Coincidence Can Be Funny

[Vince, Pt. II]

So I have no idea how this works. But here goes.

I need to start this story out with a bit of hubris. I'm a really nice guy. It sounds cheesy and full of myself, but I am. Being mean is incredibly out of character for me. I'm totally down to talk some smack to my friends and to poke fun at them, but it's all done in fun, and only with people I know well enough to know that they'll understand I'm just messing with them.

About a month and a half ago, a high school buddy of mine turned 30. We threw a party and rented a beach house for the weekend. I was only able to make it for Saturday night, so I showed up for dinner at the house, we went to a bar/club after, and ended up back at the house to crash for the evening. I haven't talked to or hung out with this guy very much since High School, so there were quite a few people there I didn't know. One of them was a very tall girl, who was slightly overweight. Seemed nice enough at dinner, but once we got to the club, she sat in the corner, said nothing to anyone, and stared menacingly out at the dance floor stirring her drink. My friends and I were trying to figure out what her deal was, but we weren't too terribly troubled by it, and focused more on having a good time. Time came to leave the bar, and we hopped a cab and headed back to the beach house.

Once we get there, I head into the kitchen to make myself a drink. The tall girl from earlier was already in the kitchen, and she started hitting on me pretty obviously. I wasn't interested in the least, but I talked to her so as not to be rude. Randomly, she tells me "I hate my fag boyfriend. He's in the next room. That's why I'm in here. He's such a fag." So now I decide that I'm done with the conversation, and I leave the kitchen with my drink and head into the other room, slightly annoyed at this girl and her rude comments. As I sit down in the next room (the only other room in the house with people in it), someone asks who all has made it back to the house from the bar. Without thought or preamble, I volunteer the following to the room:

"Well, the fat ugly girl from the bar is in the kitchen."

While I'm in the middle of saying this knee-jerk reaction line that is so completely out of character, I am busy realizing that she JUST TOLD ME that her boyfriend was in the other room. So I say this winner of a line straight to her boyfriend's face - he happened to be sitting next to me. Since I've realized what I said and whom I have said it to, I say a few more things that are far less rude, and excuse myself to go get some fresh air in the backyard.

The boyfriend, meanwhile, has said NOTHING. He didn't even flinch. No facial expression, no response, no heated words...nothing.

I get into the back yard, laughing to myself a little, but mostly just shocked that I would say something so rude. After a moment or two of containing myself, my buddy Mikey comes out of the house laughing his ass off. "Vince, you're not allowed to TALK anymore!" We laugh together a little at my audacity, and eventually head back into the house.

Tall girl has made it from the kitchen to the living room, and we all sit down for a game of Catch Phrase. It's like Taboo, only there's no list of words you aren't allowed to say. Basically, you get a word that only you can see, and you have to get one of the people in the room to say that word, but you can't say things like "rhymes with" "starts with" or "sounds like." Tall girl's boyfriend has moved across the room to a couch, and is not involved in the game. We hand the device around the room as the timer runs, playing the game, and it gets to the Tall Girl. She gives us this winner of a clue:

"This starts with a B and you want more of it."

Of course, in a room full of drunk guys, boobies was the common (wrong) answer. With almost a minute left on the timer, those are the only clues she can give us the entire time, and she finally loses - despite the fact that she was cheating in the first place by leading off with "starts with." Frustrated, she throws the device at my friend Ryan, who is sitting next to her. He looks at it, and says "Why would you want more of Baltimore?" We're all slightly confused, and laughing a bit because we really can't understand how those were possibly the best clues she could have come up with, when she turns to Ryan and says "You're so gay. I don't even know how you got married, you're so gay. If you weren't so gay, maybe you would have gotten it." We all lost it, laughing our asses off at this ridiculous girl who had no idea what was going on, and was making up ridiculous statements. Catch Phrase turned into "Let's hurry up and get it to be her turn so we can laugh about it." Amongst the insults and completely hilariously bad clues she gave, we had to stop the game multiple times due to our laughter.

Fast forward to this evening, about a month later. My cousin (who is also my roommate) has invited several of her High School friends over to pre-party before their 5 year High School mini-reunion. After a few hours of partying, they're getting pretty loud and I decide to go check things out to see how they're doing...and who is standing there but "the fat ugly girl from the bar." Apparently she was a High School Classmate of my cousin's, and while they're not really friends, they have known each other for a long while.

I had a very hard time not smiling and laughing whenever I saw her or talked to her the rest of the night. Apparently, she didn't remember me at all, and was completely oblivious.

[SteveMax58]

The boyfriend, meanwhile, has said NOTHING. He didn't even flinch. No facial expression, no response, no heated words...nothing.

I guess maybe his girlfriend was right?

That's a funny story. Good laugh. Reminds me of a similar thing a friend of mine said about some guy's sister.

[DaddyTorgo]

or maybe he just realized she was fat+ugly?

[Sun Tzu]

Who invited that couple?

And why?

[Vince, Pt. II]

At the birthday, the girl (whose name, I have learned, is Erin) is friends with the birthday boy's girlfriend.