My turn!

[Groundhog]

OK, seeing as how it seems to be the thing to do these days, I'm going to vent about the opposite sex!

To start at the beginning, there's a girl. I met her about a year ago at a party, got her number, we met up one time, and then not long after I wound up with a different girl as my gf. During that time I sorta kept up irregular contact with this other girl, just as friends, because we get along pretty well.

My gf went back to England earlier this year, with no real timetable on when she'd be able to come back again. During this time I started to see more of this other girl, again just as friends. For a few reasons - distance mainly - things didn't work out with my gf and I broke it off. I won't lie, by the end I knew I had feelings for this other girl as well, and that was A factor, but not THE factor in that decision.

Over the next couple of months although nothing serious happened between me and this other girl, we did get very close to each other. I knew I'd kind of entered the "friend zone" however, and I realized after awhile that she wasn't really looking for any kind of serious comitment. I was OK with that, albeit disapointed, but hey, such is life. A few weeks ago we had our sort of final discussion on the topic, and it was all settled; we were friends. Strange sort of friends that snuggle up at night in the same bed at times (and occasionally get a little more amorous), but friends all the same. I can deal with that. It's kind of nice, though I told her that obviously it couldn't last forever.

Anyhow, she found out that I went on a date with another girl last week. She told me that I didn't have to hide stuff like that from her, because she wont be jealous, and she wants to know what I'm up to without feeling like I'm hiding things from her. Fine.

Last night I had an "issue" with this other girl I went on the date with. It was nothing really, but I vented to my "friend" via sms, and she called me back straight away for the details. I was in a bit of a bad mood because of something that happened with another girl I work with, so I sort of just vented away about the girl from the date and the other girl from work, and that was it, said goodbye, hung up the phone. I was supposed to be meeting up with my "friend" Friday night (tonight) however, and about 5 mins after I've hung up I get a "I don't think we should see each other for awhile, sorry" txt msg.

I call back, and eventually pry the information out of her that she has feelings for me and doesn't like it that I'm seeing other girls. Still, she doesn't want anything serious with me. I can sympathise with her in some ways. She has trust issues because of her ex, and because of that she really doesn't trust me, especially because of my breakup with my ex. Despite that, I feel angry more than anything. She knows I have feelings for her. Those feelings have, in the past, stupidly prevented me from pursuing things with other girls when the opportunities were there. I told her that. I'd finally got to the point where I'd made the conscious effort to stop hoping for something that isn't going to happen, and instead look for opportunities that could lead somewhere. You know, someone who had mutual feelings for me. Now, thanks to last night, I find myself kind of dragged back to that other zone where I feel bad because, a) she has feelings for me, and b) nothing can happen.

It seems to me she just wants me to herself, without me being able to have her to myself.

Do I have a right to be angry, or was I just naive to think that this wouldn't happen at some point? To be honest, a tiny part of me got some kind of pleasure in knowing she was jealous, and I'm not particularly proud to say that either.

Anyway, sorry for the lengthy post, but typing all that out was surprisingly
therapeutic.

[DaddyTorgo]

Australian girls have great accents

/that's all I've got

[Groundhog]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

Australian girls have great accents

/that's all I've got

Heh. Even I don't like Aussie accents.

[Mustang]

Good to know that indecisiveness in women is an international trait.

[DaddyTorgo]

if she doesn't want anything serious with you then her jealousy issues are her own problem and not yours...although if her solution to those issues is for you two not to hang out then you have to respect that

[samifan24]

You've done your part and told her how you feel. Why is she jealous if she's told you you're just friends? She can't have it both ways.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by samifan24

You've done your part and told her how you feel. Why is she jealous if she's told you you're just friends? She can't have it both ways.

bitches. always think they can have it both ways. fuck em.

[spleen1015]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

bitches. always think they can have it both ways. fuck em.

If you fuck em, they have you right where they want you.

[stevew]

Pixplzkthx

[stevew]

Dola
You dumped the hot Asian chick?

[Swaggs]

Is this the plot of a Ryan Reynolds movie?

[CamEdwards]

I'd be annoyed.

[Noop]

If she really wants to be with you she needs to understand you want to be more then friends. If not I suggest you go ahead and tell her everything about your dating life because she needs to know you won't always be there. If she doesn't want to be friends that her problem not yours because in the grand scheme of things your life and happiness is far more important then hers.

[Groundhog]

Originally Posted by stevew

Dola
You dumped the hot Asian chick?

Be more specific.

[Groundhog]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

if she doesn't want anything serious with you then her jealousy issues are her own problem and not yours...although if her solution to those issues is for you two not to hang out then you have to respect that

Yeah good point. I can honestly see why she does want some space from me, and I think it would do us both good.

[Groundhog]

Originally Posted by Swaggs

Is this the plot of a Ryan Reynolds movie?

Sadly, it probably could be.

[cthomer5000]

Any foreign accent is at least a +1 on a girl. This is on a 10 point scale.

[Groundhog]

Originally Posted by Noop

If she really wants to be with you she needs to understand you want to be more then friends. If not I suggest you go ahead and tell her everything about your dating life because she needs to know you won't always be there. If she doesn't want to be friends that her problem not yours because in the grand scheme of things your life and happiness is far more important then hers.

Well, she doesn't want to be with me really. She said sometimes she thinks she should just be with me, but then the trust issues get in the way. I don't think she's ready for anything like that yet to be honest.

I just think last night was maybe the first time that she'd had to deal with the idea that she might not always be able to get my attention whenever she needs it. She knows she really needs the affection without commitment thing a whole lot more than I do, considering her current frame of mind.

I hear you on the last point though. One of my own issues is that far too often I accomodate what the other person wants and ignore what I want myself, then down the road I resent that, even though it's my own fault.

[Groundhog]

Originally Posted by cthomer5000

Any foreign accent is at least a +1 on a girl. This is on a 10 point scale.

No offense to any New Yorkers, but the NY accent is at least a -1 on my scale, and a sterotypical Cali accent (particularily with the bimbo OC types) is like a -2.

Outside of that, I generally agree.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

Ok. Listen to me. Anyone here can tell you that I know what I'm talking about when it comes to womens. Call the friend & tell her something that has nothing to do with anything. Then hang up & let her figure it out. If you do it from another dame's pad, then it will be even better.

Have you got head from either yet? Which one is better?

And to the dummies concerned over accents... In Australia, the women don't have accents to the Aussies.

I have spoken.

[Izulde]

Australian female accents rock.

However, not all foreign accents are created equal.

[JediKooter]

There's plenty of room here for any of the fine Australian ladies that you don't want.

[Karlifornia]

The whole "trust issues" thing is probably bullshit. She just doesn't want to be tied down to you right now because either she wants something that you don't have, or because just doesn't want a boyfriend.

I've delivered the whole "trust issues" line many times. I've also delivered the "I have an addiction, and any sort of relationship drama could send me back into the shitter. You're great, and I like hanging out with you from time to time, but this is just doctors orders".

If you really are into someone, you don't give a flying fuck about trust issues, addiction issues, or any other issues.

"Holy shit, I can't stop thinking about her. She is everything I could ever want. I'm attracted to her physically like you wouldn't know, we just talk and talk for hours, and it would slay me to not take the chance to be with her. It's too bad I have these trust issues, though. I'll just dick around with her and be flaky until she loses interest."

No! That just doesn't happen. She likes you, but she isn't crazy about you. Luckily, it sounds like you can move on to other girls. Don't pass up anything else because of her. You know you already want to kick your own ass for doing so in the past.

You've got to be "no problem guy". If you she doesn't call you? No problem. If you see her on the street with another guy? No problem. If she can't be "no problem" girl, then she has two choices. Get over the fact that you aren't her lapdog, or become your baby.

This baby may be one you want to leave in the garbage bag on prom night, so to speak.

If you really like her that much, keep her in soft focus and drive her wild with your stories of heartache from other girls. It'll drive her into your arms, or out of your life, and you don't want to be in limbo forever, do you?

[Sgran]

Groundhog, come here. Closer. SMACK!! Wake up, brother. This chick is not It. Move on! If anything, try to force her hand. Karlifornia is exactly right. Look at it another way: if there's no real passion now, how are you two going to be in 2 years, 5 years, 10 years? This is not When Harry Met Sally. It's clear you like her and she likes having you around when she's lonely. You sound like a cool, sensitive guy who's going to treat your woman right. Now go find someone who deserves it.

[JAG]

Originally Posted by Sgran

Groundhog, come here. Closer. SMACK!! Wake up, brother. This chick is not It. Move on! If anything, try to force her hand. Karlifornia is exactly right. Look at it another way: if there's no real passion now, how are you two going to be in 2 years, 5 years, 10 years? This is not When Harry Met Sally. It's clear you like her and she likes having you around when she's lonely. You sound like a cool, sensitive guy who's going to treat your woman right. Now go find someone who deserves it.

+1 The indecisive girl isn't worth your time and effort because she isn't looking for what you're looking for. Find someone who is.

[Edward64]

For us to do a comprehensive analysis, we needs pics plz.

[Butter]

Thank God I'm married, and I don't have to deal with this crap.

That's all I've got.

[Samdari]

Sounds like a classic case of normal batshit crazy.

[RomaGoth]

Originally Posted by Karlifornia

The whole "trust issues" thing is probably bullshit. She just doesn't want to be tied down to you right now because either she wants something that you don't have, or because just doesn't want a boyfriend.

I've delivered the whole "trust issues" line many times. I've also delivered the "I have an addiction, and any sort of relationship drama could send me back into the shitter. You're great, and I like hanging out with you from time to time, but this is just doctors orders".

If you really are into someone, you don't give a flying fuck about trust issues, addiction issues, or any other issues.

"Holy shit, I can't stop thinking about her. She is everything I could ever want. I'm attracted to her physically like you wouldn't know, we just talk and talk for hours, and it would slay me to not take the chance to be with her. It's too bad I have these trust issues, though. I'll just dick around with her and be flaky until she loses interest."

No! That just doesn't happen. She likes you, but she isn't crazy about you. Luckily, it sounds like you can move on to other girls. Don't pass up anything else because of her. You know you already want to kick your own ass for doing so in the past.

You've got to be "no problem guy". If you she doesn't call you? No problem. If you see her on the street with another guy? No problem. If she can't be "no problem" girl, then she has two choices. Get over the fact that you aren't her lapdog, or become your baby.

This baby may be one you want to leave in the garbage bag on prom night, so to speak.

If you really like her that much, keep her in soft focus and drive her wild with your stories of heartache from other girls. It'll drive her into your arms, or out of your life, and you don't want to be in limbo forever, do you?

Pretty much this. Either she is into you, or she isn't. It sounds like she is leading you on, whether intentionally or not is irrelevant.

Date other women. Screw other women. Find the one that you want to be with and don't look back. If you and this girl are meant to be, you will end up together.

That is all.

[RomaGoth]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

Australian girls have great accents

/that's all I've got

I dated a girl from New Zealand. Not only did she have a great ass, her accent was incredible.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

Originally Posted by RomaGoth

I dated a girl from New Zealand. Not only did she have a great ass, her accent was incredible.

I wanked several times thinking about a mixed Aussie chick I had in an acting class... seeing her in costume for Cabaret was too much to ignore.

[SportsDino]

I'm operating under the theory that insecure girls line up a guy as a backup, screw around with his head, in the hopes that they will find some super prince charming.

At which point she will drop you, ruthlessly, without a bit of remorse. You will be like garbage to her in the way of her boinking someone who she will never even mention her 'trust issues' to.

It sucks, it really does.

So the options really are to force her hand. If you do really like her, be smart about it, but firm. She will play you if you give her the 'I want more but I'll respect your fucking with my head' treatment.

If you don't resolve it adequately within a small timeframe you are going to be turning down offers that may be 'the jackpot' for a girl who will never consider you 'the jackpot'. By forcing her hand if she truly was just scared but really wants you, she will react the right way (right == not getting defensive/bitchy when you say you can't handle the uncertain shit anymore). Anything less than that means she views you as insurance or a toy, I've been both recently. Granted, if you have no other activity, sex is sex, but you seem to be capable of attracting girls, so you should aim higher dude.

Heck, even with the physical attention you might just get damn sick of the endless limbo. My latest depressing adventure was with a slightly older lady who only wanted to settle down with someone she thought was ready for settling down (but was perfectly willing to play around with someone younger). So if it isn't 'trust issues' it is some other form of batshit crazy you have to deal with, but if after repeated attempts to prove you both want the same thing (each other) you end up failing, best to just move on. After I call it off, she moves on to someone closer to her mental image of what she wants and by all accounts is seemingly happy. So look at it this way, maybe in the long run you are doing her a favor, cause if she is messing with you she isn't going to find that prince charming she is saving herself for anyway.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by SportsDino

I'm operating under the theory that all girls line up a guy as a backup, screw around with his head, in the hopes that they will find some super prince charming.

At which point she will drop you, ruthlessly, without a bit of remorse. You will be like garbage to her in the way of her boinking someone who she will never even mention her 'issues' to.

It sucks, it really does.

So the options really are to force her hand. If you do really like her, be smart about it, but firm. She will play you if you give her the 'I want more but I'll respect your fucking with my head' treatment.

If you don't resolve it adequately within a small timeframe you are going to be turning down offers that may be 'the jackpot' for a girl who will never consider you 'the jackpot'.

this sounds like a story that i know all too well

[RomaGoth]

Originally Posted by SportsDino

I'm operating under the theory that insecure girls line up a guy as a backup, screw around with his head, in the hopes that they will find some super prince charming.

At which point she will drop you, ruthlessly, without a bit of remorse. You will be like garbage to her in the way of her boinking someone who she will never even mention her 'trust issues' to.

It sucks, it really does.

So the options really are to force her hand. If you do really like her, be smart about it, but firm. She will play you if you give her the 'I want more but I'll respect your fucking with my head' treatment.

If you don't resolve it adequately within a small timeframe you are going to be turning down offers that may be 'the jackpot' for a girl who will never consider you 'the jackpot'. By forcing her hand if she truly was just scared but really wants you, she will react the right way (right == not getting defensive/bitchy when you say you can't handle the uncertain shit anymore). Anything less than that means she views you as insurance or a toy, I've been both recently. Granted, if you have no other activity, sex is sex, but you seem to be capable of attracting girls, so you should aim higher dude.

Heck, even with the physical attention you might just get damn sick of the endless limbo. My latest depressing adventure was with a slightly older lady who only wanted to settle down with someone she thought was ready for settling down (but was perfectly willing to play around with someone younger). So if it isn't 'trust issues' it is some other form of batshit crazy you have to deal with, but if after repeated attempts to prove you both want the same thing (each other) you end up failing, best to just move on. After I call it off, she moves on to someone closer to her mental image of what she wants and by all accounts is seemingly happy. So look at it this way, maybe in the long run you are doing her a favor, cause if she is messing with you she isn't going to find that prince charming she is saving herself for anyway.

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

this sounds like a story that i know all too well

Yep. Bitches.

[DaddyTorgo]

Bitches indeed.

I've gotten real bad.

[-apoc-]

Assuming she really does have trust issues then honestly just get past her imo. Even if you manage to end up in a relationship with her the relationship will never really go anywhere because with no real trust to start you are going to end up in stupid fights over stupid shit all the time. That not a way to start a good relationship and people like that cant really be fixed either. I have a buddy that was always trying to fix broken chicks and it just ended up with him in misery ever time. He finally broke that habit of his and is now happily married so the moral of my story is dont start a relationship with people that are broken there are plenty of people who arent.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by -apoc-

Assuming she really does have trust issues then honestly just get past her imo. Even if you manage to end up in a relationship with her the relationship will never really go anywhere because with no real trust to start you are going to end up in stupid fights over stupid shit all the time. That not a way to start a good relationship and people like that cant really be fixed either. I have a buddy that was always trying to fix broken chicks and it just ended up with him in misery ever time. He finally broke that habit of his and is now happily married so the moral of my story is dont start a relationship with people that are broken there are plenty of people who arent.

yup. bitches with trust issues won't trust you to do the simplest of shit...like walk across the street and stand in line at starbucks with a female coworker.

[RomaGoth]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

yup. bitches with trust issues won't trust you to do the simplest of shit...like walk across the street and stand in line at starbucks with a female coworker.

pics plz kthx

[SportsDino]

Not saying that all women are bitches (although batshit crazy is par for the course)... but the particular situation you are describing is. The issue is that they will guilt trip you when you keep your options open, and lie about them keeping their options open. As you are turning down chances at girls out of loyalty, the problem is they will almost always jump ship from you in a heartbeat. Some tend to wrap it up in a package to make you out to be the bad guy based on their personality (some thankfully do not and are more mature about it).

I have never seen a case where a girl turned down a chance at a better guy, if she was showing the signs of 'shopping around' or 'I don't wanna commit right now'. Of course, the same applies to guys, except they tend to be completely obvious they are shopping around. Loyalty to someone who is dubious about their interest in loyalty is never rewarded (note all of this assume you are past the trial period, obviously there is always a starting period where there is too much uncertainty to say anything).

Unfortunately I haven't figured out a way to find a match for myself. I'll leave it at the point of 'figure out where she is before you change your life for her'. If I want to go into my own personal story of despair I should create my own thread instead of jacking yours. It'll either get better immediately, or worst immediately, either way you are probably better off (uncertainty is the worst kind of misery).

[heybrad]

40 posts and not one "thumb in the butt' comment? Isn't that standard for these threads?

[sabotai]

So she has trust issues. Her ex rejected/cheated on her/tossed her to thie side unexpectedly/etc....boo fucking hoo. Everyone, unless they lived a totally sheltered life or hit the jackpot and married and stayed with their first love, has been rejected or cheated on or toss aside unexpectedly or any other number of things from someone else that hurt them and made them weary of other people. Everyone knows what it feels like and they get the fuck over it. She can't (or she is doing as Karl says, and she just using it as an excuse not to be with you.). I mean, she's using this trust issues crap against you because you broke up with someone who was living long term on the other side of the fucking world!? Seriously!?

Either she's too mentally weak to get over her ex, or she really just doesn't want to be tied down to you. Either way, it's time to move on.

And if she does run after you after she realizes her chance has passed....don't be that guy and takes her back. That story does not have a happy ending. Obviously I can't know the full extent of the relationship between you two and what she's really like as a person from a few paragraphs on a message board, but from your discription of her, which I am grading on a curve since you probably would try to paint her in as good of a picture as you could whether you realize it or not, it sounds like this chick is a total drama queen (...unless that's what you want...)

[RomaGoth]

Originally Posted by heybrad

40 posts and not one "thumb in the butt' comment? Isn't that standard for these threads?

PING: Noop

[Danny]

Originally Posted by Butter_of_69

Thank God I'm married, and I don't have to deal with this crap.

That's all I've got.

+1

[Groundhog]

Well, it's amazing what a few days will do. Seriously, had a great time on the weekend, went to a wedding reception and got well drunk, met a bunch of cool people, and just didn't think about this at all.

Today I've thought about it a little, and I definitely miss the little random text messages and things that we usually send each other throughout the day, but the weekend reminded me again that it's a pretty big ocean out there, and it's filled with fish - well, maybe not filled, but they're out there. I've always thought that if it's meant to be with two people, it'll be easy and just happen naturally. It was never like this with this girl, and I wasn't smart enough to follow my own instincts.

I hope that the friendship survives this current bump in the road and things go back to how they were before, maybe minus the sexual tension.

[Izulde]

I'm of the theory that when there's sexual tension between two people, it never completely goes away. It sometimes just gets very, very buried.

[Groundhog]

Originally Posted by Izulde

I'm of the theory that when there's sexual tension between two people, it never completely goes away. It sometimes just gets very, very buried.

Yeah, this is true...

Though one thing going in our favour is the fact that this girl doesn't drink, because I think getting drunk together has a habit of unearthing those tendencies...