08-27-2004, 04:21 PM | #1 | ||
General Manager
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: The Satellite of Love
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Sab presents "How I'm a loser"
Preface this by saying I don't like salt-water taffy. I'll eat it from time to time, but my instant reaction to salt-water taffy is that I don't want it. Also preface this by saying I hate people, I avoid eye-contact with strangers at all cost and anytime I'm in a situation, I do whatever it is that gets me out of having to talk to people I don't know the fastest. It's my instictual reaction.
I go to the bank today as I usually do on Fridays to deposit my check. This time I happen to go to a branch I usually don't. My bank is Commerce Bank and they have a Penny Arcade (coin counter) machine next to the teller counter. Important that you know it's on the left of the counter (Much like in poker, person position is important to this story) They have this girl standing there. Yes, a hot one. I don't get the best view of her face (I don't want to look like a stalker or pervert) but she's cute and has this totally bangin' body. long legs, nice ass, waistline, breasts, neckline (I've learned to analize a woman's body in mere seconds). The works. Such a nice body. A guy walks up and she helps him with the Penny Arcade. Now...I get to stare. And I'm thinking, "I have no chance with this chick. None whatsoever. Here I am, fat, there she is, bangin'. As I stand here fantasizing about all of the things I could do to that body, I am fat and unattractive." My turn. I go up and hand the teller (3rd over from the Penny Arcade, there are 4 people being helped) my check and checking deposit slip. Out of the corner of my eye I see the hot piece of ass walk up to me. She hands out something and she asks "Would you like some salt-water taffy?". Since I don't like salt-water taffy and my instictual reaction is to get out of being talked to as fast as possible, of course you all can see by now what my instant, "didn't think about it for even a split second" reaction was. I say "No thank you." as I look up to see her smile, say "Ok" and walk away. It was then I realized that she did not go to the person to my right and ask them if they wanted any. It was then that I realized that she did not offer to the 2 customers to my left. At that INSTANT I realize that it was me. I was the destination of her short trip over from the Penny Arcade. Me. Within a second of her saying ok, I realized I had made an awful mistake. Anyone looking directly at me saw a small grimace come over my face at that moment. I get my receipt and head out the door. I sat in my car for a few minutes replaying what just happened over and over in my mind. This hot chick, who had a body that at this moment I'm still thinking about, came up to me.... ....and I said "No thank you." I hate myself. Last edited by sabotai : 08-27-2004 at 04:23 PM. |
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08-27-2004, 04:24 PM | #2 |
Banned
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Placerville, CA
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I'm guessing it wouldn't do much good to ask for pix...
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08-27-2004, 04:26 PM | #3 |
Hall Of Famer
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Behind Enemy Lines in Athens, GA
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More people than are likely to admit it have "been there" too.
Not that you are likely to find much consolation in that right now ... You fuckin' loser
__________________
"I lit another cigarette. Unless I specifically inform you to the contrary, I am always lighting another cigarette." - from a novel by Martin Amis |
08-27-2004, 04:26 PM | #4 |
World Champion Mis-speller
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Covington, Ga.
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My life (not necessarily dealing with a hot girl, but just about everything in general) in a nutshell.
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08-27-2004, 04:28 PM | #5 |
This guy has posted so much, his fingers are about to fall off.
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: In Absentia
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Cheer up. I'm sure that you weren't her sole destination; it's just that your rejection crushed her soul, and she lost the will to offer taffy to anyone else in line.
__________________
M's pitcher Miguel Batista: "Now, I feel like I've had everything. I've talked pitching with Sandy Koufax, had Kenny G play for me. Maybe if I could have an interview with God, then I'd be served. I'd be complete." |
08-27-2004, 04:31 PM | #6 | |
World Champion Mis-speller
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Covington, Ga.
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Quote:
Or maybe she was just trying to get rid of crappy taffy and thought "the fat guy will eat it. I bet he would eat anything." |
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08-27-2004, 04:31 PM | #7 | |
General Manager
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: The Satellite of Love
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Quote:
Good, because next week I'm going to that same fucking branch at the same fucking time and hoping that she's there again and I can get a second chance. |
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08-27-2004, 04:32 PM | #8 |
Banned
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Lexington, KY
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Well even if you had handled this situation smoothly and actually got her number or gone out with her, you would prob have f*cked it up like i do quite often lately ...
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08-27-2004, 04:32 PM | #9 | |
General Manager
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: The Satellite of Love
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Quote:
LMAO. I needed that. |
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08-27-2004, 04:32 PM | #10 | |
Banned
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Lexington, KY
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Quote:
LOL LOL LOL |
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08-27-2004, 04:33 PM | #11 |
This guy has posted so much, his fingers are about to fall off.
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: In Absentia
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We are all collectively pissed at you, however, for dropping the ball on this one. CW's thread needs some company.
__________________
M's pitcher Miguel Batista: "Now, I feel like I've had everything. I've talked pitching with Sandy Koufax, had Kenny G play for me. Maybe if I could have an interview with God, then I'd be served. I'd be complete." |
08-27-2004, 04:34 PM | #12 |
College Starter
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: san jose CA
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The important thing is not to spend your time regretting how it went down.
The important thing is, how long will this girl be good fantasy material?
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Karaoke Katie drove the crowd wild Every time she'd sing they'd come in for miles Curtain came up, Katie came on Drinking like a lumberjack and singing Delta Dawn |
08-27-2004, 04:34 PM | #13 |
Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Didn't George have a similar incident on Seinfeld?
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08-27-2004, 04:37 PM | #14 | |
Banned
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Placerville, CA
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Quote:
My hero... |
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08-27-2004, 04:40 PM | #15 |
College Benchwarmer
Join Date: Nov 2003
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Whats wrong with salt-water taffy?
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08-27-2004, 04:40 PM | #16 | |
Norm!!!
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Manassas, VA
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Quote:
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08-27-2004, 04:58 PM | #17 |
Pro Starter
Join Date: May 2001
Location: toronto
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Sab...you're not fat....just big boned....at least that's what my mom always said to me
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Pumpy Tudors Now that I've cracked and made that admission, I wonder if I'm only a couple of steps away from wanting to tongue-kiss Jaromir Jagr and give Bobby Clarke a blowjob. Last edited by bbor : 08-27-2004 at 04:59 PM. |
08-27-2004, 05:07 PM | #18 |
The boy who cried Trout
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: TX
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How about going back and asking for her number? Think of it as a training course.
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08-27-2004, 05:07 PM | #19 |
Banned
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Lexington, KY
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How cute women often end up being stalked Ver 1.1
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08-27-2004, 05:13 PM | #20 |
College Benchwarmer
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Portland, OR
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OK class, how should Sab have handled this situation differently. I wouls especially like to hear from some of the girls this time.
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08-27-2004, 05:17 PM | #21 |
Banned
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Exton, PA
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I think you should go back ASAP and try and get her number. If she says no, what the hell, its not your normal branch, you just never go back there again.
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08-27-2004, 05:20 PM | #22 |
Pro Starter
Join Date: May 2001
Location: toronto
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Bring her some salt water taffee and offer it to her.
__________________
Pumpy Tudors Now that I've cracked and made that admission, I wonder if I'm only a couple of steps away from wanting to tongue-kiss Jaromir Jagr and give Bobby Clarke a blowjob. |
08-27-2004, 05:30 PM | #23 |
Pro Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: In the thick of it.
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Ask her if she's down with rimjobs.
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I'm still here. Don't touch my fucking bacon. |
08-27-2004, 05:32 PM | #24 |
Banned
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Lexington, KY
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Tell her you've got some Taffy that needs pulling, its very salty i hear...
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08-27-2004, 05:34 PM | #25 |
Pro Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: In the thick of it.
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Ask her what he thoughts on a players volatility rating is.
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I'm still here. Don't touch my fucking bacon. |
08-27-2004, 05:35 PM | #26 |
Banned
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Placerville, CA
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25 posts and not one "Cocky and Funny" remark.
This board is slipping. |
08-27-2004, 05:37 PM | #27 |
Roster Filler
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Cicero
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The good looking ones just end up cheating on you.
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http://www.nateandellie.net Now featuring twice the babies for the same low price! |
08-27-2004, 05:38 PM | #28 |
Banned
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Placerville, CA
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Ask her if she's a middle school teacher...
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08-27-2004, 05:47 PM | #29 |
Stadium Announcer
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Burke, VA
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stand in front of her, then spontaneously ejaculate in your pants. Smile creepily at her and say "you made me do that." Repeat as necessary.
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I don't want the world. I just want your half. |
08-27-2004, 05:52 PM | #30 | |
World Champion Mis-speller
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Covington, Ga.
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Quote:
That's how Cam met his wife. |
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08-27-2004, 05:57 PM | #31 |
Coordinator
Join Date: Jan 2002
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If it makes you feel any better, in today's youth culture "salt water taffy" is slang for "oral sex".
No, wait, I suppose that wouldn't make you feel any better...
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Down Goes Brown: Toronto Maple Leafs Humor and Analysis |
08-27-2004, 05:58 PM | #32 |
Head Coach
Join Date: Jul 2001
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oh man this thread is gold. Keep it up, everyone.
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08-27-2004, 05:59 PM | #33 | |
General Manager
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: The Satellite of Love
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Quote:
Aye, that they do. |
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08-27-2004, 06:08 PM | #34 |
Mascot
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Seattle, WA
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I think at this point your only recourse is to return to said branch with $63,992.50 in change to exchange.
The amount is important because it will give you enough time for nature to take its course. After several days of watching the machine make little to no progress, she will give in to her earthly desires and become your slave. That, or she will shove the change up your ass. However, if you look at the bright side, getting $63,992.50 in change shoved up your ass by a hot woman could be considered kinky. |
08-27-2004, 06:13 PM | #35 | |
Stadium Announcer
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Burke, VA
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Quote:
hey, at least my wife doesn't call out the names of Duran Duran members in bed.
__________________
I don't want the world. I just want your half. |
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08-27-2004, 06:19 PM | #36 |
Head Cheerleader
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Caught somewhere between Raising Hell and Amazing Grace...
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You guys are so cruel! Sabotai is not a loser...he acted and did what any of you I am sure have done on at least one occasion. You see someone who you think is out of your league, and when they approach you, it doens't even dawn on you to think they have ulterior motives.
It's a little late now, but you should have either gone back in and made up an excuse to get in her line (forgot to make a deposit or withdrawl, have a question, whatever) (NOTE TO ALL OTHER READERS - ABSOLUTELY NO JOKES OR OFF COLOR REMARKS ABOUT THE "DEPOSIT OR WITHDRAWL" LINE IN THIS POST!!!!!) and tried to start a conversation with her. Even if it's just smiling and saying hello. If she answers back, take the lead and ask her some questions, mention that isn't your usual branch, etc...see if you can find out any more info about her. Being that it's too late for that, if you know her name, even first name, you could call the bank, ask to speak with her - tell her who you are and then say she had the best smile you had seen in a long time and you kept wishing you'd asked her for a drink. See what she says - the worst she can do is say no thanks, and then there isn't really any humiliation b/c it's over the phone and you don't bank there anyway. |
08-27-2004, 06:19 PM | #37 | |
Hokie, Hokie, Hokie, Hi
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Kennesaw, GA
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Quote:
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08-27-2004, 06:20 PM | #38 | |
Pro Starter
Join Date: May 2001
Location: toronto
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Quote:
Mine does this.....i have to wear Duran Duran concert t-shirts to bed
__________________
Pumpy Tudors Now that I've cracked and made that admission, I wonder if I'm only a couple of steps away from wanting to tongue-kiss Jaromir Jagr and give Bobby Clarke a blowjob. |
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08-27-2004, 06:26 PM | #39 |
Coordinator
Join Date: Jan 2002
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Sab, in all seriousness, this should make you feel better.
I've been in that situation (smoking hot girl way out of your league starts hitting on you for no discernible reason) once before. Unlike you, I din't choke. I rolled with it, flirted back. A little bit cocky, a little bit funny. One thing lead to another. You know how it is. Here's the thing: I ended up marrying her. Ten years later, I have never scored with another woman again, and know that I never will. There but for the grace of god...
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Down Goes Brown: Toronto Maple Leafs Humor and Analysis |
08-27-2004, 06:29 PM | #40 |
The boy who cried Trout
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: TX
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I'm going to ask my wife if I can make a "deposit" in her "slot".
Thanks, oliegirl!!!!! |
08-27-2004, 06:31 PM | #41 |
Solecismic Software
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Canton, OH
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Obviously some sort of food maven, my guess. She sees a guy who looks like he enjoys food, and she tries out her special new salt water taffy recipe. I think you were looking at four, maybe five months minimum of absolutely fantastic meals. With benefits.
And all you had to do was humor her by pretending to like a little bit of syrup and sugar. |
08-27-2004, 06:36 PM | #42 |
Pro Rookie
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Los Angeles
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i worked on a rock tour this springr (stay with me, this is going somewhere). for the last 2 shows on the west coast, the usual merchandise guy went home, so the t-shirt company sent a smoking hot 19-year old 'part time' italian model (they exist, apparently). anyway, every roadie took his shot with her, and got shot down.
the guy i was closest to on tour just talked to her about the doodles she kept drawing, ended up getting her phone number as a friend, and the tour ended. he went home to florida, she stayed in california. long story short, 5 months later, they just had sex on the beach two nights ago. my friend now swears he will never not talk to a hot girl again. you just never know. Last edited by Pyser : 08-27-2004 at 07:26 PM. |
08-27-2004, 06:37 PM | #43 | |
General Manager
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: The Town of Flower Mound
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Quote:
Front Office Taffy speculation in 3...2...1...
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UTEP Miners!!! I solemnly swear to never cheer for TO Last edited by JeeberD : 08-27-2004 at 06:37 PM. |
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08-27-2004, 06:40 PM | #44 | |
Solecismic Software
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Canton, OH
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Quote:
Okay, this is getting more trite than even the trout comments. |
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08-27-2004, 06:45 PM | #45 | |
Pro Starter
Join Date: May 2001
Location: toronto
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Quote:
Do you have this phrase painted on your bedroom walls as the Canadians do in their dressing room?
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Pumpy Tudors Now that I've cracked and made that admission, I wonder if I'm only a couple of steps away from wanting to tongue-kiss Jaromir Jagr and give Bobby Clarke a blowjob. |
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08-27-2004, 06:53 PM | #46 | |
Pro Starter
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Not Delaware - hurray!
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Quote:
Can anyone explain to a 35 year old what this means? Does that mean they shared a meatball sandwich or something?
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She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! She loves you, yeah! how do you know? how do you know? |
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08-27-2004, 07:15 PM | #47 | |
Pro Starter
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Location: Rennes, France
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Quote:
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08-27-2004, 07:19 PM | #48 |
Coordinator
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Conyers GA
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Before I opened this thread, I saw the thread title - Sab presents "How I'm a loser" and thought:
Longest.Post.Ever. |
08-27-2004, 07:20 PM | #49 | |
General Manager
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: The Satellite of Love
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Quote:
And this was supposed to encourage me to go after this girl? Thanks for the serious replies (and the humor ones. I can have a sense of humor about this. ). The bank she works at is about 15 minutes from my house (as is the one I usually go to, it's just in a different direction). So it's not like it's 100 miles away. I'll just start going there every week instead of the other one and see what happens. Last edited by sabotai : 08-27-2004 at 07:20 PM. |
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08-27-2004, 07:22 PM | #50 |
Pro Starter
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Rennes, France
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Good decision sab !
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