!@#$% Moles

WSUCougar · 08-09-2004, 12:59 PM

No, not the ones on my back, the ones chewing up my !@#$% yard. Had a minor problem with them late last summer, and gave them a dose of The Poison Peanuts. Problem solved, supposedly.

But now they're back with a friggin vengeance. Back yard, side yard, and now virtually the entire front yard. I'm waiting for Kenny Loggins music and Bill Murray to show up. Oh wait, that was a gopher.

Anyone have any brilliant home-spun mole remedies? Pouring molten lava down the little SOB's tunnel comes to mind...

MrBug708 · 08-09-2004, 01:02 PM

My gramma killed a gopher with an air rifle

Fritz · 08-09-2004, 01:03 PM

you need to introduce some mole HIV into the population.

Fritz · 08-09-2004, 01:04 PM

to get started, I suggest getting a few of them to share dirty needles. the more promiscuous ones will do the rest.

WSUCougar · 08-09-2004, 01:06 PM

I see. Since they're used to ploughing dark tunnels?

Butter · 08-09-2004, 01:09 PM

Yeah, Corbin Bernsen and Stephen Baldwin get on my nerves too.

judicial clerk · 08-09-2004, 01:09 PM

My grandma kills gophers with a 410 shotgun.

WSUCougar · 08-09-2004, 01:13 PM

Remind me never to mess with FOFC grandmas.

But they're moles, not gophers. Focus, people, FOCUS!

Balldog · 08-09-2004, 01:20 PM

I suggest you send scooper after them.

SplitPersonality1 · 08-09-2004, 01:21 PM

Call Kickstand. If I remember right, he is the reigning East Coast Champion at Whack-a-Mole.

bbor · 08-09-2004, 01:22 PM

I hired a go-for to kill my moles.

bbor · 08-09-2004, 01:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SplitPersonality1

Call Kickstand. If I remember right, he is the reigning East Coast Champion at Whack-a-Mole.

I don't think that was a mole he was whacking

CraigSca · 08-09-2004, 01:25 PM

Why not take one of the moles out for a $50 dinner? Guaranteed you'll never see it again...

Eaglesfan27 · 08-09-2004, 01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CraigSca

Why not take one of the moles out for a $50 dinner? Guaranteed you'll never see it again...

LOL

HornedFrog Purple · 08-09-2004, 01:41 PM

I suggest grabbing some tennis balls running out onto the lawn, and throw them at the moles screaming "lightning bolt! lightning bolt!" at the top of your lungs.

HornedFrog Purple · 08-09-2004, 01:43 PM

note: golf balls don't work on moles, only on ogres. That's why you need tennis balls.

Balldog · 08-09-2004, 01:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CraigSca

Why not take one of the moles out for a $50 dinner? Guaranteed you'll never see it again...

Of course unless its wants more dinner, proceed with caution when the mole wants dinner and a movie.

Fritz · 08-09-2004, 01:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HornedFrog Purple

note: golf balls don't work on moles, only on ogres. That's why you need tennis balls.

moles can't even use the little rackets.

sachmo71 · 08-09-2004, 01:54 PM

The Cardinal in the Kremlin was a mole, but Jack Ryan saved him. I doubt he can do it twice, Coug, so just sick the KGB on them.

KGB+No Jack Ryan=Dead Moles

Fritz · 08-09-2004, 01:55 PM

KGB + no USSR = drunk unemployed russians. dumbass

sachmo71 · 08-09-2004, 01:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fritz

KGB + no USSR = drunk unemployed russians. dumbass

They're probably looking for work. Not all of them can become overnight Russian mafia kingpins.

Fritz · 08-09-2004, 02:01 PM

great, you are suggesting someone hire a drunk unemplyed russian to do pest removal on some the size of your big toe.

400 years ago I imagine you would have been the same idiot who would have strapped wooden feathers to your arms and jumped off a cliff.

WSUCougar · 08-09-2004, 02:02 PM

155 views of this thread, and still no mole experts. You guys can play IWS 81 times, and can solve Quik's 2/3 puzzles, but you can't solve my !@#$% mole problem.

Maybe I should be cocky and funny to them.

sachmo71 · 08-09-2004, 02:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fritz

great, you are suggesting someone hire a drunk unemplyed russian to do pest removal on some the size of your big toe.

400 years ago I imagine you would have been the same idiot who would have strapped wooden feathers to your arms and jumped off a cliff.

That would have worked if you hadn't stopped me, Ray.

dixieflatline · 08-09-2004, 02:31 PM

The only thing that I have ever seen work was our family cat that was a pretty adapt hunter. She moved from mice to moles to birds depending on what was around. It was funny because we couldn't stop the moles either until she decided that they would make a good target. She was hunting from when she was a kitten though so don't expect a house cat to have much success.

sterlingice · 08-09-2004, 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fritz

great, you are suggesting someone hire a drunk unemplyed russian to do pest removal on some the size of your big toe.

400 years ago I imagine you would have been the same idiot who would have strapped wooden feathers to your arms and jumped off a cliff.

This had me in stitches for at least a minute.

SI

Franklinnoble · 08-09-2004, 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sachmo71

That would have worked if you hadn't stopped me, Ray.

Gold.

Glengoyne · 08-09-2004, 02:45 PM

Fill a propane tank.
Attach a hose.
Find a mole hole, and insert the hose.
Wait, light a match. You might want to work on the method of ignition actually. Propane explodes.

sooner333 · 08-09-2004, 03:19 PM

We had moles one year and our next door neighbor gave us his traps which you put over their tunnels. Then when the mole runs under the trap, three metal stakes come down and stab the mole, leading to its death. I never had to clean up the mole corpse though, so I'm not sure if you want to do that. However, the worst animal problem came when a squirrel decided under the hood of our SUV was the best place to build a nest and chew wires...not once, but twice.

Bonegavel · 08-09-2004, 03:33 PM

Having similar problems myself. I took the hose, dropped it down the hole and let the water run. And run. And run. Finally, i hear a sloshing sound and this tiny nearly drowned (well duh) chipmunk bolts out of the hole and into a mulch bed (that he is now devastating). I think he is pissed at me. Well, I would be if I were him.

In the winter, i found some tiny trails in the grass where some creature had worn away little paths under the packed snow. Little fuckers ruined a large section of grass. I found their holes and kept back filling and finally I think pieces of shit little trench makers went away. Though, it could have been the chipmunks that simply moved farther back in the yard.

I just can't kill the little bitches. You have to be a heartless prick to kill a chipmunk.

Maple Leafs · 08-09-2004, 03:50 PM

I thought this thread was going to be about Balldog's girlfriend's left boob.

Balldog · 08-09-2004, 03:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maple Leafs

I thought this thread was going to be about Balldog's girlfriend's left boob.

You mean scoopers? (girlfriend, not boob...well I don't know about his boobs maybe he has a mole too I don't know)

08-09-2004, 01:03 PM	#3
Fritz Lethargic Hooligan Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: hello kitty found my wallet at a big tent revival and returned it with all the cash missing	you need to introduce some mole HIV into the population. __________________ donkey, donkey, walk a little faster

08-09-2004, 01:04 PM	#4
Fritz Lethargic Hooligan Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: hello kitty found my wallet at a big tent revival and returned it with all the cash missing	to get started, I suggest getting a few of them to share dirty needles. the more promiscuous ones will do the rest. __________________ donkey, donkey, walk a little faster

08-09-2004, 01:06 PM	#5
WSUCougar Rider Of Rohan Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Port Angeles, WA or Helm's Deep	I see. Since they're used to ploughing dark tunnels? __________________ It's not the years...it's the mileage.

08-09-2004, 01:09 PM	#6
Butter Coordinator Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Dayton, OH	Yeah, Corbin Bernsen and Stephen Baldwin get on my nerves too. __________________ My listening habits

08-09-2004, 01:13 PM	#8
WSUCougar Rider Of Rohan Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Port Angeles, WA or Helm's Deep	Remind me never to mess with FOFC grandmas. But they're moles, not gophers. Focus, people, FOCUS! __________________ It's not the years...it's the mileage.

08-09-2004, 01:02 PM	#2
MrBug708 Head Coach Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: Whittier	My gramma killed a gopher with an air rifle

08-09-2004, 01:09 PM	#7
judicial clerk College Benchwarmer Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Portland, OR	My grandma kills gophers with a 410 shotgun.

08-09-2004, 01:20 PM	#9
Balldog Pro Rookie Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Macomb, MI	I suggest you send scooper after them.

08-09-2004, 01:21 PM	#10
SplitPersonality1 College Benchwarmer Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Grafton, WI	Call Kickstand. If I remember right, he is the reigning East Coast Champion at Whack-a-Mole.

08-09-2004, 01:22 PM	#11
bbor Pro Starter Join Date: May 2001 Location: toronto	I hired a go-for to kill my moles. __________________ Pumpy Tudors Now that I've cracked and made that admission, I wonder if I'm only a couple of steps away from wanting to tongue-kiss Jaromir Jagr and give Bobby Clarke a blowjob.

08-09-2004, 01:25 PM	#13
CraigSca Pro Starter Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Not Delaware - hurray!	Why not take one of the moles out for a $50 dinner? Guaranteed you'll never see it again...

08-09-2004, 01:41 PM	#15
HornedFrog Purple Hattrick Moderator Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Fort Worthless, Tx	I suggest grabbing some tennis balls running out onto the lawn, and throw them at the moles screaming "lightning bolt! lightning bolt!" at the top of your lungs. __________________ King of All FOFC Media!!! IHOF: Fort Worthless Fury- 2004 AOC Deep South Champions (not acknowledged via conspiracy)

08-09-2004, 01:43 PM	#16
HornedFrog Purple Hattrick Moderator Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Fort Worthless, Tx	note: golf balls don't work on moles, only on ogres. That's why you need tennis balls. __________________ King of All FOFC Media!!! IHOF: Fort Worthless Fury- 2004 AOC Deep South Champions (not acknowledged via conspiracy)

08-09-2004, 01:54 PM	#19
sachmo71 The boy who cried Trout Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: TX	The Cardinal in the Kremlin was a mole, but Jack Ryan saved him. I doubt he can do it twice, Coug, so just sick the KGB on them. KGB+No Jack Ryan=Dead Moles

08-09-2004, 01:55 PM	#20
Fritz Lethargic Hooligan Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: hello kitty found my wallet at a big tent revival and returned it with all the cash missing	KGB + no USSR = drunk unemployed russians. dumbass __________________ donkey, donkey, walk a little faster

08-09-2004, 02:01 PM	#22
Fritz Lethargic Hooligan Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: hello kitty found my wallet at a big tent revival and returned it with all the cash missing	great, you are suggesting someone hire a drunk unemplyed russian to do pest removal on some the size of your big toe. 400 years ago I imagine you would have been the same idiot who would have strapped wooden feathers to your arms and jumped off a cliff. __________________ donkey, donkey, walk a little faster

08-09-2004, 02:02 PM	#23
WSUCougar Rider Of Rohan Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Port Angeles, WA or Helm's Deep	155 views of this thread, and still no mole experts. You guys can play IWS 81 times, and can solve Quik's 2/3 puzzles, but you can't solve my !@#$% mole problem. Maybe I should be cocky and funny to them. __________________ It's not the years...it's the mileage.

08-09-2004, 02:31 PM	#25
dixieflatline High School Varsity Join Date: Sep 2003	The only thing that I have ever seen work was our family cat that was a pretty adapt hunter. She moved from mice to moles to birds depending on what was around. It was funny because we couldn't stop the moles either until she decided that they would make a good target. She was hunting from when she was a kitten though so don't expect a house cat to have much success.

08-09-2004, 02:45 PM	#28
Glengoyne Grizzled Veteran Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Fresno, CA	Fill a propane tank. Attach a hose. Find a mole hole, and insert the hose. Wait, light a match. You might want to work on the method of ignition actually. Propane explodes.

08-09-2004, 03:19 PM	#29
sooner333 College Starter Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Norman, OK	We had moles one year and our next door neighbor gave us his traps which you put over their tunnels. Then when the mole runs under the trap, three metal stakes come down and stab the mole, leading to its death. I never had to clean up the mole corpse though, so I'm not sure if you want to do that. However, the worst animal problem came when a squirrel decided under the hood of our SUV was the best place to build a nest and chew wires...not once, but twice.

08-09-2004, 03:33 PM	#30
Bonegavel Awaiting Further Instructions... Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Macungie, PA	Having similar problems myself. I took the hose, dropped it down the hole and let the water run. And run. And run. Finally, i hear a sloshing sound and this tiny nearly drowned (well duh) chipmunk bolts out of the hole and into a mulch bed (that he is now devastating). I think he is pissed at me. Well, I would be if I were him. In the winter, i found some tiny trails in the grass where some creature had worn away little paths under the packed snow. Little fuckers ruined a large section of grass. I found their holes and kept back filling and finally I think pieces of shit little trench makers went away. Though, it could have been the chipmunks that simply moved farther back in the yard. I just can't kill the little bitches. You have to be a heartless prick to kill a chipmunk.

08-09-2004, 03:50 PM	#31
Maple Leafs Coordinator Join Date: Jan 2002	I thought this thread was going to be about Balldog's girlfriend's left boob. __________________ Down Goes Brown: Toronto Maple Leafs Humor and Analysis

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)