How Embarassing....

bbor · 05-15-2003, 11:56 AM

So...i'm at the grocery store this morning,And of course there is only 2 cashiers working and an assload of people in the 2 lines.

So i get close to the front of one line after waiting ten minutes,there are approimatly 10 people behind me and 3 in front of me...when i decide i have to sneeze.

I step to my left so i don't sneeze on anyone hold my hand to my nose...and proceed to violently sneeze..now this is where the embarassing part comes in....as i sneeze i lose control of certain muscles(happens to everyone when they sneeze,just try to keep your eyes open when you sneeze and you'll see)

And i RIP ONE!!!

We are not talking about a short burst but a major bowel cleaner...i swear the gal behind me's hair was blowing.

I hate when this happens.I just wanted to crawl up and hide....

Looking back at it now it seems kinda funny...but i tell ya...how F'n embarassing is that?

Franklinnoble · 05-15-2003, 12:09 PM

Sounds like a great idea for a new Southwest Airlines commercial.

Wanna get away?

JeeberD · 05-15-2003, 12:17 PM

The other day I went to the store after playing softball with some co-workers to go get some beer. Corona sounds really good that day, and my luck has it that twelve pack of Corona are on sale for ten bucks while sixers are around eight. So I grab a twelver and start heading towards the produce department.

Well, for some reason I had decided to hold the case by only one of the handles, and when I was almost to the produce dept that handle decided to rip. The case fell out of my hand, hit the ground with a crash, and all of a sudden there was beer everywhere. Several bottle broke and were leaking out into the aisle. I looked around for a little bit, hoping that there would be a worker with a bucket or something, but no one was in sight. I had to go up to a cashier and tell her what happened, and then wait with the ever growing puddle until finally a kid with a bucket did arrive.

While I was waiting for the kid I had to endure a family of hicks making jokes about how I must have been really thirsty, a dude who wasn't watching where he was going who almost slipped and fell on his ass intothe beer, and lots of stares.

When he got there, I asked the kid with the bucket if I had to pay for that twelver, he smiled and said no, so I went and grabbed my limes, grabbed another twelver (this time cradling it with both arms, and got the hell home...

Of course, that wasn't as embarassing as letting a huge one rip would be. Good job, bbor! (At first, though, I thought you were gonna sneeze and have a nasal blowout and not have any kleenex. I've had that happen before and it's not fun either.)

bbor · 05-15-2003, 12:23 PM

Damn dude...that is a MAJOR beer crime....i sentence you to buying beer CANS for the next 2 years less a day

JeeberD · 05-15-2003, 12:29 PM

Ugh....cans suck ass....

Would it be better if I told you that I tried to slurp it all up off the floor but had to stop after I ingested large amounts of glass?

cthomer5000 · 05-15-2003, 12:32 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by JeeberD
Ugh....cans suck ass....

Would it be better if I told you that I tried to slurp it all up off the floor but had to stop after I ingested large amounts of glass?

or drank the bucket contents when the kid was done.

Fritz · 05-15-2003, 12:32 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by JeeberD

Would it be better if I told you that I tried to slurp it all up off the floor

ah, the old college rules

bbor · 05-15-2003, 01:09 PM

All you need is a straw and you are set.How many of us has NOT sipped spilt beer off the floor with a straw?

Hell i STILL do it...but instead of beer it's whiskey

Coffee Warlord · 05-15-2003, 01:11 PM

It was only Corona. No big loss there.

If it ain't Guinness, it's CRAP!

GrantDawg · 05-15-2003, 01:13 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Coffee Warlord
It was only Corona. No big loss there.

If it ain't Guinness, it's CRAP!

Bread in liquid form? *Shudders*

JeeberD · 05-15-2003, 01:20 PM

Guiness is a wee bit too stout for me. Unless it's being used in an Irish Car Bomb...

bbor · 05-15-2003, 01:22 PM

::shivers::

Guinness...the beer that feels like a meal.

Anrhydeddu · 05-15-2003, 01:36 PM

I've seen better stuff come out of my little boy's butt than Guinness. [okay, that's my one crude response for the month]

bosshogg23 · 05-15-2003, 02:03 PM

Corona story!

My girlfriend and I rented a car a few years back so we could head out to see some baseball stadiums that are out of state. She had never tried Corona so we picked some up. Well she didnt like it much(wasnt like the commercial). So I pack up our stuff, hop in the car and start to drive home. We still had 6 Coronas left and were just going to give them to my brother. Well about 10 minutes from the rental car agency I hit a bump and something starts to stink. Dammit im thinking, I hit a friggin skunk.....We have the windows open and are barely breathing. Turns out we hit a bump, the bottles broke and the 90 degree heat just added to the great smell Corona already has. Needless to say we dropped the car off and left as quick as possible.

Maple Leafs · 05-15-2003, 02:05 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by bbor
And i RIP ONE!!!

Did you immediately grab the cashier's little microphone and announce "Cleanup in Aisle Four!"

moriarty · 05-15-2003, 02:11 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Anrhydeddu
I've seen better stuff come out of my little boy's butt than Guinness. [okay, that's my one crude response for the month]

Uhhh.. Blasphemy. Guiness is the ONLY beer. Now I can see where people who grew up on watered down Schlitz might have a hard time adjusting to the Great One, but comparing it to ... you know?

The best part of drinking Guiness is the anticipaton during the wait while it settles after it comes out of the tap. Mmmm...

Ksyrup · 05-15-2003, 02:22 PM

I don't drink beer, so it all pretty much sucks to me, but that stuff is like drinking sludge.

It does remind me of a pretty funny Irish beer story, though...

A group of us are at a restaurant and a good friend of mine who's Irish isn't content on hearing what regular beers they have, he wants to know what Irish beers they have. So the waitress starts running down a list: Guiness, Murphy's, Harp, Kilkenny, etc. - I'm sure there are some I don't know since I don't drink. And this chick is struggling to come up with names, and he keeps asking, "What else?' And she's stumped. So he drops it for a moment while we order dinner, and all of a sudden, she goes, "Oh, I remember another one! We have O'Douls!"

Even I had a hard time not laughing until she left. He ordered a Guiness anyway.

bbor · 05-15-2003, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Maple Leafs
Did you immediately grab the cashier's little microphone and announce "Cleanup in Aisle Four!"

Holy crap ML...you just made me laugh so hard i farted again.....

JeeberD · 05-15-2003, 02:25 PM

Mmmmm, Harp......I love Harp....

FrogMan · 05-15-2003, 02:27 PM

bbor, was it really one of those really stinky ones you were talking about in another thread, or was it only noisy??

Stinky AND noisy has got to be funny because of the longer effect on the crowd

FM

KWhit · 05-15-2003, 02:30 PM

One of my most embarassing moments:

I was in my 6th grade social studies class. We had a very cool teacher. She was sexy as hell too. I had a total crush on her.

Anyway, the teacher was cool because she encouraged us to jump into the lecture at any time - to kind of make her teaching interactive or something. So I jumped into the conversation with a joke of some sort. I don't remember what it was but it was funny as hell. Everybody in class started cracking up (including the teach). By far my shining moment - or so I thought.

I was so proud of myself that I started laughing too. I was laughing pretty hard. Well, the teacher got everyone else quieted down, but I was still semi-silently giggling. Trying as hard as I could to contain my laughter, I LET A HUGE FART RIP! The class was totally silent at the time except for my ass.

Needless to say, the class went nuts. Also needless to say, I was ridiculed mercilessly for the rest of the year.

GoldenEagle · 05-15-2003, 02:31 PM

Cans of beer is all I can afford.

Marmel · 05-15-2003, 02:33 PM

bbor, you have now officially surpassed the acceptable ratio of farting:non-farting threads here.

bbor · 05-15-2003, 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Marmel
bbor, you have now officially surpassed the acceptable ratio of farting:non-farting threads here.

Farting amuzes me....Prolly a little too much.

But think about it...we can make noises with a hole in our asses...is'nt that freakish?

Marmel · 05-15-2003, 02:53 PM

You can also makes noises with holes in your face.

In fact, with some people, the same thing comes out of both.

SplitPersonality1 · 05-15-2003, 05:29 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Marmel
You can also makes noises with holes in your face.

In fact, with some people, the same thing comes out of both.

Best line I've heard/read in a long time. Very funny!

CamEdwards · 05-15-2003, 06:05 PM

that's pretty bad bbor. One day I'll get drunk and share some of my embarrassing moment.s.

Until then I'll just revel in yours.

Airhog · 05-15-2003, 09:44 PM

Okay I went to this halloween party and my gf's friends dorm. It was some cheezy haunted house. Okay so we are waiting in this long as line, when I let out this SPD. I mean when I get around crowds I get nervous. And this one stunk, I mean really stunk. So im all red faced, and my gf's friend is pointing at me, why she decided to let the whole world know I dunno. Anyways, these black girls were going damn, and the security guard went over a few feet to the door, and was trying to get some of the stench to move on...

bbor · 05-15-2003, 10:14 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Airhog
Okay I went to this halloween party and my gf's friends dorm. It was some cheezy haunted house. Okay so we are waiting in this long as line, when I let out this SPD. I mean when I get around crowds I get nervous. And this one stunk, I mean really stunk. So im all red faced, and my gf's friend is pointing at me, why she decided to let the whole world know I dunno. Anyways, these black girls were going damn, and the security guard went over a few feet to the door, and was trying to get some of the stench to move on...

Should we call you airFOG from now on?

Draft Dodger · 05-15-2003, 10:18 PM

my Corona story...

I have a buddy who is very much into the "meaty" beer - Guinness, for example. I'm not a big beer drinker, but I'm much more of a Molson Canadian or Corona guy - I just don't go for the dark stuff, and he can't stomach the wussie stuff that I drink.

anyways, somewhere along the line I left a Corona at his house as a joke - since then, it became a bit of a contest to see who could come up with the funniest way to leave a Corona at each other's house - I hid one in his car one time, and then a couple weeks later I woke up to find it on my doorstep.

then, finally, my wife MAILED the Corona to them for some holiday - she wrapped it up really really well, and mailed it to them. but, somewhere along the way, it broke, because by the time it showed up in their mailbox, it was just an extremely smelly box of broken glass (you could just barely read the waterlogged label). we're amazed the post office delivered it.

unfortunately, that ended the game

tucker342 · 05-15-2003, 11:04 PM

I ripped a huge one in school the other day, it was when everyone was reading, so the room was really quiet, everyone stared at me...

Airhog · 05-16-2003, 01:22 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by bbor
Should we call you airFOG from now on?

That would be accurate, anytime im really nervous I get gas. And of course 99% of the time it stinks really, really bad.

05-15-2003, 12:17 PM	#3
JeeberD General Manager Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: The Town of Flower Mound	The other day I went to the store after playing softball with some co-workers to go get some beer. Corona sounds really good that day, and my luck has it that twelve pack of Corona are on sale for ten bucks while sixers are around eight. So I grab a twelver and start heading towards the produce department. Well, for some reason I had decided to hold the case by only one of the handles, and when I was almost to the produce dept that handle decided to rip. The case fell out of my hand, hit the ground with a crash, and all of a sudden there was beer everywhere. Several bottle broke and were leaking out into the aisle. I looked around for a little bit, hoping that there would be a worker with a bucket or something, but no one was in sight. I had to go up to a cashier and tell her what happened, and then wait with the ever growing puddle until finally a kid with a bucket did arrive. While I was waiting for the kid I had to endure a family of hicks making jokes about how I must have been really thirsty, a dude who wasn't watching where he was going who almost slipped and fell on his ass intothe beer, and lots of stares. When he got there, I asked the kid with the bucket if I had to pay for that twelver, he smiled and said no, so I went and grabbed my limes, grabbed another twelver (this time cradling it with both arms, and got the hell home... Of course, that wasn't as embarassing as letting a huge one rip would be. Good job, bbor! (At first, though, I thought you were gonna sneeze and have a nasal blowout and not have any kleenex. I've had that happen before and it's not fun either.) __________________ UTEP Miners!!! I solemnly swear to never cheer for TO

05-15-2003, 12:23 PM	#4
bbor Pro Starter Join Date: May 2001 Location: toronto	Damn dude...that is a MAJOR beer crime....i sentence you to buying beer CANS for the next 2 years less a day __________________ Pumpy Tudors Now that I've cracked and made that admission, I wonder if I'm only a couple of steps away from wanting to tongue-kiss Jaromir Jagr and give Bobby Clarke a blowjob.

05-15-2003, 12:29 PM	#5
JeeberD General Manager Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: The Town of Flower Mound	Ugh....cans suck ass.... Would it be better if I told you that I tried to slurp it all up off the floor but had to stop after I ingested large amounts of glass? __________________ UTEP Miners!!! I solemnly swear to never cheer for TO

05-15-2003, 01:09 PM	#8
bbor Pro Starter Join Date: May 2001 Location: toronto	All you need is a straw and you are set.How many of us has NOT sipped spilt beer off the floor with a straw? Hell i STILL do it...but instead of beer it's whiskey __________________ Pumpy Tudors Now that I've cracked and made that admission, I wonder if I'm only a couple of steps away from wanting to tongue-kiss Jaromir Jagr and give Bobby Clarke a blowjob.

05-15-2003, 01:20 PM	#11
JeeberD General Manager Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: The Town of Flower Mound	Guiness is a wee bit too stout for me. Unless it's being used in an Irish Car Bomb... __________________ UTEP Miners!!! I solemnly swear to never cheer for TO

05-15-2003, 12:09 PM	#2
Franklinnoble Banned Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Placerville, CA	Sounds like a great idea for a new Southwest Airlines commercial. Wanna get away?

05-15-2003, 01:11 PM	#9
Coffee Warlord Head Coach Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Colorado Springs	It was only Corona. No big loss there. If it ain't Guinness, it's CRAP!

05-15-2003, 01:22 PM	#12
bbor Pro Starter Join Date: May 2001 Location: toronto	::shivers:: Guinness...the beer that feels like a meal. __________________ Pumpy Tudors Now that I've cracked and made that admission, I wonder if I'm only a couple of steps away from wanting to tongue-kiss Jaromir Jagr and give Bobby Clarke a blowjob.

05-15-2003, 01:36 PM	#13
Anrhydeddu Resident Curmudgeon Join Date: Oct 2002	I've seen better stuff come out of my little boy's butt than Guinness. [okay, that's my one crude response for the month]

05-15-2003, 02:03 PM	#14
bosshogg23 College Benchwarmer Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Philly	Corona story! My girlfriend and I rented a car a few years back so we could head out to see some baseball stadiums that are out of state. She had never tried Corona so we picked some up. Well she didnt like it much(wasnt like the commercial). So I pack up our stuff, hop in the car and start to drive home. We still had 6 Coronas left and were just going to give them to my brother. Well about 10 minutes from the rental car agency I hit a bump and something starts to stink. Dammit im thinking, I hit a friggin skunk.....We have the windows open and are barely breathing. Turns out we hit a bump, the bottles broke and the 90 degree heat just added to the great smell Corona already has. Needless to say we dropped the car off and left as quick as possible.

05-15-2003, 02:22 PM	#17
Ksyrup This guy has posted so much, his fingers are about to fall off. Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: In Absentia	I don't drink beer, so it all pretty much sucks to me, but that stuff is like drinking sludge. It does remind me of a pretty funny Irish beer story, though... A group of us are at a restaurant and a good friend of mine who's Irish isn't content on hearing what regular beers they have, he wants to know what Irish beers they have. So the waitress starts running down a list: Guiness, Murphy's, Harp, Kilkenny, etc. - I'm sure there are some I don't know since I don't drink. And this chick is struggling to come up with names, and he keeps asking, "What else?' And she's stumped. So he drops it for a moment while we order dinner, and all of a sudden, she goes, "Oh, I remember another one! We have O'Douls!" Even I had a hard time not laughing until she left. He ordered a Guiness anyway. __________________ M's pitcher Miguel Batista: "Now, I feel like I've had everything. I've talked pitching with Sandy Koufax, had Kenny G play for me. Maybe if I could have an interview with God, then I'd be served. I'd be complete." Last edited by Ksyrup : 05-15-2003 at 02:23 PM.

05-15-2003, 02:25 PM	#19
JeeberD General Manager Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: The Town of Flower Mound	Mmmmm, Harp......I love Harp.... __________________ UTEP Miners!!! I solemnly swear to never cheer for TO

05-15-2003, 02:27 PM	#20
FrogMan Hattrick Moderator Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Pintendre, Qc, Canada	bbor, was it really one of those really stinky ones you were talking about in another thread, or was it only noisy?? Stinky AND noisy has got to be funny because of the longer effect on the crowd FM __________________ A Black Belt is a White Belt who refused to give up... follow my story: The real life story of a running frog...

05-15-2003, 02:30 PM	#21
KWhit Coordinator Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Conyers GA	One of my most embarassing moments: I was in my 6th grade social studies class. We had a very cool teacher. She was sexy as hell too. I had a total crush on her. Anyway, the teacher was cool because she encouraged us to jump into the lecture at any time - to kind of make her teaching interactive or something. So I jumped into the conversation with a joke of some sort. I don't remember what it was but it was funny as hell. Everybody in class started cracking up (including the teach). By far my shining moment - or so I thought. I was so proud of myself that I started laughing too. I was laughing pretty hard. Well, the teacher got everyone else quieted down, but I was still semi-silently giggling. Trying as hard as I could to contain my laughter, I LET A HUGE FART RIP! The class was totally silent at the time except for my ass. Needless to say, the class went nuts. Also needless to say, I was ridiculed mercilessly for the rest of the year.

05-15-2003, 02:31 PM	#22
GoldenEagle Grizzled Veteran Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Little Rock, AR	Cans of beer is all I can afford. __________________ Xbox 360 Gamer Tag: GoldenEagle014

05-15-2003, 02:33 PM	#23
Marmel Grizzled Veteran Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Manchester, CT	bbor, you have now officially surpassed the acceptable ratio of farting:non-farting threads here. __________________ 81-78 Cincinnati basketball writer P. Daugherty, "Connor Barwin playing several minutes against Syracuse is like kids with slingshots taking down Caesar's legions."

05-15-2003, 02:53 PM	#25
Marmel Grizzled Veteran Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Manchester, CT	You can also makes noises with holes in your face. In fact, with some people, the same thing comes out of both. __________________ 81-78 Cincinnati basketball writer P. Daugherty, "Connor Barwin playing several minutes against Syracuse is like kids with slingshots taking down Caesar's legions."

05-15-2003, 06:05 PM	#27
CamEdwards Stadium Announcer Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Burke, VA	that's pretty bad bbor. One day I'll get drunk and share some of my embarrassing moment.s. Until then I'll just revel in yours. __________________ I don't want the world. I just want your half.

05-15-2003, 09:44 PM	#28
Airhog Captain Obvious Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Norman, Oklahoma	Okay I went to this halloween party and my gf's friends dorm. It was some cheezy haunted house. Okay so we are waiting in this long as line, when I let out this SPD. I mean when I get around crowds I get nervous. And this one stunk, I mean really stunk. So im all red faced, and my gf's friend is pointing at me, why she decided to let the whole world know I dunno. Anyways, these black girls were going damn, and the security guard went over a few feet to the door, and was trying to get some of the stench to move on... __________________ Thread Killer extraordinaire Yay! its football season once again!

05-15-2003, 10:18 PM	#30
Draft Dodger Coordinator Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Keene, NH	my Corona story... I have a buddy who is very much into the "meaty" beer - Guinness, for example. I'm not a big beer drinker, but I'm much more of a Molson Canadian or Corona guy - I just don't go for the dark stuff, and he can't stomach the wussie stuff that I drink. anyways, somewhere along the line I left a Corona at his house as a joke - since then, it became a bit of a contest to see who could come up with the funniest way to leave a Corona at each other's house - I hid one in his car one time, and then a couple weeks later I woke up to find it on my doorstep. then, finally, my wife MAILED the Corona to them for some holiday - she wrapped it up really really well, and mailed it to them. but, somewhere along the way, it broke, because by the time it showed up in their mailbox, it was just an extremely smelly box of broken glass (you could just barely read the waterlogged label). we're amazed the post office delivered it. unfortunately, that ended the game __________________ Mile High Hockey

05-15-2003, 11:04 PM	#31
tucker342 Pro Starter Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Iowa City, IA	I ripped a huge one in school the other day, it was when everyone was reading, so the room was really quiet, everyone stared at me...

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