FOFC Parents: How do you handle "Night Duty"?

[flere-imsaho]

Ever since the wife went back to work we've done the thing where every other night the other person has control of the baby monitor for when/if the little tyke wakes up. So, if it's my night and I hear him, I get out of bed and figure out what the issue is while my wife sleeps.

We tried splitting the night first, but that just ended up with me being anxious that I wouldn't get to sleep before it was "my turn" along with the fact that he usually wakes up in the 2nd half of the night anyway.

So, this isn't an advice request post, just curious.

Poll to follow.

[Butter]

My wife always went to bed early and I liked staying up late... so I would always take up through about 1-2 AM, then she would take the rest.

[MJ4H]

We have a child that will probably never grow out of requiring night duty, so we are pretty good at it by now. On normal nights, it is usually a trade-off, though she sometimes gets up before the sound wakes me up. If one of us doesn't have to get up early, they usually take more of the duty that evening. On extreme nights, one of us will just take the couch and let the other one get some sleep by closing the door and turning the fan on high. The factor that makes one take more duty than the other is next day work. If one has the opportunity to make up the sleep later, they will take more duty that night.

This all just happens and isn't something we talk about very much. We both just volunteer to take extra when we know it is needed.

[PackerFanatic]

Since my wife is a stay-at-home mom, once I went back to work (took a few days off), she was more than happy to get up during the week. Then I would usually take one of the weekend nights. My daughter actually started sleeping through the night pretty quickly, so it was nice.

[Telle]

Seeing as how our babies were breastfed and I was the one with the breasts, I got night duty.

When our daughter was about a month old she had a tendency to have her wakeful time be at night until about one or two am. Since RendeR was/is a bit of a night-owl he would stay up with her and then bring her in to me when she was ready to nurse and go to sleep.

[Samdari]

soundproof walls are the answer

We traded nights, although it usually ended up with me getting up. Wife is a heavy sleeper (insert heavy jokes here). I am a light sleeper, so would always wake up for any sound, anywhere in the house. It was just usually easier to tend them than wake her up.

[Fidatelo]

I'm the proud papa of a 2 week old boy, so I'm just learning the ropes of all this. My wife tends to let me sleep most of the night, because:
a) She's breastfeeding so I can't really help with that anyways; and
b) She doesn't have to go to work in the morning

So the pattern, such that one can exist 2 weeks in, is for me to change the little guy 0-1 times during the night, and maybe help swaddle him once or twice since I seem a little more skilled at keeping Houdini wrapped up tight.

I'm certain things will have to change in a year when my wife goes back to work, so I'm interested to see the pros/cons of the sharing systems you guys are using.

[Telle]

Originally Posted by Fidatelo

I'm certain things will have to change in a year when my wife goes back to work, so I'm interested to see the pros/cons of the sharing systems you guys are using.

Canada has such a wonderful maternity leave system. I was only out for six weeks after the birth because that's all that I would get paid for.

Once the baby's a year old, night waking should be pretty rare so you really shouldn't have to worry about how to share nighttime duties at that point. Ours are a little older now (4 and 2.5) and if one of them wakes during the night from a nightmare or something it pretty much comes down to who hears them first.

[Lorena]

Originally Posted by Fidatelo

I'm certain things will have to change in a year when my wife goes back to work, so I'm interested to see the pros/cons of the sharing systems you guys are using.

Can't believe Canadians take a whole year off while we here take a measly 8 weeks at most.

[Raiders Army]

I think I've changed two diapers and never gotten up in the middle of the night. That's three kids. Wife does it all. I can't breastfeed, so that rules out feeding them.

Also, I have to work and she doesn't so that's how it is.

[Raiders Army]

Dola, and the best strategy is to wake up but not wake up if you know what I mean.

[JediKooter]

Jack Daniels

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Raiders Army

Dola, and the best strategy is to wake up but not wake up if you know what I mean.

Much truth in that, I recognize it well. I developed an uncanny knack for finding a missing pacifier at 3 am without ever truly waking up. Was the only situation in my life where I could navigate across a room in the dark with my eyes closed & never stumble over a thing.

[cuervo72]

With our first (my son), I made my wife a "coupon" worth X number of nighttime wakeups. Turns out she didn't need it - I handled all nighttime feedings for him. Pretty much put him to sleep with his bottle on my lap until he was 2 1/2, too.

My wife ended up handling the duties on my daughter though. But if memory serves, that was MUCH less often. My daughter was a ton easier to get to bed (if I placed my son in his crib just not *quite* right, BAM! -- back to square one) and slept through the night most of the time.

I'm still the bedtime guy. Get them cleaned up, get them brushed, tuck them in. I'm the guy.

[I. J. Reilly]

I’m in the same boat as you Fidatelo, my son was born Feb. 9th.

I have learned through repetition to do the following in under 5 minutes total: wake up, take off a diaper, get pissed on, put diaper on, change his clothes, burp him, getting puked on, put him down, find pacifier, change my clothes, wash my hands, and fall back asleep. Two weeks ago this would have taken me several hours, at least. In fact I think I’ve taken a few naps while writing this post.

[flere-imsaho]

Perhaps the biggest benefit so far of having a 6-month old (well, besides the obvious) is that I'm so sleep-deprived that I can fall asleep at the drop of a hat. No more insomnia for me.

[Fidatelo]

Originally Posted by Lorena

Can't believe Canadians take a whole year off while we here take a measly 8 weeks at most.

It blows me away that you guys only get 6-8 weeks off, that just seems so wrong. Sure, physically the mom is probably ready to get back to the workplace, but a 2-month old in daycare?

Another nice thing is the ability for father's to take leave as well. For example, my wife is going to take the first 11 months, and then I will take the last month of leave so that I can both get an appreciation for what it is like and also to get to spend some quality time with the boy.

On the flip side, it's fucking cold up here!

[flere-imsaho]

My wife pooled Paid Time Off with FMLA leave with short-term disability with just plain not working to finagle 4 months off, which was cool.

I just told my company I was going to take a month off unpaid and they were accomodating.

It was very sad to put him into daycare after 4 months, but that's how it goes. Luckily he seems to enjoy daycare (he's pretty interactive). Unluckily he's picking up every germ on the planet.

[Lorena]

Originally Posted by flere-imsaho

Unluckily he's picking up every germ on the planet.

It'll build up his immune system.

[Cringer]

The wife will breast feed when the new one is here, so she got's to handle that. I am told I will have to change the diapers though since it will be a boy. For some reason the fact that I have a penis means it is more acceptable for me to get pissed on.

We stay up until 2-3 AM on a regular basis anyways, even my daughter. I just woke up an hour and a half ago after staying up until 6 AM. Late morning duty is the bigger problem.

[Warhammer]

I used to barter sex for the wife getting to sleep all night.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Cringer

For some reason the fact that I have a penis means it is more acceptable for me to get pissed on.

LOL at how sort of familiar that logic sounds. I finally decided it was really because the whole thing was somehow my fault.

[Mustang]

My wife didn't go back to her profession after our 1st was born so, typically I would stay up late (1 AM) and handle anything that came up and then after that she took responsibility for Sun-Thu night and we split it up on the weekends. (Unless of course it was really hectic and then I got up to help.

[lighthousekeeper]

Originally Posted by Raiders Army

I think I've changed two diapers and never gotten up in the middle of the night. Wife does it all. I can't breastfeed, so that rules out feeding them. Also, I have to work and she doesn't so that's how it is.

+1

[gstelmack]

Originally Posted by Cringer

For some reason the fact that I have a penis means it is more acceptable for me to get pissed on.

You need to improve your technique. Have the second diaper ready to go, and lay it down as you pull the other one off. Don't forget the third diaper for when the second one gets immediately filled...

[digamma]

This reminds me of my friend's system for dividing up the chores.

He says that every time the baby needs changing, he and his wife have a game to determine whose turn it is to do the chore.

You look down below your waist, and if you have a penis, it's not your turn.

[Cringer]

Originally Posted by gstelmack

You need to improve your technique. Have the second diaper ready to go, and lay it down as you pull the other one off. Don't forget the third diaper for when the second one gets immediately filled...

I will keep that in mind. Mini-me isn't here for another few months and our first one was a girl so I haven't had to experience it yet. We are just in preliminary talks right now.

[lighthousekeeper]

Originally Posted by Cringer

I will keep that in mind. Mini-me isn't here for another few months and our first one was a girl so I haven't had to experience it yet. We are just in preliminary talks right now.

My advice: Start planting the seeds of incompetence now.

[cuervo72]

Originally Posted by lighthousekeeper

My advice: Start planting the seeds of incompetence now.

That or the seeds of incontinence - you'll learn how to change a diaper in half the time.

[Mustang]

I think the title should be changed to 'Night Doody'

[Nogram]

Originally Posted by lighthousekeeper

+1

+2

Stay at home wives are the best.

[Danny]

Originally Posted by Mustang

I think the title should be changed to 'Night Doody'

Too late, I thought of this when the thread was posted. And since I have all my thoughts trademarked, please send $100 cash.

[Raiders Army]

You save a bunch of money breastfeeding. And if you ever get stuck somewhere, at least you can get something to eat/drink for free.

[RendeR]

I was in the Navy when my first two kids were born and I saw little to nothing of them during their first years. Then that marriage fell apart.

This itme around I've had the joy of being a stay at home dad for much of their first few years and I'm loving every minute of it. Oh yeah I get pissed at them sometimes, but they light me up inside and make all the bullshit worthwhile.

I love being a dad.

[flere-imsaho]

Originally Posted by Lorena

It'll build up his immune system.

Mine too, apparently.

Originally Posted by gstelmack

You need to improve your technique. Have the second diaper ready to go, and lay it down as you pull the other one off. Don't forget the third diaper for when the second one gets immediately filled...

Plus a whole pile of burp cloths nearby for when the shit really starts hitting the fan (to keep it from really hitting the fan, of course).

Originally Posted by digamma

This reminds me of my friend's system for dividing up the chores.

He says that every time the baby needs changing, he and his wife have a game to determine whose turn it is to do the chore.

You look down below your waist, and if you have a penis, it's not your turn.

Does that work? I'm going to have to try that. If I'm not back online by Monday you'll know it went badly.

[Autumn]

I didn't see an option I could pick. My wife breastfeeds, so obviously she's on call for that. I'm basically on duty for getting up and getting the youngest when he wakes up, getting up and dealing with the oldest if he wakes up for anything. And I usually put them to sleep. We tend to alternate who needs to get up with them versus who sleeps in but the rest is a mix of us both really.

[Fidatelo]

Originally Posted by digamma

This reminds me of my friend's system for dividing up the chores.

He says that every time the baby needs changing, he and his wife have a game to determine whose turn it is to do the chore.

You look down below your waist, and if you have a penis, it's not your turn.

Some day this plan could backfire in a really horrible way.

[Marc Vaughan]

I always did night duty the vast majority of the time - simply I need less sleep than my wife and normally wake up at the slightest sound, thus if I was awake and mobile I did it ... if I wasn't then she knew I'd blown a gaskit and really needed sleep so she did.

(generally when my kids were young I only needed around 4 hours sleep a night, these days I don't think I could handle things quite as easily)

[Balldog]

Originally Posted by Nogram

+2

Stay at home wives are the best.

+3

We've got another on the way and the first one still isn't sleeping through the night. The agreement then is that I get our son and she gets the newborn.

[terpkristin]

Originally Posted by Fidatelo

but a 2-month old in daycare?

My mom took me to her work in a laundry basket. I have never asked what happened when she needed to go into the lab (at the time, she was doing bio research stuff with rat brains).

I don't know how long she stayed home with my brother and sister (was really too young to have a feeling for that), but I know at some point we started daycare-ish...we got taken to some woman's house. It was us and her kids, I think. I vaguely remember.

Nothing else to add about kids, I don't have any. When somebody starts a thread on satellite baby-sitting, then I'll chime in.

/tk

[Lorena]

Originally Posted by terpkristin

My mom took me to her work in a laundry basket. I have never asked what happened when she needed to go into the lab (at the time, she was doing bio research stuff with rat brains).

So your mom's a bio engineer and you're a rocket scientist? That's pretty interesting.

[flere-imsaho]

UPDATE:

Sixteen months in, and we continue to do alternating nights, though it is hardly necessary anymore, since the kid sleeps well. Plus, as we learned last summer when he:

a) slept through thunderstorms
b) slept through the dog barking at thunderstorms

you could light a bomb under this kid and he'd not wake up.

I'd say every 3 week or so there's a random waking in the middle of the night, but he goes back to sleep pretty easily. Down at 7:00, up at 5:30 - we're pretty lucky (I'm tempting fate, aren't I?).


The only other thing I'd mention is that a while back we also added "alternate weekend sleeping in" days to the mix. So, if you have Friday night, then you get up with the kid at 5:30 on Saturday morning, allowing the partner to "sleep in" until, say, 8:30 - 9:00. And then the partner has duty on Saturday night and you get to "sleep in" on Sunday.

Works great. And will be completely ruined if we have a second child, of course.

[chesapeake]

With our first, I would handle everything before 2:30 AM and my wife took the calls after. It worked pretty well because she is an early riser and I am a night owl.

We strictly breastfed our most recent arrival, so my role in response was limited. Now, at just under 4 months, she is sleeping through the night most nights, so no one is on the hook in general.

It may seem like I got a really good deal with the second child, but there is a catch. Once the breast is no longer involved, I get every night issue, regardless of time. I can fall back to sleep after becoming fully awake; my wife can't. So all the nightmares, barfs and insomnias are my problem and will be for as long as my girls are at home.

[Blackadar]

I work outside the house. She works inside the house. I earn the money. She takes care of the baby.

Her job is more important.

I win.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

I never lived with my daughter.

From what my sister tells me about how things work with her 1 1/2 year old, her husband watches TV in the back room with the dog while she keeps the baby quiet so he can get his rest.

[Chubby]

Originally Posted by lighthousekeeper

My advice: Start planting the seeds of incompetence now.

+1

[Terps]

I stay up all night anyway, and she doesn't.

[Flasch186]

Originally Posted by Blackadar

I work outside the house. She works inside the house. I earn the money. She takes care of the baby.

Her job is more important.

I win.

+1 here

[Flasch186]

Originally Posted by lighthousekeeper

My advice: Start planting the seeds of incompetence now.

ABSO_FRICKIN_LUTELY

[Galaxy]

Originally Posted by Fidatelo

It blows me away that you guys only get 6-8 weeks off, that just seems so wrong. Sure, physically the mom is probably ready to get back to the workplace, but a 2-month old in daycare?

Another nice thing is the ability for father's to take leave as well. For example, my wife is going to take the first 11 months, and then I will take the last month of leave so that I can both get an appreciation for what it is like and also to get to spend some quality time with the boy.

On the flip side, it's fucking cold up here!

You get a whole year for maternity leave? Paid (Is that by the gov't or by the employer)? Is this for every child you have?