It's Not Easy Being A Carolina Legend - Pappy Knuckles's Blog

Pappy Knuckles's Blog

It's Not Easy Being A Carolina Legend

Posted on December 9, 2008 at 05:52 AM.

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At the beginning of the first season of the Armchair QB's League I had a lot of dreams. I knew it wouldn't be an easy season, but I honestly believed that we could possibly win the championship. That dream turned into a nightmare when we managed to lose game, after game, after game, after game...

AFTER GAME!!!!!!!

A Carolina Legend fan expresses himself.

The point is that we lost a lot of games in a row and the morale of the Legends sunk to an all time low. We managed to end the season with a record of 6-10, but since 2 of those wins were charity, our overall record was nothing to be proud of. You guys know the tale of our season on the football field, but you don't know the hell these guys put me through in the locker room. I've never coached a sorrier group of players in my life. Let me see if I can explain this.

Jack Del Rio: This loser came to the stadium liquored up every Sunday, but he wonders why he played like crap the whole season. If I had to count the number of times he got ran over or had a tackle broken, I'd need my fingers, toes, calculator, and an abacus to figure it out. Full of excuses, no heart, worthless. I think the guy would get trucked by Olive Oil.

Brian McGee: This guy doesn't even have his picture in the game, but you would think he is Broadway Joe. He rarely practiced, never studied the playbook, and was more concerned about his next piece of tail than helping the Legends win some games. His season wasn't the worse, but he could've done a lot more.

Bennie Blades & Merton Hanks: I don't want to accuse these guys of anything, but I think they might've had some sort of "manly" relationship going on outside of football and I don't mean with Dexter. Anytime you saw Bennie you saw Merton. They traveled to the games together, they left together, and every other week they would fight about something and stop speaking. Whenever they had problems their performance on the field would suffer. I tried to talk to Bennie about it a couple of times but he would start crying and tell me that it was none of my business. After a while I just left it alone, these guys weren't worth the trouble.

Andre Rison: A cancer. No matter how many times he got the ball it was never enough. After one game he sucker punched Don Maynard in the throat and verbally assulted him with profanities for taking a touchdown grab that he thought should've been his. Anytime he got in front of a camera he was badmouthing a teamate and drawing attention to himself. He's a talented guy, but his services were not worth the headache.

Don Maynard: Don is a drug addict, but unlike Del Rio, his addiction seemed to improve his play. We didn't know what he was rambling about half the time, but with the exception of passing out every now and then he didn't cause a lot of problems.

OJ Simpson: We never judged him for his murderous past, but we never fully trusted him around sharp utensils in the cafeteria. I'll give it to OJ though, he showed up every week despite his trial issues.

If it wasn't for the leadership of guys like Willie Bacon, Pat Tilman, and Dave Wilcox I don't know how I would've kept my sanity. They policed the locker room the best that they could, but we were dealing with a very dysfunctional family.

BREATHES...

But all of that is in the past and the Carolina Legends are looking forward to a new beginning. Same team, same jerseys, different players. Last year I was only looking at the talent that they could bring to the team, but I totally ignored the character issues that many of them had. I've promised the state of North Carolina that I will bring them a better brand of football than they were forced to witness last year. I think our new stadium will be a great way to kick off the new season. I don't want to see our fans wearing paper bags on their heads anymore.

Comments

# 1 DJ @ Dec 9

That was good stuff.

You beat me Pappy, so that counts for something.

# 2 RogueHominid @ Dec 9

OMFG, that was great, Pappy! You had like 10 years worth of drama packed into a single season--no wonder the staff couldn't keep these goons together. These guys remind me of that football show ESPN had and then cancelled.

A couple of my favorites: the mention of the abacus--I laughed out loud while reading that at Starbucks, lol; getting trucked by Olive Oil--haven't watched Popeye in like 20 years; your APF versions of Ace and Gary; and Maynard getting sucker punched in the throat.

I also loved the respect Willie Bacon got. That guy had a brilliant season for your Legends, and I'm glad to see him get some recognition.