OT - Time for me to come clean a little

[JonInMiddleGA]

Whew. Okay. It's clear to me, I think, that I need to do this. I've been capable of being an asshole for years now, I certainly don't need excuses to do it, but right now I seem to be even more capable of it than usual.

There's no love lost between me & any number of people here, but there's also still some who either like/tolerate me well enough that I owe them some honesty. Some of you know some of this, some of you know none of it, and realistically many of you won't care either way.

I'll try to condense it -- New Year's Eve, my wife went to the ER & was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia (her 5th bout with it in 6 years or so) Her X-Rays & CT scans showed several "spots" that nobody was comfortable about, but she responded to treatment & it was believed to be a combination of fluid from the pneumonia & old scar tissue. Still, the follow-up/regular doctor wanted to get to the bottom of why she has had pneu. so much & to resolve the issue of "we can't rule out a tumor or anything else at this point."
He scheduled her with a top flight pulminologist at Emory Hospital, quickest appointment possible was mid-April (they started at mid-June but our doc negotiated 'em down a bit).

In the meantime, my father-in-law went into the hospital about a week after she was released, call it mid-January, also diagnosed with pneumonia. He's a survivor of a catastrophic aortic aneurysm (as in "it exploded", not just a small hole) that landed him in the hospital for about 5 months back in 1996. He's a tough old bird, but this was rough stuff again -- he's home from the hospital now for about a week, but between mid January & mid April, the tally was: 1 pneumonia, 2 comatose incidents, 2 phone calls from doctors saying "you probably need to come in, we don't believe he's going to make it through the night", 1 quintuple heart bypass, 1 mitral valve replacement, and more worrying and praying than you can shake a stick at. Worth noting here somewhere, is that we live an hour south of Atlanta, while he's about 30 mins east of Chattanooga, TN. All told, it's about 3.5 - 4 hours commute between, so you can imagine the running back & forth that's been done by my wife, mostly with me staying here trying to keep Will in school, keep the company running through our busy season, etc. Basically, I've got a newfound appreciation for what single parents go through everyday.

In the midst of this, you can also throw in hospitalizations for:
my grandmother (she's fine now), my great-aunt (passed away less than 6 wks after a cancer diagnosis), my nephew twice (he's now fine too), and a great-aunt by marriage (also passed away after a lengthy illness). Since 12/31/04, I've think there's been only 6 days that I didn't have at least one family member in a hospital somewhere.

Move forward to her visit with the specialists. We get what is basically good news, or at least "not nearly as bad as feared" news. She has bronchiatasis (sp? I think that's right) -- it means that about 1/3rd of her right lung has lost its elasticity to the point that it is misshapen. All the bouts with pneumonia & the fluid buildup from it, stretched the lung out of shape enough that it finally couldn't snap back to normal shape/size. That's not fixable, just something you live with, along with an increased risk of pneumonia because of the ease that fluid can build up in the nooks & crannies of the malformed shape. Ultimately, projected to be in 20 years or so, they say they'll likely have to remove the damaged portion of the lung.

Okay, that sucks but its not nearly so bad as many of the outcomes we feared. Oh, and after three doctors looked at the results, they decided that there was still one small spot showing up faintly in the CT's that they couldn't put their finger on for sure. Most likely, we're told, "it's a lymph node that's gotten trapped by the lung, we're pretty sure that's it, nothing to worry about really, we'll let you know for sure in a couple of days".

Well, they called us back late Friday afternoon around 4. The consensus is that "the small spot" is indeed a mass of some sort -- type & nature undetermined at this time. Could be anything really, but mass-in-lung is not something you ever want to hear.

Bottom line -- We'll be at Emory tomorrow morning, for a 7 a.m bioscopy, and then in 2-3 days, we'll learn whether this is malignant, benign, or ... whatever else the heck it could be. She's very down, scared, and almost convinced of the worst. I'm more scared than I've ever been in my life, trying like hell to be positive for her sake, and basically unable to do much more than fight off the urge to panic and curl into a ball in the corner & cry. Unlike most stuff, we've skirted this issue with Will for now, no sense in him worrying more than he has to at this point at least.

Ain't none of my business what any of you do, but if you're married or have an s/o or whatever, my advice would be -- love them a little more today, or appreciate them a little more today, because you truly do not know when you might face something like this with them.

And, FOFC'ers, I am what am I -- I'd be foolish to make any excuses for that or claim that it's temporary or anything of the sort.

All I can do is ask that, if you can find it in your heart to remember me & my family in your prayers, please do. Tomorrow is going to be rough, the waiting for several days is going to be misery, and that's before we even know what may lie ahead.

I've got to do something to pass that time though, and some of it will probably be spent posting here -- I have to be somewhere, so you're kinda stuck with me I'm afraid. I need all the distractions I can get, and with my recent computer woes, even the options for that are limited right now.

To borrow from a song that's been stuck in my head for quite a while now:
All I can do, is all I can do, but I keep on tryin'.
But there's always a mountain in front of me,
Seems I'm always climbin' and stumblin'
And then fallin',
And then climbin';
But I keep on tryin

If you made it this far, thanks.

Jon

[Subby]

Jon - I wish you and your family nothing but the best. Stay strong and rest assured, you guys are in my prayers.

Hang in there...

[CamEdwards]

you're in my prayers jon.

[JeeberD]

I'll keep y'all in my thoughts, Jon...

[Cuckoo]

You and your family are in my prayers as well, Jon.

[Eaglesfan27]

Jon,

You and your family are in my prayers. There is nothing as scary as a loved one facing a potentially serious illness.

[TroyF]

I pray for the best Jon.

Gook luck.

[CHEMICAL SOLDIER]

My deepest rayers and thoughts are with you and your family during these times of troubles....

[Crim]

Likewise. In my family's thoughts as well.

Crim

[Flasch186]

Hey Jon....

Im saying a prayer for you right now. I hope it all ends up exceedingly well and all of this is just scare stuff. Man oh man, I wish you and your family the best.

We bump heads but to me its fun and no ill will intended...you deserve the best and I wish it for you.

[mhass]

And don't change. Anything. Listen close to the those docs hear the good news in what they say. She needs you so walk tall.

[Arles]

Jon, you will be in our prayers as well and we hope everything turns out well for your family.

[SackAttack]

Ditto the prayers and well-wishes, Jon.

[NoMyths]

I hope everything works out for the best, Jon.

[albionmoonlight]

My prayers are with you and yours.

[vtbub]

hang in there

[CraigSca]

Jon,

I see you often here and on the Tabletop forums. We've never bumped heads (mostly because I agree with the majority you say . However, even if we did argue a lot, I would still have the same wish for you, because there are some things more important than a football sim forum, political views, etc. My thoughts are with you and your family and I hope everything turns out for the best.

Take care.

[Poli]

I'll pray for you and the family, bud.

[KWhit]

I'll be thinking about you and your family, Jon. Here's hoping that all the news is good from the tests tomorrow.

[Young Drachma]

Hang in there, man.

[OldGiants]

You're in my thoughts and prayers.

[Tom E]

I still think your an Asshat...

[flere-imsaho]

Jon - I'm very sorry to hear about all that and I do hope things work out for you and your family. You have my condolences.

[oykib]

You're in my prayers, as well.

[dawgfan]

It's no secret that we have very different world views and we've bumped heads numerous times over it, but I still sympathize with your situation and hope for the best for you and your wife and the rest of your family.

[Klinglerware]

Best of luck to you and your family. I sincerely hope everything works out for the best...

[digamma]

My best. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.

[sachmo71]

I hope all goes well for you family, Jon.

[daedalus]

Good luck with the bioscopy. Good job being strong for the family. Don't forget to take care of yourself, though.

[JonInMiddleGA]

I'm off to bed soon, then up around 4am to get our butts out the door. (major PITA to live in Hooterville & have early morning needs in Atlanta, gotta leave 2 hrs before just to be on the safe side -- I'm okay to bitch about it I think, since she has all day )

My sincere appreciation for the kind words, thoughts, and prayers in this thread. They are greatly appreciated & I'll keep you posted.

Thanks,
Jon

[Honolulu_Blue]

Wow. Good luck to your wife and your family. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

[Cap Ologist]

Hang in there Jon, I'll be praying for you.

[Crapshoot]

Good luck Jon - here's wishing for the best. Hope things end up being straightforward, as you guys thought initially.

[Raiders Army]

Although my head is full of well wishing for others (on this board and in real life), I will also keep you in my thoughts.

[MizzouRah]

Jon, you and your family are in my prayers as well.



Todd

[JonInMiddleGA]

Well, we're home from this morning's adventure.

The procedure itself went fine, in & out from prep to procedure to recovering from an apparently dynamite anaesthetic, about an hour.

Here's what we know right now:
1) There is indeed a tumor, about 2 cm in diameter, completely blocking a bronchial tube.
2) It's gotta come out, which means that at some point in the near/very near/fairly near future, she will undergo a lobectomy - removal of some portion of the lung, either the just lower lobe or both the lower & middle lobes.
3) No word for another 2-3 on the issue of benign vs malignant. Encouraging words from the doctor though, FWIW I guess (considering he didn't think it was a tumor originally either) "What I saw this morning is exactly what a benign tumor looks like, no guarantees, but that's what I saw."
4) Next step(s), getting the results of a fluid test back, waiting to see whether any cancer cells are present AND seeing the surgeon on Thursday morning/afternoon for tests, consultation, and planning our next moves.

Bottom line, at the moment at least, is that the removal of the tumor and some portion of the lung is a given, regardless of the status of the tumor. Basically, the procedure is very likely the same in either case, what differs greatly is what treatment/aftercare follows. And the status of the tumor will most likely play a large role in the scheduling of the surgery, obviously a benign tumor allows more flexibility on that point.

She's very down about the diagnosis at this point, extremely unhappy with the prospects of losing any part of her lung ("doggone it, that's an original part & I'm sort of attached to it"), meanwhile I'm just happy that the conversation with the doctors didn't once include the words "I'm sorry" or anything to that effect. They were actually rather upbeat & positive about the situation right now.

As one nurse said to me "You know, as diagnosis goes around here, there are about 200 or so that are worse than the one you got this morning.", which kinda sums up my feelings right now (along with fear, pain, fear, hesitation, fear, worry, and fear).

My thanks to you all, and please continue to think of us as we continue down the road wherever it leads us.

Jon

[KWhit]

You're doing what's best - focusing on the positive and not letting "what-if" to completely take over. Try to keep your wife focused on the good things that were said.

[Eaglesfan27]

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

Well, we're home from this morning's adventure.

The procedure itself went fine, in & out from prep to procedure to recovering from an apparently dynamite anaesthetic, about an hour.

Here's what we know right now:
1) There is indeed a tumor, about 2 cm in diameter, completely blocking a bronchial tube.
2) It's gotta come out, which means that at some point in the near/very near/fairly near future, she will undergo a lobectomy - removal of some portion of the lung, either the just lower lobe or both the lower & middle lobes.
3) No word for another 2-3 on the issue of benign vs malignant. Encouraging words from the doctor though, FWIW I guess (considering he didn't think it was a tumor originally either) "What I saw this morning is exactly what a benign tumor looks like, no guarantees, but that's what I saw."
4) Next step(s), getting the results of a fluid test back, waiting to see whether any cancer cells are present AND seeing the surgeon on Thursday morning/afternoon for tests, consultation, and planning our next moves.

Bottom line, at the moment at least, is that the removal of the tumor and some portion of the lung is a given, regardless of the status of the tumor. Basically, the procedure is very likely the same in either case, what differs greatly is what treatment/aftercare follows. And the status of the tumor will most likely play a large role in the scheduling of the surgery, obviously a benign tumor allows more flexibility on that point.

She's very down about the diagnosis at this point, extremely unhappy with the prospects of losing any part of her lung ("doggone it, that's an original part & I'm sort of attached to it"), meanwhile I'm just happy that the conversation with the doctors didn't once include the words "I'm sorry" or anything to that effect. They were actually rather upbeat & positive about the situation right now.

As one nurse said to me "You know, as diagnosis goes around here, there are about 200 or so that are worse than the one you got this morning.", which kinda sums up my feelings right now (along with fear, pain, fear, hesitation, fear, worry, and fear).

My thanks to you all, and please continue to think of us as we continue down the road wherever it leads us.

Jon

That is VERY good news. Like your doctor said there are no guarantees, but I guarantee that he wouldn't have said that quote about it looking like a benign tumor unless he was fairly sure that it was benign and having seen both benign and malignant tumors during my surgery rotation, they generally look quite different. I know these next few days waiting for the the histopathology to come back will be difficult, but hopefully that comment will make it a little bit easier to wait. Your family will continue to be in my prayers.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Eaglesfan27

Your family will continue to be in my prayers.

Thanks EF, for that as well as your insight. Even more encouraging, IMO, was that the comment was from the older, more dour, of the two doc tandem that's been handling this phase. "Ol' Doc Gloomy Gus" saying it was better than hearing it from "Enthusiastic Young Dr. Cubby"

[CamEdwards]

great news, Jon. I'll continue to keep your family in my prayers.

[MizzouRah]

I hope everything goes well for your wife, Jon.


Todd

[sportsfan13]

This situation has certainly opened my and my boyfriend's (ClevBrownsFan) eyes. I'm fairly new to the board and haven't butted heads with you, but no matter, my prayers are with you and your wife. Make sure you are always there for her and let her vent OFTEN. I had a situation months ago, where my OB/GYN had detected pre-cancerous cells in my Cervix and had gone through an extrememly emotional and scared time. The best thing to do is be observent. Notice her moods and deal with them accordingly. If she's in a good mood, take advantage of it and really treat her well and keep that mood good! If she's feeling down, support her in everyway. I know this situation is tough on you as well, but the better you treat her, the easier it's going to be on you. Her mood will be a big factor on your mood. Good luck and I hope everything goes well....

[GrantDawg]

Jon,

I know this situation has got to be tough, especially considering your past experiences with the medical industry. You and your wife is in my prayers, and if you ever need someone to talk to, give me a call.

Brian

[JonInMiddleGA]

Update time ...

Okay, let me start by saying that the news appears to be much more good than bad.
I preface with that because, as you're reading at first, it probably isn't going to sound that way.

After a round of Pulmonary Function tests this morning & a 2+ hour wait for our appointment, we finally meet with the surgeon who starts with something you never want to hear, "You have a type of lung cancer"

Thankfully, he quickly explains the following (forgive any misspellings, I'm still learning on the fly here):
1) The tumor is the rarest type of lung tumor, known as a carcinoid tumor, only 1% of all lung tumors are this kind.
2) The survival rate is 97%-98%
3) This particular type rarely spreads and hardly ever recurs.
4) This same tumor, 10-15 years ago, would have been classified as "benign" instead of "malignant", but something about the cell growth makes it technically "cancerous".
He said this was sort of like "barely cancer", if there's such a thing.

Those are the key points to explain why we're feeling really a lot better than we were a few days ago.

Other stuff from today ... you have to love finding out that not only are you at one of the top hospitals in the country, but that your surgeon happens to be the boss aka "Surgical Director - Thoracic Oncology Program" ...

you really have to love finding out that he's a guy who aggressively uses Thoracoscopy instead of Thoracotomy - the difference being he'll make 3 small (1 inch) incisions instead of opening her up from the middle of her back to the middle of her front. ...

you really have to like hearing "There's no expectation of any radiation therapy, chemotherapy, nothing like that, just the surgery should take care of this." ...

you can't help but like finding out that there's some sort of "hospital suite" available for a bit of an upcharge, basically, I might be able to stay with her in a room with a separate sleeping area, appointed (in his words) "about like the Ritz-Carlton". ...

As of right now, the surgery is scheduled for May 25th (a few days after Will gets out of school), probably out of the hospital by the end of the weekend, and back on her feet at normal speed before the end of June.

All things considered, I don't think it was going to get much better than this.

I'm sure there'll be ups & downs before & after the surgery, but for right now, we're feeling pretty lucky on the whole (minus the whole bad luck of the tumor developing in the first place).

To you all -- my humble & most sincere thanks, appreciation, and gratitude for your support over the past few days. My job, given how low she was about things, was to be as up as possible (even though I really wasn't) -- being here, listening, supporting me ... well, you all helped me do the best I could for her & Will, and I can't thank you enough for that.

Jon

[JeeberD]

Glad to hear the good news, Jon...

[Scoobz0202]

Great Great Great news.

edit: never thought I would say that about cancer...

[Honolulu_Blue]

That's very good news indeed.

I went through a similar ordeal just about a year ago. In a two month period we found out that my sister had a brain tumor (which was about the size of a small orange) and my father had a small tumor on/in his kidney. It turned out both were benign, but it was rough as hell, especially my sister given the location and size of the tumor and that she was only 33. It's scary stuff, but manageable.

Good luck to you and the wife the rest of the way.

[Eaglesfan27]

That is truly good news!

As far as the upgraded room, if it is anything like Tulane Hospital's VIP room, it is VERY nice.

Edited to avoid the dola:

I've never stayed in the Ritz-Carlton, but the VIP room at Tulane was nicer than ANY hotel I've ever stayed in. I imagine the one he is talking about is the same type of deal.

[BigJohn&TheLions]

Glad to hear good news! Sorry that all of this has been happening to you and yours. Hope all is much better from now on.

You'll still be an asshole, but that's cool too. If it wasn't for assholes everybody would just be full of shit.

[daedalus]

Congrats.