???

[SegRat]

None of this shit is in any real order, just shit as it pops into me head. I just don’t know what to do anymore with my life. I am so depressed, and I have been for a long time now. I have contemplated suicide. But I don’t think I could follow through with it. The only reason I am posting this is that I need to vent somewhere. I don’t want to talk to any of my family or friends, because if I do I am sure that will be a one way ticket to the hospital. I have been there before and I don’t think it really helped. And at least I don’t really know any of you here. I am leaving town in the morning to go hunting for a couple of days. Hunting is the only place that I feel I can breathe.

My marriage sucks. When I met my wife I thought she was the sweetest most laid back person I met. As soon as we got married everything changed. I get constant attitude from her. She bitches at me, it feels like for everything. Fighting 4 and 5 times a week is common. I swear I can’t do anything right for her to be happy with me. It’s constant attitude. And I can’t take it anymore. I have told her that I can’t take the fighting, but it just continues and continues and continues. We have a 1 year old wonderful son, he sees fight all the time, I hate that. I don’t feel any love from her anymore. That has been gone since our son was born. I feel all alone, that sucks. I can’t hang out with my best friend because I dated his sister before my wife, and I could always tell that my wife worried that if I was over at his house that his sister would be there and then we would talk. WE are in financial hell. If we would get a divorce I would be really screwed. I don’t know how I could get through that. I work a lot of hours of overtime. When I do my wife bitches that I am not home enough, and if I don’t work the overtime I don’t think we would be making ends meet. She gets pissed if I spend money on myself, but she can go out to eat with her sister and her mother about 8 times a month. I don’t go to the bars; in fact I don’t do much. I will buy the occasional video game, maybe 4-6 a year. I spent some money this year on fishing equipment because we bought a boat, and I want to try and make sure we were catching some fish. Now during hunting I will spend some money gas and food. Other than that I don’t spend much else. Yet I catch hell if I spend any money. I work third shift. When I leave I always give my wife a kiss, always trying not to wake her. The other night I give her a kiss, and she sighs with attitude. I was like what the fuck! She tells me the next day, well you didn’t say you loved me. Are you kidding, first I was trying not to wake her, I don’t ever tell her I love her when she is asleep, just a light kiss then I leave. When she leaves for work in the morning she doesn’t kiss me or tell me she loves me. I swear I am just not good enough for her. Or maybe she really doesn’t want to be with me. Thinking about be single doesn’t sound that bad. Losing my son would kill me. And after a little break losing my family would kill me. I don’t know what the fuck to do. I love my son, but I hate my life.

[DaddyTorgo]

Sorry to hear this man. I need to reread it a bit closer, and I'm also sure you'll get better advice than whatever I'd give, as most of your problems seem marriage-related and I have no experience there.

Just...be safe while you're out hunting please.

[Lathum]

whoa, not what I expected when I opened this thread.

Some things that stand out ( sorry if this is unsolicited). Suicide is NEVER an answer, take it from someone who's family was ripped apart by it.

It sounds like you and your wife need to go to counseling. Have you brought it up to her before? Is it possible she is suffering from postpartum depression?

If you have financial troubles maybe you should consider selling your boat. I'm not saying this to sound preachy, it just seems logical to me.

You should naver sau you aren't good enough for anyone. We are all human, you may not be right for someone, but never say you aren't good enough.

[Mustang]

Not even going to pretend to know what to say, but definitely sounds like you need to talk to someone. (Preferably both of you need to talk to someone at some point)

Take care hunting.

[Flasch186]

Rat

Sorry to hear all of this. I dont really know what to say other than We're all here for you. this board is awesome and look at it as a support system and a place to vent. In the end though I think counseling will be good for all of you involved and Im in your corner 110%. I think you even have my # so please dont hesitate to call if you want to.

be safe hunting.

[TCY Junkie]

Definitely feel free to vent.

[SegRat]

I have been to counseling, by myself and with her. It will work for a couple of weeks, where we dont fight, but always turns back to the fighting. I am just absolutley at my wits end. I know suicide is not the answer, but why is that one of the first things that goes through my head? I really dont know what to do anymore, and I cant take the uncontroable crying anymore!!!

[MikeVic]

Sorry dude. Hang in there, I don't know what advice I could give.

[Flasch186]

Sometimes people have to go to counseling continually, to keep on the tracks y'know. It sometimes doesnt flip a switch you know so you just get some guiding hands while youre on the road. Im feeling for ya man, truly. hang in there, life is a roller coaster.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by SegRat

Hunting is the only place that I feel I can breathe.

Then be there & do that ... breathe I mean. Not just in the literal sense either, but as in "take a step back, try not to focus on all the negatives".

Lord knows, I can relate to a lot of what you're feeling. Maybe not the exact circumstances but the emotional turmoil & the things that go through your head are certainly familiar ground for me. Among the things I've learned over about 30 years of dealing with depression & persistent battles with suicidal thoughts is that you first gotta survive in order to overcome.

And sometimes surviving means a little bit of denial, or postponement if you prefer. Not a day has gone by in a long time when, at some point at least, I have to consciously tell myself "Just don't think, not right now". When it gets overwhelming & you know it's got the upper hand to the point that you aren't making progress, you're just struggling to breath then shut it off for a bit. Literally, don't think, at least not about anything that's part of the problems.

I don't give a shit what you think about -- personally I've done an awful lot of tabletop & text sim planning in those hours, whatever works for you --
you turn it off until you're equipped to deal with it rationally & productively. If it's an hour, three days, whatever, better to do nothing than to do something wrong & permanent. Sometimes it's hard to grant yourself that permission, we're supposed to be adults & deal with shit, etc etc, but better to concede for a little while & acknowledge that you don't have an answer that works until you're steady enough to make some positive steps.

I wish I had a magic wand, I'd give you a couple of hits off it to at least get things to a more manageable level. But the best I can do is try to point you toward something that I know at least has a chance of being some temporary relief.

[Swaggs]

I second the counseling idea.

It sounds like you are in a rough spot, but hopefully it is at rock bottom and there is room for improvement. I think a long conversation with your wife, when you both have time, should be your first action. Find a babysitter, so your son is not with you at the time, and clear the air with your wife before doing anything destructive.

[kingnebwsu]

Sorry to hear about your rough times dude. You're not alone, though. Even though we're a bunch of strangers on an internet board, we're all here to help you out in your time of need.

Focus on the good things in your life. It sounds like that's your child at this point. Even if it's not much else, that's still a pretty BIG thing to have in your life.

Counseling sounds like a good idea. I went through some counseling when I was in college & going through a rough time. It definitely helped.

Marriage counseling also sounds like it's the right idea. And not like 1-2 visits...probably more like 1-2 years. Sometimes when communication breaks down, you need a third-party to help things get back on track.

I'm no expert on anything, but talking to someone would probably help you both. I know that's expensive, but you both may have to make some sacrifices to make it happen.

Best of luck and be safe hunting. And remember that life is most definitely worth living...especially when you're a dad.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

How old are you?

I know about the suicide thoughts... the idea of "I'll show her. Things would be better without me." is something that you are not at all alone in feeling. Believe it or not, there are people who give a damn. Your loss would tear them apart.

I wish I had advice on the marriage. Never been there myself. I have a 16 year old kid, but never married her mother. I saw a life spent sleeping on the sofa, drunk, longingly looking to the 18th b'day. I didn't see that as who I wanted to be, nor what I wanted my daughter to have as a father. It sounds like your wife may have some sort of depression too, like a post pregnancy thing. Has she been to any counseling? Your going and telling all the things that are wrong on your end isn't going to clear up a damn thing on her end. There is no way you can force someone to be considerate. Get her some help.

[CamEdwards]

I'd definitely second (or third or whatever) the suggestion of counseling. Even if your wife doesn't want to go, go on your own.

Also, having a new baby can really fuck with people. It's possible your wife is suffering from post-partum depression, and it's highly likely that having a one-year old is adding to existing stress levels.

If you need/want to talk to anyone, please don't hesitate to PM. And as others have said... you're a father, and there is always going to be a certain joy in watching your son grow up to be a man. Please don't lose that by doing anything harmful to yourself. Not only will you deprive yourself of one of the greatest joys in life, but you'll deprive your son of a loving father.

[Kodos]

Not sure what I can add that others haven't said, but try to focus on your son. A son needs a Dad. And I'll echo the counseling suggestion - both marriage and solo for yourself.

In the short term, do what you need to decompress a bit. Go hunting, but be safe. Hang in there.

Is it possible a lack of sleep from feeding the baby is hurting her/your ability to cope? I know that earlier this year, when our newborn daughter was crying pretty much all the time that she was conscious (she had reflux issues), and my sleep time was getting decimated, my mental state suffered greatly. I ended up taking a get through each day approach. Sometimes that is all you can do until things get a little better.

[SegRat]

Like I said, I dont think I could actually go through with ending my life, However I do think about it. My son is the joy of my life, and I cant be selfish. I know he needs me, and right now I really need him. But right now I need to get away for a few days. I am hoping that being away from my wife will help. I dont think I can take much more of her. I dont want a divorce, but how much more can I go through is the question?
I wish I knew how to get rid of the suicidal thoughts. They are making me sick.

[MizzouRah]

Be safe, first and foremost - you need some time away.

Have you talked to your best friend, other friends and family about this?

[PilotMan]

........

She looks like the real thing
She tastes like the real thing
My fake plastic love

But I can't help the feeling
I could blow through the ceiling
If I could just turn and run

And it wears me out, it wears me out
It wears me out, it wears me out

And if I could be who you wanted
If I could be who you wanted
All the time, all the time

[SegRat]

Originally Posted by MizzouRah

Be safe, first and foremost - you need some time away.

Have you talked to your best friend, other friends and family about this?

Very little

[stevew]

Does your family have a history of depression?

[SegRat]

Originally Posted by stevew

Does your family have a history of depression?

I assume my mom has it, but she has never been to the doctor that I know for it.

[Dodgerchick]

Sorry you're going through a tough time SegRat. The only advice I can give is to find something you love and expend all your energy in it. If it's computer games, hunting, fishing, running... anything. You mentioned not going to your best friend's house because of his sister, but can you meet him somewhere else?

Please remember there are lots of people who care and they care more than you can possibly imagine. Although many of us FOFCers have never met, we're a part of a very special community... you're not alone.

[Autumn]

Seconding and thirding what I hear in here. I had a big bout of depression myself, especially severe when my second son was a newborn, up until he was about a year. It took over a year of therapy to get me through that. There's not a lot tougher than becoming a parent, but getting married is up there. It can be hell, and we all think it shouldn't be. I'd say regardless of what she does, get yourself in some kind of counseling or therapy. It really helped me to step back and let go of the anger and hurt and desperation.

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by SegRat

I have been to counseling, by myself and with her. It will work for a couple of weeks, where we dont fight, but always turns back to the fighting. I am just absolutley at my wits end. I know suicide is not the answer, but why is that one of the first things that goes through my head? I really dont know what to do anymore, and I cant take the uncontroable crying anymore!!!

Just for clarification - Do you stop going after those couple of weeks or have you tried it long-term? Judging from what I read in the original post, it seems like these issues are not something that will have quick and easy fixes and they'll take a long time to repair.

That said, you do have two strong positives here in your physical, daily life:
1) Your son
2) Your best friend (Complicated though that may be the sister angle)

Just hang on to those two things for now and tell yourself, "I have my son and I have my best friend." Say it over and over again and think about good times you've had with your son and your best friend. The more recent the memory, the better.

Take the time to relax while hunting and just shut your brain off for a while. Like Jon said, just don't think. By the way, are you going by yourself or with friends? If by yourself, be careful, because solitude and a gun can be dangerous things when you're in this emotional state (one of the reasons why I'll never own anything more powerful than a BB gun - too good a chance I'll end up dead myself at some point).

Then, when you come back, re-start the counseling again, preferably with a therapist that's made some progress with you and your wife before. This time, stick with it, even when things are getting better.

It's not going to be easy, that's for damned sure. But just keep at it.

[SegRat]

Yes we stopped going to counseling because everything seems better and we run out of things to talk about. My son means the world to me. For him a lone I cant believe I would follow through with the suicide. My problem is that when things start getting bad, the first thing I think about is that I wish I was dead, or I should just put a bullet in my head. That is probably a very large rerason that I feel so depressed. As soon as I get a thought in my head I usually break down, cry, scream at the wife. Total frustration. I dont want to lose my family again. I lost my family when I was 16. To this day I dont think I have or will ever recover from that. I dont want to put my son through it. But I cant live with all this fighting either.
I am very much looking forward to getting out of town today. I need a break. I think the wife needs a break. Sitting out on my stand watching all mother nature has to offer is very relaxing. I think I will be able to clear my head some what. I have hunting trips the next 4 weeks. I am hoping time away will help.
I will be going to counseling. I also need to see my Dr. to see if I need to switch depression meds or what ever. I cant keep feeling like this.

[Arles]

Life doesn't always make sense and it can be a major struggle. I agree with the consensus that communication usually helps, but it has to be the right communication in the right environment. I might try setting up a "date night", getting a sitter and even reservations at a place she likes. If possible financially, maybe even take the boy and let her shop for a dress for it (perhaps with some family/friends of hers). At the dinner, just mention to her that you miss when the two of you were closer and come up with some things that you used to do together and enjoyed while dating.

I think the key is to get her guard down a bit and really let her know that you want to improve both your lives, not just read a litany of dislikes. I'm guessing that she would enjoy that conversation (in that environment) as she feels just as trapped as you do.

Finally, my cousin committed suicide because he had a drug problem and got into a bad financial situation with some payday loans. He felt so ashamed, that he killed himself. It completely crushed my uncle and our family and every time I see my aunt and uncle I think of him (and I think they think of him as well - we were pretty close in age and friends). It was an awful shame as any of 20-30 people would have gladly helped him out and worked through the situation if he just would have been willing to talk to us. Sometimes it takes a lot to talk to the ones you love, but I think you'll find that they are a lot more in tune with your struggles and will do almost anything to help you.

[dawgfan]

Lots of good advice already, but let me add one more important thing - if you've been having frequent suicidal thoughts, and you've been depressed (I think that's pretty clear), you need to seriously consider letting a doctor prescribe an anti-depressant for you.

As a grad in psychology, I resisted for a long time the idea of using pills to help your mood, but after I met my (now) wife, I realized that there are situations where anti-depressants are a good thing and not necessarily a crutch.

Consider this - if taking anti-depressants end up being the thing that keeps you from going over the edge and actually trying to hurt/kill yourself, that's obviously worth it.

[rowech]

My best friend committed suicide last November and it has easily been the most devestating thing I have ever gone through. I think many men feel exactly how you do -- I know he did and many of the things you mention or things he talked about.

However, I don't think he had any comprehension of how devestating his actions were to everyone who did care about him. None of his sisters, his parents, his friends, his son, etc. will ever -- and I mean ever -- be completely over it. You must do anything and everything you can to seek out help...even if it means going to your family and dealing with it in a manner you may not be comfortable with.

I know I often feel depressed and like MiddleGA a lot of it comes from just thinking about everything all the time. I too have thought about suicide from time to time but after seeing what happened with my friend andhis family, friends, I could never do that to the people that care about me or that I care about.

In most instances, it's a permanent solution to temporary problems and the fallout from it is almost unbearable for those involved. As I said, I know his family will never recover and there are many days when I think about it as well.

Please, I beg of you, seek help -- no matter who from. Don't think about what might happen or how difficult it might be to get the help you need...it's much easier than the difficulty anybody would have in dealing with your passing.

[Mizzou B-ball fan]

You NEED to continue to do counseling with your wife. Don't stop just because it gets better. You have to build a long term way to deal with things. Just because you reach the short term goal of no fighting for a period of time does not mean everything is OK. I'd suggest a chat with EF27 if you want further advice.

Divorce is always a consideration, but make sure it's the right one. Wanting a divorce after an argument isn't a rational decision. Get yourself grounded first and in a place where you can make that decision relatively free of emotion. If you can do that, then it becomes an option.

[flere-imsaho]

I liked what JiMGA wrote, so I'll second that. Also, I'll echo the counseling stuff. I think you're coming to this conclusion yourself, but perhaps what would help would be more one-on-ones for yourself, and then marriage counseling that is sort of "on-call" for when you both relapse a bit. As you know, it's not something that's going to be fixed overnight.

And keep focusing on your son. Having a 14-month-old of my own, I know how precious they are.

[Telle]

I second the idea of considering medication. I've suffered from major depression me entire life, and it was worsened after the birth of my second child. I was having constant thoughts of hurting myself. I had no intention of doing it, but I just couldn't make the mental images go away. I finally sought help, and once we found the right medication combination for me the thoughts just vanished.

Obviously you're having a lot of problems and marriage counseling would be a great idea to help with that.. but if you don't have the depression and suicidal thoughts on top of everything, it'll be a lot easier to deal with.

[Eaglesfan27]

Originally Posted by SegRat

Yes we stopped going to counseling because everything seems better and we run out of things to talk about. My son means the world to me. For him a lone I cant believe I would follow through with the suicide. My problem is that when things start getting bad, the first thing I think about is that I wish I was dead, or I should just put a bullet in my head. That is probably a very large rerason that I feel so depressed. As soon as I get a thought in my head I usually break down, cry, scream at the wife. Total frustration. I dont want to lose my family again. I lost my family when I was 16. To this day I dont think I have or will ever recover from that. I dont want to put my son through it. But I cant live with all this fighting either.
I am very much looking forward to getting out of town today. I need a break. I think the wife needs a break. Sitting out on my stand watching all mother nature has to offer is very relaxing. I think I will be able to clear my head some what. I have hunting trips the next 4 weeks. I am hoping time away will help.
I will be going to counseling. I also need to see my Dr. to see if I need to switch depression meds or what ever. I cant keep feeling like this.

Depression and thoughts of suicide are much more common than people think. I'll second the other suggestions that have already been made - go back to counseling. I'd recommend individual therapy and marriage counseling, with different therapists if at all possible. Also, I would strongly encourage you to go back to your doctor and talk about switching your medications. Also, if you are currently going to a Primary care doctor for your medication, I'd recommend seeing a psychiatrist. It sounds like you may have treatment resistant depression, and in those cases, it is important to see a specialist if possible. Good luck, and keep venting here if you find it helpful.

[Eaglesfan27]

Dola -

Many people stop counseling too soon, it's a common problem and the reasons for stopping are almost always a variant of what you said - I/we are doing much better, we don't have anything to talk about, etc. I always recommend to them that they continue therapy for at least 6 more months. Those individuals/couples who do so, almost always find more issues to talk about and usually do much better in the long run.

[Mizzou B-ball fan]

SegRat,

I'd echo EF27's comment to keep venting on this board if you need it. It doesn't just help you. It often helps other people who are in a similar situation, whether you realize it or not.

[RomaGoth]

At this point in the conversation I am not sure what I can offer as everyone else has given fantastic advice.

However, I am married and have experience with marital problems. I know how you feel regarding the wife talking down to you. My wife was doing this for quite a while, and it was only this past summer that she realized what she was doing and has made changes.

It sounds to me like you and your wife have serious communication problems. I know this seems obvious, but sometimes the most obvious issues are right in front of us yet we don't see them.

When was the last time you and your wife went out on a date? I strongly suggest you take this into consideration. We all need to feel important, especially to our significant other, and it sounds like your wife might feel ignored, especially after having a child. She may not feel attractive, and she is probably insecure. I have a suspicion that you will feel much better about your life if your wife feels good about her life and marriage.

It definitely takes both of you to make things work, so do what others have suggested and get counseling. You should get marriage counseling for both of you, and each of you should also have separate one-on-one counseling as well. Keep with it, going just two or three times is not going to do it.

Suicide is not the answer. Your son needs you, and your wife needs you, just as you need them.

I seriously suggest you take your wife out for a date, just the two of you. Without knowing either of you personally, I do know that little things like a date or flowers can make a huge difference in someone's life.

Just take one day at a time and try to focus upon the positive things, like your son, hunting, fishing, and your friends. Also, don't shut your family out. Use all of the resources you have, including your family.

Good luck, I expect to see you continue to post on here in the future.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Seg -- one thing I didn't say & wish I had is how, at least in some cases, the suicidal thoughts become a bit of a cycle all their own. It's hand in hand with the depression but at some point it can become like a conditioned response, a habit if you will, and in turn having the recurring thoughts can become even more stressful and/or depressing. It can be a real bear to break without help so please, marriage issues aside, please strongly consider getting help for YOU.

You have to fight it to beat it or even battle it to a draw, but there's no reason on earth to feel like you have to fight it alone.

[JAG]

Originally Posted by SegRat

I also need to see my Dr. to see if I need to switch depression meds or what ever. I cant keep feeling like this.

You sound like you have a good plan and people in this thread have given some great advice. While it may only be one aspect of the problem, I do strongly urge you to tell your doctor about this and change up your medication. My best friend through the end of high school / college suffered from depression and he regularly had to switch medication after a period of time because either his body built up a tolerance to it and it no longer had the same efficacy or because the side effects compromised his quality of life too greatly. It sounds like something along those lines may be at work here as well.

[Ronnie Dobbs2]

I have nothing more to add than other people have been there before, what you're feeling is not unique or weird, and if you attack the problem head on it will get better. The worst thing you can do is nothing.

[Bad-example]

I have lived a lot of years with depression. Tried a lot of antidepressants and therapy. The most important thing I learned over that time is to keep one thought in my mind when depressed: Depression is temporary. No matter how bad I feel today, I will feel better at some point.

That essential truth is my anchor during fucked up bouts of depression.

[Matthean]

For financial issues, check out Dave Ramsey.

Real Debt Help - Get out of debt with Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover Plan.

[Lathum]

I like Dave Ramsey a lot. I don't watch his show that much because a lot of it doesn't apply to me ( thankfully), but my wife and I both read Total Money Makeover and it has tons of good info and tips.

We have put some of it into place and we see a difference in terms of how we think about money.

If anyone is interested in the helpful ones lemme know and I will post them.

[RomaGoth]

Originally Posted by Lathum

I like Dave Ramsey a lot. I don't watch his show that much because a lot of it doesn't apply to me ( thankfully), but my wife and I both read Total Money Makeover and it has tons of good info and tips.

We have put some of it into place and we see a difference in terms of how we think about money.

If anyone is interested in the helpful ones lemme know and I will post them.

Sure, whatcha got? I am always looking to save money and stop my wife from spending it.

[Lathum]

Originally Posted by RomaGoth

Sure, whatcha got? I am always looking to save money and stop my wife from spending it.

starter a new thread.

Dave Ramsey - Front Office Football Central

[spleen1015]

Great advice here like there always is at FOFC.

One thing I would like to suggest is that you tell your wife all of these things. Stay calm and collected and lay it all out there for her. Tell her how you're feeling, that you don't want to keep feeling all of these things and tell her you need her help to fix it.

I'm not a doctor or an expert, but I have some experience with lots of people and I think your wife needs to be on some sort of medication as well. Something isn't right there, man.

How long have you been married?

[RomaGoth]

Originally Posted by spleen1015

Great advice here like there always is at FOFC.

One thing I would like to suggest is that you tell your wife all of these things. Stay calm and collected and lay it all out there for her. Tell her how you're feeling, that you don't want to keep feeling all of these things and tell her you need her help to fix it.

I'm not a doctor or an expert, but I have some experience with lots of people and I think your wife needs to be on some sort of medication as well. Something isn't right there, man.

How long have you been married?

I agree with you except for

think your wife needs to be on some sort of medication as well. Something isn't right there, man.

A good way to make things worse is to tell your wife/girlfriend that she needs meds. She may or may not need them, but it is not his place to say so. As I said in an earlier post, perhaps she is feeling lonely. If he is hunting, fishing, working and not spending a lot of time with her, she may feel alone and it depresses her. A date or alone time for the two of them could go a long ways towards opening up communication and respect.

I do agree that he should tell her how he is feeling about things. Can't hurt at this point, right?

[Marc Vaughan]

Hang in there imho - all marriages go through shit patches imho if the people involved are honest about them.

People change over time* and it takes a huge amount of effort on both peoples parts to keep together with a common bond.

I found that finding 'alone' time with my wife was vital to us remembering why we got together in the first place, we try and do 'dates' at least once a week and thats quite a big help imho.

Secondly talking about things together is a huge part of a relationship - obviously having alone time helps with this (which is why I put that as the first thing).

Finally something I personally do to keep myself focussed and stable is simply setting myself targets both in my personal and professional life, I decide that I want to do 'x' and then try and figure out the baby steps required to do it.

Writing that sort of stuff down and then actively pursuing them (especially if you make the steps small enough so that progress is seen regularly) can be a great motivator and also help ensure you stay positive about life imho.

Well thats whats helped me in the past - no idea if it'll ring true to you or not, everyones different ..... I do hope you get past this as quickly as possible though and feel happier soon, you'll be in my thoughts.

*When I met my wife 14 years or whatever ago she was a posh elegant lass who was well spoken and into "spiritual aura's" and suchlike, she's now a red neck christian ... didn't see that coming

[SegRat]

Thanks for all the advice and thoughts. Well after a couple of days away, with the exception of comming down with the flu, I feel better. I did a lot of thinking and a lot of just sitting around not thinking. I had very little contact with the wife, whcih was needed. I watched the movie Fireproof. I came away from that wanting to make my marrige work. I want to stick it and fight for it. I just cant give up yet. I contacted my doctor and he adjusted my meds, so we will see how that works. I am going to go back to counseling and try to stick with it much longer than I have in the past. My only real hope right now is that the suicide thoughts go away.
Again thanks for everything guys.

[I. J. Reilly]

I don't have any words of advice, certainly nothing better than has been offered by others. This is just a post to let you know that people care about you. Stay healthy, friend.

[dawgfan]

Originally Posted by SegRat

My only real hope right now is that the suicide thoughts go away.

That should be mitigated by the right meds - it it isn't, keep talking to your doctor to find the right solution. And consider seeing a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist if you're not already.

[Flasch186]

Hopefully your wife will want to go to counseling too at some point. Glad the rollercoaster has begun its climb.