Note: In the spirit of this article’s subject matter, any of my randomly linked videos are entirely inappropriate for work or the classroom. So please save them for home.

I know what you’re thinking. Why the Grand Theft Auto articles?

First of all, back the #&*! up. Even though we are fanatically dedicated to sports gaming, we must sit back and take note at a landmark achievement in gaming when it presents itself. And Grand Theft Auto IV is certainly such an achievement. Even though we haven’t officially reviewed it here at Operation Sports, it is worth stating that IV is everything we hoped for, and a whole lot more.

While in large part, GTA games are about exorcising our demons by partaking in some fictional felonious chicanery, Grand Theft Auto IV is about much, much more. The game is incredibly diverse, and includes such extra-curricular activities as internet surfing/dating, watching TV, and even sports.

Well, not sports in the traditional sense. But sports, well, kind of…

The game does feature a couple of mini-sports games throughout the single-player mission, which are worth playing at least once. Pool, darts, and bowling all make an appearance, but are placed in the game to serve as a momentary diversion from the game’s deep single-player storyline. And to be honest, I’m fine with that. As a small spec on a much larger canvas, GTA IV’s sports mini-games are satisfactory. If they required any greater time commitment, they would probably become about as fun as a punch in the nuts.

Of course, getting punched in the nuts isn’t much fun, as well all you know. (Unless you happen to be one of the two female readers this site has, in which case, take my word for it….) But punching someone else in the nuts? That can be enjoyable. And that’s exactly what kind of perverse thrill GTA IV’s new online racing games provide.

GTA IV’s online racing modes put an interesting and rather immoral twist on the racing genre. With a handful of courses set in the game’s single-player map, both Race and GTA Race allow online users to see the awe-inspiring Liberty City whiz by at top-speed. However, the two modes are decidedly different.

Race is fairly straight forward, you race against up to 15 other online opponents, following race checkpoints until the finish line. You are more than welcome to bump, rub, and T-bone opponents, but restricted from any gunplay. You also must stay in your original vehicle. Excessive damage warrants a simple re-spawn, other than death.

GTA Race plays like The Fast and the Furious on a serious dose of steroids and PCP. The courses are thickly populated with other vehicles and pedestrians, as well as pistols, SMG’s, grenades, Molotov cocktails, and even the occasional rocket launcher. Unlike Race, you are now afforded the privilege of changing vehicles, hijacking a more preferable ride from an unsuspecting citizen of fair L.C. All this while firing bullets in the general vicinity of your opponents’ craniums.

Now, before I offer my “review” of IV’s racing activities, let it be known that I’m no connoisseur of racing games. In fact, I'm far from it. My resume for racing games consists of Excitebike, MarioKart 64, and the occasional game of Cruisin’ USA in between league roller-hockey games. Racing games just aren’t my thing. I am, on the other hand, a thorough connoisseur of ass-kickery. And GTA IV’s online racing games provide some moments that just flat-out kick ass.

In my opinion, if you want to capture the very essence what GTA IV has to offer by way of racing, stick to GTA Race, rather than Race. While Race does provide some interesting moments and spectacular car collisions, the fun fades quickly. My experience in racing games is limited, but I’ve got to believe that if it’s just racing that you’re looking for, there are better alternatives.

GTA Race is simply where it’s at in terms of fun factor. However, if you are a big racing game fan, I don’t think it will satisfy your appetite fully. But if you are a GTA fan (and to be honest, who isn’t?), you will LOVE this mode. The freedom of the Grand Theft Auto universe allows for some truly unpredictable contests. Often times, the races lose focus on the overall goal of coming in first, and revolve more around individual battles, and finding creative ways to thwart and blast the crap out of your opponents. You may choose to race for the rocket launcher, and dispose of your opponents in spectacular fashion as they round a blind corner. Or, you may choose to hijack several vehicles, and create a nasty road block to impede those behind you. I even had one race that ended on foot, Talladega Nights style. No two races will be alike. And in the end, that’s the real lasting appeal.

GTA Race is, however, not without its shortcomings. The game’s matchmaking system seems sketchy at best, and you may find yourself waiting for games to begin much longer than you would prefer. You will see a lot of drop-outs during the races also.

The biggest flaw in both GTA Race and Race, is the balance of contests. And by balance, I mean the tendency for races to stay competitive until the conclusion. Many of the courses are quite large, which makes it very easy to fall way, WAY behind if you happen to miss a checkpoint or take the wrong exit ramp from a bridge. Once you’re behind, it’s nearly impossible to catch up, unless your opponents become pre-occupied with blowing each others’ heads off. While this does reward those who are more skilled at racing games, let’s be honest here, no one’s going go play this game just to win the races. While it is a nice bonus, this is one of the rare occasions in “sports” gaming when the process is a great deal more rewarding than the end result.

So have I convinced you that GTA IV is at least semi-worthy of mention as sports game? No? Well, in the nicest way possible, go #@&! yourself. It doesn’t mean we can’t discuss it as such. Have you had any great GTA racing moments? Let’s discuss and compare….

Until next week, adios turd nuggets!