I GOTS ME A MIDGET!

[Anthony]

i hired a midget for 3 hours to serve chips and salsa in a sombrero for my fantasy football draft this august! word to your madres! i'm currently editing footage of the last 3 seasons worth of drafts and it's coming out nice, the 2006-2007 fantasy football draft video is gonna be classic.

i'm hosting it at my house, and just by having a little person at the draft i will go down in history as hosting the greatest draft party EVA in all the world.

[rkmsuf]

Needs more fighting fish.

[Anthony]

i was so giddy speaking to the midget on the phone. i was expecting him to have a midget name , something cute like "Poofy the Magic Dwarf" (his name is Craig) and sound like a cartoon character. he sounded normal. he asked what the event was for and i go "it's a fantasy football draft, i'm sure you don't know what that is" (i don't know why i assumed that) and he goes "i know exactly what it is, i'm in a league myself". yes! i told him i wanted him to bust our balls and to make fun of anyone he wanted, so it's awesome he's in a fantasy league cuz now he'll actually understand what's going on.

God Bless us, every one.

[Anthony]

i feel like i own him for 3 hours. this isn't like midget tossing at my bachelor party, where the midget was there for a particular reason. it's really up in the air this time. anything goes. i think i want my midget to ride a tricycle in my house.

[Draft Dodger]

like I said...

[VPI97]

Dear Lord...

[Anthony]

this all happened so fast. when i woke up this morning i knew it wasn't going to be such a bad day but hiring a midget for the draft was not even on my radar. Lady Luck blows me a kiss, yet again. the good guys from Astoria always win.

[KWhit]

I have to know.

How much did he cost?

[stevew]

You really should have hired a midget stripper instead.

[Toddzilla]

How quaint...a midget and a mental midget.

[Anthony]

Originally Posted by KWhit

I have to know.

How much did he cost?

$150 per hour. money well spent if you ask me. that little human is gonna WORK at this draft. for 3 hours this year a tiny person is gonna be employed by me. how many people can look in the mirror and say that?

[Anthony]

Originally Posted by stevew

You really should have hired a midget stripper instead.

it's not gonna be that kind of party. and i don't want naked midgets serving me my food and drink. i don't know if midgets have midget viruses.

[CamEdwards]

i hope somewhere around hour two the midget gives you a nice headbutt to your nutsack. owning another human, jeez.

[Anthony]

Originally Posted by CamEdwards

i hope somewhere around hour two the midget gives you a nice headbutt to your nutsack. owning another human, jeez.

he won't be able to do that, cuz he'll be wearing a sombrero with chips and salsa in it.

c'mon man, keep up.

[Crapshoot]

Originally Posted by CamEdwards

i hope somewhere around hour two the midget gives you a nice headbutt to your nutsack. owning another human, jeez.

Cam - would you really want any midget to get close to that particular area of HA ?

[Farrah Whitworth-Rahn]

Originally Posted by Hell Atlantic

$150 per hour. money well spent if you ask me. that little human is gonna WORK at this draft. for 3 hours this year a tiny person is gonna be employed by me. how many people can look in the mirror and say that?

Well one - your wife. Can't imagine anyone would marry you unless you paid them to.

[Anthony]

Originally Posted by Farrah Whitworth-Rahn

Well one - your wife. Can't imagine anyone would marry you unless you paid them to.

hey man, wives are off limits. you know the rules.


and my wife wubs me very much. she's my little bunny.

[Subby]

Dwarfism

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Dwarfism is a condition in which a person, animal or plant is much below the ordinary size of the species. When applied to people, it implies not just extreme shortness, but a degree of disproportion. Dwarfism is now rarely used as a medical term and is sometimes considered impolite or pejorative. While the term little person is the most common expression in America, "dwarf" is still considered polite. According to the Little People of America the human definition of dwarfism is "a medical or genetic condition that usually results in an adult height of 4'10" (147 cm) or shorter, among both men and women, although in some cases a person with a dwarfing condition may be slightly taller than that." There are approximately 200 different types of dwarfism [1]
Of the hundreds of causes of dwarfism in humans, most are genetic, and most involve single gene variations that affect the structure or metabolism of bone, cartilage, or connective tissue. This class of disorder is referred to by physicians as skeletal dysplasia. Chondrodystrophy, chondrodysplasia, osteochondrodystrophy are also used (fairly interchangeably) in the medical literature to refer to most of these conditions. In many of these conditions, the bones are the primary affected body part, and the person is otherwise healthy. In many others, the genetic difference affects other body systems, causing unusual features or other major problems. Achondroplasia is one of the most common and perhaps the most easily recognized skeletal dysplasia. It affects approximately 1 in 40,000 children, both males and females, as it is due to a mutation of an autosomal gene.

Contents [hide] 1 Insular dwarfism 2 Problems faced by people with these conditions 3 Diagnosis 4 Terminology 5 In popular culture and the arts 6 Famous people with dwarfism 7 See also 8 External links

[edit]

Insular dwarfism

Dwarfism is not always a disadvantage. For instance, insular dwarfism is the dwarfism of species due to isolated environment and it helps to reduce the need for food.
If Homo floresiensis, discovered in 2003, turns out to be a true species, then it will be the first known example of insular dwarfism of human beings.
[edit]

Problems faced by people with these conditions

• Social and employment opportunities are greatly reduced, regardless of anti-discrimination laws. Self-esteem and family relationships are often affected, although not necessarily if the person(s) involved are emotionally healthy.
• Extreme shortness (in the low 2–3 foot [60–90 cm] range) can interfere with ordinary activities of daily living, like driving or even using countertops built for taller people.
• Many can have problems produced by the abnormal bone structures. Early degenerative joint disease, exaggerated lordosis or scoliosis, and constriction of spinal cord or nerve roots can cause pain and disability. Reduced thoracic size can restrict lung growth and reduce pulmonary function.
• Many of the conditions are associated with disordered function of other organs, such as brain or liver (although this is rare). These problems can be more disabling than the abnormal bone growth.

[edit]

Diagnosis

Shortness is usually the concern that brings the child to medical attention. Skeletal dysplasia ("dwarfism") is usually suspected because of obvious physical features (e.g., unusual configuration of face or shape of skull), because of an obviously affected parent, or because body measurements (arm span, upper to lower segment ratio) indicate disproportion. Bone x-rays are often the key to diagnosis of a specific skeletal dysplasia. Most children with suspected skeletal dysplasias will be referred to a genetics clinic for diagnostic confirmation and genetic counselling. See below external links for a list of American referral centers with special expertise in skeletal dysplasias. In the last decade, genetic tests for some of the specific disorders have become available.
During the initial medical evaluation for shortness, the absence of disproportion and the other clues above usually indicates other causes than bone dysplasias. Extreme proportional shortness sometimes indicates growth hormone deficiency.
[edit]

Terminology

Little person (as opposed to big person), and short-statured are currently preferred terms to refer to a person with extreme, disproportionate shortness. Dwarf is sometimes perceived as having negative connotations, although the term is often used by those affected. The plural is dwarfs as in "Peter Dinklage and Wee Man are famous, handsome dwarfs." The plural term dwarves is used only for the imaginary creature. In the 19th century both dwarf and midget were ordinary medical terms referring to persons of disproportionate and proportionate shortness, respectively. Like many other older medical terms, they became primarily pejorative as they entered popular use. Midget is now considered offensive in all contexts to most little people, because of its connotation with little people being gawked at in circus/sideshows.
[edit]

In popular culture and the arts


The Dwarf Don Sebastián de Morra, by Velázquez. In his portraits of the dwarfs of Spain's royal court, the artist preferred a serious tone that emphasized their human dignity.


Dwarfism is such an obvious difference that it attracts curiosity, humor, and imagination. People have paid just to look at dwarfs or to keep them around for amusement (for example, dwarf tossing). In many times and places this may be the most attractive employment option available, as was the case for some jesters of medieval Europe.
When depicted in art, literature, or movies, dwarfs are rarely depicted as "regular people who are very short" but often as a species apart. Novelists, artists, and moviemakers attach special moral or aesthetic significance to the "apartness" or the misshapenness.
Artistic representations of dwarfism can be found on Greek vases and other ancient artifacts, including ancient Egyptian art. Many European paintings (especially Spanish) of the 16th–19th centuries depict dwarfs by themselves or with others.
Several novels have treated dwarfism as a major theme, not necessarily realistically:

• The Tin Drum (Die Blechtrommel) by Günter Grass
• Stones from the River by Ursula Hegi
• The Dwarf by Pär Lagerkvist
• A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving
• A Son of the Circus by John Irving
• Hop-Frog, or The Eight Chained Ourang-Outangs by Edgar Allan Poe
• Maybe the Moon by Armistead Maupin

Leslie Fiedler's Freaks: Myths and Images of the Secret Self (1979) is considered an intelligent and sensitive exploration of the cultural significance and artistic treatments of differentness. Other readers may feel that he valued physically unusual people for their differentness, not for their personhood, when he laments medical treatment for reducing the number of picturesquely different people around.
Several 20th and 21st century movies & TV shows have addressed the topic or made much use of dwarfs:

• Freaks (1932)
• Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)
• The Terror of Tiny Town (1938)
• The Wizard of Oz (1939)
• Even Dwarfs Started Small (Auch Zwerge haben klein angefangen) (1970)
• The Tin Drum (Die Blechtrommel) (1979)
• The Elephant Man (1980)
• Time Bandits (1981)
• Willow (1988)
• Simon Birch (1998)
• The Station Agent (2003)
• Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999)
• Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002)
• CSI (2003)
• Elf (2003)
• Bad Santa (2005)
• Charmed (Seasons 5 to 8, where quite a number of them appeared in recurring roles as either the 7 dwarves, elves, and/or leprechauns)
• The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2006)
• Little People, Big World Starring The Roloffs (TLC) (2006)

The actor and stunt man Verne Troyer has become famous playing the character "Mini-Me" in two Austin Powers movies.
The 1960s television series The Wild Wild West featured a dwarf, Michael Dunn, as the recurring character Dr. Miguelito Loveless, the brilliant but insane archenemy of Secret Service agents James West and Artemus Gordon.
In the 1990s, the immensely popular series Seinfeld featured a dwarf character, Mickey Abbott, in seven episodes; Mickey was played by actor Danny Woodburn. Notably, he was a normal character and few references were made to his height, indicating an improved acceptance of little people in entertainment.
In 2006, The Learning Channel began airing Little People Big World, a reality series that profiles a family in which both parents and one of the four children have dwarfism.
[edit]

Famous people with dwarfism

• Jason Acuña, also known as "Wee-Man", US skateboarder
• Michael J. Anderson, US actor
• Kenny Baker, UK actor who portrayed R2-D2
• Billy Barty, US actor
• Sebastiano Biavati, 17th century curator of museum of curiosities
• Joseph Boruwlaski, Polish "count"
• Bridget The Midget, porn star
• Bushwick Bill, US musician, founding member of The Geto Boys
• Joe C., Kid Rock's sidekick
• Debbie Lee Carrington, US actress
• Tony Cox, US actor
• Caroline Crachami, Sicilian dwarf
• Francois de Cuvillies, Flemish architect
• Warwick Davis, UK actor
• Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec, French artist
• Peter Dinklage, US actor
• The Doll Family, German-born siblings
• Michael Dunn, US actor
• Meredith Eaton, US actor
• Josh Ryan Evans, US actor
• Nicholas Feny, French-born court dwarf
• Charles Flato, American writer and Soviet spy, he was also hunchbacked
• Phil Fondacaro, US actor
• Eddie Gaedel, made one plate appearance for the St. Louis Browns in 1951
• Michael Gilden, US actor
• Jeffrey Hudson, English court dwarf and jester to Charles I
• Martin Klebba, US actor
• Wybrand Lolkes, Dutch dwarf
• Patty Maloney, US actress
• Gul Mohammed, Guinness record holder for world's shortest man.
• George Washington Morrison Nutt, "Commodore Nutt"
• Ovitz family, Jewish family that survived the Holocaust
• Robin Patt-Corner, gay rights activist
• Meinhardt Raabe, oldest surviving Munchkin from "The Wizard of Oz"
• David Rappaport, UK & US actor
• Judy-Lynn del Rey, US science fiction editor
• Matthew Roloff, US actor, author and businessman
• Timothy Roman, the son of US actress Susan Cabot
• Deep Roy, Kenya-born actor and stuntman who played the Oompa-Loompas in the film Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
• Zelda Rubinstein, US actress
• Lester "Beetlejuice" Green, entertainer known for his appearances on the Howard Stern show.
• Felix Silla, US actor
• Charles Proteus Steinmetz, scientist and engineer
• Charles Sherwood Stratton, "General Tom Thumb"
• Verne Troyer, US actor
• Hervé Villechaize, French-born actor
• Lavinia Warren, US entertainer
• Chick Webb, big band drummer

[edit]

See also

• Psychogenic Dwarfism
• Chondrodystrophy

[edit]

External links

• www.dwarfism.org - lists specialists and referral centers in the USA with special expertise in skeletal dysplasias
• Little People of America
• www.shortsupport.org for a variety of information related to short stature, and a somewhat cautionary view of limb lengthening surgery.
• [2] Photo Gallery of Little People

[Farrah Whitworth-Rahn]

Originally Posted by Hell Atlantic

hey man, wives are off limits. you know the rules.

Yes, lecture me on the rules HA. You're so good at following them yourself.

[Subby]

Originally Posted by Hell Atlantic

hey man, wives are off limits. you know the rules.

No, we ban wives here. Just ask Frankie.

[Anthony]

Originally Posted by Farrah Whitworth-Rahn

Yes, lecture me on the rules HA. You're so good at following them yourself.

sorry, toots, no negativity in this thread. this is a happy day


ain't nuthin' gonna breaka my stride
ain't nuthin' gonna slow me down
oh no!
i got to keep on moving
oooooooooon

[Farrah Whitworth-Rahn]

Originally Posted by Hell Atlantic

sorry, toots, no negativity in this thread. this is a happy day


ain't nuthin' gonna breaka my stride
ain't nuthin' gonna slow me down
oh no!
i got to keep on moving
oooooooooon

Toots? That's the best you got? Disappointing.

Anyway, good luck with your midget. Maybe he can make your favorite sandwhich while he's there.

[Flasch186]

or dribble some spit in it, youll never know since the countertop will block him from your view. MMMMM, salsa and midget spit right in HA's mouth. That IS classic.

[Anthony]

Originally Posted by Flasch186

or dribble some spit in it, youll never know since the countertop will block him from your view. MMMMM, salsa and midget spit right in HA's mouth. That IS classic.

why? why, Hatcher? why would that make you happy? i'm one of the good guys.

[sachmo71]

Robin Patt-Corner, gay rights activist

eww

[Fidatelo]

Originally Posted by CamEdwards

owning another human, jeez.

Ya HA, jeez, what are you, southern?

[AENeuman]

Originally Posted by Hell Atlantic

i hired a Mexicanfor 3 hours to serve chips and salsa in a sombrero for my fantasy football draft this august!

Originally Posted by Hell Atlantic

i was so giddy speaking to the mexicanon the phone. i was expecting him to have a mexican name , something cute like "Pedro or Jose" (his name is Craig) and sound like a cartoon character(Speedy Gonzales. he sounded normal. ...he'll actually understand what's going on.

Originally Posted by Hell Atlantic

i feel like i own a mexicanfor 3 hours. this isn't like mexican catering at my bachelor party, where the mexicanwas there for a particular reason. it's really up in the air this time. anything goes. i think i want my mexican to ride a tricycle in my house.

[Anthony]

Originally Posted by AENeuman

well done. you should post more often.


fwiw, i think a mexican riding a tricycle in my house would also be fun.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Hell Atlantic

i think a mexican riding a tricycle in my house would also be fun.

Not to mention almost certainly cheaper than $150/hour.

[sachmo71]

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

Not to mention almost certainly cheaper than $150/hour.

i blame the republicans.

[stevew]

Make him put an apple on a serving tray and walk around in circles acting out a dream sequence.

[JonInMiddleGA]

And before anybody else decides this is just some wild tangent of HA's ... it's apparently a burgeoning industry

http://www.hireamidget.com/
http://www.rentamidget.com/
http://www.partymidgets.net/

[saldana]

wait a minute....HA is going to have a moving food item at waist level for 3 hours....this sounds like his dream come true, except for the fact that sex with salsa might be kind of painful.

[SegRat]

HA, YOU ROCK MAN!!!! I think you just made my day.

[AZSpeechCoach]

Make him say "De Plane, De Plane!!!" I bet he loves that.

[Buccaneer]

Originally Posted by Hell Atlantic on AENeuman

well done. you should post more often.

That is funny on several levels.

[Raiders Army]

pix pls k thx

[BoromirOfGondor]

I like midgets

[Schmidty]

HA tries so hard, it's sad. I think I'll lay off him.

I'm starting to understand DD's opinion on the pathetic unintentional comedy of the whole thing. It's makes me feel better about myself, and a positive self-image is healthy.

[KWhit]

Originally Posted by Fidatelo

Ya HA, jeez, what are you, southern?

As a Southerner, I find this more offensive than renting a midget.

[EagleFan]

Originally Posted by Crapshoot

Cam - would you really want any midget to get close to that particular area of HA ?

Though midget would be a good description of that area of HA.

[Anthony]

Originally Posted by EagleFan

Though midget would be a good description of that area of HA.

'tis true, i'm hung like a midgets leg. quite scary, actually.

[Chubby]

"i'm hosting it at my house, and just by having a little person at the draft i will go down in history as hosting the lamest draft party EVA in all the world."


Got that right.

[Anthony]

Originally Posted by Schmidty

HA tries so hard, it's sad. I think I'll lay off him.

I'm starting to understand DD's opinion on the pathetic unintentional comedy of the whole thing. It's makes me feel better about myself, and a positive self-image is healthy.

stick to making fun of jbmagic, pumpkin, i don't think you're ready for this jelly.

[KWhit]

This thread would be much better if you had titled it "I GOTS ME A MIDGET!"

[VPI97]

Step 1 - Get the midget drunk
Step 2 - Get a video camera
Step 3 - Film yourself with the midget while singing "I've got a drunken midget!!" to the tune of the "golden ticket" song from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Step 4 - Post vid

Thanks in advance.

[Anthony]

Originally Posted by KWhit

This thread would be much better if you had titled it "I GOTS ME A MIDGET!"

bullseye. we be stylin' AND profilin'.

[Anthony]

Originally Posted by VPI97

Step 1 - Get the midget drunk
Step 2 - Get a video camera
Step 3 - Film yourself with the midget while singing "I've got a drunken midget!!" to the tune of the "golden ticket" song from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Step 4 - Post vid

Thanks in advance.

i'll hook you guys up with a video clip. i accept the challenge of finding new and exciting ways of entertaining you all.

[Maple Leafs]

Originally Posted by VPI97

Step 3 - Film yourself with the midget while singing "I've got a drunken midget!!" to the tune of the "golden ticket" song from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

Preferably in like a high, girlish falsetto voice.

[dawgfan]

I move we change HA's custom title to "Hey everyone, look at me!"