I'm not sure whether this is awesome or disturbing

[Izulde]

I'm at work today, right?

This woman comes in and wants to buy the Angels Unlined Demi so I ask her what size and she says "Well I'm wearing a 38C right now"

I ask her how it fit and she says, "Well it fits pretty well except there's this gap in the middle"

Now, I normally don't have anything to do with the lingerie area of the store, because they have me there mainly as what one of my managers calls "The Beauty God" (in other words, fragrances, perfumes, lotions, etc), and I'm male to boot. And yet....

I think a moment and advise, "You might want to try a sister size.. down a band size and up a cup size and go with 36D"

So I help her find one in the clearance bins because we're sold out of the regular price Angels Unlined Demis.

She tries it on while I help other clients. I catch her just before she's leaving and ask, "So how did that sister size work out for you?"

She smiles and says, "Perfect! Thank you so much! I even bought three more!"

I'm not sure whether it's damn cool or damn frightening that I, a male of all people, was able to solve a bra problem.

[FBPro]

[Joe]

you didnt get to see her try it on?

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by George W Bush

you didnt get to see her try it on?

Nuh, I was helping other clients at the time.

[thealmighty]

Originally Posted by Izulde

Nuh, I was helping other clients at the time.

You need to get your priorities straight... and fast.

[Suicane75]

Yeah, so that story didn't finish up so well. Don't get my hopes up next time.

[klayman]

That was neither awesome nor disturbing.

[Izulde]

Yeah a lot of my stories involving women don't finish up so well. The last bummer of an ending was when this girl I really like and I were supposed to go mini-golfing on my birthday.

Her boss made her stay late and she lost my number besides, so it didn't go.

I suppose I should get a hold of her again sometime and suggest kayaking with the two kayaks I got for my birthday.

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by klayman

That was neither awesome nor disturbing.

I could post the essay that I'm writing concerning each of the scents we have and their true natures and essences.... where I suggest revolutionizing the fragrance industry by doing away with floral and fruity as general classificatory systems.

[klayman]

Originally Posted by Izulde

I could post the essay that I'm writing concerning each of the scents we have and their true natures and essences.... where I suggest revolutionizing the fragrance industry by doing away with floral and fruity as general classificatory systems.

Now THAT would be awesome.

[Suicane75]

Dude, talk to us, all night.

[Izulde]

Haha, well... okay, I'll start off with what I have written down so far. This particular draft is a rough one, with no specific structure or logic flow planned to it currently. It's simply spontaneous thoughts spurted out in Word.

Fruity and floral. These are the basic categories of classifying the scents of women and to me they are both inadequate and outrageous. How can two such simple words hope to truly capture the essence of aromas that are so diverse, even within the offerings of our own corporation?

Floral may well be applicable to So In Love, that lovely smell of roses and balmy summer nights, heady recaller of first loves and the optimism that is the greatest gift of the young.

Yet, floral is also given to the Body By Victoria. Do flowers play into the picture there? No, for Body By Victoria smells not of the garden, but of laundry, freshly washed and hanging on the line, as soft and comforting as a new towel, fuzzy and snuggly like a cuddly late spring afternoon.

Basic Instinct, purple-clad ringer-in of the Christmas season is no shrinking violet, nor is it a ripe plum. It is the essence of raw, passionate sexuality and erotica in bottle form. To smell it is to smell the exotic baths and far-away bordellos of pleasure, where excitement awaits, laced with just enough of the potent drug we call danger to keep us hooked.

Moving to the Garden scents, many of these are considered to be under the fruity heading. Again, I despair, for what can fruity do to illuminate the sharp distinction between the members of that sect?

Love Spell, most popular of them all, smells of a juicy, tantalizing grapefruit.

Pure Seduction, newest in the ranks, is no fruit at all, but is instead the precise scent of Hawaiian Fruit Punch bubblegum, the very smell itself the hybrid offspring of bubblegum-aroma, discontinued Pretty in Pink and its equally discontinued lover, fruit punch-scented Passionate Kisses, the most sought after of our forever clearance fragrances.

Blissful Moment is also neither fruit nor flower. It is grape cotton candy, sticky and sweet like cool, humid late summer evenings at the county fair, where we were thrilled to go on rides and play games. Whether the prize was the kiss of a date we'd gone with or whether it was a stuffed animal won at the midway, carnivals were cause for celebration, and Blissful Moment takes us back there.

Then there is Pear Glace, also considered to be fruity, yet smells like beer to the male nose.

***End***

As I said, I haven't finished it yet, and I obviously don't have every scent in there, nor do I have my closing arguments and whatnot, but since it seems there was interest, I put what I have so far.

[Suicane75]

That Pure Seduction sounds like it smells good and whimsical.

[klayman]

I don't know...Hawaiian Fruit Punch bubblegum gets old awfully fast.

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by Suicane75

That Pure Seduction sounds like it smells good and whimsical.

It smells great and it's my favourite of our Garden line.

When it first came out, we couldn't keep the body splash in stock. We'd get a box or two in, next day or so it'd be gone.

In fact, though I haven't seen the sales figures on it, I would venture to say that just based on the ancedotal evidence from our store and from other associates I know at other stores around the country, that it's fast on its way to becoming the second or third-best selling scent in the Garden collection.

[Suicane75]

Originally Posted by klayman

I don't know...Hawaiian Fruit Punch bubblegum gets old awfully fast.

Im thinking you will transported to those days when you are 8 and the smell of hawaiin fruit punch that caused a veritable pre pubescent orgasm, only its on a chick.

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by klayman

I don't know...Hawaiian Fruit Punch bubblegum gets old awfully fast.

Bubblegum period tends to get old awfully fast. Damn stuff runs out of flavour way too quick.

On a less facetious note, I've been through two introductions of garden fragrances in the year I've worked there. Forbidden Fantasy did okay when it first came out, but not great. Sales of it have been kind of blah since then.

While sales of Pure Seduction have decreased from their white-hot pace after the first month or so of launch, they still remain quite strong.

Love Spell, of course, is still #1, as it has been for years.

[Shkspr]

::shrug::

I just like it when my wife smells like food.

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by Shkspr

::shrug::

I just like it when my wife smells like food.

Thus proving the adage, 'The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.'

[Suicane75]

Ive got socks and panties on, but not where you would expect them to be.

[Izulde]

Outstanding bowel movements rock, but I'm not going get into a scatalogical discussion when I have work in the morning.

Suicane, let me guess... Panties on your head, a sock on your tallywhacker and one on your nose?

That way you'd have a straight line of clothing more or less symmetrical in division of your body.

[Suicane75]

Originally Posted by Izulde

Outstanding bowel movements rock, but I'm not going get into a scatalogical discussion when I have work in the morning.

Suicane, let me guess... Panties on your head, a sock on your tallywhacker and one on your nose?

That way you'd have a straight line of clothing more or less symmetrical in division of your body.

Why would i have something on my nose when i have panties on my head, it would defeat the purpose.

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by Suicane75

Why would i have something on my nose when i have panties on my head, it would defeat the purpose.

It depends on the distance between the top of your head and your nose.

[Suicane75]

Im very cranial.

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by Suicane75

Im very cranial.

Then there should be enough of a gap to make a nose-sock an acceptable accessory.

[Suicane75]

I dont get it.

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by Suicane75

I dont get it.

There's nothing to get really. Making philosophical discussions out of frivolous topics is one of my many amusements.

I think one of my favourites was when the girl I asked to mini-golfing and I had this half hour discussion about what would be acceptable fashion if Undressed Mints were to become Dressed Mints.

[Suicane75]

Whatd yall come up with?

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by Suicane75

Whatd yall come up with?

We never did reach a final consensus because our conversation got interrupted and we never resumed it after that.

We'd pretty much agreed that all garments would be one-piece items though... and that the colour yellow should be banned from the list of clothing shades.

Because see, undressed mints aren't big enough to support two items of clothing unless said items were smaller than .

And as for yellow, it was a happy colour, and Undressed Mints wouldn't be happy about having to wear clothes after living freely in nudity for their entire lives, so we didn't want to depress them any further by having to make them wear a cheery colour like yellow.

[ThunderingHERD]

This thread is gayer than eight guys blowing nine guys.

[Suicane75]

Sounds like a swell lass, what was her name? Who won the golf game?

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by ThunderingHERD

This thread is gayer than eight guys blowing nine guys.

And you want to even up the teams by adding yourself to the Thundering Herd of Gay Blowing.

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by Suicane75

Sounds like a swell lass, what was her name? Who won the golf game?

Dreams. Yes, her mom was a hippie. And the golf game didn't happen, because of her boss and zee lost number.

Went with my folks instead and had one of the most godawful mini-golf outings of my life.

[Desnudo]

I'm finding it hard to reconcile mini-golfing for a first date and your knowledge of women's fashion.

[ice4277]

I'm sure the conversation would be a lot better if it was 3 in the morning and you were blown out.

[Tom E]

Have you come out of the closet yet...

[Izulde]

3 in the morning is an interesting time no matter what you're doing.

Come out of the closet? Nah, I don't have any homosexual leanings. Like one of my best friends says, I'm the most flamboyant straight guy she knows.

[Izulde]

Oh and since I mentioned Dreams in this thread, I figured I'd post this update.

Today I'm in the back transferring the new hangers over when Tricia, Dreams's best friend slinks up to me.

Tricia: So, what are you doing after work tonight?
Me: Nothing, really.
Tricia: You want to go with me and Dreams to the fireworks display?
Me: Sure. *remembers earlier faux pas with Dreams* Why don't you give me your number then and I'll give you mine?
Tricia: Great! Tina wants me to go get food for her though, so I'll get it after I get back.

*Fifteen minutes later*

Tricia: I'm back. I'll give you a two for one deal. Here's my number and here's Dreams's number.
Me: Cool, thanks.

So yeah, it's going to be an interesting evening, since both girls are hot and I get along great with both of them.

And no, I don't have pix to post, sorry.

[oliegirl]

OK - you work at VS and have not offered the use of your employee discount to the female members of FOFC? That is just beyond cruel!!!!

[Cringer]

Originally Posted by Izulde

So yeah, it's going to be an interesting evening, since both girls are hot and I get along great with both of them.

And I was starting to wonder which way you swing......

[EagleFan]

I think we have a nomination for most dissapointing thread of 2005. The way that started out, I was thinking Penthouse Forum to follow.

[Izulde]

I'm a cruel person

And yeah, a lot of people wonder which way I swing. If I had a dollar for every time someone thought I was gay, I'd be rich by now.

Oh and just got back from the fireworks.

[Izulde]

Sorry to disappoint

[illinifan999]

Instead of helping people figure out bra problems, get back to your Crusader Kings dynasty plz.

[Suicane75]

Dude, Dream is such a cool ass name, if I ever have a daughter thats a front runner.

[Izulde]

Hahaha I'll get back to my CK dynasty a little bit later on tonight. I just want to process the evening in my mind a little while longer first.

And yeah, Dreams *is* a kick ass name, I agree.

[Joe]

[Suicane75]

Hey wait, the fireworks tonight or tommorow? This has Dynasty written all over it.

[Izulde]

The fireworks tonight.

I just got back from them a little bit ago, hence digesting the evening.

[Suicane75]

Dude, the ends of your stories need a fuckload of spruceing up. How did it go?