08-09-2004, 12:59 PM | #1 | ||
Rider Of Rohan
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Port Angeles, WA or Helm's Deep
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!@#$% Moles
No, not the ones on my back, the ones chewing up my !@#$% yard. Had a minor problem with them late last summer, and gave them a dose of The Poison Peanuts. Problem solved, supposedly.
But now they're back with a friggin vengeance. Back yard, side yard, and now virtually the entire front yard. I'm waiting for Kenny Loggins music and Bill Murray to show up. Oh wait, that was a gopher. Anyone have any brilliant home-spun mole remedies? Pouring molten lava down the little SOB's tunnel comes to mind...
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It's not the years...it's the mileage. |
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08-09-2004, 01:02 PM | #2 |
Head Coach
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Whittier
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My gramma killed a gopher with an air rifle
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08-09-2004, 01:03 PM | #3 |
Lethargic Hooligan
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: hello kitty found my wallet at a big tent revival and returned it with all the cash missing
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you need to introduce some mole HIV into the population.
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donkey, donkey, walk a little faster |
08-09-2004, 01:04 PM | #4 |
Lethargic Hooligan
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: hello kitty found my wallet at a big tent revival and returned it with all the cash missing
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to get started, I suggest getting a few of them to share dirty needles. the more promiscuous ones will do the rest.
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donkey, donkey, walk a little faster |
08-09-2004, 01:06 PM | #5 |
Rider Of Rohan
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Port Angeles, WA or Helm's Deep
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I see. Since they're used to ploughing dark tunnels?
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It's not the years...it's the mileage. |
08-09-2004, 01:09 PM | #6 |
Coordinator
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Dayton, OH
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Yeah, Corbin Bernsen and Stephen Baldwin get on my nerves too.
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My listening habits |
08-09-2004, 01:09 PM | #7 |
College Benchwarmer
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Portland, OR
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My grandma kills gophers with a 410 shotgun.
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08-09-2004, 01:13 PM | #8 |
Rider Of Rohan
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Port Angeles, WA or Helm's Deep
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Remind me never to mess with FOFC grandmas.
But they're moles, not gophers. Focus, people, FOCUS!
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It's not the years...it's the mileage. |
08-09-2004, 01:20 PM | #9 |
Pro Rookie
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Macomb, MI
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I suggest you send scooper after them.
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08-09-2004, 01:21 PM | #10 |
College Benchwarmer
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Grafton, WI
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Call Kickstand. If I remember right, he is the reigning East Coast Champion at Whack-a-Mole.
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08-09-2004, 01:22 PM | #11 |
Pro Starter
Join Date: May 2001
Location: toronto
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I hired a go-for to kill my moles.
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Pumpy Tudors Now that I've cracked and made that admission, I wonder if I'm only a couple of steps away from wanting to tongue-kiss Jaromir Jagr and give Bobby Clarke a blowjob. |
08-09-2004, 01:22 PM | #12 | |
Pro Starter
Join Date: May 2001
Location: toronto
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Quote:
I don't think that was a mole he was whacking
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Pumpy Tudors Now that I've cracked and made that admission, I wonder if I'm only a couple of steps away from wanting to tongue-kiss Jaromir Jagr and give Bobby Clarke a blowjob. |
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08-09-2004, 01:25 PM | #13 |
Pro Starter
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Not Delaware - hurray!
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Why not take one of the moles out for a $50 dinner? Guaranteed you'll never see it again...
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08-09-2004, 01:39 PM | #14 | |
Hall Of Famer
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: New Jersey
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Quote:
LOL |
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08-09-2004, 01:41 PM | #15 |
Hattrick Moderator
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Fort Worthless, Tx
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I suggest grabbing some tennis balls running out onto the lawn, and throw them at the moles screaming "lightning bolt! lightning bolt!" at the top of your lungs.
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King of All FOFC Media!!! IHOF: Fort Worthless Fury- 2004 AOC Deep South Champions (not acknowledged via conspiracy) |
08-09-2004, 01:43 PM | #16 |
Hattrick Moderator
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Fort Worthless, Tx
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note: golf balls don't work on moles, only on ogres. That's why you need tennis balls.
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King of All FOFC Media!!! IHOF: Fort Worthless Fury- 2004 AOC Deep South Champions (not acknowledged via conspiracy) |
08-09-2004, 01:50 PM | #17 | |
Pro Rookie
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Macomb, MI
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Quote:
Of course unless its wants more dinner, proceed with caution when the mole wants dinner and a movie. |
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08-09-2004, 01:52 PM | #18 | |
Lethargic Hooligan
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: hello kitty found my wallet at a big tent revival and returned it with all the cash missing
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Quote:
moles can't even use the little rackets.
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donkey, donkey, walk a little faster |
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08-09-2004, 01:54 PM | #19 |
The boy who cried Trout
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: TX
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The Cardinal in the Kremlin was a mole, but Jack Ryan saved him. I doubt he can do it twice, Coug, so just sick the KGB on them.
KGB+No Jack Ryan=Dead Moles |
08-09-2004, 01:55 PM | #20 |
Lethargic Hooligan
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: hello kitty found my wallet at a big tent revival and returned it with all the cash missing
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KGB + no USSR = drunk unemployed russians. dumbass
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donkey, donkey, walk a little faster |
08-09-2004, 01:58 PM | #21 | |
The boy who cried Trout
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: TX
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Quote:
They're probably looking for work. Not all of them can become overnight Russian mafia kingpins. |
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08-09-2004, 02:01 PM | #22 |
Lethargic Hooligan
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: hello kitty found my wallet at a big tent revival and returned it with all the cash missing
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great, you are suggesting someone hire a drunk unemplyed russian to do pest removal on some the size of your big toe.
400 years ago I imagine you would have been the same idiot who would have strapped wooden feathers to your arms and jumped off a cliff.
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donkey, donkey, walk a little faster |
08-09-2004, 02:02 PM | #23 |
Rider Of Rohan
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Port Angeles, WA or Helm's Deep
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155 views of this thread, and still no mole experts. You guys can play IWS 81 times, and can solve Quik's 2/3 puzzles, but you can't solve my !@#$% mole problem.
Maybe I should be cocky and funny to them.
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It's not the years...it's the mileage. |
08-09-2004, 02:31 PM | #24 | |
The boy who cried Trout
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: TX
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Quote:
That would have worked if you hadn't stopped me, Ray. |
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08-09-2004, 02:31 PM | #25 |
High School Varsity
Join Date: Sep 2003
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The only thing that I have ever seen work was our family cat that was a pretty adapt hunter. She moved from mice to moles to birds depending on what was around. It was funny because we couldn't stop the moles either until she decided that they would make a good target. She was hunting from when she was a kitten though so don't expect a house cat to have much success.
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08-09-2004, 02:32 PM | #26 | |
Hall Of Famer
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Back in Houston!
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Quote:
This had me in stitches for at least a minute. SI
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Houston Hippopotami, III.3: 20th Anniversary Thread - All former HT players are encouraged to check it out! Janos: "Only America could produce an imbecile of your caliber!" Freakazoid: "That's because we make lots of things better than other people!" |
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08-09-2004, 02:40 PM | #27 | |
Banned
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Placerville, CA
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Quote:
Gold. |
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08-09-2004, 02:45 PM | #28 |
Grizzled Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Fresno, CA
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Fill a propane tank.
Attach a hose. Find a mole hole, and insert the hose. Wait, light a match. You might want to work on the method of ignition actually. Propane explodes. |
08-09-2004, 03:19 PM | #29 |
College Starter
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Norman, OK
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We had moles one year and our next door neighbor gave us his traps which you put over their tunnels. Then when the mole runs under the trap, three metal stakes come down and stab the mole, leading to its death. I never had to clean up the mole corpse though, so I'm not sure if you want to do that. However, the worst animal problem came when a squirrel decided under the hood of our SUV was the best place to build a nest and chew wires...not once, but twice.
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08-09-2004, 03:33 PM | #30 |
Awaiting Further Instructions...
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Macungie, PA
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Having similar problems myself. I took the hose, dropped it down the hole and let the water run. And run. And run. Finally, i hear a sloshing sound and this tiny nearly drowned (well duh) chipmunk bolts out of the hole and into a mulch bed (that he is now devastating). I think he is pissed at me. Well, I would be if I were him.
In the winter, i found some tiny trails in the grass where some creature had worn away little paths under the packed snow. Little fuckers ruined a large section of grass. I found their holes and kept back filling and finally I think pieces of shit little trench makers went away. Though, it could have been the chipmunks that simply moved farther back in the yard. I just can't kill the little bitches. You have to be a heartless prick to kill a chipmunk. |
08-09-2004, 03:50 PM | #31 |
Coordinator
Join Date: Jan 2002
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I thought this thread was going to be about Balldog's girlfriend's left boob.
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Down Goes Brown: Toronto Maple Leafs Humor and Analysis |
08-09-2004, 03:55 PM | #32 | |
Pro Rookie
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Macomb, MI
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Quote:
You mean scoopers? (girlfriend, not boob...well I don't know about his boobs maybe he has a mole too I don't know) |
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