Friday, April 4, 2014
“This is a landmark day in our franchise’s history. We have won two World Series titles here in Minnesota, yes, but anytime your team has sucked for as long as the Minnesota Twins have, you are required to say any hiring is a landmark,” Heywood said. “But ultimately, this was our guy. He’s a driver, he’s a winner. Things are going to change, I can feel it.”
It was after this that Heywood presented Reynolds with a Twins cap and jersey. As Reynolds slipped it on, the room gave him a standing ovation, because that’s what you do when someone is hired to change a team that has sucked for so long.
Reynolds started, “First of all, let me thank Billy Heywood and the Minnesota Twins for this opportunity. A hat tip goes to Lou Collins, Gary Gaetti’s mullet, the ‘Trash Bag’ in right field at the old Homerdome, and the security guard who helped with the hidden ball trick in ‘Little Big League’ as well. These are luminaries of this Twins franchise and I want to be a part of that.”
The hiring was announced about a month before “MLB: The Show” is released for PS4 and as soon as he receives his copy, Reynolds will go to work.
“I immediately went to Wikipedia and looked up our roster,” Reynolds said. “I had no idea who half the guys were. I mean, I see that they’re here and they exist, but clearly I’ve got my virtual work cut out for me.”
Gordon Bombay, lawyer and legendary hockey coach, was also in attendance. He was brought up to speak about the past and the future of the Twins organization.
“This is a distraction,” Bombay said as he held up a poster of the 2013 Minnesota Twins roster. “This is fire in a barrel. This is a distraction in a fire in a barrel.’
He dropped the poster in the barrel to let it burn, much like he did in the classic 1994 film, “D2: The Mighty Ducks.” These are the sort of things you do when a team has sucked for so long.
“I turned around a ragtag group of 12 year olds on the ice. I drove a limo onto a pond, got into their grills, and turned them into World Champions,” Bombay proclaimed. “I then turned them over to Ted Orion and they couldn’t even beat the Varsity squad at Eden Prairie at fist. Point is, I’m a champion. I’m a legend. And I know one when I see one. And I believe the Twins have hired one.”
Reynolds made sure to temper expectations a bit while not dampening the mood.
“This isn’t going to happen overnight. There’s only one Minnesota Miracle Man and that’s Gordon Bombay. And if you ask him, he’ll say it’s Charlie Conway. I’m not either one of them,” Reynolds said. “But if you give me time, I can probably get into the conversation. At the very least, I can pass Brad Radke on that proverbial pedestal.”
With the announcement over, Reynolds will start plotting trades and maneuvers to get the Twins back into contention. Meanwhile, the teams he turned down are left to look elsewhere. Those teams include the Mariners, Rockies, Padres, and White Sox.
“Really, it came down to the fact that none of those teams had a legendary movie from which to pull a ton of references from,” Reynolds claimed.
After the ceremony, everyone in attendance was invited to strap on some rollerblades and skate through the Mall of America while blowing on duck calls.
Heywood spoke in wonderment of the day. “All these people out here, it’s incredible. We have The Best Fans in Baseball, as long as they show up. Our guys know what it means to be a Twins player, that we play the game the right way. It’s The Twins Way. But ultimately, I want outsiders to be nauseated from our success. We want to get so good that we develop a self-back-patting mentality.”
Those lofty goals from Heywood speak to the high expectations of Reynolds. The countdown is on to May 6.
Friday, March 14, 2014
ESPN Sources also indicate that Tim Tebow can confirm that he might know something about this story. Pressed what he might know, ESPN indicated that they had no idea, they really just needed to say the words Tim Tebow before their headquarters imploded.
Skip Bayless, speaking on behalf of ESPN, said, "I love Tim Tebow and will follow him to the end of the Earth."
Previous reports had indicated that Billy Heywood, legendary Twins manager, was driving a hard push to recruit Reynolds. Since the time of that report, George Knox and Mel Clark, their story documented in the 1994 film "Angels in the Outfield," were flapping their arms like idiots trying to get Reynolds' attention.
While no longer still employed by the Angels, they still consider themselves part of the team. It also seems that 20 years have gone by and Knox and Clark are still seeing angels and letting people know it.
"You got an angel wit' cha," stated Knox.
"GO BACK TO CINCINNATI!" yelled a deranged Angels fan at Knox.
Still, Reynolds has been laying low since the previous report surfaced. Our reporters sought out a comment and were able to reach the actor Ryan Reynolds.
"I apologize for "The Green Lantern," "R.I.P.D.," "The Proposal," and pretty much any film I've played the lead in. The only work I'm really, truly proud of is "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place." That show deserved some Emmy attention," (the actor) Reynolds said.
At this point, he was notified that the topic at hand was possible future Twins GM Ryan Reynolds. (Actor) Ryan Reynolds replied, "Oh, in that case, he is the greatest GM to walk this Earth. The Twins would be lucky to have him. But seriously, I'd be forever indebted to him if he won a title there and made everyone forget about my movies."
The Padres, Mariners, and Rockies are all still in the hunt, but at this point, the paperwork is all that is left in making Reynolds and the Twins official. With "The Show's" expected release date for PS4 currently set for May 6, that leaves less than two months for an official announcement.
Previous reporting on the story can be found here: http://www.operationsports.com/TheRy...-in-demand-gm/
Thursday, February 20, 2014
After a lengthy career overhauling teams in EA Sports' Madden and NHL Series, as well as a few forays into team transformation through FIFA and NBA2K, Ryan Reynolds has changed his focus to The Show.
"There are only so many Super Bowls and Stanley Cups you can win before you look for a new challenge," Reynolds said. Reynolds won multiple Super Bowl titles with the St. Louis Rams before moving across town to hoist several Stanley Cups with the St. Louis Blues.
Currently, Reynolds is at the helm of a massive rebuild for the Philadelphia 76ers on NBA 2K14. However, Reynolds has let that organization know that come May, he will be on the open market.
"We understood that the day we hired Mr. Reynolds, he would be in demand outside of our organization. We were terrible before, we're less terrible now, and we're on our way to actually being good and we have him to thank for that," remarked Cozznester Smiff, owner of the virtual 76ers. "Should we win a title in the future, most of it will be his doing."
Minnesota seems to be the leading candidate at this point. Sources indicate their owner, as well as a few franchise legends have reached out to Reynolds to try to sway him into taking over their rebuilding process.
Reynolds was recently asked about Minnesota's chances.
'Ultimately it comes down to, 'Do I want to be the next Billy Heyward?' No, I'm not 12, but can I take over the Twins with my immense baseball knowledge and turn them around into contenders?' Reynolds asked. He continued, 'Obviously, there is no Lou Collins at first, no Mickey Scales, no Jim Bowers, but can we acquire those types of players? That's the goal.'
Reynolds is referencing the 1994 Minnesota Twins, managed by Heyward, that forced a 1 game playoff with the Seattle Mariners for the final playoff spot. The Twins lost that game in 12 innings. This story was captured in the documentary, 'Little Big League.'
Early in the recruiting process, the Seattle Mariners seemed to have the inside track for Reynolds' services. Sources are not sure what caused those talks to break down.
"I sent him a signed bobblehead of myself," said Jay Buhner. "We were hoping that would do the trick."
Reynolds has been out of baseball since MVP '05. Recently, Reynolds moved from Xbox Country to Playstation Land.
'Xbox's baseball games sucked," Reynolds stated.
The Rockies and Padres are also making a late push. The Rockies sent Reynolds a Dante Bichette jersey, while the Padres sent a poster of Brian and Marcus Giles.
A member inside of the Rockies organization addressed rumors that if Reynolds was hired, he would have to grow a mullet in the fashion of Dante Bichette.
"There's no truth to that. Although, all of us inside this organization are fond of mullets."
With May still a few months away, several twists and turns are expected to unfold before a decision is final.
"One of these days, I may sit down with hats from all of these organizations and then pick one up and put one on, just like college kids do," Reynolds suggested. "But I probably won't, because that's a stupid tradition."
The teams are set, the target is set. Only weeks remain until Reynolds makes that announcement.
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