Getting Old Really, Really Sucks

[21C]

I'm not talking about myself but about my father. He is 88 and has been in a nursing home for about 3 months. Nursing homes would have to be the most depressing places on earth. They are not very pleasant places to hang out.

My dad had been suffering a couple of bad "turns" before he went in the home - like falling over and bouts of dementia but the dementia seems more pronounced now that he's in the home. I have to admit that I've never been close to my father but it's still demoralizing to see him in the state that he's in. I would absolutely hate to get to that age and not recognize your surroundings or even the people in front of you.

He had a bad turn in hospital a couple of months ago. The doctors were using terms like "heroic measures". He ended up with a pace-maker but a part of me was saying that he might have been better off not surviving. It's sad to see a guy who has always been really sharp - he was always good with facts and figures - just turn around and have his brain scrambled and not remember simple things like what day of the week it is or even what year.

I'm not looking for sympathy with this post. I don't want words of support or anything like that. I'm just looking for a chance to vent. I've just spent the last 6 hours with my mother, who exasperates me at the best of times ( a future thread ), as we got my father transfered from a home about 25 miles away to one that's 3 miles away. At the moment I'm self-medicating myself with a few rum and cokes so excuse some of my incoherent ramblings.

It's got me thinking about my own mortality. I want to live long enough to enjoy my retirement and my future grandkids but not too long that I'm a burden to my loved ones.

[ThunderingHERD]

One day I'll be wonderin' how I got so old just wonderin' how.

[Leonidas]

We went through all this with my grandfather. They pumped full of all these meds and he was totally gone. They pulled him off the meds awhile and he was totally back with us briefly, then he went straight downhill until he finally died. All the money blown on meds and desperate treatment just to prolong his life a little longer got me thinking when I get to that point I may insist on no meds. Do I really wanna live that way at the expense of whatever inheritence I can leave to the family?

[Eaglesfan27]

When I did a 6 month geriatric psychiatry rotation and saw all old demented patients all day long, it was the most depressing thing I've ever done. I'm cautiously optimistic that we will figure out how to cure or much more effectively treat dementia by the time I'm elderly, but losing my faculties scares me quite a bit.

[Fonzie]

Originally Posted by Eaglesfan27

When I did a 6 month geriatric psychiatry rotation and saw all old demented patients all day long, it was the most depressing thing I've ever done. I'm cautiously optimistic that we will figure out how to cure or much more effectively treat dementia by the time I'm elderly, but losing my faculties scares me quite a bit.

Word - I'm especially hopeful for Alzheimer's disease. We may well see an effective treatment within our lifetimes, and maybe even (*crosses fingers*) a cure or effective prevention.

As to your first point, I couldn't agree more. I did neuropsychological evaluations throughout my graduate training and during much of my internship - the majority of whom were elderly dementia patients. These folks tended to be in the early stages of their respective diseases (early enough to be able to follow test instructions), and a few were quite aware that something was beginning to go awry. My heart went out to all of my patients, but most of all to the folks who had some awareness of their deficits. How unbelievably horrible to be losing your mental faculties and be aware of it!

Fortunately (if you can say that) most of those folks wound up progressing to more severe dementia relatively quickly and lost the awareness of their deficits. That made things easier for them, but infinitely harder on their caregivers.

[Cringer]

Originally Posted by 21C

Nursing homes would have to be the most depressing places on earth. They are not very pleasant places to hang out.

I don't know, I think they are teh hippest place in the world. The chicks are teh swingin'est dames this side of a bingo hall.

[korme]

Alzheimer's sucks.

[Mac Howard]

Originally Posted by Eaglesfan27

When I did a 6 month geriatric psychiatry rotation and saw all old demented patients all day long, it was the most depressing thing I've ever done.

My sister is the matron of a retirment home. I don't know how she stays sane. I visit her at work occasionally and come away dejected. Old age really sucks!

[21C]

I do have to mention the fact that there seemed to be a significant difference between the two nursing homes my dad was in.

The first one was recently built, cleaner and better equiped but the second one seemed to have people working there who actually cared. The people made me smile several times in the 2 hours I was there while I can't remember doing that once in the other place - they did their job but that was about it.

[21C]

Originally Posted by 21C

I've just spent the last 6 hours with my mother, who exasperates me at the best of times ( a future thread ), as we got my father transfered from a home about 25 miles away to one that's 3 miles away.

I'm now starting to go through some similar stuff with my 80 year old mother. My dad died over a year ago and my mom has been on her own since then. She'd been coping reasonably well until she was in a car accident about 3 months ago. It was not her fault - another elderly driver hit her - and she was not injured at all but she was shaken up quite a bit.

Long story short ( and believe me - it is a long story ), she had the car paid out on her insurance, didn't want to drive anymore and has been getting noticably worse with her mental faculties ever since. She is getting to the stage where I'm starting to look in to aged care facilities.

Just the whole process is making me emotional. I'm a lot closer to my mom than I was to my dad - although you wouldn't tell sometimes when I talk to her - but looking up nursing homes is making me acknowledge a whole range of emotions that I'd rather not deal with. What makes it that much harder is the fact that my brothers ( there's only three of us ) live 500 miles and 5000 miles away.

[wade moore]

... This is something I do not look forward to with my parents, at ALL. Especially because my father lives alone and in a house that really isn't suited for someone elderly, when the time comes it won't be fun.

[King of New York]

I've gotten the impression that, if you take good care of yourself and have some good luck, you can make it to about 85 and still be in reasonably good physical and mental shape. But then, no matter what (unless you are a freak of nature), it's just a freefall.