"Like Sexual Napalm"

[DrAFTjunkie]

That's what John Mayer said Jessica Simpson was like in bed.

Boy am I intrigued. What could he mean? Maybe she has no gag reflex. Is she into the rough stuff? Could she suck a balloon through a key hole without breaking it? Ass to mouth? God!!! I want to know what he's talking about.



Anyone care to speculate?

[DeToxRox]

Probably what he means is when he finally pulled out his dick had melted off.

[cuervo72]

He loves the smell of it in the morning?

[EagleFan]

Would love to find out.

Surprising though, for some reason I never pictured her as being a dynamo in the sack.

[cartman]

There was an intense burning sensation when he peed?

[DrAFTjunkie]

Originally Posted by EagleFan

Would love to find out.

Surprising though, for some reason I never pictured her as being a dynamo in the sack.

Me either, that's why I'm so intrigued. I figured she'd be too stupid to be any good.

[MJ4H]

Originally Posted by cuervo72

He loves the smell of it in the morning?

amazing

[M GO BLUE!!!]

Hello John Mayer! Your Ron Mexico name, the ultimate disguise, is Alexander Antarctica.

[Karlifornia]

I have to come clean: After I read this John Mayer quote the other day, I google imaged Jessica Simpson and took care of myself. To imagine a body like that, combined with the ambiguity of what Mayer said. I could turn it into any sick, twisted thing I wanted to. Amazing thing, the imagination.

[DrAFTjunkie]

Originally Posted by Karlifornia

I have to come clean: After I read this John Mayer quote the other day, I google imaged Jessica Simpson and took care of myself. To imagine a body like that, combined with the ambiguity of what Mayer said. I could turn it into any sick, twisted thing I wanted to. Amazing thing, the imagination.

Ditto...word for word.

[Apathetic Lurker]

Originally Posted by Karlifornia

I have to come clean: After I read this John Mayer quote the other day, I google imaged Jessica Simpson and took care of myself. To imagine a body like that, combined with the ambiguity of what Mayer said. I could turn it into any sick, twisted thing I wanted to. Amazing thing, the imagination.

And a few more added to that.......

[DaddyTorgo]

yep

[lynchjm24]

The greatest moment in the history of reality television is when she comes out of Nick's birthday cake on that MTV show. Since my birthday is the same week as his, I allow myself to indulge in the fantasy that it was for both of us.

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by cartman

There was an intense burning sensation when he peed?

That was my guess. After being with her, it just kept burning and burning...

SI

[thesloppy]

This 'news' really did nothing for me, however I have been stroking it hardcore to the mental images of Karlifornia, DrAFTjunkie, and Apathetic Lurker splayed out in the nude, in front of their computer monitors.

[Logan]

I call bullshit. A chick that hot who is really that amazing in bed wouldn't have trouble holding down a guy. It flies in the face of the "no matter how hot a chick is, somewhere there's a guy tired of fucking her" theory which has been proven many times.

[jeff061]

She must be really really really crazy.

[Logan]

Still don't buy it. She has a career, all these dudes she's with have careers, they all travel...their interactions should be nothing more than periods of time of straight banging. You're telling me that Tony Freakin Romo wouldn't have proceeded to just plow this ridiculously sexually-skilled chick for years until his career ended and he wanted to settle down and start a family with a normal girl?

I'll continue to believe she sucks until she allows me to form another opinion.

[Logan]

Oh, and I'm not sure of the rest of John Mayer's history but maybe from a comparative standpoint, we now know why Jennifer Aniston has lost these guys.

[Young Drachma]

He also said in that interview that his dick was a white supremacist and he dropped the N-word. Ironically, in response to a question, but he's been on the Twitter apology circuit ever since.

[JPhillips]

Originally Posted by Dark Cloud

He also said in that interview that his dick was a white supremacist and he dropped the N-word. Ironically, in response to a question, but he's been on the Twitter apology circuit ever since.

[Young Drachma]

Like I said, the interview is worth reading. (Just google it.) It's hilarious, because dude goes all in. He also said Jennifer Aniston probably wishes it was 1998, since he was trying to make her understand the rules of popularity (e.g. Twitter, etc.) have changed and you have to play a different way if you want to win. He was like "she was popular in the late 1990s. Stuff has changed and she didn't seem to get it and thought I was just messing around with my toys."

PLAYBOY: Do black women throw themselves at you?

MAYER: I don’t think I open myself to it. My d*ck is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a f*ckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my d*ck.

MAYER: “I am a very…I’m just very. V-E-R-Y,” Mayer said. “And if you can’t handle very, then I’m a douche bag. But I think the world needs a little very. That’s why black people love me.”

Someone asked me the other day, “What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?” And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a nigger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, “I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.’”

[Sun Tzu]

Originally Posted by Dark Cloud

He also said in that interview that his dick was a white supremacist and he dropped the N-word. Ironically, in response to a question, but he's been on the Twitter apology circuit ever since.

I'm reading up on this and it doesn't look like he dropped any N-bombs. I wouldn't quite have put it the way he did, but I get what he's saying. Everybody's body reacts to different kinds of people differently. I don't see this turning into a big brew-ha-ha.

[sovereignstar]

Yes, he said nigga.

[Young Drachma]

Originally Posted by Sun Tzu

I'm reading up on this and it doesn't look like he dropped any N-bombs. I wouldn't quite have put it the way he did, but I get what he's saying. Everybody's body reacts to different kinds of people differently. I don't see this turning into a big brew-ha-ha.

In the original article, he says the actual word. They might have edited it since then, I haven't re-read it. But if you read the article on the Playboy site a few days ago (or I presume in the magazine with this story in it.)

And it already has turned into a brou-ha-ha and passed already. if you follow internet media. It's almost unavoidable if you read online publications. If not, then you're likely to have avoided it. I mean, Twitter is still talking about it from what I understand, but...he's already apologized at his last show (someone on another board said "you think that 5/6th black backing band of his gave him shit about it?)

It was mostly funny, the entire article, I thought. I mean, other than being a publicist's nightmare of course.

[Sun Tzu]

Originally Posted by Dark Cloud

In the original article, he says the actual word. They might have edited it since then, I haven't re-read it. But if you read the article on the Playboy site a few days ago (or I presume in the magazine with this story in it.)

And it already has turned into a brou-ha-ha and passed already. if you follow internet media. It's almost unavoidable if you read online publications. If not, then you're likely to have avoided it. I mean, Twitter is still talking about it from what I understand, but...he's already apologized at his last show (someone on another board said "you think that 5/6th black backing band of his gave him shit about it?)

It was mostly funny, the entire article, I thought. I mean, other than being a publicist's nightmare of course.

That must be it. I don't follow internet media...come to think of it I don't follow any kind of media

[Apathetic Lurker]

Originally Posted by Logan

Still don't buy it. She has a career, all these dudes she's with have careers, they all travel...their interactions should be nothing more than periods of time of straight banging. You're telling me that Tony Freakin Romo wouldn't have proceeded to just plow this ridiculously sexually-skilled chick for years until his career ended and he wanted to settle down and start a family with a normal girl?

I'll continue to believe she sucks until she allows me to form another opinion.

Define your use of "sucks" regarding Ms Simpson please

[cuervo72]

I must be stuck in 1998 too...because I have no clue what he's talking about in that quote.

[DrAFTjunkie]

Originally Posted by Logan

I call bullshit. A chick that hot who is really that amazing in bed wouldn't have trouble holding down a guy. It flies in the face of the "no matter how hot a chick is, somewhere there's a guy tired of fucking her" theory which has been proven many times.

Why would he lie? He didn't seem to pull punches anywhere else? I'm convinced that regardless of what she's capable of sexually, she's impossible to tolerate. She's dumb as all hell, and you just know she's fucking nuts. Look at her eyes. Batshit. Not to mention that her family is a nightmare. Her dad is a douchenozzle, her sister is a talentless fraud who thinks she isn't, and her brother-in-law is in Fallout Boy. Who could handle all of that for very long? Jessica Simpson is the kind of girl you go out with just so you can jack off to her for the rest of your life.

[Julio Riddols]

Originally Posted by DrAFTjunkie

She's dumb as all hell, and you just know she's fucking nuts. Look at her eyes. Batshit. Not to mention that her family is a nightmare. Her dad is a douchenozzle, her sister is a talentless fraud who thinks she isn't, and her brother-in-law is in Fallout Boy. Who could handle all of that for very long? Jessica Simpson is the kind of girl you go out with just so you can jack off to her for the rest of your life.

Nail on the head.

[Karlifornia]

I actually like John Mayer more now. He's a funny, introspective, honest guy. Yeah, he may come off as a "douchebag", but he has a self-awareness that reeks of intelligence to me. He may be inaccurate when it comes to his regard in black culture (He is. Most black people that I know don't a shit about John Mayer. He had a couple of rich bigwig hip-hop people vouch for him. Still doesn't mean anyone would know who the fuck he was if he went to Watts tomorrow), but he speaks as though he's spent time trying to learn who he is. I can't fault him for that.

[Swaggs]

Originally Posted by cuervo72

He loves the smell of it in the morning?

This is the best post that I have read in a very long time.

Well done!

[Apathetic Lurker]

Originally Posted by thesloppy

This 'news' really did nothing for me, however I have been stroking it hardcore to the mental images of Karlifornia, DrAFTjunkie, and Apathetic Lurker splayed out in the nude, in front of their computer monitors.

Hmmm. Interesting..you have fantasies of a semi bald, fat middle aged man wearing a John Deere cap splayed out nekkid stroking it and looking at Jessica Simpson...

[MacroGuru]

Originally Posted by Apathetic Lurker

Hmmm. Interesting..you have fantasies of a semi bald, fat middle aged man wearing a John Deere cap splayed out nekkid stroking it and looking at Jessica Simpson...

The don't call him thesloppy for nothing....

[M GO BLUE!!!]

Originally Posted by cuervo72

I must be stuck in 1998 too...because I have no clue what he's talking about in that quote.

Likewise. Plus I don't know who he is other than he's a singer or something. I don't believe that advancing my knowledge base in this area would be necessary in any way either.

[RendeR]

Sexual Napalm.....so it sticks to you and burns until there is nothing left but ash?

[Apathetic Lurker]

Originally Posted by RendeR

Sexual Napalm.....so it sticks to you and burns until there is nothing left but ash?

but what a way to go !

[flere-imsaho]

Is sexual napalm like sexual nerves?

[Dr. Sak]

I'd fuck her blind...then deal with the crazy.

[DaddyTorgo]

i freely admit to watching jessica simpson videos before i went to bed last night in order to...prime the pump

[Dr. Sak]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

i freely admit to watching jessica simpson videos before i went to bed last night in order to...prime the pump

These Boots Are Made for Walking

[Izulde]

Prime the Pumpy? :o

[DaddyTorgo]

that's a good one.

the ones that had me going last night though were "Sweetest Sin" and her remake of "Take My Breath Away."

[Dr. Sak]

Any video with Nick Lackey in it is a dud

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by Dr. Sak

Any video with Nick Lackey in it is a dud

yeah - that was the problem with that one. the "Take My Breath Away" one was a clear winner due to that (and the sheer top)

[Greyroofoo]

I'm still amazed the attention that Jessica Simpson and the like get and how nit-picky everyone is towards them.

LEAVE JESSICA ALONEZZ!!!!!!!!!!!

[Sgran]

I think he just likes to likes to tease other guys because he's insecure and gets an ego-bump out of making guys jealous. There's a lady's man in our office who is a complete rubber-neck whenever we go anywhere and is always bragging about how he can get any chick he wants. He can tell we're jealous (some more than others) and it makes him feel like a big man, which he needs because he knows (and has admitted as much) that he's the least intelligent of all of us.
In short, I don't think he's comments tell us anything about JS. Probably she likes to have sex. Is that really so rare? My wife is sexy as hell and wants to fuck all the time, but I don't go bragging about it on Internet fora. I mean, usually...

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by Sgran

My wife is sexy as hell and wants to fuck all the time, but I don't go bragging about it on Internet fora. I mean, usually...

picxplzkthnx

[Glengoyne]

John Mayer is an artist that I've discovered by sitting in a variety of venues, be they bars, restaurants, or in the audience before a concert. I'll hear a song, and ask "Who is this?". So often the answer in return was "John Mayer", that now I have to try and rule him out before I ask. That and I've now started to buy his stuff.

Back on topic. Is Sexual Napalm a 'good' thing? I mean is he saying she's incredibly good...or that she's just smoking hot....or that you want to stay the $&%# away from her?

Who am I kidding. I'll get more mileage if I just assume that she is sexed up beyond my imagination.

[Pumpy Tudors]

So I paid very little attention to this thread until now, and I saw it had 49 posts (now more). I thought maybe somebody had brought up politics or somebody said something extraordinarily funny, which usually drives up the post count. Then I opened the thread and it really seems like nothing has happened. What are all these posts about? And why is somebody priming Pumpy? Am I getting painted later? What color? Maybe we can try something other than brown, as I'm tired of painting myself brown all the time so people don't realize just how white I really am.

Shit, most of you have probably already figured out how white I really am.