain friends.

[Toddzilla]

On one hand, it's your mom. She loves you, she obviously misses you, and she just wants to spend some time talking with you. There are countless number of kids out there who would love to have a parent that interested in them.

On the other hand, if she really is that disruptive to your busy life, tell her very straightforwardly that you don't have hours to spend on the phone. Keep it to 15 minutes tops and you'll see that it becomes a quality 15 minutes.

If all else fails, change your number.

[Pumpy Tudors]

I have fabricated a device that allows me to give my mother a mild electrical shock whenever she's been talking for too long. Unfortunately, my wife took the device from me, went into the bedroom, and locked the door. I haven't seen her in three days.

[Maple Leafs]

This subject is one two-letter addition away from being a really terrible parody thread.

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by Noop

Oh my gawd I have the same thing happen to me. I mean its annoying but I understand why he calls because he married at a young age so he is only allowed to talk to certain friends.

*snicker*

SI

[Radii]

Originally Posted by M GO BLUE!!!

My sister says she just doesn't answer the phone most times.

I think this is the answer, at least it is for me. I know that my mom is going to talk way longer than warranted, is going to take at least 15 minutes just to say good bye even when there are occasions to talk daily 3 or 4 days in a row, and that no conversation will be less than 45 minutes. In my case, I also know that she is bipolar and otherwise generally crazy and that it doesn't matter what my reason is to go, if I force the end of the conversation she may well end up mad at me for days, which I really have to avoid, because that anger gets taken out on my dad and sister for days as well.

I deal with this by promising myself to call back within 24 hours when I have at least an hour's worth of free time and as long as I hold myself to that rule I don't feel too terribly guilty about it.

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by Ragone

I fear the parody thread title to this..

Indeed:

How you know it's gonna be a bad day on FOFC

SI

[Noop]

Originally Posted by sterlingice

*snicker*

SI

I said something wrong?

[sachmo71]

Flamethrower

[molson]

Set the expecations low. (Though for many of you, it's already too late).

I have 3 siblings, and I definitely have the least amount of contact with my parents (though I do also live the furthest away, by far).

I talk to them on the phone maybe once or twice a month, for about 10-15 minutes. When I do manage to call, it's like I'm the greatest son in the world. When I'm at the house for a holiday or a long weekend, it's a bigger deal because it happens so rarely.

Everything I do is gold, no matter how little.

[FrogMan]

dude, not to be harsh but she's your mom, she brought you to this world, you sorta owe it to her to simply listen to whatever rambling she wants to give you.

If you're so worries about missing your TV time, buy a recorder and record anything you watch just in case...

FM

[Young Drachma]

Depends on how many times that week we've talked. If we haven't talked much, I'll chat with her for an hour. But if I know I'm busy or not in the mood to talk, not answering and calling her back later isn't the worst idea in the world.

[Fidatelo]

Geez I thought I was alone with these issues, I'm in the same boat. I dread calling, or being called by, my parents, it literally 'ruins' my evening. Most calls are an hour in length, but most frustrating is that the actual conversation could be had in about 5-10 minutes if they didn't ramble on and repeat themselves a hundred times. I get off the phone and my wife will ask what we talked about, and I can summarize the entire thing in about 30 seconds. Even worse, sometimes I'll just tune out and then miss an actual piece of news amongst the ramblings, and then I look like an ass when it comes up in conversation later on and I have no clue what they are talking about.

It's gotten to the point where I only talk to them about once a week or 10 days, and I'm sure they are hurt by that, and I feel like an asshole, but I just can't bring myself to call them some nights.

[korme]

Originally Posted by Maple Leafs

This subject is one two-letter addition away from being a really terrible parody thread.

ON?

[-apoc-]

I had this problem years ago when I first went away to college. It finally came down to me telling her that she was not allowed to call more than once a week or I wasnt going to answer her phone calls anymore. It took a few weeks of me only answering her phone calls when she was "allowed" to call but she finally started calling on a regular schedule that was acceptable to me.

If you are the first (or likely worse if you are the last) of you siblings to leave the house try being patient with her because I am sure the adjustment is very difficult for her. If you father is still with her maybe talking to him and explaining your situation may also help.

[molson]

Mothers are overrated.

I mean sure, there's some outstanding ones, but like everything else in life, most are mediocre.

[Radii]

Originally Posted by Noop

I said something wrong?

I wasn't the one that posted but I was laughing at the concept of only being "allowed" to call certain friends after/because I was married. That doesn't sound like a fun situation!

[rkmsuf]

Can't let mom get in the way of those everybody loves raymond reruns.

[chesapeake]

My mom apparently doesn't call me enough. I'm going to call her and complain!

[Suburban Rhythm]

I don't have a problem on the phone...but in person, God it's awful.

My wife is a nurse, and works PT-- usually 2, sometimes 3, days a week. It's great she can stay home with the kids. Days she works during the week, my mom and dad watch the kids. Saves us a BUNDLE on daycare. We thank them everytime, profusely.

The problem is...I'll go to pick them up when i get home from work...they are about 15 mins from us. I get in the door at 5:00, get in the car, go get them, always there by 5:30 at the latest. There are days I am not back home until after 6:30. My mom and dad come up with everything in the world to possibly tell me while i am there. My wife and I joke about it (they do the same to her if she's worked a night shift, and heads over to get the kids early afternoon when she wakes up), but it is annoying as hell. I keep creeping towards the door, and they'll follow, still yapping about aunt so and so, or cousin blah blah...who i probably haven't seen in years.


I know, they are my parents, and are doing us a huge favor, but when is it enough?

[Eaglesfan27]

My mom does the same thing except she usually only calls once a night or every other night. I'm thankful for it every day after seeing so many crappy parents who don't care a bit about their children or spending time with them.

[Abe Sargent]

Its called the two one one method of telling someone something they don;t want to hear.

Give them something positive
Give them somethign postive
Give them the negative
Wrap it up with teh positive again


For example, EF27:

"Hey folks, I love you, and I really appreciate the time you give myr kids and my wife. We do need to get out of your place sooner, because my wife and I don't always have the same schedule and we need some time with the kids as a family, but I want you to know that I love spending time with you, and I'll see you again tomorrow (the next day, this weekend, etc.)"

Sit them down first if that will help. That;s how I;d do it.

[Abe Sargent]

Another technique is the "I;m sure you can understand that," technique.

You say something you want them to agree to, then add that phrase and nod your head a bit. In the rpevious 2-1-1 strategy, I;d toss this line after "we need some time with the kids as a family, which I'm sure you can understand (head nodding)."

[Telle]

Wow.. "How to Manipulate Someone 101" by Anxiety.

[Eaglesfan27]

Originally Posted by Anxiety

Its called the two one one method of telling someone something they don;t want to hear.

Give them something positive
Give them somethign postive
Give them the negative
Wrap it up with teh positive again


For example, EF27:

"Hey folks, I love you, and I really appreciate the time you give myr kids and my wife. We do need to get out of your place sooner, because my wife and I don't always have the same schedule and we need some time with the kids as a family, but I want you to know that I love spending time with you, and I'll see you again tomorrow (the next day, this weekend, etc.)"

Sit them down first if that will help. That;s how I;d do it.

I'm not sure how I got mentioned in that example. I know plenty of techniques if I wanted to get off the phone with my mom or anyone else, but I value the time on the phone with my mother (even when she does ramble at times.)

[Maple Leafs]

Originally Posted by Anxiety

Its called the two one one method of telling someone something they don;t want to hear.

Give them something positive
Give them somethign postive
Give them the negative
Wrap it up with teh positive again

That's a really good post. You summed the concept up really well, and even coming from someone who generally doesn't contribute anything worthwhile, it will be really helpful for people.

[Fidatelo]

My last boss used to call this technique the "Shit Sandwich", and he would use it for employee reviews. Start off positive, put all the constructive criticism in the middle, then end positive.

Even knowing he was doing it, I still enjoyed his reviews.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

I actually do treasure talking with her, but when she gets past the "nothing to talk about" stage and takes 45 minutes to describe an episode of Mama's Family...

Maybe I should start describing football games in detail.

[lungs]

My mother entices me to come over by cooking for me.

I don't mind that, it sure beats 3 hot dogs for $1 from the gas station.

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by Radii

I wasn't the one that posted but I was laughing at the concept of only being "allowed" to call certain friends after/because I was married. That doesn't sound like a fun situation!

That's what I was snickering at. It was like something out of a bad sitcom.

SI

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by Maple Leafs

That's a really good post. You summed the concept up really well, and even coming from someone who generally doesn't contribute anything worthwhile, it will be really helpful for people.

Brilliant

SI

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by Fidatelo

My last boss used to call this technique the "Shit Sandwich", and he would use it for employee reviews. Start off positive, put all the constructive criticism in the middle, then end positive.

Even knowing he was doing it, I still enjoyed his reviews.

I think that name is a lot more accurate than 2-1-1

SI

[Anthony]

my mom is very needy and dependent. i don't believe in rewarding such behavior by making myself available all the time. at 1st i wouldn't pick up the phone if i didn't want to be bothered, then when i'd get flak for not returning her unimportant calls (unimportant in the sense that she was just looking to BS and didn't have anything newsworthy or in need of immediate attention). after some arguements she's finally now stopped calling several times a week. sometimes beating around the bush doesn't work. sure, i would love to be the world's greatest son, but the commitment required on my part to attain that status is more than i'm willing to do. i'm married and stress wanting to have my own life. there's a place for my mom in my life, but not on an everyday basis. i want to encourage her using this time (her having the kids out of the house) to pursue her interests and goals and to move on with the next 30 or 40 years of her life. i will encourage my future kids to do the same. you really only rent your kids for 18 yrs, after that you have to hope you taught them well. then the party resumes and you get on with you own thing. that's how i'll be. i'll be one of those "if you need me, you know where i live. until then, hopefully you'll enjoy your life and use what i've taught you to face the world".