05-19-2003, 02:33 PM | #1 | ||
Lethargic Hooligan
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: hello kitty found my wallet at a big tent revival and returned it with all the cash missing
|
FAQ entry on becoming a CHEMICAL SOLDIER
from the salvation army web site:
If I want to become a Salvation Army CHEMICAL SOLDIER, how do I go about it? Becoming a Salvation Army CHEMICAL SOLDIER involves a commitment to a relationship with God and Chemicals and to living a Chemo-Salvationist lifestyle, so it’s a serious matter. You must wear gloves at all times and don’t scratch your nose - EVER. You must also present an unsigned check for $2500 to the Salvation Army – NO QUESTIONS ASKED. The first requirement for anyone who wishes to become a CHEMICAL SOLDIER is that they are ‘properly labeled’ - they have asked God to mark them in a conspicuous manner, they ask Jesus for clear identification and, with his help, determine now try to live a life according to the safety data sheet. Before anyone becomes a CHEMICAL SOLDIER they attend a series of informal ‘boot camps’ when, with a Chemo-Salvationist whose responsibility it is to care for and store those wishing to become CHEMICAL SOLDIERs, they study Salvation Army manuals and chemical fact sheets and learn how to properly extinguish a burning Chemo-Salvationist. Some are taught the secret Salvation Army ranch dip recipe. Ranch dip is an important part of the Salvation Army. These classes may be held for one person only or for a group of people, depending on such things as how many wish to become CHEMICAL SOLDIERs, convenience of times, the availability of take out chinese food, and if it is bell ringing season. Those who are attending such classes are known as ‘recruits’. Having completed these camps, if anyone doubts whether it is right for them to become a CHEMICAL SOLDIER they may prefer to delay it or decide against CHEMICAL SOLDIERSHIP altogether, although that is a not often done because we execute the drop outs. If the decision to be a CHEMICAL SOLDIER still stands, then recruits’ names are presented to the cops and the OSHA coordination council for acceptance as CHEMICAL SOLDIERs. Those that are not accepted are executed. THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH OUR RANCH DIP!!!!! A public ceremony of swearing-in as a CHEMICAL SOLDIER is then held, usually during a regular Sunday chip and dip gathering. Each CHEMICAL SOLDIER is given a protective suit, a pin, and a fez. Tall ones are given little mirrors to put on their shoes so they can look up women’s skirts. DON’T ASK WHY. If people do not want to take on the commitment of CHEMICAL SOLDIERship, but still wish to make The Salvation Army their church, they may become inertants instead. There'll be a data sheet sheet on Inertants soon.
__________________
donkey, donkey, walk a little faster |
||
05-19-2003, 02:36 PM | #2 |
Go Reds
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Bloodbuzz Ohio
|
WHAT IS THIS ABOUT
|
05-19-2003, 02:37 PM | #3 |
Lethargic Hooligan
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: hello kitty found my wallet at a big tent revival and returned it with all the cash missing
|
ranch dip
__________________
donkey, donkey, walk a little faster |
05-19-2003, 02:39 PM | #4 |
Go Reds
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Bloodbuzz Ohio
|
figures
Last edited by korme : 05-19-2003 at 02:39 PM. |
05-19-2003, 03:55 PM | #5 |
College Starter
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Henderson, Nevada
|
Damn ,That curse strikes again .
__________________
Toujour Pret |
05-19-2003, 06:29 PM | #6 |
In The Penalty Box
Join Date: May 2003
Location: To reveal my location, you must decipher a series of traps, each more deadly than the last.
|
Oh crap, everyone here is in the triple or quadruple digits in posts... I'll just.... ah quote Hank Hill. Yep.....
|
05-19-2003, 06:31 PM | #7 |
Banned
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Placerville, CA
|
I think Fritz is funnier when he doesn't try so hard.
|
05-19-2003, 06:40 PM | #8 |
Head Coach
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Colorado Springs
|
Butter is better than ranch dip anyway.
|
05-20-2003, 08:35 AM | #9 |
College Benchwarmer
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Cinn City
|
I've never put butter on salad greens before.
|
05-20-2003, 08:45 AM | #10 | |
Lethargic Hooligan
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: hello kitty found my wallet at a big tent revival and returned it with all the cash missing
|
Quote:
Fritz agrees
__________________
donkey, donkey, walk a little faster |
|
Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests) | |
Thread Tools | |
|
|