Stay away from me everyone, I'm sick.

I can't seem to shake this affliction. I've searched my world and the vast expanse of the Internet for a cure. However, the more I try to seek relief, the more the symptoms seem to intensify. My temperature is 104 and the sweating will not relent. Man, does it seem cold in here to anyone else? These shivers are relentless. My fever is accompanied by nausea, and while I have been guzzling Pepto Bismol like it's candy, it does not seem to be helping. In the midst of all of this, my wife is still lovely -- too bad my friends seem to think I have gone mad.

What's that you ask? What is this affliction? Well friends, it is none other than the dreaded NHL 11 flu.

What is most troubling about my condition is not only its severity, but also the scarcity of its occurrence in my neck of the woods. For instance, last year there was only one case of the NHL flu reported in Northcentral Arkansas.

Yeah, it was me.

Again.

When I speak of NHL 11, people just gaze upon me with a confounded stare. I truly believe even a slight interest in hockey would send them into shock 'round these parts.

But still, what have I done to deserve this? Have I unknowingly killed someone's pet? Is this my punishment for pantsing the new kid in school in the fifth grade? I'm pretty sure I did my time for that one, and besides, we became good friends.

Then again, that is probably just one incident from a long list of infractions. So maybe I do deserve this affliction.

Still, every September the NHL flu finally shows mercy as the cure -- a shiny disc produced in Canada by some company called EA -- spins in the disc tray of my Xbox 360. It's funny, the pain and agony of the NHL flu never seems to match the rush of sweet satisfaction that emerges during its passing.

Regardless of all these points, September 7 is still over a month away, and the NHL 11 flu is burning deep within my soul. So until then, I will continue to dream of real-time physics, presentation upgrades, user-controlled celebrations and Jaroslav Halak leading my Blues to the franchise's first Stanley Cup.

...Uh oh, if I think the Blues are going to win the Cup, the flu might be getting worse. I hope I make it to September 7.


Thanks for reading the third edition of Pucking Ridiculous (The OBG Chronicles) and try to excuse any signs of temporary insanity you may see me display until September 7.