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Posted on February 1, 2016 at 01:32 AM.
speaking of Chargers and Texans, I've done some investigative journalism and have come to learn that Thomas Woods and Ryan Crosby are actually twins born to the same mother, but different fathers. In the mid 90's, in the infancy of internet porn, their mother Ivana Spankin was a huge hardcore sensation. While performing a threesome scene with 2 men she became pregnant to twins. Their mothers surname didn't really fit for the boys, and not wanting to use their fathers last names either, they were encouraged to come up with their own names. Thomas, an avid golf fan, chose the last name of his hero Tiger Woods. Ryan went by Mickelson early on, but Ryan Mickelson didn't sound great to him, so when he got older he legally changed it to Crosby, after his hockey hero Sidney Crosby.

While little Ryan and Thomas grew up together as kids, they looked amazingly similar despite a DNA test performed on a filming of Maury proved that they did infact have different fathers. Ryan was slightly smaller, and in high school recruiting, Thomas' size and physical gift for throwing the football as hard as anyone in the nation got him the opportunity to play for the University of Georgia on a full ride Scholarship. Ryan had to settle for a half scholarship at UL Monroe, wanting to stay in the south, despite getting some offers from bigger schools in the Big 10.

From the early days of high school, in which the boys lived with their fathers, allowing them to both star, Thomas was a prodigy, completely dominating opposing defenses and smashing national high school records. Ryan, on the other hand, was an above average quarterback whose slight frame and weaker throwing arm forced him to become a quick, accurate passer. It was from these early days of football that the two started to show differences between one another. Still, they looked remarkably similar and there were rumours that they once swapped games just to give themselves a new challenge in the middle of the season. After high school though, the brothers decided to keep their relation quiet, to keep the spotlight off each other if the situation ever came up. Only people who knew them previously, their recruiting coaching staffs, and close friends knew the truth as they entered college.

In College, Thomas Woods continued his prowess as a national sensation, breaking numerous records and bringing Georgia to the verge of becoming a national power house once again. His ability to elevate the players around him was admired around the nation, and his stock was high heading into the draft, projected to be in a battle with top QB prospect and Heisman winner, Allen Mason of his top rival Georgia. The final dagger into the heart of the battle game when Georgia met Florida in an SEC East clash. Woods would throw for over 350 yards on the day, while Mason also was 300+, but his team came up short. Woods solidified himself as the top QB prospect.

For Crosby, college was a different story. UL Monroe struggled. While Crosby was still accurate and put up pretty good numbers, he just wasn't dominant against quicker, more talented defenses. Whether it was Crosby or the players around him became the question that surrounded him as the draft approached. Early on, he was a 7th round projection, but a great combine, being the most athletically inclined of the top QB's available that year, scouts took a long second look. In mock drafts, his stock only improved moderately, but there were certain scouts around the league who saw more in him.

Draft day, and to many peoples surprise, Woods and Mason both fell. Woods into the lap of the Chargers and Coach Sumlin in the 7th pick, the first QB off the board, who knew about him from his SEC days at Texas A&M, This was a match made in heaven for Woods, with a great receiver in Keenan Allen and an aggressive minded, offensive coach at the helm. Woods immediately became the center piece of everything in San Diego, and he took full advantage, winning the AFC RotY. While he took a slight step back as a sophomore, mostly due to an attempted change in philosophy to hopefully get more wins, Woods has continued to show off the great arm that made him one of the most can't miss prospects in the last decade.

For Crosby, there was uncertainty at the draft, he knew teams were interested, but none had committed to take him in the 1st Round. In the 2nd Round he knew he'd be gone early. After the Texans had a number of 1st round targets get taken before their pick, the quarterback hungry team selected Crosby with the 24th pick. Like Woods, he was brought into a good situation with talented receivers already on the team. With a solid running game, Crosby was able to ease into his role a bit more than Woods, and would finish 2nd in the rookie of the year. His 2nd season was also a step back, but for different reasons. The Texans opened their offense up with a mediocre running game, and Crosby showed inexperience, throwing a league high 29 interceptions in his second season.

Now both in their 3rd years in the league, they are excelling, developing into the elite quarterbacks both teams envisioned when they drafted them. Both teams need to improve around them, but there is no denying the talent that was born to the world from Ivana Spankin, who, amazingly, is still working in the adult industry.

Thomas Woods: 10,914 yds, 78 TD, 49 INT, 99.5 QBR
Ryan Crosby: 11,840 yds, 85 TD, 61 INT, 92.3 QBR
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