End of Life Experience - Jimbo614's Blog

Jimbo614's Blog

End of Life Experience

Posted on December 3, 2012 at 11:09 PM.

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I think I need to share my thoughts, just for my own greiving process.

I don't know how many of you out there have gone through the Dying Process, or watched a love one whither and die before your very eyes,

First, I want to tell you about my cousin Louis;
Louis was always a loner. Never married, never in a relationship. But absolutely the single most thoughtful, intelligent, and sensitive guy I've ever seen. He taught school for 32 years. Universally both loved and feared by his students. He could be tough, but his critiscisms were always constructive. He's the only person I've ever met that never once had a bad thing to say about anybody. He also loved HS Girls Basketball, starting up the only Exclusive Website for Girls Basketball in the State of Kentucky. That hobby led to him having over 5,000 friends in that Sport.
Every day to him was to do something good for somebody. Go to the store for a neighbor, visit an ailing friend,or, in my case, become a Father Figure, a Brother, and my best friend for my entire adult existence.
When my Father died in 1973, Every one promised my Mother and I their support. The only person who meant it was Louis. Every weekend, he would show up on Friday nights after he finished teaching school, to take my Mother and I to the movies, out to dinner, to the store whatever; And would never accept a dime for repayment.
When my Mother died 5 years later, again, he was the only member of the family to check up on me. For maybe ten years, we spent every Saturday afternoon going to movies, ballgames, buying records etc. We'd talk about music for hours.
My point is that everyone else promised to do these things, he was the only one to come through.
And it wasnt just me and my Mother, he did this for everyone he knew.
When I couldnt afford gas to heat my mobile home, he showed up with $500. When my TV went on the blink, there was Louis with a new TV. Never once asking anything in return, and in fact, wouldnt accept it when you offered it.
Louis and I grew closer over the years. We had similar likes. Well, not exactly; It's more like we was mirror copies of each other. But we understood each other on a certain level. Perhaps because we was both loners.
For maybe 35 years, we looked to each other for emotional support. We'd attend family functions together. Speaking of which, I had withdrawn from that side of my family until he talked me into going to a Thanksgiving. I hadnt seen the rest of my family in maybe 20 years. We're all close now thanks to Louis who was the glue that kept the "Circle Unbroken".
About 12 years ago, Louis came down with Colon Cancer. He had known there was something wrong, but he kept it hidden for maybe 5 years.
The first surgery supposedly got it all. Went amazingly well. Doctors were thrilled.
Then, about six months later, they discovered a spot on his liver... then his bladder, then his lung and rectum all over maybe a seven year period.
They finally decided to remove most of his internal organs and issue him two bags, one for his rectum, and the other for his bladder.
Yet, Louis never got depressed. He was determined to live every day "His Way". Doing things for other people. Living the life HE wanted to live.
And he succeeded up until this August.
He had walked to the Mailbox, and felt a sudden pain in his leg.
He thought it had to be a cramp. Maybe he was dehydrated.
But the cramp wouldnt go away. After three days, he finally scheduled an appointment with his doctor.
The Doctor ordered a C-Scan... There it was, a small spot on his upper thigh bone. Bone Cancer.
The moment Louis heard his prognosis, it was like the air going out of a balloon.
Bone Cancer is maybe the worse cancer to have. Essentially a death sentence.
Two weeks later, he had another scan, the spot had doubled in size.
The Doctor immediately ordered a two week combination of Chemotherapy and Radiation. Maybe if they could just slow it down.
After the first week of therapy, I can remember Louis joking about how surprised he was at how well he was handling Treatment.
I hung up the phone thinking we'd dodged another bullitt.
But I was wrong.
I called him the following Sunday. I could barely understand him. He was experiencing extreme pain. An open sore had formed where the radiation entered his body. He could barely get off his couch.
In one week he had gone from driving 100 miles to see his sister, to not being able to leave his apartment.
The next day, he told his Doctor to stop any further efforts. Knowing what that meant.
About a week later, he took himself to the hospital for dehydration. we thought he was finished then. But somehow he got himself home on his own.
From that point on, it became a siege.
Refusing to go to the hospital again, he began suffering from chronic diareha. But it wasnt fecal matter.. It was pus and body fluids oozing from his now devestated rectum because of the radiation. But he wouldnt go. He was getting in-home care three days a week. Somehow he kept it a secret.
He kept getting worse and worse, weaker and weaker, until finally I got a call at 4 in the morning, barely audible, that he needed me to come to his apartment. I had just seen him three days before; begging him to go to the hospital.
But if he went, he knew he'd never come home again. And being the independent person he was, I let him make his own decision.
He promised me he'd go that afternoon. But instead he put it off.
Now he was calling me in far worse shape than I had just seen him. I thought I'd have to fight him to get him to go to the hospital. But instead, I found this wide-eyed fearful man, looking like a Nazi Death Squad Victim, begging me to call 911.
They rushed him to ER, myself in tow. He was suffering mainly from de-hydration.
The Hospital provided three days of care, but after that, he was on his own. He couldnt go home again, so the only option was a Nursing Home with possible Hospice Care.
They gave him a list of Care Providers, gave him maybe an hour to choose from a list that gave no more information that location and phone number. In other words, a total crap shoot to make maybe the most important decision of your life.
So he chose one close to me.
That day, I helped him pack his things, settle him in. When I left him, he was eating his dinner, watching TV, and acclimated in about 20 minutes. Totally in control of his faculties.
The very next day, I get there, he's high as a kite on Morphine.
Supposedly for the pain... What pain??? He wasnt in pain.
He starts hallucinating. I'm talking 24 hours later!
For the next six weeks, that Nursing Home kept him doped up. He would try to get up..more Morphine. He might fall, so they moved him from a private room which he was paying $9,000 a month out of his own money, to the middle of the dining area, with bells and alarms constantly sounding. Constant irritation and aggitation. And the more aggitated, guess what.. the more Morphine. Until he was in a stupor. Didnt recognize me.
Finally, mercifully, they decided to move him to an actual hospice unit. This was Thursday night.
The immediate change was astounding. Going from the chaos of the Nursing Home to the tranquility of the Hospice was exactly what he needed. He went to sleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
Unfortunately, it wasnt sleep. By the next night, he was unresponsive, in essentially a self induced coma. He never woke up again. Eyes glazed over,mouth open, his face drawing until I no longer would have recognized him.
It's a horrific process if you've never witrnessed it.
I visited him every night at the Nursing Home. I stayed at his bedside the entire time in the Hospice, 4 days.
I was there for him, hopefully the way he was there for me.
I just watched my cousin Louis go through 12 years of battling cancer before finally succumbing this afternoon. It's both a horrific, yet fascinating thing to witness.
I think I'm going to be OK. Didnt cry. I just wanted to put as much distance between myself and "The Process" as I could today.
But the moral of this story is.... If something is wrong with you, you need to address it ASAP. Don't let it fester. It only gets worse with time.
And if you or a Loved One finds yourself in a Nursing Home, you need to monitor and control whats going on.
It's YOUR Life. You need to be allowed to control your fate. Laws need to be changed. If you have a Living Will, and please get one, make sure you have a clause in it that allows YOU to control your Medication based on your own needs. Not taken from some diabolical cookbook.
Thank You all for reading this.
May God Bless You and Keep You Healthy Forever.